ANTI-LGBT+ STAR WARS.

[Glebe]

C3P0: I'm going to have myself spray-painted pink.

POE: But that's forbidden under First Order law!

C3P0: I thought we were against the First Order!

POE: Yeah but I don't disagree with everything they do.

[Ferris]

"Say what you will about The Emperor, but he's closed down those bars. You know the ones. The non-cantina ones."

[greenman]

Leia: We need to travel to spaceapore to retrieve the force crystal, no mucking about and annoying the locals so I'm assigning Poe and Finn girlfriends.

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Ponda Baba: I'm going to get us another round, sweetheart.

Dr. Evanzen: Thank you, my love.

Luke Skywalker: *under his breath* fucking queers...

Ponda Baba: Well!

Dr. Evanzen: You, what did you just say?

*Obi-Wan Kenobi cuts Ponda Baba's arm off*

[Glebe]

LUKE: I know it's not really acceptable yet, but I want to identify as a non-gender specific humanoid.

OBI-WAN: *stunned silence*

[Huxleys Babkins]

J.J. ABRAMS: It's not the first same sex kiss as one of the characters is technically a male scarecrow.

[grassbath]

Grand Moff Tarkin: Big gay scene on Alderaan, you know, Vader.

[idunnosomename]

Luke: I am gay
Darth Vader: nooooooooooo

[Huxleys Babkins]

MOTHMA: Many Bothans died to bring us this information.

*SOLEMN SILENCE*

LUKE: Good!

MOTHMA: What??

LUKE: Sorry, I thought you said "hairy benders".

[PlanktonSideburns]

MOTHMA: Many Bothams died to bring us this information.

*SOLEMN SILENCE*

LUKE: Good!

MOTHMA: What??

LUKE: Sorry, I thought you said "hairy benders".

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Luke: I am gay
Darth Vader: nooooooooooo

Darth Vader: I am now your mother.
Luke: No, noooo.. that's not true! That's impossible!

[Glebe]

LANDO: Why are you and Chewie holding hands?

HAN: Is that a problem?

LANDO: It might be, yeah.

[Huxleys Babkins]

WEDGE: Luke, did you just call her Gary?

LUKE: No, I accidentally said Carrie, as in the actor Carrie Fisher.

WEDGE: I see. I thought she might be trans or something.

LUKE: God, no. We don't like their kind in this galaxy.

WEDGE: Of course not, no. Fascinating creatures though.

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

*Young Ben Solo innocently reaches for a doll rather than a toy blaster*

HAN: I've got a bad feeling about this...

[Huxleys Babkins]

LUKE: How come Chewie doesn't get a medal?

HAN: He knows what he did.

CHEWIE: Rrrrrrrrugh.

[Glebe]

LUKE: How come Chewie doesn't get a medal?

HAN: He knows what he did.

CHEWIE: Rrrrrrrrugh.

Heh!

[evilcommiedictator]

OBI WAN: I just felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out after getting an orgasm from their prostate

[evilcommiedictator]

Han: Hey kid, that shot was one in a million! I thought they smelt bad on the outside!

[Chollis]

OBI BEN: *waves hand* You will put my dick in your mouth

[Glebe]

OBI-WAN: I'm getting too old for this... you must come with me to Alderann!

LUKE: In a heartbeat, honey!

OBI-WAN: I've changed my mind. Go home to the charred skeletons.

[Shaky]

HAN: Greedo, quick - jerk off then let me shoot you to show my manliness and massive lack of gayness to the other cantina occupants.

GREEDO: So, do you want to to shoot first then you shoot me?

HAN: Ahhhhhhhh...

[Glebe]

J.J. ABRAMS: You got the part of Rey, Daisy! Welcome to the Star Wars universe!

DAISY RIDLEY: Oh wow! I don't believe it!

DISNEY EXEC.: Please sign this legal document confirming that you are not a lesbian.

[Glebe]

LUKE: I got him!

HAN: Great, kid, don't suck cocky!

[idunnosomename]

Bartender: We don't serve their kind here!
Luke: Droids?
Bartender: Gay droids

[Chollis]

OBI-WAN: It's over Anakin! I have the high ground! Now suck my balls!

ANAKIN: urrrr you bender!

[Huxleys Babkins]

OBI-WAN: You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!

ANAKIN: What, like bum-love or brotherly love? Because if it's the former, let me tell you that God didn't create us to be mucking about with other blo-Arrrrrrrrgh, fuck, I'm on fire.

[DangledTeeth]

Obi-wank: This time we'll do it together.

Anapkin: Wha', you mean full-on bumming?!?! I shall do no such thing, y'big poof.

Palpitations: Do-ih!

[DangledTeeth]

Sidious: You shall henceforth be known as... Darth. Wiz-zud-awv-awz.

Anakin: Well gay.

[Glebe]

NIEN NUNB: I know we blew up the second Death Star and everything, but you're hugging me too long, Lando.

[DangledTeeth]

Finn: You mean to say that you won't remember anything after your robo-brain surgery?

Threepio: That is correct, Master Finn, sir.

Poe: Hmm. That gives me an idea.

Mark Kermode: Despite the inconsequential aspects of the film which raises questions to the answers, it's all harnessed together by some terrific set pieces, including a superb performance by Ian McDiarmid who plays the role of the nefariously evil Darth Sidious. But I have to question, was it really necessary to see Threepio wank off Poe and Finn while Helmet Woman tickled Rey's fanny? Three stars out of five.