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Buying and selling houses

Started by Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle, February 03, 2020, 12:31:05 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Dewt

Simply stop buying coffee and avocado toast and you will soon find that you will be able to afford a house by late afternoon, just in time to catch the latest episode of I Love Lucy.

Non Stop Dancer

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 03, 2020, 07:29:33 PM
Yes. Why do people put themselves through this? They must be incredibly resilient. Buying houses, being parents while working full time, having a veritable suite of insurances and contracts to renew. It sounds so horribly stressful. Not to mention that it probably only takes a few fuck ups for it all to fall apart.

I get that there's the building a happy life thing, fine, but my first hand observation is it never ends. It's just admin interspersed by boredom, affairs, financial hardship, chronic depression and vomit.
If you have the means to buy your property you're a moron if you don't. What's the alternative, renting when you're 90 years old? You'll either need a fat as fuck pension to rent somewhere decent privately (and never have any security of tenure, that'll be fun won't it, in your nineties) or live in some council grief hole, if you're lucky.

Sebastian Cobb

I hope they split up and waste the rest of their youth acrimoniously fighting and arguing over the place.

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Pseudopath on February 03, 2020, 12:50:05 PM
I'm no property expert, but I think I see a potential flaw in this plan.

The safest and most sensible thing to do is actually not start to look until you've had a proper offer on yours, and most people who have been through selling and buying more than once will do exactly that.  It's when people don't do this that chains break, fucking it up for everyone down the line.  It's one of the reasons the process usually takes so long.

Obviously it's not practical in every case, but it's a good thing to bear in mind, lest you run the risk of disappointing yourself as well.

With the ever-increasing prices, though, I think we're swiftly moving towards a more (ironically) European and East Asian type market where most people just do long-term rentals.  I also wonder if we'll ever get mortgages that are for 100 years and get handed down through the generations.

greencalx

Quote from: Non Stop Dancer on February 03, 2020, 09:59:44 PM
If you have the means to buy your property you're a moron if you don't. What's the alternative, renting when you're 90 years old? You'll either need a fat as fuck pension to rent somewhere decent privately (and never have any security of tenure, that'll be fun won't it, in your nineties) or live in some council grief hole, if you're lucky.

My inlaws sold up so they could move to be closer to us, and rented while they were between houses.

Despite the fact that, as the result of the sale, they had enough money in their bank account to buy the flat they were renting, the fucking letting agent still wanted someone to act as a guarantor on the basis that (being retired) they didn't have a regular income.

Twit 2

Currently flogging my gaffe as have found a reet good house to live in and that.

It is indeed a horrible affair. January has slid by like a truffled slug, as both my wife and I work full time in demanding jobs and we got a coupla cunt kids and all. Spent every minute of every weekend (minus the Cab Meet blowout) painting, decorating, gardening, DIYing in the hope that some twats want it.

It's only just gone on the market so haven't had to deal with the ultra-cunts yet, but I am readying myself to get blasted in the ass.

It is, as Shoulder's said, a grim way to mete out your days, but it is as nothing compared to the eye-gouging mortuary horror of being a long-term renter. The thought of dealing with landlords fills me with dread and a special kind of warm, sickly despair.

Let's be in no doubt: to attempt to live anywhere, by whatever mode, is a beastly assault on your humanity.

All the estate agents in my brochure grin like brylcreemed orange ghouls on an arse skewer.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on February 03, 2020, 10:20:49 PM
With the ever-increasing prices, though, I think we're swiftly moving towards a more (ironically) European and East Asian type market where most people just do long-term rentals.  I also wonder if we'll ever get mortgages that are for 100 years and get handed down through the generations.

That's kind-of what a leasehold is but with extra steps.

imitationleather

Quote from: Twit 2 on February 03, 2020, 10:23:54 PM
Let's be in no doubt: to attempt to live anywhere, by whatever mode, is a beastly assault on your humanity.

We should all just return to the streets where we came from.

Icehaven

Can I ask, how common is it to have saved a deposit entirely without any help (e.g. not living in a parent's house for nothing or peppercorn rent, and not having any inheritance or any other kind of windfall)? Because if you earn an average or even slightly above average wage and have rent and bills to pay I just don't see how it's possible.

