Your CaB Story

[a peepee tipi]

I find that my worst impulses come out when I'm online, hopefully I don't stand out too much here but in any case I've been trying to be more positive and I haven't seen one of these threads recently, so I figured a good place to start would be sharing what CaB has meant to me and hearing how it's been for others.

I started lurking 7 years ago, around the time I finally made the plunge to move out on my own. I was gifted a copy of "How to Talk Dirty and Influence People", Lenny Bruce's autobiography and overrated or not, I was fascinated. Ended up finding a thread on here while e-digging for whatever I could find on him. I'd never heard of Chris Morris, or most of the things being discussed here but ended up loving everything that piqued my interest. There being a decent prog rock fan base here was also huge to me.

While I don't participate often either because someone says it better or because of what I mentioned at the beginning, there's an endearing sense of community here that's hard to find online without some sort of elitism or nastiness attached to it. There's been so many nice things I've read on here - the shared niche interests, anything about animals, heartfelt and life affirming advice to those who feel like they've nowhere else to vent. All the stuff buzby posts about how the landing gear for fighter jets was manufactured in the 80's or whatever the fuck. There's jokes about like that guy who died from having a dildo plugging his shitter for days and missing kids (this is absolutely a positive). Sad personal stories, funny personal stories, total looney bin fuck stories about people who smeared their living space with their own shit with pics to prove. And there's genuine leftism here, passionate without ostentation or pretense, y'know, most of the time.

This place has made me giggle uncontrollably like a dickhead on the bus and has made me snotty cry probably also somewhere in public. Always a respite throughout what has been an awful decade for me. I don't post my troubles on here, but when it was time for my dog and best friend since middle school to be put down, at least CaB was still there. When my ex, a good spirit and brilliant musician, discovered the joys of crystal meth and through all the disasters that followed, CaB was there. When that wino on the train slapped my idle hand with his mutant fuckin fetid cock because God doesn't love me, CaB was there.

And of course, there's all the art I've consumed, I mean here's a short list of things I found directly through CaB or wouldn't have even considered otherwise: CM, PFFR, Nathan For You, Walking the Room, Cum Town, Henry Cow, every album Dave Stewart played on in the 70's, House of Leaves, Love and Rockets, Uno Moralez, Gunshow, Under the Skin, Ron Fricke, Space Cunts

Keeping it short was a struggle, as you can see, but you look at that and tell me you fuckers aren't in the know. I'm also pretty sure half of the Switch games I have were bought after reading one of TBC's manic posts. My life would have much been much worse off without these things and CaB. So thanks to Neil and, well, everyone.

So what's your CaB story n shit

[touchingcloth]

Hear, hear. I absolutely love everyone on here with the exception of this poster.

[bgmnts]

I mean i've actually donated money to this place and i'm permaskint, so that's all that needs to be said about this place.

[Pseudopath]

Hear, hear. I absolutely love everyone on here with the exception of this poster.

Oh yeah, why's that then?

[madhair60]

Got told about this place by an ex-poster, came on and was initially taken aback by it and had trouble fitting in, acted like a dick for a year or so, got temp banned, came back and started actually being myself (regular cunt instead of posturing cunt), then got massively depressed and needed the perspective of CaB to keep me sane. Still the case really. I feel like I'm among actual people here, irl nobody says what they mean and nobody actually seems to like me at all.

[Butchers Blind]

Ended up here while looking for stuff about death cults and phimosis suffering.

[DrGreggles]

Joined in May 2011 (apparently), I think it was something to do with that year's Fringe.
Had a temporary profile pic of a cat wearing a melon helmet as a placeholder.

[Better Midlands]

Oh yeah, why's that then?

Because they're a cunt.

[Danger Man]

Hear, hear. I absolutely love everyone on here with the exception of this poster.

I'm one of the few posters on here who is never sure if it's the joke link or a genuine link to my profile.

