Do you know anyone who can't stop making sounds

[the]

Cunt just walks into office, CH-CH-CH-CH-CHHHH, sits down, OOOOAAAHHHHH whispers RIGHT ON WE GO AHHHHHHHH

Die

The best thing about all this is that, if you hadn't have been there to hear him, he wouldn't have emitted a sound. He actually believes he's doing it for your benefit.

Think about that the next time he does it (about 32 seconds from now) and try not to operate on his ballbag with a Lyreco staple remover

[Sebastian Cobb]

When I worked in the bookies one mouthbreather used to whistle, actually purse his lips and whistle every time he exhaled. Must've been in his 60's, how did he never get punched in the face?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

EEEEEEEEEEEP

[Sebastian Cobb]

The best thing about all this is that, if you hadn't have been there to hear him, he wouldn't have emitted a sound. He actually believes he's doing it for your benefit.

Think about that the next time he does it (about 32 seconds from now) and try not to operate on his ballbag with a Lyreco staple remover

I dunno, I mumble shit to myself more when people aren't around.

I once worked on a weighbridge on a tip, one of the drivers upon seeing you for the first time (he was back and forth multiple times, they all were) used to say 'another day, another dollar!' every fucking day. Made me feel like groundhog day.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

When I worked in the bookies one mouthbreather used to whistle, actually purse his lips and whistle every time he exhaled. Must've been in his 60's, how did he never get punched in the face?

A fucking force field mate

It was a force field

[oy vey]

If a cunt makes a noise and no-one else is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Yes it does and it's fucking annoying.

[Sebastian Cobb]

You can guarantee these fuckers that wreck your train of thought by making sounds are also just generally loud doing anything.

LOOK AT ME BEING ALL HELPFUL PUTTING THE CUTLERY AND CROCKERY AWAY THAT WAS DRYING ON THE SINK CRASH CRASH CRASH VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE CRASH CRASH CRASH.

[sandpainter 1471z]

I'd find it hard to believe that this isn't common, but I eat with my parents once a fortnight and the mouth sounds, breathing and exaggerated spoon against yoghurt pot noises drive me mad.

On one of the occasions I was granted intercourse this woman was making a lot of sounds that were putting me off a bit, sounds outside of the expected repertoire. She may have swallowed a travel iron at some point, or had one left inside her during mischievous surgery. Or she may have had a problem as a result of cocaine or maybe asthma - I feel like I want to stick with the iron idea. We gave it another go eighteen months later and the travel iron still hadn't been dealt with. If I'd had the foresight to be someone else the second time I might have been able to ascertain that she'd been wordlessly commenting on my prowess.

They're not even good yoghurts so I can't see the need to be so thorough.

[Cloud]

OMG YES, the guy I work with (department manager)

15 minutes passes something like this:
RIGHT!
right...
right
RIGHT! next!
next!
Right!
<drawn out sigh>
hmm
right!
ayeayeaye
<huffing and puffing noises>
oh dear oh dear
oh! oh dear
RIGHT! next... what's next...

All. Day. Every. Day.  Drives me insane

Yes yes I get it, you're working hard, super hard, much hard, vere busy, wow.  I'm guessing it's to 'set an example' to me being the manager but just because I work quietly doesn't mean I'm doing nowt / shitposting on CaB all day (just some of it)

[Thomas]

When I'm concentrating on something I sometimes make a repeated clicking noise, pressing my tongue in a way I can't explain to the roof of my mouth, almost involuntarily. I hope it's really annoying.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I chunter under my breath like muttley.

[Cloud]

I get the coughs and sniffles sometimes in terms of pissing other people off with noises.  Don't even realise I'm doing it until someone drops a polite hint like "picked up a cold have ya?"

[thenoise]

I dunno, I mumble shit to myself more when people aren't around.

I once worked on a weighbridge on a tip, one of the drivers upon seeing you for the first time (he was back and forth multiple times, they all were) used to say 'another day, another dollar!' every fucking day. Made me feel like groundhog day.

Oh God, I've worked with a few catchphrase cunts. Do you have a catchphrase? Fucking drop it, nobody thinks it's funny. If I get bored of a professional comedian's catchphrase by the second series how do you think your little witticism fares when I see more of you then I do my own family?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

BLAAAAARK

[TrenterPercenter]

[Clownbaby]

My dad does a nonchalant kind of cross between a tired sigh and saying "aye aye aye....", and every time he does it my mam goes "will you stop fucking 'aye aye aye' ing" which, in a way, is more annoying than the sound itself

And anyone who has to make a stupid comment like "well  this is awkward...." when sat at a table eating with people because they're too awkward themselves to let dilence happen occasionally can piss off. It wasn't awkward til you pointed out that we'd all momentarily stopped talking to eat mate

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

AWKWARD

[thenoise]

I quite like 'awkward turtle'. Do the kids still 'awkward turtle'?

[madhair60]

Noticed yesterday that I've started doing this.

[Clownbaby]

I quite like 'awkward turtle'. Do the kids still 'awkward turtle'?

Haha, the guy that used to say "awkward" anytime there was a brief silence was also the "awkward turtle" guy. I think he just found the concept of things being awkward funny in itself so he'd just say the word as mug as he could cause he thought it was funny

[Jockice]

Oh God, I've worked with a few catchphrase cunts. Do you have a catchphrase? Fucking drop it, nobody thinks it's funny. If I get bored of a professional comedian's catchphrase by the second series how do you think your little witticism fares when I see more of you then I do my own family?

Same shit different day, isn't it?

[Jockice]

My Dad's a chronic hummer/whistler. He's one of those ones who has absolutely no idea they're doing it, so half of the time it's not even a tune, it's just some atonal burbling noises coming from his face. The other half of the time it's, I shit you not, Living Doll by Cliff Richard. He's been doing it for as long as I've been alive, but I think as he's gotten older the filters gone, and so will do it more or less continuously until told to shut up. I'm at my parents for Christmas, so that's something to look forward to. Fuck me, he is a cunt.

There used to be a bloke I worked with who did this. He had a repertoire of two songs. Stop The Calvary and No Limit. It just sort of became part of the office's usual background noise.