Snooker 2020

[Blue Jam]

Yep, that's not very distant. And snooker audiences cough a lot. Ronnie is right.

[pigamus]

Lots of pensioners and vulnerable types usually come as well. Not a good idea.

[Blue Jam]

Lots of pensioners and vulnerable types usually come as well.

As I type there is still a chance Nigel Bond will qualify.

James Cahill won't though- he was knocked out in round 1 by 15-year-old amateur Ben Mertens. Next year I expect Mertens will get knocked out by an embryo with a cue.

[Blue Jam]

Scott Donaldson vs Jackson Page in round 3 of the qualifiers today. I hope Eurosport are showing that one, they'll look like a father and son down the snooker club.

[Blue Jam]

The stout yeoman of the bar is playing well. I guess with all the Young Chinese Lads sitting this one out it's time for a few of our homegrown embryos to shine.



Look at that. Doesn't it look like the bleakest clwb snwcer in the universe? It looks like a dodgy Wetherspoons. I want to go.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Mark Williams Paediatric Care & Vehicle Testing Centre

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Carter, beaten by Ronnie O'Sullivan in both 2008 and 2012, lost 6-3 to Louis Heathcote on his 41st birthday.

Love the salt added to the wound there

[Uncle TechTip]

They refer to him as former finalist in the previous paragraph, so that's just a bit of detail to justify the label. Or yeah, rubbing salt in the wound if you like.

[Blue Jam]

Baws, I was watching a bit of that one last night and put Jimmy White's match on instead because I decided I'd rather look at a dodgy hair transplant than Carter's shit-eating grin. Would love to have seen UKIP Nathan Barley go out.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

They refer to him as former finalist in the previous paragraph, so that's just a bit of detail to justify the label. Or yeah, rubbing salt in the wound if you like.

I meant the detail about his birthday

[Blue Jam]

Martin Gould currently murdering Graham Dott in the final round of the qualifiers. Sheffield's prostitutes getting very nervous.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Watching the twelve time sex murderer right now IN A BAR IN MUNICH LADS

Let's face it, Dott is human constipation. When he retires it will be like dislodging the gnarliest of tract bending grogans.

[Blue Jam]

"No more intervals, this is the fight to the finish, but how long will it take? Martin Gould will want to kill it off as soon as possible."

David Hendon has been lurking here. Or possibly just lurking in a few dark alleys watching Gouldyballs at work.

[Blue Jam]

For a brief minute there it looked like we were witnessing one of Dotty's famous comebacks but nope, General Deathshead is through.

Sheffield, lock up your daughters.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Gould pictured licking some animal juice off a butcher's cleaver earlier on.

[Blue Jam]

DRAW!

Judd Trump v Tom Ford

Yan Bingtao v Elliot Slessor

Stephen Maguire v Martin Gould

Kyren Wilson v Anthony Hamilton

John Higgins v Matthew Stevens

David Gilbert v Kurt Maflin

Jack Lisowski v Anthony McGill

Mark Allen v Jamie Clarke

Mark Williams v Alan McManus

Stuart Bingham v Ashley Carty

Ding Junhui v Mark King

Ronnie O'Sullivan v Thepchaiya Un-Nooh

Mark Selby v Jordan Brown

Shaun Murphy v Noppon Saengkham

Barry Hawkins v Alexander Ursenbacher

Neil Robertson v Liang Wenbo

Ronnie vs Un-Nooh should be nice and fast and fun.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Gould is going to be sent back to his lair at the first time of asking given how well Maguire has been playing lately, the doughy diffident waster cunt. I guess we haven't seen as much of Gould in recent years as dismembering and pickling prostitute corpses is quite high maintenence.

[Puce Moment]

Oh my beautiful, be-suited athletes of the baize.

My lovely Ding is going to crush Statham like one of his pies.

[Blue Jam]

Crucible Curse in full effect?

Haven't put any bets on this year. Think I'll just quit while I'm ahead.

[EOLAN]

In the battle of unexpected US presidents; Ford is absolutely destroying Trump so far.

[Morrison Lard]

Looks like the crowd will be told to sling their hook at some point today

https://twitter.com/danroan/status/1289154592664559617

[Blue Jam]

Feeling more and more glad I got a refund on my tickets. I hope this virus fucks off before the 2021 Championship though.

Really should have put a fiver on Ford yesterday. Arsecakes.

Also would love to be watching this with a few beers but stupidly decided to come to werk and booked a blood donor appointment for after that.

[Puce Moment]

Feeling more and more glad I got a refund on my tickets. I hope this virus fucks off before the 2021 Championship though.

I don't like to be a doom-monger, but the way things are going, I think next year will be just as locked down, and we will look back on the arrangements for this tournament with a certain amount of hindsight incredulity that they thought this could all work ok.

The Coral tournament got me used to no audience so I don't really mind tbh.

[Blue Jam]

Yup:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/53610375

Fans in today are the lucky ones- or maybe not if they get the 'vid:

https://mobile.twitter.com/LauraScott__/status/1289169248359608320

[Puce Moment]

I'm a bit late with this today - poor old Morrisey nearly got a 147 on the first frame!

And how arrogant is Trump for trying to cut that black after he fucked up and nudged the middle pocket? Anime headed wanker.

[Puce Moment]

Yup:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/53610375

[Blue Jam]

Just got back from the blood donor centre. Couldn't give blood because I was dehydrated and overheated from cycling in stupidly hot weather and the staff couldn't find a decent vein. Oh well, Plan B is is then: gonna get the kebabs, lager and Haribo in for Williams and McManus tonight.

[imitationleather]

Just got back from the blood donor centre.

For a second there I thought this was the new name of the Crucible.

Having spectators was a stupid idea all along.

[Blue Jam]

For a second there I thought this was the new name of the Crucible.

That's just what Martin Gould calls it.

[Puce Moment]

proper lol