Author Topic: British High Street Death List 2020  (Read 24816 times)

BlodwynPig

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #420 on: June 26, 2020, 02:53:04 PM »
DEAD MALL SERIES coming to the UK

https://youtu.be/APlSFQh6udw

Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #421 on: June 26, 2020, 09:05:31 PM »
Dan Aykroyd "making initial enquiries" about setting for Blues Brothers remake.

Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #422 on: June 27, 2020, 12:32:55 AM »
Retail Archeology is my favourite Dead Mall YT person.

Gregory Torso

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #423 on: June 27, 2020, 11:54:24 AM »
Welp, it's finally official, Intu done:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-53195980

HA HA HA suck it, Intu. Get ''intu'' the grave, am I right forum, ah ha. Oh no wait a minute I work inside Intu! Does this mean I'm going to lose my job along with everything else? Shit! This isn't cool at all

INTU is goin DOWN, out of bidnoh! Into administration oh god, where will i go, who can I turn to

Are they going to close down the big shopping centre where I work, the ill pink warren, the big crocodile with its bentangle toothbroken jaws,
 Carl Urban's Cow Outfitters and Das Boots, snake it down to the anus/cloaca one-two fart punch of Cex and the Build-A-Bear?

where is your god Robin Hood now, Nottingham? who will come and save our poor sizzling, vajazzled souls from administration and unemployment?

INTU, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The tiny bald Western Union rep softly singing Lucas with the lid off to himself in the coin-greened shallows of the water clock. A trapped bee in the Works bouncing off a thrice-discounted Alan Sugar autobiography called ''I Got Nous''. The undentisted, grinding jaws of the phet man clicking: he, naked except for a pair of tight gold speedos, bogling up against a window display in HMV for the new Adele caramel beige avalanche of fallacy; you, apalled, envious. All distractions for the dick-waving contempt our superiors spittle rain down on us daily, a memorial bath to a trolley stacker, a statue of applause for those who have to care or still have something good in them, something those cunts (sorry for swearing) in the stews and sewers uphill that run down on us could never sense or recognise. The velvet soft nexus between the pillow and your sleeping lovers head, the perfumed ghost, the tangle of shed hairs and secret sleep murmurs.

The great threshing machine grinds on and on, chewing us up and disseminating the diarrhoea of our dreams and light out of its ghastly back funnel.

and Greggs! The recently reopened Greggs! You were only just given new life in the afterbirth slick of the breached John Lewis dragon corpse upstream,
where will all those people on their lunches go? how will they push themselves slightly further into a dangerous weight class and/or the artery block rocking, kenny bowel loggins danger zone? God why you no love us no more, why you shake your steak bakes in our face and then snatch them away so cruelly?

Poor little me. I am Intu, Intu is me. I funnel your ugly-ass hoodie and garment Asos returns into the pipes below Intu where they drop off into the swirling milk shake pink cloud city vortex. I count you as my friends, one in, one out, I leave the doors wide open and get whipped hard for it. I didn't even finish my 'staying within the law' work module. I crawl through ever-dilating mole hell tracts to deliver your perverted mail. I blink politely in the cove-stream of guttering racist once-were-warriors as they lay the smack down on nhs nurses and teenagers with tatts and bikes. I absorb the white rage. I eat the fire as you scream at me about that untracked letter you sent to Sudan eight months ago, I remember you specifically asked to send it 'the shittest, and most hilarious way possible' and now here you are, waving a receipt in my face and demanding revenge because that letter was for my kids you arsehole my kids and now she's taken them to africa and that letter was my last chance, witness me you goon, why arent you wearing your name badge

when I go in on Monday, will I find everything stripped for parts, boarded over, ground salted, shutters soldered. Just a black singe where my till used to be and no sign of the cartoon I drew of a bird saying 'fuck the post office' out of its beak and stuck on my co-workers printer because she liked it. Girls aloud, what am I to do?