And I'm fine with that.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Lurked for a few years, not really wanting to join, having bad memories from a previous forum. Finally joined in 2012, I think. Had a generally positive time of it, I suppose. Had threads locked or deleted ( those things only happening very occasionally, tbh), but not so much as one temporary banning, so that's quite positive. Only got round to securing an avatar last year.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I'm one of the few posters on here who is never sure if it's the joke link or a genuine link to my profile.

And I'm fine with that.

Oh, that definitely links to exclusively your profile. I checked.

[Marner and Me]

I was completely hung over and Googling something shite. Ended up on here. I found a thread about Foyles bookshop and another thread about some lad recounting his days working in some dodgy game shop and I was in tears of laughter. Most forums I frequent are fairly up tight. Half the shit on here wouldn't stand a chance on them.

[Thomas]

Joined up when I was a 19-year-old stoodent in lieu of real-world social life. Haven't looked back since.¹ Found it Googling for Chris Morris scraps, and Neil's vast archive of Blue Jam and the Music Shows saw me through the whole sorry university experience.

This forum also put me in touch with classic-tier poster Kane Jones, and together we made a bloody good show, The Night Light, for CaB Radio.

I've also met Danger Man and can confirm that he is in actuality a cuddly character.

_{[1] Have frequently looked back in great pain since.}

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

A long, long time ago, I was walking down a long and lonesome road, and I happened upon an old man, and he told me of this special place, a place where I could be free, and blah blah blah blah bollocks.

I think I found this site by googling something like "Jimmy Carr cunt laugh", and this was at the top of the search results.

[poo]

This forum also put me in touch with classic-tier poster Kane Jones, and together we made a bloody good show, The Night Light, for CaB Radio.

Where "Kane Jones" ??!

[alan nagsworth]

Where "Kane Jones" ??!

2019 was a very tough year on the chap and so he's withdrawn from here whilst things straighten out for him.

We've exchanged some long messages on and off in recent months and I like to think my advice helped or at least served as some comfort, but above all else it was just lovely to talk with him at length because he's a wonderful and insightful bloke. I've got my fingers crossed that he's back on his feet soon as his contributions to Oscillations are certainly missed by me.

[poo]

2019 was a very tough year on the chap and so he's withdrawn from here whilst things straighten out for him.

We've exchanged some long messages on and off in recent months and I like to think my advice helped or at least served as some comfort, but above all else it was just lovely to talk with him at length because he's a wonderful and insightful bloke. I've got my fingers crossed that he's back on his feet soon as his contributions to Oscillations are certainly missed by me.

Ah, really sorry to hear this. Miss him and his radio shows.

[Dewt]

I was sent here to keep an eye on you all

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

OK, I guess I should keep this as succinct as possible.

- Joined 2001 around Brass Eye Special time, an excited 14/15 years old boy. Tried too hard to impress and many of the grown adults unsurprisingly didn't like me. Took until 2004/5 until I started being taken more seriously, though that was after a ban and a name change.

- Things didn't go great for me for the next few years and I was a, if you can believe this, quieter presence. Partly also through having a limited access to the Internet. However I went to my first CaB meet and met the likes of no_offenc, purlieu, biniput, Mr Simnock, sirhenry. This was when the SOTCAA ruled the roost in Comedy Chat and when I remember the forum itself reaching its zenith in terms of comedy criticism.

- The CaB Radio years. This is where I guess I got talking to lots of CaBbers outside the forum, Via Skype and Messenger etc. I had a lot of time on my hands and actually wrote some decent stuff, albeit rough around the edges. I think my general standard of contributions here improved too. There were so many good nights and I think whatever the key is to CaB maintaining relevance is within that aspect, somewhere.  It really did Foster a community. As did going to all those meets.

- Latter years. As CaB Radio faded it felt quite fallow on here and I think there were too few active members on GB which created a pretty testy atmosphere. That has improved in the last 2-3 years and I think the fun has returned to the place a bit more.

