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March 28, 2024, 11:00:31 PM

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cunts knocking on the locked toilet door

Started by madhair60, January 15, 2020, 02:08:36 PM

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dissolute ocelot

Quote from: Dewt on January 15, 2020, 10:50:35 PM
Because the US bathroom situation is abysmal (no 'occupied' status locks, doors are often closed whether the stall is occupied or not) I simply fake a cough whenever I hear anybody nearby so that they know I'm in there. Genuine top tip.
Whistling on the pot is the traditional British working class solution, especially if you're living in a mining community where everybody coughs 100% of the time.

New page, new poo!

Replies From View

Working class people need to whistle to relax.  It's a biological fact.  Works with pissing too.

Honestly, someone pursues you for wild sex and all you people can think about is your bowels? I haven't had any for a year so this thread makes me livid. I mean I'm straight, more or less, but you get it where you find it at my age. Just wipe your arses, let the generous person in and have some. Be grateful for fuck's sake and have a sense of perspective. You can have a shit any time, Granddad.

Jockice

#33
Ooh, now this is a subject that really makes my blood boil. I think practically every argument (discounting with family and my chick) over the last decade I've had has been on this subject. Where I go swimming there's a disabled/parents and infants changing room. I try to avoid the times when they have swimming lessons but occasionally there's a slight crossover. Which usually results in some milfo (mother I'd like to fuck off) repeatedly banging on the door while I'm getting changed. Not because they want to use the changing room, because it's easier for them to get to and from the pool area than having to walk through the ordinary changing rooms, which would take them about a minute.

They are so fucking entitled. We've reproduced so our lives are much more important than yours. And of course I've never had to wait for someone else to vacate the premises. Except that I try the door once to make sure whoever inside is aware that there's somebody waiting, then I wait. Because I have some manners.

Not just females either. One dad told me I had no right to use that changing room because it's for 'children only.' Which is obviously why it has the word 'disabled' printed on the door.  There's another bloke who goes on Saturday evenings (when there are no children about) and uses the gym but puts his bag in the disabled changing rooms because it's 'too big' to fit into the normal lockers. Well get a fucking smaller one then. And don't expect me to jump to attention when I've just got out of the shower because you've decided you have to leave now. Prick.

Jockice

#34
PS, I know that wasn't exactly about toilets but it's a similar thing. I've had it in disabled bogs too, someone repeatedly banging on it so I finish, get back into my wheelchair and open the door to find someone standing there looking very undisabled indeed. And yes, I know about hidden disabilities etc but it still really gets on my tits.

Incidentally, yesterday I was doing my voluntary stuff and a staff member came back from lunch saying there was a strange high-pitched sound coming from the other end of the corridor. About ten minutes later I went to go for a piss and realised that it was the alarm in the disabled toilet. Of course, as soon as I started peeing, I had a maintenance man banging on the door demanding to know what was going on. I told him that the alarm going off was nothing to do with me but I don't think he believed me.

And finally, the night I met the ex who broke my heart in the 90s (seventeen years of singledom etc etc. You've heard all this before) we met and had a snog at a party. Then I needed to have a pee so went upstairs to use the toilet, only to find there was a queue as someone was having a shit. What sort of prat has a shit at a house party? My mate ***'s elder brother, that's who, By the time I finally got in there I couldn't hold it in any longer and some of it went down my trousers. Light brown cords. Luckily the lass didn't ask why my shirt, which had been tucked in beforehand was now untucked and pulled down as far as it would go nor why when we got back to my place I immediately went into the bathroom and returned wearing a pair of jogging bottoms. Actually, I wish she had noticed and dumped me on the spot. It would have saved me a lot of further pain.

Replies From View

Quote from: Jockice on January 16, 2020, 11:54:24 AM
One dad told me I had no right to use that changing room because it's for 'children only.' Which is obviously why it has the word 'disabled' printed on the door.

I hope you weren't too shy to point this out to him.  What a cunt.

Jockice

Quote from: Replies From View on January 16, 2020, 12:28:31 PM
I hope you weren't too shy to point this out to him.  What a cunt.

I actually did point to it. I didn't say anything. Not because I'm shy, there was just nothing to be said.

Replies From View

Quote from: Jockice on January 16, 2020, 12:37:35 PM
I actually did point to it. I didn't say anything. Not because I'm shy, there was just nothing to be said.

I'm surprised that the sign had the word "cunt" already attached.