"You'll be fine" you might type. "Intu is only being taken over by administrata... shops staying open... new boss" It's fine for you lot, asleep in your luxuriant bald fortresses with your mint condition Flumps figurines and pearl-pressed trumpets that you blow so triumphantly from your balconies each morning to summon the hops and the barley. Christ Ive been writing this post for hours now, literal dragging hours of my abused fingers creaking up and down the laptop's engine plate like a sweaty mechanic feeling for lumps under a nissan

it's day now, a saturday has come up. It was night when I started this.

Sorry for the swear words, and all of the other words.

I might not have a place to go on Monday.

« Last Edit: June 27, 2020, 12:16:02 PM by Gregory Torso »

Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #424 on: June 29, 2020, 07:21:01 PM »
Byron, once George Osborne's favorite burger, is entering administration, although they seem to think people still want their buggers if only they can restructure. I've heard their vegan stuff is ok, except why would you?

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #425 on: June 29, 2020, 07:30:02 PM »
Byron, once George Osborne's favorite burger, is entering administration, although they seem to think people still want their buggers if only they can restructure. I've heard their vegan stuff is ok, except why would you?

I had one of the blandest, most tedious meals in my life in Byron, and it was pricey for what it was too, so I shall not be mourning them I'm afraid.

imitationleather

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #426 on: June 29, 2020, 07:31:11 PM »
I had been wondering if Byron was done because it's one of the only restaurants in central Newcastle that hasn't reopened for takeaway.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #427 on: June 29, 2020, 07:40:32 PM »
Byron, once George Osborne's favorite burger, is entering administration, although they seem to think people still want their buggers if only they can restructure. I've heard their vegan stuff is ok, except why would you?

Weren't they the cunts that sent the employees they'd been employing illegally all off for 'training' but really just bussed them all to the immigration office?

edit:
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/jul/27/immigration-raid-on-byron-hamburgers-rounds-up-30-workers

yeah, fuck 'em.

Blue Jam

  • The corpuscles are corpusclin'
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #428 on: June 29, 2020, 07:45:11 PM »
Yeah, Byron are a bunch of wankers. Edinburgh is awash with gourmet burgers so I won't miss the food either.

Danger Man

  • no lives matter
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #429 on: June 29, 2020, 07:47:38 PM »
where is your god Robin Hood now, Nottingham?

Nottingham has bet the farm on Intu. Oh boy!

Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #430 on: June 29, 2020, 08:07:11 PM »
The idea of gourmet burgers is really funny. The execution of them is even funnier.

Blue Jam

  • The corpuscles are corpusclin'
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #431 on: June 29, 2020, 08:29:10 PM »
Never was a fan of burgers, "gourmet" or otherwise, and now all the pubs round here have a sodding gourmet burger menu. I hope they all drift back to doing proper pub food.

imitationleather

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #432 on: June 29, 2020, 08:30:15 PM »
Burgers are great.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #433 on: June 29, 2020, 08:32:21 PM »
Burgers have GONE TOO FAR. If you need to disassemble it or cut it up with cutlery it's a burger in aesthetics but not utility.

Blue Jam

  • The corpuscles are corpusclin'
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #434 on: June 29, 2020, 08:32:31 PM »
I'm not a big fan of reconstituted meat products in general. I'd rather have a steak.

Blue Jam

  • The corpuscles are corpusclin'
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #435 on: June 29, 2020, 08:34:24 PM »
Burgers have GONE TOO FAR. If you need to disassemble it or cut it up with cutlery it's a burger in aesthetics but not utility.

What are your thoughts on those really tall burgers that are held together with a wooden skewer? Pickle on the end or not, if a burger can't hold its structural integrity unassisted then it's probably too high.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #436 on: June 29, 2020, 08:34:45 PM »
So would I but trust a lot of pubs and places not to fuck up a burger as much as a steak. I do sometimes like a burger with a lot of condiment but am a bit bored with the hype (which seems to be slowly being replaced with mexican 'street food' that is far blander than mexican food should be).

Spicy lamb burgers are divine though. And fried chicken.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #437 on: June 29, 2020, 08:35:17 PM »
What are your thoughts on those really tall burgers that are held together with a wooden skewer? Pickle on the end or not, if a burger can't hold its structural integrity unassisted then it's probably too high.

Same as you it would seem.

