Do you know anyone who can't stop making sounds

[madhair60]

I don't mean mental I mean otherwise normal but fills every space with chat, muttering, theatrical sighing or "hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm" noises. Absolutely maddening. No inner monologue, just narrating what they're doing. Shut up. Shut your fucking mouth.

[Cuellar]

Nope.

[David Pielingtonburygrot]

Would you prefer an inner monologue?

[madhair60]

Yes, that's fairly obvious from what I wrote there isn't it, captain smartness.

[Icehaven]

I've known a few people who seem to articulate every thought that comes into their head, sometimes barely seeming to even register if anyone's actually listening/responding or not. I have to wonder what they're like when they're alone, if they still do it and chat away to themselves, or if they don't, and what that feels like, although they probably just call someone. I presume a lot of the folks you see on the bus having entire-journey-long conversations about seemingly nothing are these types, or if they aren't saying much they're on the phone to one of these types.

[bgmnts]

That'd be me and yes I do it when i'm alone as well. Can't help it.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

My Dad's a chronic hummer/whistler. He's one of those ones who has absolutely no idea they're doing it, so half of the time it's not even a tune, it's just some atonal burbling noises coming from his face. The other half of the time it's, I shit you not, Living Doll by Cliff Richard. He's been doing it for as long as I've been alive, but I think as he's gotten older the filters gone, and so will do it more or less continuously until told to shut up. I'm at my parents for Christmas, so that's something to look forward to. Fuck me, he is a cunt.

[David Pielingtonburygrot]

Yes, that's fairly obvious from what I wrote there isn't it, captain smartness.

Still not sure if your order of preference is:

1) Silence
2) Inner monologue
3) Muttering and sighing

or

1) Inner monologue
2) Silence
3) Muttering and sighing

[Ambient Sheep]

Squally-pocker-dum.

[Dex Sawash]

Boring cunt at work, no moment may pass unobserved. Does the exaggerated hmmm hmmmm or YEAHHHHHhhhh. Slaps hands against legs. Fake laughing. So.... I was gunna tell U sumpin. Constantly doing something for attention. Comes up and chats if you are intently concentrating on something and starts blabbing away about nonsense. It's the fucking sounds that make everyone insane though.



Oh and he stares too. Come out of the shitter, there he is already focused on you before you get out the door.

[Mr Farenheit]

Boring cunt at work, no moment may pass unobserved. Does the exaggerated hmmm hmmmm or YEAHHHHHhhhh. Slaps hands against legs. Fake laughing. So.... I was gunna tell U sumpin. Constantly doing something for attention. Comes up and chats if you are intently concentrating on something and starts blabbing away about nonsense. It's the fucking sounds that make everyone insane though.



Oh and he stares too. Come out of the shitter, there he is already focused on you before you get out the door.

Maybe he's two.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Yeah this really irritates me too. Every day moments ordinary people can navigate without feeling compelled to express pointless noise.

Sits down: ''ooommm. Ggghrrrgggharrh''
Waits for photocopier: 'da-daaahh hmmm mmmmm''
In lift/at urinal: *whistle*

Listen mate why don't you step into this box here that I've arranged to be compacted into the size of a fucking atom you sound diarrhoea embolism

[Ham Bap]

I work with someone who has no 'off' switch. Just talks non-stop and rings non-stop to tell you his every waking thought. Currently blocked on my phone and WhatsApp.
He's a 45 year old man who rings to tell you what he had for breakfast or what he just bought for lunch, 'a bit of chicken, some mushrooms, onions, sauce and I cooked the chicken and...zzz'.

He told everyone in work about his low sperm count when he was trying for a baby with his wife (who he seems to hate probably because she doesn't listen to his shite).
Told everyone how his wife hit him with a cooking pot.

