Author Topic: Snooker 2020  (Read 9867 times)

Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #30 on: January 14, 2020, 04:12:55 PM »
AIDS crisis.

Blue Jam

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #31 on: January 14, 2020, 04:14:01 PM »
AIDS

Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #32 on: January 14, 2020, 05:14:13 PM »
good to see the AIDS Headmaster put the pwopa nawty Juddernaut in his place

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #33 on: January 14, 2020, 09:23:27 PM »
Should have known Bawkins would fail to join the #TurdFlush backlash. Take your one frame you hangdog 1* health hygiene certificate horse meat butcher and fuck off back to your tidy little Essex pad.

Puce Moment

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #34 on: January 15, 2020, 08:16:29 AM »
AIDS night at the local church - AIDS talks about his challenges as a top-flight snooker player, and how God has helped him through struggles.......and success.

7.30-9.30pm
Squash and biscuits available

buttgammon

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #35 on: January 15, 2020, 10:27:43 AM »
10pm
He's shagging one of God's children in a Travelodge.

Flouncer

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #36 on: January 15, 2020, 11:56:03 AM »
10.05pm: Panicked call to Martin Gould asking for help to dispose of the body.

Blue Jam

  • No rice! No glitter! No bubbles! No litter!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #37 on: January 15, 2020, 12:17:51 PM »
On the subject of naff Bazza changes, is anyone else enjoying the bits of artwork that have been cobbled together for each competitor?

Stephen "On Fire" Maguire (presumably because there's no real way to represent "Maverick" visually)



Neil "The Thunder From Down Under" Robertson (that's lightning, but whatever):



David "The Angry Farmer" Gilbert with some ears of corn:



Stuart "Ballrun" Bingham (er... will a pinball machine do?):



They're all on Twitter, I think you get the gist. I might have to get on Photoshop and knock up some better ones later.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2020, 12:46:38 PM by Blue Jam »

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #38 on: January 15, 2020, 12:35:49 PM »
Hahaha is Bingham's nickname really Ballrun?

OI Ballrun, get us a pint in. Oh what's that, no wonga in your bellroy? Give it a rest you Bingend.

Blue Jam

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #39 on: January 15, 2020, 12:38:55 PM »

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #40 on: January 15, 2020, 12:43:47 PM »
The Orbs new album

Blue Jam

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #41 on: January 15, 2020, 12:44:58 PM »


Come on Bazza, gissa job.

Blue Jam

  • No rice! No glitter! No bubbles! No litter!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #42 on: January 15, 2020, 02:47:01 PM »
All the players' artwork in full:

https://mobile.twitter.com/WeAreWST/status/1214522839035977729

This is like Gladiators isn't it? Except it's for sportsmen nobody wants to see in spandex.

Bit disappointed that Jack Lisowski's doesn't have a bowling ball and a white Russian.

imitationleather

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #43 on: January 15, 2020, 03:12:54 PM »
The Hearne kitschness works in darts. However snooker is inherently more staid and lends itself to quiet smokey rooms and the players dressed up in waistcoats and bowties. Someone please explain this to him because he's making the sport look stupid.

Blue Jam

  • No rice! No glitter! No bubbles! No litter!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #44 on: January 15, 2020, 03:20:27 PM »
Wow, this tournament is a real cunt-off.

Love a Cunt-Off tie though, 100% guaranteed outcome of a Cunt being fucked right off.

I know what you mean. Jack Lisowski and Kylo Ren up now. Both players I enjoy watching but there's less drama with a Great Bunch Of Lads-off.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #45 on: January 15, 2020, 03:28:58 PM »
Normally it would be cruel to mock a Crohns sufferer but when it's Brexit Pub Quiz Captain Ali Carter even Hazel Irvine has a colostomy bag strategically deployed as a scatalogical whoopie cushion.

Blue Jam

  • No rice! No glitter! No bubbles! No litter!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #46 on: January 15, 2020, 03:32:23 PM »
I can't agree with the first point here but I can't disagree with the second:


Blue Jam

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #47 on: January 15, 2020, 04:18:51 PM »
Lebowski gone. Nice one Kylo.