Dex Sawash

The shop bog door opens into my work area. Standard procedure is leave door wide open when not in use but sometimes it gets pushed closed while it's idle due to stench or other reasons.
We don't have any man's highest level of development, the quiet gentle knob tester. Most are knockers. Brandon is incredible though. If the door is shut he will wander around trying to account for all 6 employees to determine if MAYBE the toilet is not in use and the door is just closed. If anyone is unaccounted for he then asks after that person. Brandon also has an inability to focus a line of questioning toward an end result so it bog is shut and John is unseen he will ask "has anyone seen John". Eventually Brandon will do a limp one-knuckle knock maybe with a quiet "hullo" he'll repeat this a few times and then open the door because nobody was in there.

holyzombiejesus

An aside. I got home from work early today (4pm) and I'd been the last to leave the house at 8am. I ran upstairs because I'd eaten two large oranges and needed the toilet and when I sat down, THE SEAT WAS WARM. The only living thing to be in the house between 8 and 4 was our cat and he has a cat flap.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Dex Sawash on January 16, 2020, 10:39:58 PM
The shop bog door opens into my work area. Standard procedure is leave door wide open when not in use but sometimes it gets pushed closed while it's idle due to stench or other reasons.
We don't have any man's highest level of development, the quiet gentle knob tester. Most are knockers. Brandon is incredible though. If the door is shut he will wander around trying to account for all 6 employees to determine if MAYBE the toilet is not in use and the door is just closed. If anyone is unaccounted for he then asks after that person. Brandon also has an inability to focus a line of questioning toward an end result so it bog is shut and John is unseen he will ask "has anyone seen John". Eventually Brandon will do a limp one-knuckle knock maybe with a quiet "hullo" he'll repeat this a few times and then open the door because nobody was in there.

I do hope at least one person is just closing the door occasionally to keep up the charade.

I read, on a Celtic fan website of this exact scenario at Pittodrie, home of Aberdeen FC.

Three cokehead cunts annoying a shitting gent in a cubicle.

After he had butted the first cunt and kicked the second in the balls, the third one ran away.

From an eye witness, so not a boast.

DrGreggles

"LET ME WANK IN PEACE!
Hang on, what are you wearing?"

Captain Z

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on January 16, 2020, 11:15:00 PM
An aside. I got home from work early today (4pm) and I'd been the last to leave the house at 8am. I ran upstairs because I'd eaten two large oranges and needed the toilet and when I sat down, THE SEAT WAS WARM. The only living thing to be in the house between 8 and 4 was our cat and he has a cat flap.

Ooh this is interesting. Please keep us up to date if it happens again.

pancreas

It's fairly clear that madhair has been breaking into his house and doing himself a slice of guerrilla shitting.


Buelligan

His arse was clearly chilled.  Or a shy ghost with a big hot butt lives in his house.  I think it's the first one but am happy to be proved incorrect.


Cloud

One of my friends is disabled and not gonna lie, things boil my piss on his behalf.  One being the ubiquitous usage of the disabled loo as a storage cupboard.  The other being cases like on the train a few months ago.... it takes him a bit of time due to his condition to transfer, undo everything, get into position and what have you.  I tend to be on standby by the door for the odd occasion a hand is needed.  Well it's a train full of pissheads and the only toilet.  So they start reaching past me and banging on the door, "hurry up mate what you doing in there?", I try to say it's my friend and it might take him a few minutes so maybe they should try the other carriage (I don't like to spell things out, dunno why it seems sort of rude to have to be all "he's in a wheelchair" to people all the time) but they just kept pestering and "you having a fucking wank mate?! Jesus christ"

They were embarrassed when he came out though.  Good, hope they wanted the ground to open up.  Just don't bang on bog doors, you don't know what's going on or what needs someone has.  One indication that you're waiting will suffice in case someone is messing with their phone but honestly most people just want out of public loos asap.

Marner and Me

Right 5 people are in my immediate family. Mum, Dad, Sister, German Sister.

German Sister permanently resides in Germany. So that is four family members in the house at most at one time.

On the odd occasion I bother coming home, my dad will have come up the stairs, leaving my mum down stairs, leaves 3 people, one of which is himself.

Usually Sister is out, leaving two people. Including himself.

I'll be sat on the bastard toilet and a bang on the door with a loud, who's in there? Worst case, the house has a downstairs toilet. 

Clownbaby

I'm sick of people coming out of toilets warning me that the flush doesn't work. I ignore them and go in anyway because sure enough, the flush works. Crap public toilet flushes usually need a few pumps to get a water stream going, everyone knows that. Actually no-one seems to, apparently

H-O-W-L

As someone with lifelong bumgut issues the amount of cunts who bang on train toilet doors is unbelievable. Had one elderly cunt go "Oh, doing your makeup, was you?" on the way out so I, drunken, snapped back to him "No, I was shitting blood because my colon's broken, mate." and he went very red.

H-O-W-L

Because I had shat blood all over his face too.