Meaningless corporate bullshit

[Sebastian Cobb]

Tedious work shite, or a meeting where you get compared to a dolphin. We need the idiots to come up with more pointless stuff like this, not less.

It's worse than the tedious work shite usually. At least with the work I can stick my headphones in and ignore my colleagues.

[weekender]

One of my old bosses was an absolute twat for this sort of thing.  Here's how the start of one meeting went:

Idiot: "OK everyone, let's get started with the icebreaker!"

*weekender puts hand up*

Idiot: "Yes, weekender?"

weekender: "Why do we need an icebreaker?"

Idiot: "What?"

weekender: "Why do we need an icebreaker?"

Idiot: "It's a fun way to start a meeting and get to know each other a little better"

weekender: "We're a project team who have had several face-to-face meetings already.  I've travelled all the way from Walsall to be here in London, and I think it would be a better use of our time if we talked about work"

Idiot: "It's a good icebreaker, I've been looking forward to it"

weekender: "Are we being paid to learn interesting facts about each other, or to deliver a highly important strategic project?"

Idiot: "weekender, I am your boss and we are doing the icebreaker whether you like it or not"

weekender: "Fine"

Some time passes.  Some people do the icebreaker task.  It becomes weekender's turn to do the icebreaker task.

Idiot: "So, weekender, what's the weirdest food you've ever eaten?"

weekender: "Human flesh"

Idiot: "Haha, I doubt that's true"

weekender: "No, but I'm seriously thinking about it"

I didn't get a good grade that year for some reason.  I left the team voluntarily, and they subsequently failed to deliver the highly important strategic project by the relevant deadline, after which Idiot got made redundant.  Hey ho.

[Thomas]

lol look at weekender asking to do work. Bet he used to ask for extra homework too.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Idiot: "It's a good icebreaker, I've been looking forward to it"

Desolation

[weekender]

Reality of the corporate world - if you want to get paid the big bucks, you have to deliver results.  If you don't, you're gone.

[Thomas]

I've seen Mad Men. I know how to deliver results. I once did an afternoon of data entry with a double whiskey in me.

[weekender]

How successful was your entry?

[Thomas]

I stayed in the lines (of the Excel spreadsheet).

[Jasha]

Just leaving the house to go and deal with bullshit like that now.

I'll report back on my major takeaways via a webinar, going forward, after we've talked about how poor mental health is a bad thing, yeah?

What was the wash up?

[Jasha]

SPVQR  safety people value quality can never remember what the R is for except to make me think of Roman legions in an Asterix book.

[weekender]

What was the wash up?

A mental health advocate that I'm aware of genuinely suggested on LinkedIn that what helped their mental health was doing mundane tasks like washing up, or cleaning things.

I thought about suggesting that keeping things clean is probably a basic hygiene technique, but instead I just posted this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F3n80V_sb0

I got a 'thanks' and a 'like', so yay my social profile on that one.

[Sebastian Cobb]

A mental health advocate that I'm aware of genuinely suggested on LinkedIn that what helped their mental health was doing mundane tasks like washing up, or cleaning things.

I thought about suggesting that keeping things clean is probably a basic hygiene technique, but instead I just posted this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F3n80V_sb0

I got a 'thanks' and a 'like', so yay my social profile on that one.

Was it Jordan Peterson?

[pancreas]

I managed to defeat an icebreaker at work. Collective sigh of relief in the room.

[imitationleather]

I had an icebreaker lobotomy.

[weekender]

I had an icebreaker lobotomy.

What did that FEEL like?

[mrpupkin]

Yeah every time I'm asked to do something I don't want to at work I just shower contempt on everyone involved, tends to go down well. Also judging and hating everyone is really good for my mental health so it's win win.

[Cuellar]

I managed to defeat an icebreaker at work. Collective sigh of relief in the room.

How did this play out?

"Hi all, why don't we go round the room and say an interesting fact about ourselves? Pancreas, you start"
"No"

[pancreas]

How did this play out?

"Hi all, why don't we go round the room and say an interesting fact about ourselves? Pancreas, you start"

"Sorry, I realise this is a standard thing to do but with everyone's permission we're all really busy and I'd just like to get on with this discussion as quickly as possible. Would that be okay?"

"Oh, well, alright, if that's what everyone really wants. I normally think it's a nice way to start, but alright."

[Cuellar]

Mmm nice.

[mrpupkin]

"It's beneath me to say a fact, and important that I refuse".

[pancreas]

In a way, I sort of did say a fact. But I was the only one to say one.

[mrpupkin]

What if your darling wife asked you to say a fact, would you tell her to kill herself too?

[pancreas]

My wife and I never attempt to say anything remotely true to one another.

[Cuellar]

Oh wait hang on did I guess the icebreaker question correctly?!

[GMTV]

CAMBRIDGE ANALYTICA SOON

[Famous Mortimer]

I recommend living somewhere that's not Britain, because then your interesting fact can just be "I'm British". Job done.