Author Topic: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020  (Read 38385 times)

Shameless Custard

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #210 on: November 25, 2020, 05:58:56 PM »
In CEX a few weeks back, thinking how great it'd be to be to mince down the aisle with my hands out, knocking all the used dvds to the ground

Paul Calf

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #211 on: November 25, 2020, 06:05:12 PM »
yesterday while walking across a bridge I was seized with an intense urge to fling my keys into the river
I get this, except with my phone, and sometimes myself.

I used to get this all the time. I used to play the trombone and on Saturdays I’d go to orchestra practice. On the walk home through York, I’d get the urge to throw it off Skeldergate Bridge. It sometimes felt as though I was physically restraining myself from doing it.

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #212 on: November 25, 2020, 11:11:52 PM »
Used to consider jumping in front of a car to avoid exams.

Later, work.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #213 on: November 25, 2020, 11:15:03 PM »
i wish i didnt live on the second floor because i think of whether I could jump out and do some sort of cushioned roll to survive all the time

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #214 on: November 25, 2020, 11:17:27 PM »
i wish i didnt live on the second floor because i think of whether I could jump out and do some sort of cushioned roll to survive all the time

I live on the fourth floor with the access lane separating me from a little grass park and I wonder if I could clear the lane maybe I'd be able to land safely on the grass.

I imagine not.

buttgammon

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #215 on: November 26, 2020, 12:38:02 AM »
I live on the fourth floor with the access lane separating me from a little grass park and I wonder if I could clear the lane maybe I'd be able to land safely on the grass.

I imagine not.

I also live on the fourth floor and try to minimise the time I spend on the balcony because of this.

Paul Calf

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #216 on: November 26, 2020, 02:06:20 AM »
Used to consider jumping in front of a car to avoid exams.

Later, work.

Yeah, me too. I used to think seriously about how I could injure myself enough to give me a reason not to go in.

Dex Sawash

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #217 on: November 26, 2020, 11:52:54 AM »

Always recon hotel pools for jumping in spots, scalable breeze block, upper floor walkways, etc.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #218 on: November 26, 2020, 12:36:46 PM »
Only ever jumped out of a second story and that was into deep snow

icehaven

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #219 on: November 26, 2020, 12:40:01 PM »
yesterday while walking across a bridge I was seized with an intense urge to fling my keys into the river

I get this, except with my phone, and sometimes myself.

If I walk past a drain and I have my phone in my hand I want to slot it straight down there, headphones and all.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #220 on: November 26, 2020, 12:55:03 PM »
Splashed a few drops of water down my trousers whilst washing my hands just now. Made it look like I'd got piss on me during the shake. Had to fight a massive urge to just open the tap and just utterly soak myself and march back to the office and declare "look how wet my trousers are, there's no way anyone could piss themselves this badly".

icehaven

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #221 on: November 26, 2020, 01:35:01 PM »
"look how wet my trousers are, there's no way anyone could piss themselves this badly, so imagine how much help I had".

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #222 on: November 26, 2020, 03:03:26 PM »
Yeah, me too. I used to think seriously about how I could injure myself enough to give me a reason not to go in.

It reminds me a bit of one of the Modern Toss cartoons that is someone asking their boss 'if I shit myself can I go home?'.

Are you willing to debase yourself that much to leave a horrid environment?

Berthas Fat Leg

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #223 on: November 28, 2020, 11:29:49 AM »
Once when was driving home, I saw a colleague I didnt really like. Summoned all the willpower in the world just to not veer onto the kerb, mow him down at full speed and drive off.

Sometimes want to yell 'you stupid fucking bastards!' at the top of me voice in the queue at Aldi.

Fr.Bigley

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #224 on: November 28, 2020, 02:58:41 PM »

Sometimes want to yell 'you stupid fucking bastards!' at the top of me voice in the queue at Aldi.

I have a friend who used to proudly go to supermarkets with his missus and let out rip roaring farts in queues just to get a reaction. Needless to say, the marriage didn't last.

Shameless Custard

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #225 on: November 29, 2020, 10:58:51 AM »
He sounds great, TBF

I once honked in IKEA, and Mrs Custard still moans about it, years later

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #226 on: November 29, 2020, 02:32:26 PM »
A moment that has stuck with me was I once farted when a mate was driving and he let out a pathetic yelp and swerved when it hit his nostrils.

Up there with the time I sat on the sofa the morning after spending all day in the pub, and my then housemate's collie dropped her head in my lap for attention and I let off an silent killer, that resulted in her looking up at me in disgust and wandering off. She used to roll in fox shit.

