MATTER OF FACT JONATHAN CREEK

[madhair60]

Housekeeper: Yeah the room was locked from the inside - found the boss with his arms cut off and his cum everywhere, found his fingerprints on his knob, and post-mortem reveals he came AFTER the mutilation. But how could he have had a wank with his arms off?

Jonathan Creek: Well

[Alberon]

Johnathan Cruuck: This one is quite easy and obvious. Could you spin out a B-Story for the next hour?

Julia Quentin-Smith: Fucks sake. Okay, my um... identical twin sister is coming to stay, with hilarious misunderstandings. Will that do?

Jonny Cruudge: (shrugs) It's BBC 1. No one is paying attention to the plot.

[idunnosomename]

Arent you the dumb cunt from QI

"yes but David Renwick is a genuinely talented and clever writer"

But not always with regard to spinning out locked room mysteries for fuckin ever and a day

"Not as such"

[Ferris]

Fuck off jonathan creek is amazing you twats

[petril]

NOT A PERM. BUILDING SOCIETY

[Glebe]

ACTOR: Mister the Jonathan Creek, there's been a murder.

CREEK: Cuh.

[Cerys]

MADDIE: So you're saying that the door was locked after he was killed - all to make it look like a freak accident?

JONATHAN: What part of 'get the fuck out of my windmill you insane bitch' gave it away?

[touchingcloth]

RECENTLY BEREAVED: Hello. My father was gruesomely and mysteriously murdered; can you help?

JONATHAN CREEK: Blue whale.

[Old Gold Tooth]

AMERICAN MAGICIAN: I fucked my fiancée's grandma and we're all going to dinner tonight!

CREEK: Then solving this triple murder will have to wait.