Flouncer

  • See ya on the other side, ya goddamn cracker ass!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #48 on: January 15, 2020, 04:41:42 PM »
The Hearne kitschness works in darts. However snooker is inherently more staid and lends itself to quiet smokey rooms and the players dressed up in waistcoats and bowties. Someone please explain this to him because he's making the sport look stupid.

See the Shoot-Out for Barry Hearn's vision of snooker to come: every match is one frame with a shot clock and rules penalising safety play; the table surrounded by inebriated gammon too drunk and boisterous to actually follow the match, bellowing abuse at the players while they're down on the shot. I do like it as a once a year thing but have a sneaking suspicion that this is Bazza's ultimate goal; to transform the whole game into a darts-tier sport that can be held inside a colossal Wetherspoons where he can bang out pitchers of Stella for forty quid a pop.

Puce Moment

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #49 on: January 15, 2020, 04:56:40 PM »
Jack Lisowski, with your face like when they use photoshop to make your face look perfectly symetrical and it looks weird and uncanny

Jack Lisowski, with your face like someone who has just taken off a scuba diving mask after wearing it for 5 hours

Jack Lisowski, with your face like the 'wanted' posters on the walls of rape crisis centres

Blue Jam

  • No rice! No glitter! No bubbles! No litter!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #50 on: January 15, 2020, 05:00:26 PM »
That's a bit harsh, I always had Lebowski down as a less craggy Martin Freeman myself.

Puce Moment

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #51 on: January 15, 2020, 05:13:05 PM »
Martin Freeman drawn by Bill Plympton.

-He's quite handsome really.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #52 on: January 16, 2020, 12:54:34 PM »
Can someone please prompt what's happening so I can egregiously insult one of the players? Cheers

Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #53 on: January 16, 2020, 12:56:28 PM »
I like Williams (as much as I like any of them) but he deserved to lose for that fucking tracksuit top he was wearing when he was practicing.

Blue Jam

  • No rice! No glitter! No bubbles! No litter!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #54 on: January 16, 2020, 01:05:58 PM »
Can someone please prompt what's happening so I can egregiously insult one of the players? Cheers

AIDS vs Perry now, insult away.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Are we human? Or are we toilet
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Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #55 on: January 16, 2020, 01:08:26 PM »
Williams the world's fattest thin man gobbling twixes in trackies while peering at a trespassing heron from the mildewed windows of his world championship winnings static home in Prestatyn.

Blue Jam

  • No rice! No glitter! No bubbles! No litter!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #56 on: January 16, 2020, 01:09:48 PM »
I hope the Ally Pally wasps decide to leave the ref alone today and instead attack AIDS so his head swells up and his face looks even tinier by comparison.

Blue Jam

  • No rice! No glitter! No bubbles! No litter!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #57 on: January 16, 2020, 01:22:06 PM »
Shaun Murphy looks like the kind of man who engages in lots of sexist banter with the lads and then when a woman joins them and one of the lads says something sexist he pulls them up on it to show the lady how modern and sensitive he is before he puts a "protective" arm round her with his hand a bit too low down her back.

Shaun Murphy looks like the kind of man who would see a female ref bending down to get him the rest and say "While you're down there luv..."

Shaun Murphy looks like the kind of man who comes out of the toilet and says "I'd give it five minutes if I were you" and then walks off chuckling, because he really meant to say ten minutes.

Blue Jam

  • No rice! No glitter! No bubbles! No litter!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #58 on: January 16, 2020, 01:31:27 PM »
I like Williams (as much as I like any of them) but he deserved to lose for that fucking tracksuit top he was wearing when he was practicing.

Pffffft, you think that was bad?

https://mobile.twitter.com/markwil147/status/1204001208429613056

(these beauties are from Oddballs, an undercracker brand that donates profits to testicular and cervical cancer charities. Nope, I just can't knock Williams, sorry)

Blue Jam

  • No rice! No glitter! No bubbles! No litter!
Re: Snooker 2020
« Reply #59 on: January 16, 2020, 05:35:46 PM »
AIDSathon

Fuck this

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