Author Topic: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020  (Read 31475 times)

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #90 on: February 21, 2020, 03:14:22 PM »
Oh god, I get the urge to try to climb in people's back seats and hide when they are filling up at the petrol station. Just because I think I can, it seems to be a good enough reason. I have no idea what I would do if successful.

I'm struggling to think what I'd do as well. Alarmingly, the only thing that springs to mind is to strangle the driver from behind with a rope, like they do in films and what-not.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #91 on: February 21, 2020, 03:30:34 PM »
It's interesting how Peter's mad thoughts exist as a catalyst to non-mad thoughts that would follow.

We imagine ourselves doing this one mad thing, and then coping with the aftermath within a non-mad mindset.

I think that's part of the appeal of these.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #92 on: February 21, 2020, 05:39:29 PM »
Don't think this is quite a mad thought, but I've wanted to finish a lot of emails recently with "Those are the headlines. God, I wish they weren't.".

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #93 on: February 21, 2020, 06:11:50 PM »
“Hiya mate, made a miscalculation here, I’ll get out now, thanks again”

Ideally I'd have joke shop vampire teeth and once they got moving I'd sit bolt upright and go "HaHaaaaaaaa!!"

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #94 on: February 23, 2020, 02:00:10 PM »
There's an older manager at work, and for some reason I have developed an obsession with wanting to put my finger in her arse just to see how she would react.

There's no sexual reason behind this, I don't like/dislike her in any way, the thought just sort of popped into my head one day mid-conversation and I've never been able to shake it since.

It's literally a factual thing, I imagine us having conversations along the lines of:

"Yes, well I appreciate that the resourcing issue can be a challenge, but how do you feel about the fact that I'm fingering your arsehole?"

or

"Yes, well, it is a difficult project but take your clothes off, get on all fours and shove your arse up in the air so I can put my finger in it"

or

"When we first met, did you ever anticipate the scenario where my finger would be in your arse?"

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #95 on: February 23, 2020, 11:13:13 PM »
I was at the urinals in an airport arrivals hall this morning. Packed with lads letting out their bottle up lager piss. There was a hot piss haze in the air and it made me mad.

I wanted to yell „oh god, I can’t control it ! I cannot control my cock !“ and then just lose control and start spraying my piss everywhere.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #96 on: February 25, 2020, 06:32:06 AM »
I clocked a guy stepping away from the coffee shop counter in my building and opened up my body as he turned so to gesture I was giving way and he should go this way round me with his two coffees.

Once I'd done it I had a nearly irresistible urge to full on body splash him, scalding both our fronts. The lesson being you should never trust another road user's judgement.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #97 on: February 25, 2020, 06:53:56 PM »
I keep imagining a situation where I'm on my bicycle and overtake another cyclist, and then guff loudly which makes them irate to the point of giving chase.

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Re: Peter%u2019s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #98 on: February 26, 2020, 03:52:56 PM »
Just had an overwhelming urge to walk backwards while making crow noises in front of an already stressed mother as she slowly trudged up a hill with her pushchair.

I have actually been acting on some of these mad thoughts lately.  Nothing too mean like that.  I've mostly developed a sort of mild, impish tourette's in which I'll do things like squeak 'mama!' at Charles Atlas type musclemen as I cycle by them and make dinosaur sounds inside echoey public toilets.  It's almost out of my control at this point.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #99 on: February 27, 2020, 05:58:48 AM »
Just look at a baby and lick my lips and gently mutter "roast it"

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #100 on: February 28, 2020, 04:30:54 PM »
Sorry if this has already been mentioned but when eating a Dairy Lea dunker, obviously the bread sticks are not enough and I will finish them with a load of Dairy Lea dunk still left in its pot, so i am wont to dip my finger in and scoop it out and eat it like that but then... always... the urge to crunch my finger up like a breadstick, splinter that fucking bone with its Dairy Lea overcoat, clamp down and tear off every fucksake finger on my hand and its delicious synthetic cheese cargo

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #101 on: February 28, 2020, 11:08:06 PM »
Sorry if this has already been mentioned but when eating a Dairy Lea dunker, obviously the bread sticks are not enough and I will finish them with a load of Dairy Lea dunk still left in its pot, so i am wont to dip my finger in and scoop it out and eat it like that but then... always... the urge to crunch my finger up like a breadstick, splinter that fucking bone with its Dairy Lea overcoat, clamp down and tear off every fucksake finger on my hand and its delicious synthetic cheese cargo

that gave me the shivers

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #102 on: February 28, 2020, 11:09:25 PM »
horrible this one, says something bad about me

but whenever i see an old man alone at night i imagine mugging him, but instead of taking money, i force him to swallow his wedding ring

has me bellowing with laughter

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #103 on: February 29, 2020, 08:21:12 AM »
Or posting his service medals in the postbox

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #104 on: March 02, 2020, 08:04:06 AM »
Or up his arse

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #105 on: March 02, 2020, 12:35:35 PM »
Visited a friend's new place at the weekend and, during the customary tour, felt a massive, massive need to just use his shower. Clothes off, grab his shower gel and shampoo and get stuck right in.