What about these silly sods who apply steak pretentiousness to mince and end up asking for a 'rare' burger?

Blue Jam

  • The corpuscles are corpusclin'
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #438 on: June 29, 2020, 08:48:37 PM »
(which seems to be slowly being replaced with mexican 'street food' that is far blander than mexican food should be).

You a fan of Illegal Jack's? I could murder some combo fajitas right now.

I just don't like the texture of burgers with a load of condiments. They're too squelchy. A nice steak baguette with a bit of mustard is more my thing.

icehaven

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #439 on: June 29, 2020, 08:50:36 PM »
I have one hell of an appetite, I could probably eat an entire cauldron of chilli or curry or a cartwheel sized pizza, but about 2 bites of any burger/beef and bread combo and I'm done. Dunno why, they just fill me up ridiculously fast, maybe it's the bun, but those huge ones held together with sticks just give me massive indigestion on sight, they look like they could feed a family of 10.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #440 on: June 29, 2020, 08:54:42 PM »
https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?action=post;quote=4249198;topic=77370.420

I think I like the slightly grubby not-quite hotdog, but also not British/French mustards in them. Same as with pastrami sarnies/bagels.

I can't say I've tried Illegal Jacks. I've always been quite disappointed with Mexican stuff when I've had it from vendors and a lot of it is really trivial to make (fajita seasoning is a pisstake - you've probs got everything in your cupboards) at home so I'd rather get something I can't be fucked making if I'm eating out.

One that stood out was a mexican in a pub that was very well made but really bland, it tasted of garlic with no hint of chillis ever having gone near it.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #441 on: June 29, 2020, 09:50:03 PM »
hATe BurGers

Angrew Lloyg Wegger

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #442 on: June 29, 2020, 10:47:03 PM »
I like the Broadmarsh centre in Nottingham, that’s a intu right? I like that it still feels permanently stuck in the 90s, they’ve even got a Wimpy burger and all. Plus you can access an underground cave network from the top floor, what other neoliberal cunt hive can boast that? None

Blumf

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #443 on: June 29, 2020, 11:31:40 PM »
I like the Broadmarsh centre in Nottingham, that’s a intu right? I like that it still feels permanently stuck in the 90s, they’ve even got a Wimpy burger and all.

I think you actually have gone back to the 90s. In which case you need to warn people, in latter half of 2001, for the love of god, don't bother watching Ghosts of Mars! It's just not very good.

Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #444 on: June 30, 2020, 12:38:14 AM »
byron were cunts to their staff so boo hoo

decent place to go for supper in central london though when you're caught out. if im honest

Paul Calf

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #445 on: June 30, 2020, 07:41:51 AM »
Ive only been to Byron once, overcoming my natural revulsion at its association with anus-nosed austerity Chancellor Gideon Osborne.

It flowed freely from both ends later, precipitating a sweaty stomach-cramped and sleepless night.

Danger Man

  • no lives matter
Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #446 on: June 30, 2020, 11:33:01 AM »
I like the Broadmarsh centre in Nottingham, that’s a intu right? I like that it still feels permanently stuck in the 90s, they’ve even got a Wimpy burger and all. Plus you can access an underground cave network from the top floor, what other neoliberal cunt hive can boast that? None

They've torn the Broadmarsh down and are in the middle of rebuilding it and now Intu have collapsed.

Hard times.   (And the Wimpey closed down before the redevelopment)

Blue Jam

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #447 on: June 30, 2020, 11:58:14 AM »
Do Wimpy still do lime milkshakes? I've always been curious about those. Nae Wimpy anywhere near me though, guess I will never have that taste experience.

Gurke and Hare

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #448 on: June 30, 2020, 12:12:29 PM »
I agree that the whole gourmet burger thing is quite weird and come on, it's just a burger except for Bleecker Burgers. Those are amazing, and probably have heroin in them or something.

Bleeding Kansas

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Re: British High Street Death List 2020
« Reply #449 on: June 30, 2020, 12:22:22 PM »
Quote
"I’ve always believed that burgers are about the beef." - Zan Kaufman, Founder of Bleecker Burger

Powerful Words

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