Edit: I'm talking about one person btw, not a couple. In a right world it should be perfectly realistic for an average wage to afford you a home of your own but that's just nonsense now isn't it?

flotemysost

As I've mentioned on here, my flatmate and I got evicted in December because our landlord's sold the flat we were renting. We had to go back to the old flat at the weekend and clean everything for the checkout report - I was there for eight or nine hours and, delirious on the vapours of Lidl all-purpose household detergent, I may have cleaned the fridge and freezer drawers etc. with a cloth I'd used to scrub the toilet floor. I'm not bitter but I do hope the cunts spend the first night in their new home shitting through the eye of a needle.

Obviously they're going to rip everything out and get a fuckoff new Smeg fridge or something, aren't they.

In all seriousness buying/selling does sound like a hellish experience for most people, and as much as I truly loathe the scope for utterly horrendous inequality that the private rental sector in this country allows for, I guess I do sometimes appreciate the relative freedom and lack of long-term commitment it affords twats like me (no kids, regular income, able bodied etc.).

I'm currently paying more in rent per month than a mate who's just bought a place on the outskirts of London though, so it's all just bollocks really.

flotemysost

Quote from: icehaven on February 03, 2020, 10:51:47 PM
Can I ask, how common is it to have saved a deposit entirely without any help (e.g. not living in a parent's house for nothing or peppercorn rent, and not having any inheritance or any other kind of windfall)? Because if you earn an average or even slightly above average wage and have rent and bills to pay I just don't see how it's possible.

Edit: I'm talking about one person btw, not a couple. In a right world it should be perfectly realistic for an average wage to afford you a home of your own but that's just nonsense now isn't it?

I've got a few friends in their late 20s/early 30s, with savings and steady incomes, who've recently met with various mortgage advisers, and all of them that I've spoken to about it have said that the advice was to 'see if Mum and Dad are able to help you out a bit'. Admittedly this is in London, but it's pretty fucking depressing.

For what it's worth, the friend I mentioned in my previous post (who's recently bought a flat in Greater London) doesn't have a partner and doesn't talk to her parents - she bought her place on the Shared Ownership scheme, I think she's been an incredibly savvy saver for most of her adult life (including living in an absolute toxic dump of a flat for years because the rent was cheap), and topped it up with a recent redundancy payout to stump up a deposit. So not exactly an easy ride.

touchingcloth

After three years of home owning we're back to renting. Ownership was an absolute pile of stress, and never more so than in the conveyancing process. We had no chain either when we bought or when we sold, but the process took close to four months each time in spite of us pushing for it to happen as quickly as possible.

I like the idea of the Scottish system and being legally tied to a place much earlier on in the process, but I've always wondered what happens if you're locked into a price and then surveys show that you need to spend tens of thousands fixing some subsidence or removing a Celtic burial ground or whatever. Are you allowed to pull out or change the offered price at that point?

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: touchingcloth on February 03, 2020, 11:16:21 PM
After three years of home owning we're back to renting. Ownership was an absolute pile of stress, and never more so than in the conveyancing process. We had no chain either when we bought or when we sold, but the process took close to four months each time in spite of us pushing for it to happen as quickly as possible.

I like the idea of the Scottish system and being legally tied to a place much earlier on in the process, but I've always wondered what happens if you're locked into a price and then surveys show that you need to spend tens of thousands fixing some subsidence or removing a Celtic burial ground or whatever. Are you allowed to pull out or change the offered price at that point?

basic 'independent' survey gets done by the seller and you can have a thorough one done yourself.

Quote
Before marketing the property for sale, sellers have to arrange a Home Report to show to buyers interested in their property.

This must include:

    Energy Performance Certificate (EPC) - this reveals how energy efficient the property is and where improvements could be made.
    Survey – an assessment by a qualified surveyor from the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors (RICS) pointing out the condition of the property, where repairs are needed and a valuation of the property. A mortgage valuation might also be included. The level of information contained in the survey is broadly equal to the Homebuyers report mentioned below.
    Property Questionnaire – sellers have to provide an accurate account of the property including its Council Tax band, any Local Authority notices served on it, alterations made, parking, any history of flooding as well as factoring in arrangements covering any repair and maintenance.

