This Candle Smells Like My Vagina

[Pingers]

Good ol' Gwyneth Paltrow is at it again, except this time she's been at it wiv a caaandle

I'm not clear whether it's meant to smell specifically of her own chuff or chuffs in general. If hers, any self-respecting Trading Standards Officer will be wanting to bury their face in her vagina to satisfy themselves.   

that it's not a false claim.

[tourism]

I see ._.

[sandpainter 1471z]

Run it under the tap and it'll be as good as new.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

And she's not had the nouse to market it under the name The Cuntdle? Dozy cow.

[Doomy Dwyer]

Gwyneth's got form for this sort of caper. I once bougt a cd that sounded like her cunt. Chris, I think his name was. Straight down the British Heart Foundation with the item and never looked back.

[Butchers Blind]

Cunt for shits

[Danger Man]

The candle has "a funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent" derived from "geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed."

No musk???

[Neville Chamberlain]

Does it have a slight hint of poo (if you go round far enough)?

[TheBrownBottle]

If she doesn't release a smega-flavoured natural cheese as part of her Goop range then I'm crying sexism

[Buelligan]

Elton John considers re-write[/tag]

[samadriel]

"Candle in the Quim"?

[Buelligan]

I'm sorry, I ordered Teen Spirit.  I'm sending it back.

[Blumf]

But can she blow out candles with her foo-foo?

I'll wait for the Yankee Candle CEO flavoured candle to be released. Sure it'll be just as good.

[Buelligan]

_{It's far better to light the candle than to curse the lack of fish (or bicycles)}

[the]

The only smell I'm getting from this 'story' is cocaine.

[Pingers]

I'm a fan of the smell and taste of vaginas, but I can't say I've ever experienced bergamot or cedar absolutes. If I did want to recreate the olfactory experience, for £58 I could get a fair bit of Guinness and that Mexicana cheese they have now, with the added bonus of being able to consume it afterwards.

[Blumf]

_{It's far better to light the candle than to curse the lack of fish (or bicycles)}

Ahhh, the Biblical tale of the feeding of the 52%, Bastards 14:13-21

[Pingers]

As the owner of Europe's largest bergamot farm, I detect Replies From View's hand in this.

[Jittlebags]

If you were a devotee of alternative medicine, you could use a snatch scented candle in your ear candling treatments.

[Buelligan]

I'm a fan of the smell and taste of vaginas, but I can't say I've ever experienced bergamot or cedar absolutes.

May I suggest a used Earl Grey teabag and some shavings from a pencil sharpener?  Pop it up, just like a turkey.  If you're an artilleryman, use a handy drift to ram it home or a lucky sweep's brush might do at a pinch.  And Bob's your uncle, the poor person's Gwenny.

[dissolute ocelot]

Due to Gwyneth's fondness for vaginal steaming I imagine her front bottom smells like a well-cooked ham.

[jobotic]

It's not a very spiritual sounding name is it?

I'd have gone with I Dost Venture South

[Kryton]

Elon Musk is missing out on the real action.

ELON'S MUSK CANDLE. Smells like his unwashed balls and arse.

[bgmnts]

I wish vaginas smelt like basil to be honest.

Seriously though, I'd like to think only really stupid women are going to be affected by this. Its likely hardly any men will buy this, so hardly any men will go "hey why doesnt my wife's vagina smell like this" etc. And most women know what a vag should smell like.

[Janie Jones]

I, in contrast, have a vagina that smells like a candle (to paraphrase Baldrick)

This reminds me of the vagina beer from 4 years ago
https://pulptastic.com/craft-beers-are-so-2015/

[Blumf]

I wish vaginas smelt like basil to be honest.

Bit too peppery for my tastes, how about rosemary?

[JesusAndYourBush]

If you were a devotee of alternative medicine, you could use a snatch scented candle in your ear candling treatments.

[Default to the negative]

I'll sniff Gwyneth's vagina, if that's what she really wants. If it has come down to this, like we always knew it would. This most abject form of attention-seeking. Okay, I will get down on my hands and grubby little knees, and take scent of the vagina. I hope she's happy now.

[samadriel]

Bit too peppery for my tastes,

[Pepper Potts joke]

how about rosemary?

I'll have to vote no on rosemary; it's nice, but the delicious scent would make me too hungry around vaginas.

[Default to the negative]

I hate to be 'that guy' but it's a question worth asking. What if a man advertised a brand of candles that smelled like the underside of his foreskin? Would the bespectacled art students be queuing up to lecture us about how the foreskin is a hugely stigmatised part of the body with lots of real life consequences and blah blah blah.