Self-righteous Election Day rants

[Twit 2]

I think I mentioned before that there's always a Tory standing at the entrance to my polling station wearing a blue rosette and a shit eating grin. I am going to have to say something this time, especially if the result later turns out to be shit. So I've scripted it down to this:

"You've got some brass balls standing there wearing that, when there are 120,000 deaths linked to Tory austerity and 4 million children living in poverty. Why don't you just hold up a big sign saying "I want those less fortunate than me to die." How do you sleep at night?"

Then walk up off smugly. I'll keep it civil but by Christ these cunts need to be told they're awful.

Anyone got any rants planned for any specific people? Or have you already blown your top on something? If Tory majority are you gonna kick your nan into a bin lorry? Do tell!

[thenoise]

These cunts are the ones that count the votes you know.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Twit2 will have bottled it up so much that you will start off with all good intentions to say that and instead end up muttering 'Die Today' and stab them with a cutlass.

[Bazooka]

That's why the only vote I make, is for Jurassic Park having the best Brontosaurus CGI in 1993.

[Norton Canes]

Been saving something very much like the rant in the OP for any Tory canvassers that show up at our door, but so far nothing. Maybe tonight.

[BlodwynPig]

Been saving something very much like the rant in the OP for any Tory canvassers that show up at our door, but so far nothing. Maybe tonight.

They don't need to turn up. Minimal effort maximum gain - The Tory Way

[idunnosomename]

That's why the only vote I make, is for Jurassic Park having the best Brontosaurus CGI in 1993.

brontosaurus was a retired name then. It was a Brachiosaurus

THROW YOUR VOTE AWAY

[Bazooka]

brontosaurus was a retired name then. It was a Brachiosaurus

THROW YOUR VOTE AWAY

Fuck, decades down the drain.

[Endicott]

Not completely.

Why Jurassic Park Looks Better Than Its Sequels

[Big Mclargehuge]

Why don't you just hold up a big sign saying "I want those less fortunate than me to die."

Why Don't you just turn up at the polling station holding up a big sign saying "I want those less fortunate than me to die" you don't have to say anything. the sign will be shaming and damning enough (For a comedy bonus draw a big arrow pointing both ways and write the same text upside down on the sign so if he tries to move you can just flip the sign over Carnie style)

[Blinder Data]

At the last election I did the morning shift of the useless job of standing outside a polling station with leaflets to give to people on their way in.

I turned up and the local MP was doing the same (for the opposite side). We had quite a nice chat actually, even though we were aiming to convince each side's voters to switch - didn't mention politics once.

He wasn't a Tory, but his presence certainly put me off my stride. Maybe that was his evil plan all along...

[Captain Z]

"I'm with stupid - - - >" T-shirt?

[Kryton]

That's why the only vote I make, is for Jurassic Park having the best Brontosaurus CGI in 1993.

It was a Brachiosaurus mate.

Edit: beaten to it.

[Ferris]

I was rude to a Tory canvasser during our federal elections a few months back. Felt great.

God I'm worried for the UK though. Conservative majority I reckon, if lucky then a minority gov with the lib dems. And with luck like that...

Christ. I'm so sorry, I don't know what else I can do.

[Kryton]

I wonder what a blue rosette tastes like? You should pluck it from his chest and just stand there staring him in the eyes and munch upon it like it, like it's a mad blue lettuce.
If he protests, tell him there's no law about eating rosettes and it's technically not theft either, since it's edible.
'There's not a law in this mighty Kingdom that could stop a man from eating the rosette of an enemy!' You should proclaim.
And then march past him and vote.

[gib]

Took our greyhound to the polling station wearing its BRIGHT RED coat. A few compliments for the dog then some woman milling around in the background commented that it was a shame the dog was wearing the wrong colour coat. I did a micro sneer and held her gaze until she apologised.

[bgmnts]

Took our greyhound to the polling station wearing its BRIGHT RED coat. A few compliments for the dog then some woman milling around in the background commented that it was a shame the dog was wearing the wrong colour coat. I did a micro sneer and held her gaze until she apologised.

Getting in everyone's faces, Fight Club style. Yes boiiii.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

I think I mentioned before that there's always a Tory standing at the entrance to my polling station wearing a blue rosette and a shit eating grin. I am going to have to say something this time, especially if the result later turns out to be shit. So I've scripted it down to this:

"You've got some brass balls standing there wearing that, when there are 120,000 deaths linked to Tory austerity and 4 million children living in poverty. Why don't you just hold up a big sign saying "I want those less fortunate than me to die." How do you sleep at night?"

Then walk up off smugly. I'll keep it civil but by Christ these cunts need to be told they're awful.

Anyone got any rants planned for any specific people? Or have you already blown your top on something? If Tory majority are you gonna kick your nan into a bin lorry? Do tell!

Not pro-austerity but all those figures you've quoted are ridiculous. People pushing those sorts of numbers are using criteria so broad as to be meaningless. I'd recommend not saying any of that to him as he'll likely come back at you with hard data and make you look silly.

[Pride of Elvis]

When was the last time someone came at you with hard data?

Wish someone would come at me with hard data. :(

[wooders1978]

If I see one more cunt telling me to go out and vote or posting that they have voted on my socials I'll lose my fucking mind

[The Bumlord]

What's the point in telling them what cunts they are? They know and they love it.

[imitationleather]

If I see one more cunt telling me to go out and vote or posting that they have voted on my socials I'll lose my fucking mind

Probably avoid everything for the rest of the day then?

[wooders1978]

Probably avoid everything for the rest of the day then?

It might be for the best

[greencalx]

Don't follow the SNP on Twitter - they retweet every single reply they get to their posts...

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Took our greyhound to the polling station wearing its BRIGHT RED coat. A few compliments for the dog then some woman milling around in the background commented that it was a shame the dog was wearing the wrong colour coat. I did a micro sneer and held her gaze until she apologised.

See, I was about to berate you for putting a coat on a dog, then I looked it up and it turns out greyhounds have a very short (fur) coat, and very little body fat, so they do get cold. I'll let you off.

[gib]

See, I was about to berate you for putting a coat on a dog, then I looked it up and it turns out greyhounds have a very short (fur) coat, and very little body fat, so they do get cold. I'll let you off.

Thanks mate.

[solidified gruel merchant]

See, I was about to berate you for putting a coat on a dog, then I looked it up and it turns out greyhounds have a very short (fur) coat, and very little body fat, so they do get cold. I'll let you off.

My mum puts coats on her dogs (shelties) otherwise they get a dirty undercarriage.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Oh, cos their coat is long so it gets dragged in the dirt and suchlike? She should shave it. There's nothing quite like a clean, freshly shaven sheltie. Mmm.

[jobotic]

Alright mate

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Mate?