When you receive the Home Report for the property you want to buy, make sure to read it carefully.

It will give you a good idea of the running costs of your new home. You can also use it to ask the seller about utility bills.

Quote
If you decide to get your own, there are three types of survey:

    Home condition survey – the cheapest and most basic survey. Suitable for new-build and conventional homes, but not useful for spotting any issues with the property. Typical cost: £250.
    Homebuyer's report – a more detailed survey looking thoroughly inside and outside a property. It also includes a valuation. Check whether you can get the valuation and homebuyer's report done at the same time to cut costs. Typical cost: £400+.
    Building or structural survey – the most comprehensive survey suitable for an older building or one of non-standard construction (for example, if it's made of timber or has a thatched roof). Typical cost: £600+.

You might wish to wait until your offer is accepted before having your own survey done, in which case you make your offer subject to survey.

touchingcloth

Conditional offers, eh. Not the gazumping free holy land I had imagined, then.

Gregory Torso

Ah yes, the buying of a house, ergo the owning of a house, and then the selling of the house when you tire of the house. Simple rites for fucking babies. With you right there riding next to you on the prairie lassooing a house; by your side in the trenches capturing a house and torturing it for its little houses that spill like tiny microcephalic headlice. Never eat food out of a microwaved packet, always in my house, making a medically sterile supper. From my own kitchen. Where we fucked and made a hundred alfies.

Getting married and spitting a house out of my own prosperous cock. It's how god would make a house. Build a future out of fingering a local disco carpenter who might erect a strut or a beam in my honour, might be the next one, oh get me who fancies  a man with hands high above his station, a manual labia, who know what the hell is drywall and who needs to know, and what does load bearing mean. Fuck it all in with a hammer and a commanding stare. Paint like a roman centurion. Don't be a cunt.

Order a house out of the mud when I am wet and homeless! Order it up! Get over me, house. I have beaten you because I am people, and people build houses, not the other way around, so get up and clothe me and when it rains let me appreciate the rain instead of wishing I could die inside it like an abandoned yet untouched dairy lea dunker filling up with piss

Sebastian Cobb

Did anyone ever see the George Clarke thing where a married couple were splitting up 'cos the woman had left her husband to marry another woman but they decided to pool the cash and buy a big Victorian house where they could all live with the kids? The couple completely renovated and he ended up with a minimalist converted basement. Basically just a troglodyte popping out of his hole to say hello to the kids in the garden.

imitationleather

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on February 03, 2020, 11:47:03 PM
Did anyone ever see the George Clarke thing where a married couple were splitting up 'cos the woman had left her husband to marry another woman but they decided to pool the cash and buy a big Victorian house where they could all live with the kids? The couple completely renovated and he ended up with a minimalist converted basement. Basically just a troglodyte popping out of his hole to say hello to the kids in the garden.

Wasn't that a poster on here?

PlanktonSideburns

Ooh must be so hard being DICK DEEP in INFASTRUCTRE

Practically SPUNKING INFASTRUCTURE  at this point,

RSJ''S for bones, concrete infill up the butt''s eye

FUCK ON

Zetetic

Quote from: Non Stop Dancer on February 03, 2020, 09:59:44 PM
If you have the means to buy your [home] you're a moron if you don't.
Right, but I'm not going to have £150k+ any time soon.

Most people don't even have the means to obtain debt equal to a sufficiently large proportion of the cost of their home; hence all the ridiculous subsidy of mortgages.

PlanktonSideburns

Do you know what else is a never ending sysyphean task?

EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE

do you know what makes you totally blind to everyone else's suffering bar your own?


OWNERSHIP OF INFASTRUCTURE

I dance on your charming, self depracating face, capitalistic typhoid Mary,  cuddlebot of oblivion, cunt of death

idunnosomename

Quote from: Gregory Torso on February 03, 2020, 11:37:40 PM
Ah yes, the buying of a house, ergo the owning of a house, and then the selling of the house when you tire of the house. Simple rites for fucking babies. With you right there riding next to you on the prairie lassooing a house; by your side in the trenches capturing a house and torturing it for its little houses that spill like tiny microcephalic headlice. Never eat food out of a microwaved packet, always in my house, making a medically sterile supper. From my own kitchen. Where we fucked and made a hundred alfies.

