The shitness of dating and indifference from the opposite sex

[Clownbaby]

Y'all pray for me I installed Bumble on my phone. I dont know why, ill probably delete it after 2 weeks. You best believe Bumble is still 70% oiks from school and 29% lads in climbing gear posing on a fell, wearing stupid shaped sunglasses and their second photo is them in a nightclub hugging 3 drunk lasses at once, just like Tinder. Oh you like Netflix do you? That's about as revealing as saying you have feet. You like someone with a sense of humour? Pretty sure everyone does, even boring people with a shit sense of humour still have one. I kid obviously, I know it's shit trying to think of something interesting to put about yourself in a bio and they do recommend you put up pics of yourself doing wholesome physical things so you look adventurous and healthy

If your one picture is of you amongst 10 other mates in a pub and someone else has took the photo so you're not the focus of the picture, I'm going to assume you're one of the pints. I've been in a pissy stupid mood lately because a lad I vaguely fancied likes every lasses' Instagram photos but mine it seems. Yes it's childish of me and I'm not even that arsed about him, still I'm human and humans can be petty. I don't want to become bitter cause I'm only 23 but repeated, persistent indifference just weighs you down after a while.

Also I don't know what it is about me that attracts emotionally needy men that are twice my age, who I always find out just scattershot messages to various other lasses I know as well over facebook at midnight whining about how depressed they are, so that doesnt really count as attention eh. The only person my age who made their interest in me actually legit and concrete is a total away with the fairies drughead who is a spot-on mate but absolutely would be a nightmare to actually date.

It's always a tricky thing to talk to people about because the usual answers pop up

- "You're a woman, you could have sex with anyone you want, it's much harder for men to meet people" Nah. It's equally difficult for some men and some women

- "Your standards are too high you're not going to bump into a male model" Honey I don't want to.

- "You're probably plain and the people you're picking are way out of your league" I'm not plain. I don't mind saying that. I don't think having pride in your appearance and thinking you're not that horrendous looking should automatically mean you're big headed. I don't think I'm ugly, because I'm not. I don't think I dress badly either. I don't think my figure is bad. I've been feeling quite good about my figure lately because my new job is keeping the flab off a bit. I would not dream of ever acting smug or telling people I was a catch though. That's big headed. Not being hard on yourself for how you look, is not. Thing is though, all of this is kind of irrelevant anyway because everyone has a different opinion themselves on what is attractive or not. Plain or not plain is different to most people

- "Go out and meet people" There's only so much of that I can do. And I know so many people who are borderline shut ins and still somehow get through em

I could question what it is about me or anyone else who struggles to attract the opposite sex what exactly is wrong all day but it seems to be completely random. Finding love or even just a nice lil hookup is shit. Everything is shit. I'm shit and everyone else is shit. Excuse me while I get into this bin. I'm not feeling great at the moment. I'm sure posting anonymously on a forum is going to make me feel much better and I certainly won't regret it. I'm not even drunk! I haven't drank a single thing and I'm still whining like a twat

I would like to point out before some smart cunt inevitably tries to use it against me - this is an anonymous written rant. I don't get this intense when I talk in the real world unless I'm around people I love or am close friends with and who have expressed an interest in hearing me vent in the first place. Many of you may have read this whole thing and thought "well no wonder she isn't finding any lads are interested in her being that gobby and bad tempered." Believe it or not I have enough self-awareness to know what would be toxic and unattractive to go on about to people, especially to people I wanted to date

[bgmnts]

Let's both go to a pub and make ourselves available, see who gets an offer first.

Get shagging mun!

Just messing its hell and it sucks the very soul out of your body. I'm husk of a human and i'm only 27.

Enjoy Bumble lul

[Clownbaby]

Let's both go to a pub and make ourselves available, see who gets an offer first.

Guarantee you'd somehow end up shagging and I'll linger about alone at the bar for a second then awkwardly slap my knees and go "well..... I'm heading off" to no one at all

[Ferris]

What the fuck is bumble? Is it bum-related or is that a happy accident.

[bgmnts]

Guarantee you'd somehow end up shagging and I'll linger about alone at the bar for a second then awkwardly slap my knees and go "well..... I'm heading off" to no one at all

Trust me, i've reached out to thousands of women in my time and 90% time it ends with a volatile nasty exchange. I bring it out of people, so count your blessings.

