Consoles: Generation 9

[QDRPHNC]

So the new Xbox is not called the Scarlett, it is in fact the Xbox Series X, continuing the bizarre naming system that started with the second Xbox, the Xbox 360.

Anyway, here's the announcement trailer, which as I understand it, is the first official snifter of anything next gen we've seen so far. I refuse to believe those PS5 dev units are anything but dev units.

Anyway, this looks like a PC, basically.

Also notable that they're using Alan Watts to sell a video game system. I was going to ask if nothing was sacred, but nothing has been sacred for the last 40 years or so, so it's fine. Although I couldn't help remembering what Watts wrote in the early 50s:

Since what we know of the future is made up of purely abstract and logical elements--inferences, guesses, deductions--it cannot be eaten, felt, smelled, seen, heard, or otherwise enjoyed. To pursue it is to pursue a constantly retreating phantom, and the faster you chase it, the faster it runs ahead. This is why all the affairs of civilization are rushed, why hardly anyone enjoys what he has, and is forever seeking more and more. 

Thus the "brainy" economy...is a fantastic vicious circle which must either manufacture more and more pleasures or collapse--providing a constant titillation of the ears, eyes, and nerve ends with incessant streams of almost inescapable noise and visual distractions. The perfect "subject" for the aims of this economy is the person who continuously itches his ears with the radio, preferably using the portable kind which can go with him at all hours and in all places. His eyes flit without rest from television screen, to newspaper, to magazine, keeping him in a sort of orgasm-without-release through a series of teasing glimpses of shiny automobiles, shiny female bodies, and other sensuous surfaces, interspersed with such restorers of sensitivity--shock treatments--as "human interest" shots of criminals, mangled bodies, wrecked airplanes, prize fights, and burning buildings. The literature or discourse that goes along with this is similarly manufactured to tease without satisfaction, to replace every partial gratification with a new desire.

[bgmnts]

Xbox
Xbox 360
Xbox One
Xbox Series X

Who the fuck comes up with this shit?

[QDRPHNC]

Xbox
Xbox 360
Xbox One
Xbox Series X

Who the fuck comes up with this shit?

You forgot the Xbox One X

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

It truly is a shambolic name. Fire whatever bellend marketing group they've employed to come up with their more recent names (and I bet they've paid them MILLIONS to come up with the latest one) and just get some old guy from Sega in. Megadrive, Nomad, Saturn, Dreamcast. These names meant absolutely fuck all, but at least they sounded cool and were a bit fun.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

SEries X. X box.

Sex box!
Are we sure they're not doing this on purpose?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I even remember watching an interview with Phil Spencer where he apologetically explained the reason for them calling their latest thing the Xbox One X, instead of the Xbox Scorpio, which is actually an alright name, was because they had to stick with the "One" nomenclature that they'd decided upon for that generation. Now they're doing it all over again.

[The Boston Crab]

It looks fit as fuck.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

So it's a bit like a shit gaming PC?

[Dewt]

Yeah that's definitely just a PC in a custom box, which is pretty much what testosterone console gaming has been threatening to be since 2010

[H-O-W-L]

It's really clever actually. Microcock want to consolidate their gaming avenue behind the XBOX platform both on Windows and on consoles, what with most of their newer Xbox-app games being crossplay (Sea of Thieves, I think Gears 5, plus others) so as to push Gamepass and the like, and it's honestly working. Having the Xbox be just a stripped-down gaming PC makes it way fucking easier to develop for.

[The Boston Crab]

Day one for me me. Like A PC but without all the paedo trappings of an PC.

Let me just update my drivers and look at some anime petticoat at 144fps.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I quite like the design of it. It looks like they've been cribbing from Apple's notes a bit, but as far as featureless cuboids go, it's kind of different and striking.

Gawd knows how well its going to fit in people's telly cabinets.

[Dewt]

If it's modular an upgradable like a PC it's going to lead to a very fractured market, killing one of the biggest advantages consoles have.

End of year one some game is going to need the RAM upgrade to work, and then it's the beginning of the cycle of having to pay for hardware upgrades alongside games.

But maybe it won't go down that route.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Is there any reason to think it would?

I remember there was some talk of the Xbonx/PS4 Pro representing a similar development, with new machines offering only minor upgrades over their predecessors. I assume that's not the case with these new ones.

[H-O-W-L]

Looked at the design just now. It's shit. Looks like a Simcity 2000 sprite.

[Non Stop Dancer]

Gawd knows how well its going to fit in people's telly
cabinets.

It literally wouldn't fit into my TV cabinet and it would look terrible on its own, so I'm going to have to rule it out on that basis. I'm going to engage my sexist circuits here and say that most female partners only just about tolerate current consoles because they look like dvd players, but I could barely conceive of telling the wife we're going to have a Dell pc tower sat next to the TV.

[Dewt]

Is there any reason to think it would?

Its looks. It's in an accessible PC-style case designed for accessibility.

[Huxleys Babkins]

It literally wouldn't fit into my TV cabinet and it would look terrible on its own, so I'm going to have to rule it out on that basis. I'm going to engage my sexist circuits here and say that most female partners only just about tolerate current consoles because they look like dvd players, but I could barely conceive of telling the wife we're going to have a Dell pc tower sat next to the TV.

It can be led on its side.

[falafel]

And still wouldn't fit under my TV.

It's a consistent design issue with consoles. They could do all sorts with them but they are always pandering to that sort of tech-fetishism even when they try and go minimal. Fine in a modernist home or a teenager's bedroom but my living room is full of reclaimed 60s stuff from my parents' house and ebay and various car boot sales (I can feel you quietly judging me). We have just about managed to make a flat screen TV fit in, but this thing would stick out like a spot on a bellend. Even the Switch dock has been mounted on the back of the telly.

[kittens]

you people keep your TVs in cabinets?

[The Boston Crab]

And still wouldn't fit under my TV.

It's a consistent design issue with consoles. They could do all sorts with them but they are always pandering to that sort of tech-fetishism even when they try and go minimal. Fine in a modernist home or a teenager's bedroom but my living room is full of reclaimed 60s stuff from my parents' house and ebay and various car boot sales (I can feel you quietly judging me). We have just about managed to make a flat screen TV fit in, but this thing would stick out like a spot on a bellend. Even the Switch dock has been mounted on the back of the telly.

Easy. Just bin all that old junk and make it the centrepiece of your new living room.

[falafel]

OK

Might get one of those gaming chairs with a built in steering wheel and  clitbotherer function while we're at it

[DocDaneeka]

Anyone checked it's not just 2 black Gamecubes stuck on top of each other? Look round the back and I bet there are a couple of handles.

[QDRPHNC]

Not crazy about the design of it. The problem with minimalism is that it's very easy to make it boring. You have to colour outside the lines somewhere.

Loveliest console award probably goes to the PS3, specifically the white one.

[The Boston Crab]

PS3 was horrendous, that curved dome top and the fact it was the size of a Ford Cortina boot. Man, can't believe anyone liked that.

I think the One X is my favourite console in terms of design. It's small, quiet and goes like the clappers. Looks cool. PS4 has these daft angles and slats. Wii is another favourite, actually. All the cable connects are like Fisher Price.

[imitationleather]

When I was in Kosovo I saw a shop which said it repaired PS2/PS3/PS4/PS5. Didn't get a chance to go in and have a look at the PS5 but for all you lads who cannot wait get yourselves to Kosovo.