Getting married and spitting a house out of my own prosperous cock. It's how god would make a house. Build a future out of fingering a local disco carpenter who might erect a strut or a beam in my honour, might be the next one, oh get me who fancies  a man with hands high above his station, a manual labia, who know what the hell is drywall and who needs to know, and what does load bearing mean. Fuck it all in with a hammer and a commanding stare. Paint like a roman centurion. Don't be a cunt.

Order a house out of the mud when I am wet and homeless! Order it up! Get over me, house. I have beaten you because I am people, and people build houses, not the other way around, so get up and clothe me and when it rains let me appreciate the rain instead of wishing I could die inside it like an abandoned yet untouched dairy lea dunker filling up with piss
this.

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: idunnosomename on February 04, 2020, 12:06:48 AM
this.

You think you've made a point and this prick makes it better. Give that cunt p-wave

Ferris

Quote from: Thomas on February 03, 2020, 08:01:35 PM
Well, I think you'll find this 20-year-old couple managed to save up and buy their own house in only six months! Get off your arses! Comment on the Mirror's Facebook page about the value of hard work and the youth of today!

Couple, 20, explain how they saved £13,000 in just 6 months to buy first home

Disclaimer: you must be in a position to work 16+ hour days, live rent- and bill-free, and not go mental for those six months.

Edit: disregard, I hadn't looked at the numbers properly LIKE A TWAT.


Ferris

Quote from: bgmnts on February 04, 2020, 01:39:08 AM
A million quid for a house?

Canadian property is fucking mental. Average price of a house in Toronto is $1.1m. If you want a nice one in a decent area, it's a lot more. The tiny apartment the Ferris family lives in was bought by our landlord for $280k in 2012. Slightly smaller ones on lower floors now go for about $850k. You pay a full mortgage and building fees ($500 a month or so) on top. Who is fucking buying these places.

Google "crack shack or mansion" and see if you can figure out if that abandoned/burned out shed is a former meth lab, or a multi million dollar property in Vancouver. And that was 10 years ago, it's a lot worse than that now.


thenoise

Quote from: Non Stop Dancer on February 03, 2020, 09:59:44 PM
If you have the means to buy your property you're a moron if you don't. What's the alternative, renting when you're 90 years old? You'll either need a fat as fuck pension to rent somewhere decent privately (and never have any security of tenure, that'll be fun won't it, in your nineties) or live in some council grief hole, if you're lucky.

My Dad's hot take is that our generation are lucky to be lifelong renters because it's so much more 'convenient'. And, no doubt, we can help his new old Tory mates down the C of E church to get rich and fat while we work hard to pay off their debts.

Non Stop Dancer

Quote from: Zetetic on February 03, 2020, 11:55:29 PM
Right, but I'm not going to have £150k+ any time soon.

Most people don't even have the means to obtain debt equal to a sufficiently large proportion of the cost of their home; hence all the ridiculous subsidy of mortgages.
Yep, hence my qualification about having the means.

Non Stop Dancer

Quote from: icehaven on February 03, 2020, 10:51:47 PM
Can I ask, how common is it to have saved a deposit entirely without any help (e.g. not living in a parent's house for nothing or peppercorn rent, and not having any inheritance or any other kind of windfall)? Because if you earn an average or even slightly above average wage and have rent and bills to pay I just don't see how it's possible.

Edit: I'm talking about one person btw, not a couple. In a right world it should be perfectly realistic for an average wage to afford you a home of your own but that's just nonsense now isn't it?
The only person I know to have done it recently (my cohort all got mortgages at least 10 years ago) is my brother in law, who was fortunate enough to have the option of moving back in with his mum for a year or so, and just saved the majority of what he earned in that time. Without that option he'd never have been able to rent and save enough in a million years.

Twit 2

no dancing says so on your tenancy agreement