Here's a choice example of my efforts:

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,69719.0.html

[Clownbaby]

What the fuck is bumble? Is it bum-related or is that a happy accident.

Literally Tinder but with lots of bee-related imagery to make it seem cuter (it isn't)

[Clownbaby]

Trust me, i've reached out to thousands of women in my time and 90% time it ends with a volatile nasty exchange. I bring it out of people, so count your blessings.

Here's a choice example of my efforts:

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,69719.0.html

What the fuck did you do, surely that kind of message doesn't just come out of nowhere.

[Shaky]

Ha, I hear you Clownbaby. I've been dabbling in both Tinder and Bumble for the last 2 weeks and it's a bit depressing for all the reasons you mention. As a shy-ish man, I slightly favour Bumble because it (perhaps unfairly on their end) forces the ladies to contact the blokes first! If I see another fucking animal filter I'll scream, though. "Oh, your pictures look like they've been hacked by a 7-year-old? That's sexy!" There are far too many women on both apps with netflix/rock-climbing/love-to-laugh attributes as well. Some token attempt at humour goes a long way, I think.

Is there some sort of algorithm which pushes you down in the pack after a while, because I'm getting zero interest now after getting several bites at the beginning? I'm no oil-painting at all but the complete drop off is weird.

[bgmnts]

What the fuck did you do

Be a single man on a dating site lol.

Fuck knows, I tend to converse in a different dimension to people, it's a skill I have. being ugly helps, people are much more tolerant of lookers.

I seriously think it'll just happen when it happens, IF it happen, that's the long and short of it. I'd HIGHLY suggest you forget about it and just focus on making your life better for you and doing things you want to do. Otherwise rejection after rejection after rejection will genuinely change you and you'll hate what you are and do nothing with yourself. Genuine advice there.

[Clownbaby]

Ha, I hear you Clownbaby. I've been dabbling in both Tinder and Bumble for the last 2 weeks and it's a bit depressing for all the reasons you mention. As a shy-ish man, I slightly favour Bumble because it (perhaps unfairly on their end) forces the ladies to contact the blokes first! If I see another fucking animal filter I'll scream, though. "Oh, your pictures look like they've been hacked by a 7-year-old? That's sexy!" There are far too many women on both apps with netflix/rock-climbing/love-to-laugh attributes as well. Some token attempt at humour goes a long way, I think.

Is there some sort of algorithm which pushes you down in the pack after a while, because I'm getting zero interest now after getting several bites at the beginning? I'm no oil-painting at all but the complete drop off is weird.

Oh my god it is impossible to tell what any lass looks like if they put the cutesy filters on their face. It's the female equivalent of "single sweaty photo of 10 pub lads in one picture, guess which one is the guy whose profile it is, that's right it's the one who is pulling a stupid face and has the moistest badly fitting shirt on"

[Sin Agog]

I seriously think it'll just happen when it happens, IF it happen, that's the long and short of it. I'd HIGHLY suggest you forget about it and just focus on making your life better for you and doing things you want to do. Otherwise rejection after rejection after rejection will genuinely change you and you'll hate what you are and do nothing with yourself. Genuine advice there.

Dunno about that.  Too easy to spend years getting so used to your own company that you wouldn't know how to unretract your genitals even if you wanted to.  You tend to set the template for much of your life in your 20s; if, like me, you can't be doing with 'ships, fine, but if you reckon it's something that'll bother you somewhere down the line, it's probably best to keep plugging away while you still know how.

[Ferris]

Thank fuck I'm married. I've probably got years before she leaves me and I have to deal with all this.

[bgmnts]

Thank fuck I'm married. I've probably got years before she leaves me and I have to deal with all this.

You have a dwty nipper, you'll be drowning in daddy issue girls.

[bgmnts]

Dunno about that.  Too easy to spend years getting so used to your own company that you wouldn't know how to unretract your genitals even if you wanted to.  You tend to set the template for much of your life in your 20s; if, like me, you can't be doing with 'ships, fine, but if you reckon it's something that'll bother you somewhere down the line, it's probably best to keep plugging away while you still know how.

Think at 23 you have time.

[Ferris]

You have a dwty nipper, you'll be drowning in daddy issue girls.

I don't know if that's a typo or a dating term or what.

Re: fathering a small child: being covered in turds and finger paints doesn't necessarily make me a sex icon. Though I live in hope.

