Crassness and You

[Cerys]

What is the most stupidly crass thing you've ever done?

For me, I think it's the moment when a friend brought a girl with him when he visited us.  The girl in question was trans, and I was trying to work out where I knew her from.  I still cringe at the memory of asking her, before she'd even sat down, 'what was your name before?'

Crass.

Mind you, there was also the time I was at a funeral and remarked that the huge rectangular yellow wreath was hideous.  In the hearing of the person who'd chosen it.  For her father's grave.

Crass.

And then there was ... but I digress.  What sins of crassness have you committed?

[Danger Man]

I once went on an internet forum and announced that I hated one of the posters on there but refused to name them.

How crass was that??!!

[idunnosomename]

nothing that crass

[idunnosomename]

once i assumed i would get the first reply to a thread but i didnt

[bgmnts]

Once farted on a dead relative's face.

[Cerys]

Ooh, harsh!

I once went on an internet forum and announced that I hated one of the posters on there but refused to name them.

How crass was that??!!

I never said I hated them.  I said I hate seeing posts by them because I run the risk of reacting badly to them.  So nyer.

[Sin Agog]

Must have done far worse things as a sentient adult, but when I was nine or ten I sent everyone in my class poison Valentine's cards saying things like, "Charlotte thinks Stevie Wringe smells of farts" and "I love you because you have no front teeth."  Weirdest thing is I remember my mum sanctioning the idea.  Can't remember if I showed her the final results before I left them on everyone's desks, but I think I did... The teacher then said to me: "Do you think Valentine's Day is some kind of joke?"  I mean, yeah.

[Danger Man]

Ooh, harsh!

I never said I hated them.  I said I hate seeing posts by them because I run the risk of reacting badly to them.  So nyer.

Right. So it's not me then. Winner!

[Cerys]

Fuck off.

[Danger Man]

(;-;)

[Cerys]

Sorry, that was crass of me.  Don't fuck off.

[Danger Man]

(•‿•)

[Sin Agog]

What is the most stupidly Crass thing you've ever done?

Read Penny Rimbaud's autobiography.

(Actually, it's quite good).

[Jockice]

Read Penny Rimbaud's autobiography.

(Actually, it's quite good).

It is. And there's one moment in it you just think: "What the...?'

As for me. In my high-flying regional music journo days a messenger girl at the paper went out with a local musician type I vaguely knew. Until she informed me one day that they'd split up. Her doing. I replied jovially that he'd probably hang himself now because that's what blokes do when they get dumped.

A few seconds silence followed during which I thought: "Shit, that's what her last boyfriend did!" It had been on the front page of the paper and everything. Whoops!

Close thread.

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

I once smashed the LP Stations of the Crass over the head of Steve Ignorant during an anti violence Crass gig, beat that!

[BlodwynPig]

Laid a Gerbil to rest in some Lepidium sativum

[Buelligan]

At least it wasn't a donkey.

[Alberon]

I once grew some seeds on some wet cotton wool.

What?

Oh, you said crass.

[SteK]

My brother was at my other brothers house and bro 1 had his dog at the vets for a routine op, probs neutering or something, and said he'd just phone vets to see if dog was ok and when to pick up etc.

Bro 2 pipes up 'I bet it's dead!' - for a laugh like, and it was! Died under anaesthetic.

The atmosphere turned rather sour......

[Non Stop Dancer]

It is. And there's one moment in it you just think: "What the...?'

As for me. In my high-flying regional music journo days a messenger girl at the paper went out with a local musician type I vaguely knew. Until she informed me one day that they'd split up. Her doing. I replied jovially that he'd probably hang himself now because that's what blokes do when they get dumped.

A few seconds silence followed during which I thought: "Shit, that's what her last boyfriend did!" It had been on the front page of the paper and everything. Whoops!

Close thread.

Fuck me, Larry David couldn't have come up with that one.

[BlodwynPig]

I once grew some seeds on some wet cotton wool.

What?

Oh, you said crass.

^^^

fucking crass of you

[Jockice]

Fuck me, Larry David couldn't have come up with that one.

Indeed. I still don't believe I said it. It's only rivaled in my pantheon of totally inexplicable things I said by:

When I was at secondary school there was a kid about four years below me who I knew mainly cos he shared his first name with a mate from my year. I think there was only one other boy in the whole place with that name. He was a really nice lad. He became a policeman after leaving school, usually doing a city centre beat. I worked in the city centre and we'd occasionally see each other and have a chat. He was still a really nice bloke.