As others will no doubt confirm, CaB has been probably the most important non-human construct of my life, a platform to meet like-minded people, share wonderful things, push boundaries, hell, even actually play a part romantically. Whatever individual disagreements there are huge thanks and gratitude must go to Neil and to all others who have chipped in to keep the place going.

[Dewt]

armory prick

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

armory prick

^
Twed CaB story

[Dewt]

Now you get it

[Small Man Big Horse]

I found the site in 2001, lurked for a bit, then joined under my real name to spam the forum with links to my incredibly unfunny Onion-style news page, which understandably led to a lot of insults. Then September 11th happened and after posting an ill advised joke news story on my site I received death threats (not from people on here, I should stress) but folk here were sympathetic to my idiocy. Well, bar those who (understandably, once more) called me an idiot. I then signed up under a different name, stuck around until early 2005 when I was an utter prick and had an argument with Neil about Nathan Barley, and then sodded off until late 2006, when I rejoined with this account, and overshared an insane amount, something I try to do to this day.

[Endicott]

Lurked for a few years, not really wanting to join, having bad memories from a previous forum. Finally joined in 2012, I think. Had a generally positive time of it, I suppose. Had threads locked or deleted ( those things only happening very occasionally, tbh), but not so much as one temporary banning, so that's quite positive. Only got round to securing an avatar last year.

You was missed at the other place, when you left, mind you it's just a husk now. You've been pretty lucky on the banning front here, if you want my opinion, which I'd imagine you don't, as you never asked!

I left the other place after blowing up at someone, moved over here about 2010 determined not to let that happen again, and had blown up inexcusably at someone here within the first year of posting. I think I'm better at it now, although I'm still not very interesting. Luckily I don't care about that. I'd miss this place a lot if it wasn't here.

[Buelligan]

Once upon a time in a land far away, lived a lovely but very impoverished and unrecognised princess.  All day long she skipped and danced with the rabbits and squirrels as she scrubbed floors for the rich.  She was all alone in the world, until one day, she happened upon a magic box.  She took it home to her little cave and, after all her work was done, opened it.

All the beauty and the horror of the world came pouring out, she was frighted and delighted, clapping her hands and dancing around the bare room with her little animal friends.  And slowly, slowly, as she watched, she found herself in another land, a secret land, the Land of Neil.  A land full of weird bald phimotic unemployed and mentally ill men and a few nice women and they all lived happily ever after.  The End.

[gib]

I was completely hung over and Googling something shite. Ended up on here. I found a thread about Foyles bookshop and another thread about some lad recounting his days working in some dodgy game shop and I was in tears of laughter. Most forums I frequent are fairly up tight. Half the shit on here wouldn't stand a chance on them.

If it included the phrase 'don't get fucking fresh with me, Sunshine' then that was popcorn.

[madhair60]

a few nice women

yeah? (gobs in hand, slicks hair over bald void)

[Neville Chamberlain]

blah blah blah glebes thrift funnel blah blah blah blah felt almost personally offended by response to Nathan Barley because I bloody loved it blah blah blah had never seen such a gathering of self-righteous pricks in one place blah blah blah annoys the hell out of me blah blah blah blah so many ridiculously funny twats blah blah blah can't get enough of the place blah blah blah blah will probably never leave blah blah blah etc etc etc

[pancreas]

I was asked to come on here by Danger Man's GP to help to raise his dangerously low blood pressure.

[popcorn]

I was completely hung over and Googling something shite. Ended up on here. I found a thread about Foyles bookshop and another thread about some lad recounting his days working in some dodgy game shop and I was in tears of laughter. Most forums I frequent are fairly up tight. Half the shit on here wouldn't stand a chance on them.

Oh yes that was my story (here). It's very nice to discover, by chance, someone saying they enjoyed it so thank you very much.

I have recently actually written a short sequel about what's happened to that shop in the last few years. It's a bit of a sad story. I still need to do a bit more research before I can finish it but hopefully it will be done in the next week or two.