You have time until you're about 35, and even then, that's just for a by the numbers conventional 2.4 kids relationship, and even then you probably have until you're 40, and even then, you have time to do anything else you wanted.

There's no cutoff point for anything in life really. Being dead, I suppose.

[bgmnts]

I don't know if that's a typo or a dating term or what.

Re: fathering a small child: being covered in turds and finger paints doesn't necessarily make me a sex icon. Though I live in hope.

Dwty = small, cute etc.

[Ferris]

Dwty = small, cute etc.

Is it related to "dote" in hiberno-English?

I genuinely thought it might mean "down with the youth", as in, I'd be "down with the youth".

I'm hijacking this thread, sorry clownbaby. You'll be great, don't worry about it, I'm shite at all this and I've convinced girls to go out with me and that. It'll be fine, it's just frustrating right now.

[bgmnts]

Is it related to "dote" in hiberno-English?

Its welsh, racist.

Cancelled.

Anyway yes Clownbaby will be fine, just a rough patch.

[Clownbaby]

My whole life has been a dating rough patch. And though fairness has nothing to do with it I do think it's not fair that I haven't even had the slightest hint of a romantic relationship with anyone. I would never bring this up with someone I know. I don't want to risk telling the types of people who would get condescending about it either. I don't think my friends would really give a shit or give me a hard time for it, but still.

I have no trouble making friends and meeting people like me who are often interested in knowing me but that barely ever comes with any romantic/sexual interest as well. And on the very rare occasion it does its someone very incompatible. They're druggy and spaced out all the time, or they're still with their girlfriend even though they hate her and instead of breaking up with their girlfriend they always say they hate, like a sensible decent person, they flirt with me awkwardly when they're drunk. It goes without saying but that's massive alarm bells. "She's cool but I wouldn't fuck her" has been thrown around a lot when lads talk about lasses they know once they get to me, I fucking bet.

[Janie Jones]

Be a single man on a dating site lol.

Fuck knows, I tend to converse in a different dimension to people, it's a skill I have. being ugly helps...

That's just not true, you've posted photos of yourself on here and you're a good-looking lad, with hair that is insultingly abundant. This is CaB, remember.

I know a few people the same sort of age as you and Clownbaby through my running club and none of them are even a quarter as insightful, funny and engaging as you both are. Runners are uniquely dull, though, so that's not saying much ;-)

My daughter is older than you both but from her experience I'd say use bumble or the other such sites as maybe your third way of extending your social contacts after sport or voluntary work that interests you and doing stuff you like with friends.

You tend to set the template for much of your life in your 20s; ..., it's probably best to keep plugging away while you still know how.

Yes there's something in that. Do it as part of a mixture of ways to extend your social contacts

I have no trouble making friends and meeting people like me who are often interested in knowing me but that barely ever comes with any romantic/sexual interest as well.

Keep buggering on. You're so young. It'll happen, I promise.

[New folder]

"She's cool but I wouldn't fuck her" has been thrown around a lot when lads talk about lasses they know once they get to me, I fucking bet.

just fuck them anyway, that'll show 'em

[thenoise]

I feel I ought to say something in defence of emotionally needy older men.  Um ... probably too pathetic to cheat? That has got to count for something.

You have to wade through a lot of shite on dating sites, a lot of people are just there for attention/fun of scrolling and sending flirty messages and have no intention of meeting up, or when they do meet, just want you to pay for dinner (women) or have sex and fuck off (men). Or get incredibly drunk and rant about their ex for hours (both).

The great thing is it's a piece of piss to get another date with someone vaguely human. So if you can learn to enjoy the process and go on lots of dates (difficult I know), eventually you'll click with someone. I had basically given up on okcupid before my now wife messaged me. So glad I didn't delete my account.

[phes]

Ha, I hear you Clownbaby. I've been dabbling in both Tinder and Bumble for the last 2 weeks and it's a bit depressing for all the reasons you mention. As a shy-ish man, I slightly favour Bumble because it (perhaps unfairly on their end) forces the ladies to contact the blokes first! If I see another fucking animal filter I'll scream, though. "Oh, your pictures look like they've been hacked by a 7-year-old? That's sexy!" There are far too many women on both apps with netflix/rock-climbing/love-to-laugh attributes as well. Some token attempt at humour goes a long way, I think.