Ironically, whilst that would be seen as unacceptable, me urinating into his toilet - twice as it happens - is apparently absolutely fine, if not encouraged.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #106 on: March 02, 2020, 12:38:15 PM »
Urinate in his shower next time.  That'll serve him right for daring to be hospitable.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #107 on: March 03, 2020, 06:47:08 PM »
After running that scenario through to perfection in your mind, imagine how thrown you'd be if his shower gel and shampoo ended up being one of those 2-in-1 jobbies.  Thrown, you'd be.  Wouldn't you.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #108 on: March 04, 2020, 09:31:38 PM »
Going up to a massive fuck-off brick shithouse hard-as-nails cunt in a boozer and volleying a load of riotous, barely sensical sexual accusations at him in front of his bird, just rabbiting non stop mad, sweaty, disgusting sexual mental images apropos of sweet F. A

YOU FUCK THE STREET DON'T YOU PAL.. THE POTHOLE FIEND YOU ARE. UBGG HNFG NNNG HUMP SHIT OUT OF ROAD YOU. YOU LICK BINS WITH YOUR COCK OUT YOU PEEL TANGERINES IN YOUR POCKET AT THE SCHOOL GATES ONLY THERE'S NO TANGERINE REALLY IS THERE MATE

Just seems inherently hilarious. Who knows, my chosen tattooed Stella-swigging lug might see the satirical angle I'm driving at?

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #109 on: March 05, 2020, 09:02:06 AM »
^ If you ever do, please let me know how it turns out because I get this urge also.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #110 on: March 08, 2020, 01:46:51 PM »
Those stretched earlobes blokes have. Grrg can barely resist just popping them open like a coke can

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #111 on: March 16, 2020, 04:08:46 PM »
Those stretched earlobes blokes have. Grrg can barely resist just popping them open like a coke can
Padlock them together, by their fucking ears.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #112 on: March 20, 2020, 05:36:07 PM »
Obvious mad thought but..

..to go up to someone on the street, nose running, puffy eyes, bad cough and go HARUGHHARUGHRRURRRHRHAGAAARRRRGHARUBRUGRAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH

Directly into their face.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #113 on: March 23, 2020, 12:29:39 AM »
Obvious mad thought but..

..to go up to someone on the street, nose running, puffy eyes, bad cough and go HARUGHHARUGHRRURRRHRHAGAAARRRRGHARUBRUGRAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH

Directly into their face.

Pretty much 90% of all new TikTok videos, if the media are to be believed.

Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #114 on: March 23, 2020, 01:53:11 PM »
Visited a friend's new place at the weekend and, during the customary tour, felt a massive, massive need to just use his shower. Clothes off, grab his shower gel and shampoo and get stuck right in.

Ironically, whilst that would be seen as unacceptable, me urinating into his toilet - twice as it happens - is apparently absolutely fine, if not encouraged.

I've had this before when I ask someone "Can I use your bathroom please?" and they say "Sure it's just down the hall" and then I'm in there for an hour doing everything. EVERYTHING 1 2 and 3 as well as a full downstairs trim and shower.

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #115 on: March 28, 2020, 02:54:09 PM »
Obvious mad thought but..

..to go up to someone on the street, nose running, puffy eyes, bad cough and go HARUGHHARUGHRRURRRHRHAGAAARRRRGHARUBRUGRAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH

Directly into their face.

https://metro.co.uk/2020/03/26/kids-spit-rspca-officer-rescuing-swan-shout-coronavirus-bitch-12459587/

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #116 on: March 28, 2020, 02:56:37 PM »
I've had this before when I ask someone "Can I use your bathroom please?" and they say "Sure it's just down the hall" and then I'm in there for an hour doing everything. EVERYTHING 1 2 and 3 as well as a full downstairs trim and shower.

And also vomiting?


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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #118 on: April 02, 2020, 10:09:21 AM »
On a video conference with work this morning, I got PMT to stand up and wave my knob at the camera.

Gregory Torso

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Re: Peter’s mad thoughts 2020
« Reply #119 on: April 03, 2020, 12:57:42 PM »
thinking of emptying all of the food in my freezer and cupboards out of the window tonight to show support for the nhs

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