Author Topic: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020  (Read 16668 times)

pancreas

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Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« on: January 29, 2020, 11:27:13 AM »
Standing on a balcony. Attracting attention of someone below so they look up. Then vomiting into their open mouth.

Paul Calf

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2020, 12:12:29 PM »
Shouting at the bloke who sits opposite me “You are uniquely fucking ugly aren’t you? I KNOW YOU SPEND HOURS AND HOURS IN THE GYM BUT YOU CAN’T POLISH A TURD.”

He’s a really nice bloke too.

Standing on a balcony. Attracting attention of someone below so they look up. Then vomiting into their open mouth.

I am incapable of vomiting except under very exceptional circumstances, or this would definitely be a thing.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2020, 12:33:44 PM »
I am incapable of vomiting except under very exceptional circumstances

Prince Phillip considers rewrite

Gregory Torso

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2020, 12:47:25 PM »
pick the little plastic mat out of the pub urinal and present it to the large man pissing next to you whilst saying "here's your award for being the biggest cunt in the pub toilets"

Dewt

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2020, 01:51:33 PM »
Cut off one of your nipples in a job interview

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2020, 04:12:16 PM »
Punt a baby like a rugby ball.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2020, 09:08:00 PM »
handbrake turn at 100 mph into one of those sex shops off the A1

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2020, 10:04:40 PM »
Whilst standing on a busy train or bus suddenly start turning your trousers up at the ankles, and then keep going so that little by little your trouser legs are entirely rolled up to the top, and I don’t know for sure what it would look like but I imagine it would be as if you were wearing big inflatable arm bands instead of trousers.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #8 on: January 30, 2020, 12:19:22 PM »
Often get the one of wanting to post things I need like my watch, keys or pen into letter boxes or throw them into a river.  Those needlessly springy bridges they build over motorways always want me to test whether they’ll break under excessive jumping and if they don’t, whether jumping off the bridge onto the motorway will cause gravity to kick in.

I don’t act on any of these impulses, obviously.  I wouldn’t want to make anyone late for work.

pancreas

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #9 on: January 30, 2020, 12:21:43 PM »
I'm sure they would understand. Throw yourself into the road, darling. You haven't got a chance.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #10 on: January 30, 2020, 12:23:40 PM »
Whilst standing on a busy train or bus suddenly start turning your trousers up at the ankles, and then keep going so that little by little your trouser legs are entirely rolled up to the top, and I don’t know for sure what it would look like but I imagine it would be as if you were wearing big inflatable arm bands instead of trousers.
My friend used to do this under his desk in Year 9 History lessons[1]. Laughed my head off at that.
 1. we were students he wasn't the teacher hohoho

Golden E. Pump

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2020, 10:45:16 PM »
Posting something in this thread that's not witty and/or charming.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2020, 10:49:02 PM »
farting on a boner

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #13 on: January 30, 2020, 11:59:05 PM »
mushy peas in a soda stream

Cerys

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2020, 01:03:25 AM »
Smashing my engagement ring with a hammer.  Since I love both my husband and the ring itself, this would be a bloody silly thing to do.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #15 on: January 31, 2020, 01:30:39 AM »
Screaming "FUCK OFF!" really long and loud during assembly in school, right just as it quietened down before the Lord's Prayer.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #16 on: January 31, 2020, 07:50:04 AM »
Prince Phillip considers rewrite
This woulda been a great little addition to the rewrite family of jokes if you had got the name right.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #17 on: January 31, 2020, 08:56:58 AM »
But maybe Andrew is Philip.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #18 on: January 31, 2020, 11:01:30 AM »
I often think of taking things back to shops that I want to keep (especially gifts) and getting with the refund something that I already have and don’t need.

Or when people ask me what I want for my birthday/Christmas, I get an urge to say I would absolutely love something I have no interest in.  So that they buy it, expect me to be full of joy, and I would of course give them that impression, but I would be sad inside and probably put the present straight in the charity shop or bin afterwards.

Chollis

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #19 on: January 31, 2020, 11:04:18 AM »
Screaming "FUCK OFF!" really long and loud during assembly in school, right just as it quietened down before the Lord's Prayer.

yes!

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #20 on: January 31, 2020, 12:46:16 PM »
This woulda been a great little addition to the rewrite family of jokes if you had got the name right.

My lack of knowledge or interest in a family of gilded leeches ruins yet another perfectly serviceable joke. Bollocks.

Cuellar

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #21 on: January 31, 2020, 04:54:09 PM »
When driving along at speed I often get the urge to just plough headlong into oncoming traffic (central reservation if on motorway/dual carriageway) or into the ditch by the side of the road or a tree.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #22 on: January 31, 2020, 08:14:35 PM »
Similarly, when I see a group of policemen I get the urge to stride up to one of them and push them.

It’s a question of what’s the smallest action that could have the biggest consequence on my entire life.  Shove a policeman, and see how it impacts upon the rest of the weekend and beyond.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #23 on: January 31, 2020, 08:16:13 PM »
Voting Leave fits into this.

Millions of people had that intrusive thought.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #24 on: January 31, 2020, 08:16:37 PM »
Similarly, when I see a group of policemen I get the urge to stride up to one of them and push them.

It’s a question of what’s the smallest action that could have the biggest consequence on my entire life.  Shove a policeman, and see how it impacts upon the rest of the weekend and beyond.

That's a one star offence, you need to keep going until you're up to 4.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #25 on: January 31, 2020, 08:30:26 PM »
That's a one star offence, you need to keep going until you're up to 4.

It needs to be a single small action though.  Choosing to turn a steering wheel towards pedestrians or traffic is certainly a better one; can you think of others?

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #26 on: January 31, 2020, 08:58:48 PM »
It needs to be a single small action though.  Choosing to turn a steering wheel towards pedestrians or traffic is certainly a better one; can you think of others?

Yes you build up your wanted level by continuing to evade the police and committing more offences as you try to get away. Christ have you never played GTA?

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #27 on: January 31, 2020, 09:03:46 PM »
pooing in the bath while having a shower

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #28 on: January 31, 2020, 09:09:45 PM »
Yes you build up your wanted level by continuing to evade the police and committing more offences as you try to get away. Christ have you never played GTA?

You don’t necessarily need to commit more offences, just the length of time spent evading the rozzers will up your stars

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #29 on: January 31, 2020, 09:14:00 PM »
in carmageddon you can just get the The Plow or The Suppressor and total any cops in a few hits

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