Is there some sort of algorithm which pushes you down in the pack after a while, because I'm getting zero interest now after getting several bites at the beginning? I'm no oil-painting at all but the complete drop off is weird.

It's definitely the case on tinder, so it's probably also the case on bumble. They're now so popular that they're effectively pay to use apps. Tinder will promote you for a few days when you join, similarly to paying to boost your profile, then you'll return to being just another card in the deck. Tinder is now so huge that paying to boost your profile will have more limited success then previously. Two years ago 3 well timed boosts would buy 20-30 matches, now it's 5. They've introduced the 'super boost' which costs about 40 times the price of a boost, promotes your profile by about 10 x more than a boost, for several x longer. So basically tinder is now fucked. It has become social media and for people looking seriously to date or hook-up, returns have diminished

Bumble is just tinder for aspirational twats. OKCupid is still the best of a bad bunch. I've been using them since the early 2010s and my unwritten rule is always judge a book by its cover. I still read profiles, but just scan them looking for dickhead words, including:

Real, genuine, morals, traditional, blunt, says it like it is, not that kind of..., ... like a man who knows what he wants, just ask

I have a penchant for one line, one photo profiles. And the sexualised ones usually make me chuckle. Looking for a face to sit on and gag reflex as absent as daddy in the last couple of weeks. I hope they're funny people and not trafficked sex-workers

Last week a Christian woman told me I disgusted her and that I had the morals of 'an African tribesman' (for directing her to read my profile, which states non monogamy). Which was nice. Not unusual for Christians, sadly

[drummersaredeaf]

Although Bumble forces the woman to go first, the message that comes through is invariably "Hi x". I signed up to this one so they get to feel what it's like to have to craft a unique, interesting message that goes ignored, and they can't even fulfill their end of the bargain.

Okstupid is absolute garbage in my experience though. "If you can't handle me at my worst..." memes as the only profile pic and all the other clichés that make for an easy hard pass.

[phes]

It's the only app that allows you to filter and be filtered by non-monogamy, and not coincidentally is the only app I don't get vile and abusive messages from people when they realise they have made a mistake. So for that, along with gender and sexuality options it gets a thumbs up. But the functionality has been garbage for years

[drummersaredeaf]

Here's the results of a quick search on okstupid:

My self-summary
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. The joy of discovery is the single most important thing in life.

Skip my profile if:
- you are suspicious about everything and insistently questioning an authenticity of online dating members. I'm not in here to prove you anything
- you have lack of imagination on how could photos be taken in other way than a selfie in the mirror, and still be geniune
- you are bald and/or have a height less than 175cm, sorry.

This from a profile with no pics. Presumably too far out of her comfort zone.

I'll stick to wanking if it's all the same.

[phes]

Baldy huh

[drummersaredeaf]

Oh yeah, I'm aggressively bald, and barely over 175.

But if she can't take me at my baldest, she doesn't deserve me at my best (after an easyJet flight to Istanbul for a transplant).

[phes]

to bring this back on track the solution for clownbaby is clearly to allow a collection of bald, mentally ill, unemployed, phimotic men to construct a profile that can't fail to attract some normal people

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Ah yes, horrible soul-sucking negativity and bitterness, there you are, old friend. I remember you well.

Reading Janie Jones post about using these apps to get friends and widen your social circle makes me think there are enough time wasters on dating sites as there are without people using them "to meet people''. There are loads of meet up sites where you can do the same thing without clogging up already clogged up platforms of people looking for totally different things. My old landlady used to be a local organiser on one. They're very handy if you've just moved to a new town and want to make some friends.

As I am neither Casanova nor a shut-in, I am not in any position of authority to dole out wisdom but I have 'successfully' used dating apps in the sense that I have had 4 dates from them entered 2 long term relationships, so I want to try and help anyway. Outside of that I found it a horrible experience in exactly the same ways. Hating people's inane profiles, despairing of the absence of any nice contact, etc.

There wouldn't be any information I could give about how to succeed on dating sites more valuable than this: I found the tipping point came when I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Not to be taken advantage of, not at all. But to be prepared to take some risks and fail and be hurt. Certain signs of openness are a show of trust. Most people react positively to that and reciprocate. You don't have to do this artificially or arbitrarily, just to keep in mind as a prompt for when things start feeling right.