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Peter’s mad thoughts 2020

Started by pancreas, January 29, 2020, 11:27:13 AM

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Icehaven

I tripped over an abandoned basket in Iceland last week, and after I'd got up and limped away I had a huge urge to turn back, grab the offending basket and smash it through every freezer lid in the shop. I should actually have done it as the security guard wouldn't have stopped me because of social distancing, so a missed opportunity there.

Ferris

Quote from: icehaven on April 04, 2020, 11:21:36 AM
I tripped over an abandoned basket in Iceland last week, and after I'd got up and limped away I had a huge urge to turn back, grab the offending basket and smash it through every freezer lid in the shop. I should actually have done it as the security guard wouldn't have stopped me because of social distancing, so a missed opportunity there.

Get Free Groceries With This One Weird Corona Trick! Security Guards HATE It!

grassbath

Down on hands and knees with the hoover tube sucking up dust. Cor the tube sucks up a lot of stuff doesn't it? Look at it suck the curtain WHCCCHHHH and it feels funny if I put it on the palm of my hand like this WHHHHCCHHH. Imagine if I put it on my eyeball? Go on do it do it put the circular end of a rapidly and powerfully sucking hoover tube right in your eye socket.

Dewt

I wonder what else that hoover could do with its mouth

grassbath

With the brush attached it is marvellous for nooks and crannies and other hard-to-reach areas.

I had a very brief, strong urge to invite everybody on my friends list on FB to join a particularly esoteric 'Men Only' group that I belong to. I even held the pointer over the 'Invite Friends' button for a few seconds.

PlanktonSideburns

more details about your paedophile fb group pls

non capisco


weekender

Genuinely thinking about going on a video conferencing call with nothing on below the waist down.

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Drop Dead Fred on April 15, 2020, 09:36:24 AM
I had a very brief, strong urge to invite everybody on my friends list on FB to join a particularly esoteric 'Men Only' group that I belong to. I even held the pointer over the 'Invite Friends' button for a few seconds.

Serriously Wat is group

Berthas Fat Leg

When making tea/coffee for colleagues in my last job -people I liked and got on well with - I nearly always wanted to hurl the hot beverage in their face and yell have some of that, ya fucker! Then watch their stunned reaction, followed by immediate agony as their skin began to blister horribly.

The Bumlord

Quote from: weekender on April 23, 2020, 06:17:02 PM
Genuinely thinking about going on a video conferencing call with nothing on below the waist down.

Doesn't everyone do this?

Jerzy Bondov

Up in the spare room doing my work from home and I can hear my wife downstairs with the kids. The 3 year old has squashed his finger with a door stop and is complaining while the baby screams for milk. She's sounding increasingly frazzled. I should go and help but my brain is telling me to stand on the stairs and bellow WILL YOU SHUT THOSE FUCKING CHILDREN UP FOR FIVE MINUTES

buttgammon

A bald man was standing directly beneath my (fourth floor) balcony just as I was taking the washing in. The urge to drop all of the clothes pegs directly onto his head was so intense I had to go back inside until he'd gone.

Sony Walkman Prophecies

Keep meaning to leave purposefully obtuse comments on Youtube where I take things at face value, thus leading to pointless arguments where people patronise and correct me. "No Gary Numan. Friends can't be Electric. Think about it. Is your toaster your friend? Is your iron? Idiot!!!!"

Jerzy Bondov

Kids were watching Show Me Show Me this morning and now I have the song stuck in my head but I want to sing it with these lyrics: Show me show me, a spunking cock

Cerys

^ Heh :)

Because clipping fingernails is fiddly and my hands don't always work properly, my nails are rather long.  It's occurred to me that long nails could be very useful for keeping someone in one place.  Just hammer a few metal nails through them into a table, and the fingernail-owner would essentially have to pull out their own nails in order to escape.  Lovely.

Ambient Sheep

For some reason I now have a modified version of the ending of Jam's Doc Knee sketch going through my head:

"You're not right, you know."

"I know... <smiling beatifically>"

Cerys

Was that in response to me?  Or just a general observation?

Ambient Sheep

Oh yes, that was most definitely a reply to your previous post. :-)

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Sony Walkman Prophecies on May 05, 2020, 02:17:04 PM
Keep meaning to leave purposefully obtuse comments on Youtube where I take things at face value, thus leading to pointless arguments where people patronise and correct me. "No Gary Numan. Friends can't be Electric. Think about it. Is your toaster your friend? Is your iron? Idiot!!!!"

You are Andy Dawson

Dex Sawash

Really want to shitpost in the amusingly short "helpful links" sticky thread in corona forum.
Just going to shitpost here instead.

Custard

Walking past the neverending queue waiting outside the local Sainsbury's yesterday, and every inch of me wanting to scream "SAD BASTAAAARDS FUCK OFF" whilst flicking the v's

Maybe an added "EATEN ALL YER PASTA AVE YER" as I waddled off, clearly heading to do something better (queue outside Tesco)


PlanktonSideburns


Gregory Torso

these fucking GILLS



jeesus christ wanna suck em like a half-time orange

run my fingernails down them like the strings under a piano hood

display them like a spaghetti choir of worms, whats wrong with me

urgh everything inside me itches looking at this disgusting filth

but i want to stick my tongue in there and feel my brain just break

bgmnts

Holy shit that is fascinating.

PlanktonSideburns

is that what gills look like under the flap?

amazing. i feel all of the same things grego

Fr.Bigley

Of all the Dog breeds there are, The Bichon Frise looks the most flammable.

Replies From View

Quote from: Sony Walkman Prophecies on May 05, 2020, 02:17:04 PM
Keep meaning to leave purposefully obtuse comments on Youtube where I take things at face value, thus leading to pointless arguments

Haha imagine doing this in the politics threads in CaB!!!