Peter’s mad thoughts 2020

[checkoutgirl]

" I HAVE NOT CHANGED MY OPINION ON GEOFF COWBOY"

Inordinately pleased by this sentence for some reason.

[famethrowa]

Inordinately pleased by this sentence for some reason.

I'm just not sure if he did anything that would change one's opinion?

[Icehaven]

Poured half a bottle of highly corrosive sink unblocker down the plughole the other day, then stood there trying very hard not to drink the rest of it.

Edit; I've just realised that makes me sound like Sylvia Plath. I'm not suicidal or anything, it was very much a mad thought of wanting to do the last, stupidest thing you should do with a bottle covered in hazard warnings.

[Hand Solo]

Poured half a bottle of highly corrosive sink unblocker down the plughole the other day, then stood there trying very hard not to drink the rest of it.

Edit; I've just realised that makes me sound like Sylvia Plath.

A Psycho Plath.

[Custard]

To be fair, they shouldn't make the stuff look so delicious

Just the other day I wanted to bite into a Persil non-bio gel tablet, as it looked like it'd taste all minty and fresh. It wouldn't, would it

[PlanktonSideburns]

you would die

[pancreas]

From a persil? You might be sick, at worst.

At best, you might foam at the anus.

[Tony Tony Tony]

The thought of biting into one of those laundry pouches and having sweet juice exploding into one's mouth is almost irresistible.

[buttgammon]

They have those TV ads warning people to keep liquitabs away from children, lest they bite in to them. Yeah, right. Who hasn't wanted to bite into one when putting a wash on? Here's a thought: if you don't want people trying to eat them, don't make them look like especially delicious sweets.

[Hand Solo]

They used to wash kids mouth out with soap, is that not allowed anymore?

No wonder they're such foul mouthed little cunts these days.

[Artie Fufkin]

At funerals I've been struck by the Mad Thought of saying 'he really was a twat, wasn't he?' instead of offering condolences, especially if I didn't actually know the deceased.

My manager died a while back. At the funeral, I really had to stop myself from going up to his wife and saying "Jeez, I spent more time with him than people I actually like", thinking it would be hilarious and break the ice.
I didn't, of course.
He was a massive cunt, however.

[Icehaven]

I was walking to work this morning and at the top of a steep-ish hill that was virtually deserted there was an abandoned shopping trolley, which I deeply wanted to get in and ride down (and fall out and crack my skull). 

[Hand Solo]

I was walking to work this morning and at the top of a steep-ish hill that was virtually deserted there was an abandoned shopping trolley, which I deeply wanted to get in and ride down (and fall out and crack my skull).

"I'm Nonny Jocksville, and this is 'Getting In A Deserted Shopping Trolley And Riding It Down A Steep-ish Hill And Falling Out And Cracking My Skull', welcome to Jackass!"

[idunnosomename]

getting a bag of monster munch, ripping it open, and smushing it all over my genitals

[Hand Solo]

eating smashed monster munch off someone's genitals

[falafel]

watching someone eat sm

[Artie Fufkin]

Soggy Monster Munch

[Custard]

Whilst using a blender earlier (one of those Ninja things) to blend food for someone I support (they have choking issues), everything in me wanted to grab the finished slop and lob it all up the wall. Then blend both my hands

[sirhenry]

Every time I use a pressure cooker I think "I wonder what would happen if I took the top off when it's under pressure?" The imagined disaster scares me so much that I never use the weight to give it maximum pressure any more.

Turns out it just goes 'Whum' and fires the lid across the room in a cloud of super-heated steam.

[Hand Solo]

Every time I use a pressure cooker I think "I wonder what would happen if I took the top off when it's under pressure?" The imagined disaster scares me so much that I never use the weight to give it maximum pressure any more.

My mum used to leave one with the hob turned up max then promptly fall asleep in the lounge, I kept getting the fear that I'd walk in the kitchen unknowingly and it would explode in my face. Even when I use one now it seems to take forever for it to reach the pressure to push the weight up and I get too scared it might not work and explode in my face so I just end up turning the hob off and running away until it cools.

[imitationleather]

What would be the massive problem with having your face blown off anyway?

[Hand Solo]

What would be the massive problem with having your face blown off anyway?

Not much now I suppose since we have self-service checkouts.

[Paul Calf]

It'd be a bit tricky to unlock your iPhone.

[Hand Solo]

It'd be a bit tricky to unlock your iPhone.

Be handy on Halloween, though.

[sirhenry]

What would be the massive problem with having your face blown off anyway?

Not nearly as much as I had expected.

Probably the most annoying aspect is that I can't even feel sorry for myself as the guy before me at the burns clinic had had third degree burns over 43% of his body a few months ago and had been put in a coma for a few weeks while healing. Because his burns were so extensive he had to have someone else's skin grafted, so Friday was the day he was finally having the 'cadaver skin' removed. I felt like a fucking amateur.

But it has accelerated my acceptance into the CaB cabal by taking a couple of inches off my hairline.

And I'm really shiny.

[SteveDave]

Imagine joining the Mile High Club on 9/11

[turnstyle]

Whenever I'm out and about and see some police on the beat, I always have this urge to yell 'SHIT, IT'S THE ROZZERS' and fucking leg it past them, just to see what would happen.

[spaghetamine]

yesterday while walking across a bridge I was seized with an intense urge to fling my keys into the river

[Sin Agog]

Marty McFly takes to the stage at his mum and dad's prom, but instead of breaking out into Johnny B Goode he starts playing My Ding-a-Ling, and when the audience stares at him with mouths agape, he tells them they just aren't ready for this kind of futuristic music yet.

[Hand Solo]

yesterday while walking across a bridge I was seized with an intense urge to fling my keys into the river

I get this, except with my phone, and sometimes myself.