Snooker 2020

[Blue Jam]

Can't believe I missed this: Mark Williams becomes the first person in history to develop gout on a diet of kebabs and Haribo:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/snooker/51393975

[imitationleather]

Would have loved to have a mate like that when I was 15. For getting my Threshers order in and that.

[bgmnts]

I have been on the tablets since Monday and now it is 10 times better. The doctor says it should clear up within the next couple of days."

Absolutely made up for him.

[Blue Jam]

Would have loved to have a mate like that when I was 15. For getting my Threshers order in and that.

Oh aye, I bet Mr Page was very popular at school. Lucky sod.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Gout, classic.

Bet he has piles and deformed turds too.

[Blue Jam]

Gout, classic.

Remember when Big Bill Werbeniuk won the Gout Classic in '83?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

2025 and ITV4s Snooker Gout Off final is subject to an 18 hour delay as Mark Allen receives spinal injections of rat hormones and 'special' Mars bars to allow him to stand at the table without screaming.

[Rolf Lundgren]

Did Neil Robertson forget to pack his straighteners the other night or is that his new look?

[Blue Jam]

Forgot his hair straighteners, got the courier to deliver them to the wrong Cardiff.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Player most likely to farnt in the next 18 months:

John Higgins
Stuart Bingham
Mark Allen
Nigel Bond
Other (Please name)

[Puce Moment]

Everyone's got fluffy hair for this tournament. Even Trump has managed to give his sad strands some dried out body.

[poo]

Come on Yan mate

[Blue Jam]

Yes, GWAAAAAARN YAN, please gas out AIDS.

Would love to see Kylo win this overall though.

[Blue Jam]

Everyone's got fluffy hair for this tournament. Even Trump has managed to give his sad strands some dried out body.

AIDS is clearly using a lot of "product". Is there another one of God's children he wants to impress?

[Blue Jam]

Oh for fuck's sake... Come on Kylo, I don't want to see Tiny Face lift that big ol' slab of Welsh slate even if he could do with the exercise.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

'Don't get many daaaays like this in your career'

Ray of sunshine Terry Griffiths there delivered in the manner of a priest giving the last rites.

[Blue Jam]

Ray of sunshine Terry Griffiths

You really need to listen to The Snooker Potcast:

https://snookerpotcast.podbean.com/mobile/e/snooker-potcast-episode-19-allan-and-bobby-terry-and-willie-bad-commentary/

[Blue Jam]

The Kitten from Kettering looking extra sad-eyed now.

[Blue Jam]

That most Legend Gary of events, the Snooker Shootout, starts today.

Bet Ronnie wishes he'd bothered to enter the Masters now, bwahahaha. Nope, off you pop to Watford for your RAAANKING POINTS MAAAATE.

[Blue Jam]

Football chants and putting the lovely Desislava in a shiny polyester football shirt with "REFEREE" on the back? Oh fuck off Bazza.

[Blue Jam]

Hahaha, Kylo looks like a right scally in his sponsor's shirt.

I hope Marcel Eckhart isn't in Watford for this. I don't want to know what he looks like in a shiny football top. That would be like seeing Gilbert + George in tracksuits.

Also "blue ball shootout"- HUH HUH HUH.

[Blue Jam]

"SHOW US YER WIG! SHOW US YER HIGHLAND JIG!"

"C'MON SHANE WARNE!"

"C'MON THE HAIR TRANSPLANT!"

Alright, I'll admit the Legend Garys were pretty funny when Jimmy White was playing Matthew Stevens last night:

https://youtu.be/7Pthg19vADA

I hope TheMidnightShambler was watching, wherever he may be.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

This is the acceptable platform to insult snooker players' weight, hairstyle, political views, prostitute murdering track record and substance abuse.

That there, that was just vile. If Jimmy had any remaining self respect he should have pissed on his rug and smashed it into that cunts face like a hairy pissy custard pie.

[Blue Jam]

Congrats, Michael Holt.

Where's Ronnie going to get those RAAANKING POINTS now...?

[Blue Jam]

Ronnie has failed to qualify for both the Player's Championship (where he would have been defending his title) and the Tour Championship (ditto) due to not doing better in his hated Snooker Shootout and ending up with a shortage of RANKING POINTS MAAAAAAATE:

https://metro.co.uk/2020/02/24/ronnie-osullivan-misses-players-championship-season-ranking-takes-huge-blow-12290767/

Anyway, you've just got to love Williams:

[bgmnts]

Mark Williams is slowly becoming my favourite person.

Does he still golf down the Celtic Manor on the regular?

[Blue Jam]

Was just looking on the World Snooker Tour website for Riga Masters tickets and got their 404 error page:

https://wst.tv/jhfjdjhdjhdjdhjghjshjfhjshfjjhgqauiaetyauirgyiohsg

Oh Barry Hearn, you cheeky fucker ;)

Spoiler alert

It's a photo of Ronnie looking very pissed-off

[close]

[EOLAN]

For those with sports withdrawals. Snooker seems to be providing some respite.

In Gibraltar of all places. A little rock next to the fully quarantined Spain. Some matches not having referees.

[Blue Jam]

Matches not having audiences either!

[Puce Moment]

OK, that tweet from Williams makes me warm to him a huge amount just at the time when I have lost patience with Ronjo.

How do I access this Gibralter tournament?