cunts knocking on the locked toilet door

[madhair60]

YEAH SORRY MATE SHIT'S COMING OUT OF MY HOLE, NOT SURE WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO DO

[Huxleys Babkins]

"Can you hurry up?"

Sure, mate, yeah. I'll nip it off early so I end up shitting myself at my desk/get bowel cancer for you. You're that fucking important.

[Uncle TechTip]

Just push harder?

[Quote]

You can't even have a shite in peace. This country.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Just push harder?

Careful, mate. Piles, mate.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Paul McCartney ( From Paul McCartney and Wings ) considers rewrite.

[Mister Six]

Shurely "Bob Dylan considers rewrite"?

[grassbath]

Paul McCartney ( From Paul McCartney and Wings ) considers rewrite.

Someone's knocking at the door
Someone's smelling the smell
Someone's knocking at the door
Someone's smelling the smell

Do me a favour
Fuck off mate
I'm doing a shit

[Cuellar]

Haha love doing this, it's always great banter

[Buelligan]

At least the door's locked.  I opened the loo door at work recently only to find my boss manspreading in a truly disturbing way.  I can't say more but it's given me brain damage.

[FredNurke]

'but', or 'because'?

[Bazooka]

At least the door's locked.  I opened the loo door at work recently only to find my boss manspreading in a truly disturbing way.  I can't say more but it's given me brain damage.

Perfect time to ask for that pay rise.

[poodlefaker]

love the guy who keeps trying the handle and pushing the door in case it's somehow jammed, rather than the more likely reason that it's occupied. then hangs around sighing until you come out.

[grassbath]

Sighs in a big spiced lungful of shit particles from your arse and lower guts.

[Replies From View]

SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT MATE


VERY SIMPLE CHOICE TO MAKE

[Dewt]

There is an obvious solution to this problem. Simply do not lock the door.

[holyzombiejesus]

This happened to me recently. We were at the arts centre place in Halifax and I'd taken my little boy downstairs to the accessible toilet as he needed to have his nappy changed. We locked the door behind us but about 30 seconds in, there was a rattling of the door handle. "Someone's in here, won't be long!"
Rattle.
"Hang on, someone's in here!"
Rattle.
"WE'RE IN HERE!"
Rattle.
Cue red-faced & angry me puling the door open and shouting "I'VE TOLD YOU, WE'RE IN HERE" only to find that the handle rattler was a young woman with obvious learning disability. Felt really bad for a few minutes.

[Replies From View]

love the guy who keeps trying the handle and pushing the door in case it's somehow jammed, rather than the more likely reason that it's occupied. then hangs around sighing until you come out.

In my workplace one of the staff toilets has the engaged/vacant dial set up wrongly so that when it's not in use it says ENGAGED.  This is great because somehow I'm the only member of staff who seems to have realised this and therefore always have a toilet ready when the rest are in use.

However it also means that whenever you're in this specific toilet it says VACANT when it's locked.  Cue a parade of adults instantly stepping up to the fold when I'm in there shitting, testing out the code again and again because they assume they must be typing it in wrong.  It's one of those mechanical code locks that goes CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK as they press in the numbers and then they rotate the handle it goes KERLUCKUCK.  And they push their weight against the door which doesn't open.  CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK KERLUCKUCK *push*.

Without a pause they just:  CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK KERLUCKUCK *push*.

They're audibly sighing by the fourth attempt.  Often another member of staff will appear at this point, so they'll have someone to converse with about the extraordinary event of a locked toilet door not opening while somebody behind it isn't going to draw attention to themselves by saying I AM HAVING A SHIT IN HERE THAT'S WHY THE DOOR WON'T FUCKING OPEN.

CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK KERLUCKUCK *push*.  *sigh*  "I don't know what's wrong with some of these."  CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK KERLUCKUCK *push*.  CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK *push*.  CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK *push*.  *sigh*.


YEAH JUST KEEP FUCKING DOING IT YEAH

[Pseudopath]

Who the fuck puts a code lock on a toilet door? Do you keep backup tapes in there or something?

[Zetetic]

School, I think, and dedicated staff toilets.

Insufficient capacity, by the sound of it. Spikey demand for staffing toilets around lesson breaks, I guess.

[idunnosomename]

Knock knock knockin on t'toilet do-hey-hoar
Ah ah ahah hey
Knock knock knockin on toilet door


GIMMIE SOME REGGAE

[Dewt]

Because the US bathroom situation is abysmal (no 'occupied' status locks, doors are often closed whether the stall is occupied or not) I simply fake a cough whenever I hear anybody nearby so that they know I'm in there. Genuine top tip.

[touchingcloth]

'but', or 'because'?

Butt.

[bgmnts]

Its not even knocking, 90% of my public toilet usage has been accompanied by someone trying to open the door, despite it obviously being closed and locked. There is a big red bit on the handle saying LOCKED you stupid fucking cunts.

[DistressedArea]

Because the US bathroom situation is abysmal (no 'occupied' status locks, doors are often closed whether the stall is occupied or not) I simply fake a cough whenever I hear anybody nearby so that they know I'm in there. Genuine top tip.

A big fart works really well too.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Because the US bathroom situation is abysmal (no 'occupied' status locks, doors are often closed whether the stall is occupied or not) I simply fake a cough whenever I hear anybody nearby so that they know I'm in there. Genuine top tip.

I thought the gaps around the door were big enough to make a lot of those things redundant.

[DistressedArea]

No, if anything they increase the effect by helping the fart to escape.

[Urinal Cake]

Linehan checking for trans men.

[Icehaven]

In the pub once we'd been chatting with a lesbian couple and when I went to the toilet they were in there. A minute or so after I'd gone into the cubicle I could hear them saying "Are you alright in there?" and presumed they were talking to each other, so obviously didn't respond. A few seconds later there was an almighty bang and suddenly I was face to boot sole with the one of them who'd kicked my cubicle door open, as they'd apparently been asking me if I was OK and when I didn't reply thought I was unconscious or something. We all ran away before anyone realised the door was bust.

[Lord Mandrake]

If you try and open my toilet door whilst I'm shiteing, whether you have a learning disorder, are lesbian or the King of Spain - I should be able to legally kill you dead.