Snooker 2020

[Puce Moment]

GRACE IN DANGER - baldy boy Grace blown off the table by a fresh, pungent Trump.

Fresh? His scarecrow barnet nakes him look 50.

[Flouncer]

Elliot Slessor is representing the balds in this match. His opponent's bleach blond hairstyle seems to be a homage to Eminem - I'm not sure Slessor will be able to STAN the pressure.

Where do they find these cunts? Is there a single one amongst them who has a normal head of hair?

[Blue Jam]

Fresh? His scarecrow barnet nakes him look 50.

"...and on the other table, David Gilbert takes a lead of one frame to nil over the teenager Jackson Page."

Oh I wish ITV4 were showing that one. Page is 18 but looks like he could have a wife and three kids and be the proud owner of a thriving craft beer microbrewery taproom located in a railway arch:

[Blue Jam]

Hahahaha:

[Puce Moment]

Fucking state of Jackson Page.

Where's his driving gloves, Genesis CDs and collection of Toby Jugs?

[Blue Jam]

Awww poor Judd. Non-essential shops are closed just as he needs another can of spray-on hair.

[Blue Jam]

BATTLE OF THE BALDS

[Flouncer]

It's a bit pointless now neither of them can possibly win, but still I'm quite enjoying watching these nondescript folically-challenged losers have a knockabout in a little cubicle.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Have to say the BBC's coverage of what very little live sport there is is terrible.

[Blue Jam]

Luca Brecel vs Robbie Williams on now.

This is the baldest snooker tournament ever.

[Blue Jam]

Oliver Lines has grown a lockdown manbun.

I can't wait to see what kind of mad barnet Gary Wilson has in store for us. I bet Ledge has been having some fun with his clippers.

[DocDaneeka]

Feels weird without the applause, a bit like live classical music when no one claps at the end of a song.

They should at least get the referee and any spare camera man to do a little clap at the end of the match.

[monkfromhavana]

Feels weird without the applause, a bit like live classical music when no one claps at the end of a song.

They should at least get the referee and any spare camera man to do a little clap at the end of the match.

I'm enjoying this, seeing all these hitherto unknown professional bald men attempt to play snooker. Plus, I'm really stressed with my work at the moment and having a bit of snooker to watch or have on in the background is a great balm.

[monkfromhavana]

Dominic Dale's voice is exactly the same as The Bear from Bo Selecta.

[Blue Jam]

Ronnie O'Sullivan threatens to quit the Champions League tournament if he can't bring a packed lunch:

https://metro.co.uk/2020/06/03/ronnie-osullivan-will-quit-championship-league-snooker-packed-lunch-banned-12797030/

Excellent choice of picture. Fuck's sake Ronnie, it's a (Hilton) hotel restaurant, not a kebab van. If anything Mark Williams has more of a right to be upset.

There are plenty of lower-ranked professional players who have been unable to earn any prize money during lockdown and who are genuinely worried about paying the bills and this bell is whining about sandwiches. If the prize money means that little to him he should stand aside and let his place be taken by someone who doesn't treat their sport with such sneering contempt.

[Puce Moment]

So Kylo Ren's hair.

Discuss.

[Blue Jam]

[Puce Moment]

Makes me laugh every single time, but even moreso today.

What a silver fox!

[DocDaneeka]

Will I manage to really get behind Ronnie's opponent without hearing "G'waaan Ronnie!" every 5 mins?

[Morrison Lard]

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed looking well there

[Puce Moment]

Yeah, distinct lack of rocket tshirts.

[petril]

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed looking well there

Raymondo looking well for his age

[Blue Jam]

I guess he was allowed to bring his sandwich and his Panda Pops and his Munch Bunch yogurt then. He looks like he's grown a second monobrow under his nose.

Has Legend Gary Wilson played yet? I'm not sure how his lockdown tonsorial stylings will top Kylo's and Ronnie's but I'm sure they will. I predict that Robbo will be the worst-affected by the closure of hair salons.

[Blue Jam]

Stuart Bingham's commentating? I know he's got a face for radio, but that mumbling aint much better.

At least we haven't heard Peter Ebdon bleating on about plant milk. Yet.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Ball Run running his mouth off

Terrible idea. In fact can't someone strike him dumb? It would be a service to snooker - and wider society.

[ollyboro]

Ronnie looking disturbingly like De Niro in Copland.

[Blue Jam]

Seriously having second thoughts about going to the Crucible this year. Even if my tickets aren't among those cancelled it isn't going to be normal, it it? The atmosphere, if there is any, will be weird and travelling by train will be a nightmare. The dates for the qualifiers haven't even been announced yet. Perhaps taking up that offer of transferring our tickets to 2021 might be in order. I really want to see some snooker but I want a proper Crucible experience.

[Blue Jam]

Great tactical ding-dong between Robbo and Doherty just now.

Robbo's hair is massive but it seems to be having a reverse-Samson effect- he's bottom of the group as I type. Hair is curly but no ginger roots though.

Also both players are experiencing sponsor's logos peeling off their shirts and waistcoats. I guess they're using stickers because embroidery isn't classed as an essential activity.

[monkfromhavana]

Judging by his appearance in the analysis, McManus looks like he's at deaths door.

I'm actually really enjoying getting to see all the players I never normally see, and am quite enjoying the format. It's like the snooker version of 20/20 (cricket, not perfect eyesight).

Just heard that "The Hawk" Hawkins has had his mind re-set. Wonder if he had to go private for that?

I am also developing quite the crush on Tatiana Woollaston.

[Blue Jam]

Rooting for Stuart "Local" Bingham here. Ronjo seems to be paying more attention to his lockdown 'tache than to his game tonight.