He got a head tattoo thing done and sent an email around about it saying how self conscious he was about it ( I doubt anyone would have noticed if he hadn't of told them)

Makes loud breathing noises, sounds like Darth Vader, on conference calls that you have to tell him to fucking stop. He would deny it's him but stops right away as soon as you tell him.
In work meetings describes people as their colour 'she's a cute wee black thing'. That one landed him back in diversity retraining. We work with Americans so they're a bit quick to pick up on racial things.

He also knows everyone in work, literally fucking everyone. Fair play to him on that one but he just stops everyone to talk non stop about his life. Sometimes hear him saying that he was trying to phone them, basically they too didn't pick up the phone.

If you don't pick up his calls he has a tendency to keep ringing non-stop until you pick up. I had 7 missed calls one day. Gets paranoid I think that you're avoiding his calls (too fucking right). Then when you pick up and ask what it's about, 'aww nothing'. Then it's a rundown of his life in the past 24 hours.

One of those people in work too who complains about no money nonstop and how low paid we are and brings everyone down. I'm quite happy about my pay, until someone rams down your throat about how it's not more.
Can't sit there in silence when sat beside you.

It's been 4 years coming now. I need a fucking break.
Can understand why his wife attacks him with pots and pans. Is there a queue I can join??

[oy vey]

In the changing room at the gym drying off with a towel "ooooooaaaa" "haaaaaaaawwwww" like a geyser randomly letting off steam. Also happens pre/post piss in public toilets. Close your fucking mouth. I'd hate to hear you actually masturbating.

Anyway, they're just extroverts gone mega mental. Anyone who thinks extrovert = socialite is an ignorant cunt.

[Huxleys Babkins]

My Dad's a chronic bummer.

lol

[buttgammon]

Can't help but worry this is me. I talk constantly - whether there's anyone there to listen or not - and I sometimes make habitual humming noises under my breath. I sometimes catch myself and manage to stop, but I probably do it unconsciously a lot of the time.

[Pingers]

I work with someone who has no 'off' switch. Just talks non-stop and rings non-stop to tell you his every waking thought. Currently blocked on my phone and WhatsApp.
He's a 45 year old man who rings to tell you what he had for breakfast or what he just bought for lunch, 'a bit of chicken, some mushrooms, onions, sauce and I cooked the chicken and...zzz'.

He told everyone in work about his low sperm count when he was trying for a baby with his wife (who he seems to hate probably because she doesn't listen to his shite).
Told everyone how his wife hit him with a cooking pot.

He got a head tattoo thing done and sent an email around about it saying how self conscious he was about it ( I doubt anyone would have noticed if he hadn't of told them)

Makes loud breathing noises, sounds like Darth Vader, on conference calls that you have to tell him to fucking stop. He would deny it's him but stops right away as soon as you tell him.
In work meetings describes people as their colour 'she's a cute wee black thing'. That one landed him back in diversity retraining. We work with Americans so they're a bit quick to pick up on racial things.

He also knows everyone in work, literally fucking everyone. Fair play to him on that one but he just stops everyone to talk non stop about his life. Sometimes hear him saying that he was trying to phone them, basically they too didn't pick up the phone.

If you don't pick up his calls he has a tendency to keep ringing non-stop until you pick up. I had 7 missed calls one day. Gets paranoid I think that you're avoiding his calls (too fucking right). Then when you pick up and ask what it's about, 'aww nothing'. Then it's a rundown of his life in the past 24 hours.

One of those people in work too who complains about no money nonstop and how low paid we are and brings everyone down. I'm quite happy about my pay, until someone rams down your throat about how it's not more.
Can't sit there in silence when sat beside you.

It's been 4 years coming now. I need a fucking break.
Can understand why his wife attacks him with pots and pans. Is there a queue I can join??

Hmmm. Is this man by any chance called Darren Chapman?

[Bently Sheds]

Old woman in office makes hissing sounds, orgasmic groaning noises and "bouff buff booff boooff ooh bufff bouff" sounds.

Old guy in office does the "Diddley dip de Doo, boodly boodly bee, deedle dit de doodly dee" tuneless scat singing when he walks down the corridor.

