Author Topic: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020  (Read 16442 times)

icehaven

  • Please don't hi five people in Tamworth
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #120 on: April 04, 2020, 11:21:36 AM »
I tripped over an abandoned basket in Iceland last week, and after I'd got up and limped away I had a huge urge to turn back, grab the offending basket and smash it through every freezer lid in the shop. I should actually have done it as the security guard wouldn't have stopped me because of social distancing, so a missed opportunity there.

FerriswheelBueller

  • CaB rear of the year 2020
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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #121 on: April 04, 2020, 03:00:52 PM »
I tripped over an abandoned basket in Iceland last week, and after I'd got up and limped away I had a huge urge to turn back, grab the offending basket and smash it through every freezer lid in the shop. I should actually have done it as the security guard wouldn't have stopped me because of social distancing, so a missed opportunity there.

Get Free Groceries With This One Weird Corona Trick! Security Guards HATE It!

grassbath

  • I suppose I'm glad I'm on this train
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #122 on: April 13, 2020, 10:58:33 PM »
Down on hands and knees with the hoover tube sucking up dust. Cor the tube sucks up a lot of stuff doesn't it? Look at it suck the curtain WHCCCHHHH and it feels funny if I put it on the palm of my hand like this WHHHHCCHHH. Imagine if I put it on my eyeball? Go on do it do it put the circular end of a rapidly and powerfully sucking hoover tube right in your eye socket.

Dewt

  • The Fun House Grand Prix
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #123 on: April 13, 2020, 11:03:57 PM »
I wonder what else that hoover could do with its mouth

grassbath

  • I suppose I'm glad I'm on this train
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #124 on: April 14, 2020, 09:30:31 AM »
With the brush attached it is marvellous for nooks and crannies and other hard-to-reach areas.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #125 on: April 15, 2020, 09:36:24 AM »
I had a very brief, strong urge to invite everybody on my friends list on FB to join a particularly esoteric 'Men Only' group that I belong to. I even held the pointer over the 'Invite Friends' button for a few seconds.

PlanktonSideburns

  • time takes its toll, but not on the eel dicks
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #126 on: April 16, 2020, 01:58:51 PM »
more details about your paedophile fb group pls

non capisco

  • Burning with optimism's flames
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #127 on: April 23, 2020, 03:52:05 PM »
EDIT: Ehhh, maybe best not.

weekender

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #128 on: April 23, 2020, 06:17:02 PM »
Genuinely thinking about going on a video conferencing call with nothing on below the waist down.

PlanktonSideburns

  • time takes its toll, but not on the eel dicks
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #129 on: April 23, 2020, 06:56:40 PM »
I had a very brief, strong urge to invite everybody on my friends list on FB to join a particularly esoteric 'Men Only' group that I belong to. I even held the pointer over the 'Invite Friends' button for a few seconds.

Serriously Wat is group

Berthas Fat Leg

  • Broken Hearts Are For Assholes
Re: Peter%u2019s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #130 on: April 26, 2020, 05:18:25 PM »
When making tea/coffee for colleagues in my last job -people I liked and got on well with - I nearly always wanted to hurl the hot beverage in their face and yell have some of that, ya fucker! Then watch their stunned reaction, followed by immediate agony as their skin began to blister horribly.

Utterdrivel

  • I've finished, Mother
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #131 on: April 26, 2020, 09:06:49 PM »
Genuinely thinking about going on a video conferencing call with nothing on below the waist down.

Doesn't everyone do this?

Jerzy Bondov

  • best not bother
    • righto so ive got five minutes off work and uh yeah im gonna have a cheeky volvic
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #132 on: April 27, 2020, 04:45:10 PM »
Up in the spare room doing my work from home and I can hear my wife downstairs with the kids. The 3 year old has squashed his finger with a door stop and is complaining while the baby screams for milk. She's sounding increasingly frazzled. I should go and help but my brain is telling me to stand on the stairs and bellow WILL YOU SHUT THOSE FUCKING CHILDREN UP FOR FIVE MINUTES

buttgammon

  • How thick is wall?
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #133 on: April 28, 2020, 10:05:19 PM »
A bald man was standing directly beneath my (fourth floor) balcony just as I was taking the washing in. The urge to drop all of the clothes pegs directly onto his head was so intense I had to go back inside until he'd gone.

Sony Walkman Prophecies

  • You're alright you.
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #134 on: May 05, 2020, 02:17:04 PM »
Keep meaning to leave purposefully obtuse comments on Youtube where I take things at face value, thus leading to pointless arguments where people patronise and correct me. "No Gary Numan. Friends can't be Electric. Think about it. Is your toaster your friend? Is your iron? Idiot!!!!"

Jerzy Bondov

  • best not bother
    • righto so ive got five minutes off work and uh yeah im gonna have a cheeky volvic
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #135 on: May 07, 2020, 08:44:01 AM »
Kids were watching Show Me Show Me this morning and now I have the song stuck in my head but I want to sing it with these lyrics: Show me show me, a spunking cock

Cerys

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #136 on: May 13, 2020, 12:30:56 PM »
^ Heh :)

Because clipping fingernails is fiddly and my hands don't always work properly, my nails are rather long.  It's occurred to me that long nails could be very useful for keeping someone in one place.  Just hammer a few metal nails through them into a table, and the fingernail-owner would essentially have to pull out their own nails in order to escape.  Lovely.

Ambient Sheep

  • Please help me, I'm lost. I don't know what to do.
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #137 on: May 13, 2020, 03:42:40 PM »
For some reason I now have a modified version of the ending of Jam's Doc Knee sketch going through my head:

"You're not right, you know."

"I know... <smiling beatifically>"

Cerys

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #138 on: May 13, 2020, 04:50:29 PM »
Was that in response to me?  Or just a general observation?

Ambient Sheep

  • Please help me, I'm lost. I don't know what to do.
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #139 on: May 13, 2020, 07:13:30 PM »
Oh yes, that was most definitely a reply to your previous post. :-)

PlanktonSideburns

  • time takes its toll, but not on the eel dicks
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #140 on: May 13, 2020, 11:01:07 PM »
Keep meaning to leave purposefully obtuse comments on Youtube where I take things at face value, thus leading to pointless arguments where people patronise and correct me. "No Gary Numan. Friends can't be Electric. Think about it. Is your toaster your friend? Is your iron? Idiot!!!!"

You are Andy Dawson

Dex Sawash

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #141 on: May 20, 2020, 12:15:17 PM »
Really want to shitpost in the amusingly short "helpful links" sticky thread in corona forum.
Just going to shitpost here instead.

Shameless Custard

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #142 on: May 24, 2020, 11:54:29 AM »
Walking past the neverending queue waiting outside the local Sainsbury's yesterday, and every inch of me wanting to scream "SAD BASTAAAARDS FUCK OFF" whilst flicking the v's

Maybe an added "EATEN ALL YER PASTA AVE YER" as I waddled off, clearly heading to do something better (queue outside Tesco)

Utterdrivel

  • I've finished, Mother
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #143 on: May 24, 2020, 01:46:13 PM »
You are Andy Dawson

That is a low blow. Oof.

PlanktonSideburns

  • time takes its toll, but not on the eel dicks
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #144 on: May 24, 2020, 04:21:25 PM »
Yea that was a bit much soz


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