Then one evening I was in a pub and on my way to the toilet when I saw him out of uniform sitting with a few other older men. He waved to me and I went over to have a chat. He appeared to be on a social night out, so I asked him if the people with him were all cops. He replied in the affirmative to which I went: "That's a shame. I was going to try and sell you some drugs!''

I'd like to add at this point that I've never sold drugs in my life. I've hardly ever taken any (apart from prescription ones) and those that I have were as a result of circumstances rather than going out of my way to get them. And there I was trying to come over like I was Bez or something. I wasn't even drunk. I presume I was trying to make some sort of joke, but it just came out completely wrong. The police of course are well known for their sense of humour, especially when you try to make out that a junior member of their ranks purchases narcotics from strange blokes in boozers.

To be fair to *******, he didn't ram me up against the wall and get his mates to strip search me. He just gave me a dismissive: "Right. See you then,'' and I went for my pee thinking: "Why on earth did I say that?'' I still don't know. I've only seen him once or twice since then and we've just sort of nodded to each other.  I don't know if he held any grudge against me but I'm too embarrassed to try and find out.

[Cerys]

You take crassness and just turn it into an art form, Jockice.  I'm genuinely impressed.

[hummingofevil]

As I teacher I have always tried my best to really think about the words I use with children as am aware of how the tinniest of micro-aggresions can really stick with kids, even if they are nobs. But...

I have only once ever used the phrase "Are you deaf?" to a child who repeatedly refused my instructions when I got flustered. Cue the kid's mates giving me THAT look and telling me I was "proper shan" and the kid doing a sideways turn to reveal his hearing aid. Fucking dickhead.

I also used the very specific phrase "Where is your arm?" to a child who I thought was wandering around the room doing that thing where you take your arm out of your jumper and kind of pump it up and down so it looks like you have one big breast.

"Haven't got one sir, I was born like this."

Like I said, I'm a fucking idiot. In my defence both of those things were 15 years ago and I don't think I have done a bad job since.

---

In the reverse I had a sixth former kid who was highly functioning Aspergers but decided that he really hated me. We had a professional relationship but he would tell other teachers and kids that he hated me. It was fine but a bit of a patience tester as I had to stop myself from being upset by him.

We had an own-clothes day so I turned up wearing a simple Lacoste polo shirt and jeans.

He took one look at me and in front of the class said "Check out Jacamo!". Utterly brutal. I laughed but it fucking stung. 

[Small Man Big Horse]

About twenty years ago one morning at work a friend came in and a different colleague noticed she was wearing the same clothes as the day before, and it quickly became apparent that she'd slept over at some guy's house. At first she wouldn't reveal who it was until we needled it out of her, but when she said his name and it was someone we all worked with I uttered "Oh god, not him, he's the one who's obsessed with anal sex". Cue her going shockingly red, and looking on the verge of tears too.

[Cerys]

Youch[nb]Yes, I did that on purpose[/nb]

[Hand Solo]

Does anyone remember the Paedo Hunter video of a half-retarded guy or Special Needs or whatever who was confronted and just stared angrily at the floor and occasionally glowering with almost a dog growl after certain assertions by said paedo hunters? I'm sure he had one of 'those' names, Gerald or something. I remember it being at the end of some compilation of 'funny' paedophile stings, but can't find it on YouTube now.

Just wanted to show a mate because she brought it up tonight how celeb paedos like Glitter and Savile (also mentioned Norman Wisdom?!) always gave her an undercurrent of nausea which at the time she couldn't place. Just wanted her to see the other side of the coin, sad bastards who are so pathetic their quarry is by default only the most vulnerable, rather than using fame and magnamity to ensnare anyone they like. NOT Geoffrey Leonard, that guy's a snarling paedo ledge.

I realise this be the crassness thread.

[jobotic]

New in my job about twenty years ago I took a call from a woman in another office for the the big boss. When the big boss came downstairs I told her that I'd taken a call for her. There were two women with very similar names working at the time and Icouldn't remember which one I'd spoken to so I took a punt.

"Are you trying to be funny? She died two weeks ago."

to which I replied "Oh. Well I don't suppose it could have been her then".

My mistake was honest but my repsonse was embarrassing.

[Hand Solo]

I realise this be the crassness thread.

Found it. I remembered the name was Giles and voila.

[flotemysost]

Was at a party/drinks thing at someone's house years ago and there happened to be a re-run of a UK comedy on telly in the background (no, I'm not saying which one). There was a lull in the conversation and I loudly said something like 'God, I'd forgotten how SHIT this was' (aiming for an 'amirite?' tone, in a lame attempt at bonding) before remembering the director's son was in the room, in earshot, I think it might even have been his house.

And I've posted before about making a flippant dead mum joke in front of someone whose mum had indeed recently died.