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #227 on: November 29, 2020, 03:38:26 PM »
Was smoking a spliff out my french window, which overlooks a small park and had a massive urge to shout "OI MATE!" at the guy sat on the picnic table below.

GoblinAhFuckScary

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #228 on: November 29, 2020, 11:29:56 PM »
I live on a high street and thought to throw the now mouldy pumpkin into the road from the top of my third floor flat.

I also actually did this.

gardyloo

icehaven

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #229 on: November 30, 2020, 05:42:24 AM »
I live on a high street and thought to throw the now mouldy pumpkin into the road from the top of my third floor flat.

I also actually did this.


I did exactly this too.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #230 on: November 30, 2020, 06:06:33 AM »
I live on a high street and thought to throw the now mouldy pumpkin into the road from the top of my third floor flat.

I also actually did this.

gardyloo

I did this too. It was my main reason for getting it to be honest. Stayed up late so as not to be seen and flung it from the 4th floor.

icehaven

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #231 on: November 30, 2020, 08:03:21 AM »
The best bit about mine was that a few months ago a car crashed into the wall outside and half knocked it down, and when we threw the pumpkin it landed right in the middle of the debris so it looked like that was what broke the wall.

icehaven

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #232 on: December 02, 2020, 11:33:12 AM »
I just had my British Citizenship ceremony, and at the end you all go up to the front one by one and they give you your certificate and everyone applauds. I've been waiting 6 months for it and really need it as it's my proof of the right to work in the UK and I need it to get a British passport, so naturally as soon as they handed it to me and everyone was clapping I wanted to turn around, smile beatifically and rip it to pieces.

Shameless Custard

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #233 on: December 03, 2020, 10:20:18 AM »
And also slap away any and all attempts to shake your hand or congratulate you

Spitting. Maybe a bit of spitting too

Artie Fufkin

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #234 on: December 04, 2020, 01:01:40 PM »
Anytime 2 ladies walk by I have started to get the urge to shout "Morning, Lezzers!"

icehaven

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #235 on: December 22, 2020, 10:05:13 PM »
My Mum is the last surviving sibling of four, and at every family gathering now I have to supress the urge to say "I won the Mums".

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #236 on: January 02, 2021, 10:50:50 AM »
I want to eat the fuzzy black gristle out of my extractor fan, get a pair of eggshell-black fibreglass Marunao chopsticks and a stepladder and tweezer it out like a gnarly, furry Nik Nak.
You know how iron filings cluster on a magnet in science, and you want to trough your face into the bristly writhing mess of it.
Like that.

Or the nugs of chest hair that build up in the teeth of your body comb, yeah? And the bin is all the way on the other side of the room and you think, well if cats can deal with it surely I can.

You know a stone that's been weathered into a perfectly smooth egg of quartz and sits in your hand with the weight of all guffing nature's designs enscrawled across its prow and flanks, and you know if you just popped it into your mouth it would be so cold and heavy and real, like going to church when you were a kid and sitting there in the creaking, musty, ultra-varnished old pews, trying to feel this weightless power that you knew wasn't really there but you wanted so badly to feel protected by something in your life.
Sucking stones, faith.
Smell of deteriorating prayer books.
You could duck down under the hymn shelf and what if you had a little taste of one of the rotting dusty hassocks, just bit into one like it was a big parish mallow, the cheap fabric squeaking on your teeth, your tongue pushing through a small hole bored by moth and into the slightly rotten foam innards.

And of course, with the stone in your mouth, the usual desire to bite down as hard as possible, to fuck teeth and shrapnel enamel, hot ferric blood sauce. One socket with little roots hanging down like jellyfish legs. Want to smash my teeth out and swallow them eat a butterfly chrysalis feel pinched nerves shrieking together like hungry baby birds something real some weightless power that means any of this matters

jenna appleseed

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #237 on: January 09, 2021, 02:43:18 AM »
This might belong better in here than in the on topic thread

was chatting shit with one of support workers about the invasion of Congress, (I may have turned them woke, yay)
ended up describing Trump as 'not even a real fascist, he's just fash for cash' while instantly thinking and having to not blurt out old jokes about '"being gay for pay/bent for rent" (some ancient internet silliness about Henry Rollins iirc).

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #238 on: January 11, 2021, 09:31:46 PM »
thought about walking past my housemate while he was making dinner and telling him it looked fucking shit

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