[flotemysost]

I've posted on here before about the serial tea-slurpers and post-prandial finger-suckers I've come across, and the ire they stir in me.

There's also a guy in my office who eats his lunch at his desk every day while watching YouTube videos with his headphones on, blissfully unaware that he's making a noise like pair of wellies squelching through a muddy field.

Yeah this really irritates me too. Every day moments ordinary people can navigate without feeling compelled to express pointless noise.

Yeah I think this is what annoys me about it, it's the assumption that everyone else wants to hear your weird little noises. I haven't got the greatest self-esteem and I'm probably overly sensitive to making sure I'm not being a nuisance or asserting myself, but surely there's a happy medium where you don't just go through life assuming everyone wants to hear your every boring thought or disgusting bodily function.

[Ham Bap]

Hmmm. Is this man by any chance called Darren Chapman?

No, I see you have one too though.

At the start of this year I had to pretend my mobile phone was broke as I had blocked him.
Couldn't keep up the lie as I listen to podcasts on my phone in work.
Now I don't even pretend and just have him blocked.

Sometimes feel bad and unblock. Get a phone call and straight back on the block list.

I work from home a fair bit and you'd think it would be easier to escape from but it ain't.
Think I'm just gonna go a bit 'mad Andy' in January and tell him to 'fuck off mate, just fuck right off' with the incessant 'life' calls.
I've had enough.

[flotemysost]

Then welcome...

"bouff buff booff boooff ooh bufff bouff"

welcome... etc.

[the]

At the start of this year I had to pretend my mobile phone was broke as I had blocked him.
Couldn't keep up the lie as I listen to podcasts on my phone in work.
Now I don't even pretend and just have him blocked.

Sometimes feel bad and unblock. Get a phone call and straight back on the block list.

Have you got Stockholm Syndrome or something! This nobend is harrassing you, fuck him.

[Ham Bap]

Have you got Stockholm Syndrome or something! This nobend is harrassing you, fuck him.

Aye I know, my wife says the same.

[madhair60]

Cunt just walks into office, CH-CH-CH-CH-CHHHH, sits down, OOOOAAAHHHHH whispers RIGHT ON WE GO AHHHHHHHH

Die

[Hymenoptera]

I work as a concierge for an office building so luckily I'm on my tod all day, but I see/hear these kinds of fuckers go through the lobby a lot. I don't know how people cope with them.

The constant talkers do my head in a lot. Woman on the bus, always ends up in front of me, every day at 5:40am, and she talks to a friend beside her, then friend gets off so she's on the phone to someone immediately, then another friend gets on and she talks to them. It's just 30mins of noise with no discernible change in tone or pitch.

Had a contractor in the building the other week who wouldn't fuck off. Just stood at the desk speaking at me, muttering about brexit and immigrants, and I'm trying to look busy and not really responding so he just stood and stared a me. Fuck ooooffffff I want to get back to doing shit all and speaking to nobody.

[tourism]

ah, the frank grimes episode of CaB

[Replies From View]

I once shoved a chuntering office clod into one of those brass brazen bull things, lit a fire beneath it and he wouldn't stop screaming which generated the most melodious aural stimuli for my ears once it had been properly piped through the bull's neck area.

You should try it.  You get some lovely ashes at the end for your garden and some bones for your wife.

[Pingers]

Cunt just walks into office, CH-CH-CH-CH-CHHHH, sits down, OOOOAAAHHHHH whispers RIGHT ON WE GO AHHHHHHHH

Die

If only we could somehow link your CaB account to one of your Teams channels

[BlodwynPig]

Cunt just walks into office, CH-CH-CH-CH-CHHHH, sits down, OOOOAAAHHHHH whispers RIGHT ON WE GO AHHHHHHHH

Die

Do you also work in my office?

[Blue Jam]

Once worked at a call centre and had a colleague who would make noises between calls. Chewbacca impersonations mostly. Those aren't big or clever, and whenever he did the Wookie noise I would inwardly scream. Fuck off, call centres are noisy enough as it is.