Back pain from hell

[oy vey]

Especially as it's SO easy to remember - keep legs straight, bend with the back.  Every time.

People are idiots.

Oh yes. Speaking for myself it was just arrogance - yeah I'll be grand. It's also hard to prove to someone the pain that awaits them when they are young and nimble enough to feel immortal and they would rather not look like a dick squatting for a dump while lifting a box.

[idunnosomename]

i could bench press you punks into oblivion. my guns could level milton keynes. i am the strong man. roar

[Shit Good Nose]

i could bench press you punks into oblivion. my guns could level milton keynes. i am the strong man. roar

Microcock though?

[oy vey]

Still has its uses. Make sure to alternate hands for an even tone. Too small? Grab a partner.

[Cerys]

I once put my back out by taking a fork out of the dishwasher. Fucking agonising.  I therefore suggest putting a fork in the dishwasher.  It's the obvious solution.

[Jockice]

Just wait till a total stranger about twice your weight falls down a flight of stairs, lands on you sitting at the bottom, then gets up, walks off and is never seen by you again.

I win this thread!

[Gulftastic]

I had back pain last year. Not sure how it started but after about a week I went to the my local Boots and asked for the strongest pain killer I could buy over the counter. They gave me a a combination paracetamol/ibuprofen. The back pain seemed to see that as both an insult and a challenge as when I woke up the next morning I could not get out of bed due to severe pain.

I had no phone and live alone. After a couple of hours of increasing dread that I was going to lie undiscovered until I died, I used my lap top to facebook my sister. She summoned help and the eventually the paramedics (with help of the fire brigade) broke into my flat and gave me gas and air (amazing stuff). They got me up, and gave me some much, much stronger pain killers. It cleared up over the next week. Now I always take my phone to bed, and remove my front door key from the lock. My sister has a spare key.

[Johnny Yesno]

Just wait till a total stranger about twice your weight falls down a flight of stairs, lands on you sitting at the bottom, then gets up, walks off and is never seen by you again.

I win this thread!

A friend of mine was off work for months with a back injury after some cunt pavement cyclist ran into him and cycled off without saying anything. It lacks the irony of your story, admittedly, but it must get runner-up, surely.

[Twit 2]

Get a child to walk on your back.

[Johnny Yesno]

I had back pain last year. Not sure how it started but after about a week I went to the my local Boots and asked for the strongest pain killer I could buy over the counter. They gave me a a combination paracetamol/ibuprofen. The back pain seemed to see that as both an insult and a challenge as when I woke up the next morning I could not get out of bed due to severe pain.

I had no phone and live alone. After a couple of hours of increasing dread that I was going to lie undiscovered until I died, I used my lap top to facebook my sister. She summoned help and the eventually the paramedics (with help of the fire brigade) broke into my flat and gave me gas and air (amazing stuff). They got me up, and gave me some much, much stronger pain killers. It cleared up over the next week. Now I always take my phone to bed, and remove my front door key from the lock. My sister has a spare key.

I live by myself and the fear of getting stranded was one of my preoccupations when I had back pain last year too. I use my phone as my alarm clock, though, so I always have it with me.

[imitationleather]

I had back pain last year. Not sure how it started but after about a week I went to the my local Boots and asked for the strongest pain killer I could buy over the counter. They gave me a a combination paracetamol/ibuprofen. The back pain seemed to see that as both an insult and a challenge as when I woke up the next morning I could not get out of bed due to severe pain.

I had no phone and live alone. After a couple of hours of increasing dread that I was going to lie undiscovered until I died, I used my lap top to facebook my sister. She summoned help and the eventually the paramedics (with help of the fire brigade) broke into my flat and gave me gas and air (amazing stuff). They got me up, and gave me some much, much stronger pain killers. It cleared up over the next week. Now I always take my phone to bed, and remove my front door key from the lock. My sister has a spare key.

Yikes. Reminds me of a Crimewatch where a burglar ties a guy up to his bed on Christmas Day and he's not found by the police until 4th January. Terrifying.

[kalowski]

One thing you don't realise until you've fucked up your back is how often you drop things in the floor.

[DrGreggles]

One thing you don't realise until you've fucked up your back is how often you drop things in the floor.

Or the stance you adopt when wiping your arse.

[Jockice]

Or the stance you adopt when wiping your arse.

When I got landed on I had to spend an entire month flat in my back in hospital. This made having a shit slightly difficult. At one point I was straining for over an hour to produce something the size of a grape. Eventually they put a big metal frame round the top half of my torso and wheeled me into the toilet to have a proper dump. Which I did. It was great, Until I went to wipe my arse and discovered that because of the frame my hand stopped tantalisingly close - but just not close enough - to the toilet roll holder.

[Jockice]

Yikes. Reminds me of a Crimewatch where a burglar ties a guy up to his bed on Christmas Day and he's not found by the police until 4th January. Terrifying.

My girlfriend's birthday that. Her grandmother died one Christmas Day and the funeral was held on the aforementioned girlfriend's  (atlthough she wasn't then) 21st birthday. Just thought you'd like to know.

[paruses]

Can't really comment on the advice from all you smack heads as to which is best but if you're getting codeine then from a purely fiscal point of view avoid solpadeine and get Boots generic paracetamol+codeine for 1/3 of the price.

What's Tramadol? I have literally about 20 tablets of this from the vets from various dog injuries over the years. That must be worth dipping into at some point.

[Jockice]

Can't really comment on the advice from all you smack heads as to which is best but if you're getting codeine then from a purely fiscal point of view avoid solpadeine and get Boots generic paracetamol+codeine for 1/3 of the price.

What's Tramadol? I have literally about 20 tablets of this from the vets from various dog injuries over the years. That must be worth dipping into at some point.

I have some Tramadol. Don't take it often though. My back pain's a low-key ache rather than anything to sharp, plus I'm used to it now. Leaves you a bit spaced out, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

[Johnny Yesno]

What's Tramadol? I have literally about 20 tablets of this from the vets from various dog injuries over the years. That must be worth dipping into at some point.

Nerve pain medication. It can numb referred pain caused by back problems but it doesn't do anything for inflammation. It worked for toothache when I was given it for that but it didn't work for my previous bout of back pain. I refused it for the most recent bout because on the previous occasions, it did weird and not fun shit to my brain. I accepted Gabapentin instead but bailed out of taking it when I read the likelihood of potential side effects - 1 in 10 for viral infection-like symptoms or actual viral infection, for example. A bit off-putting when the loneliness has been doing your head in and you've just made it back to work.

[kalowski]

Or the stance you adopt when wiping your arse.

Sitting on the toilet relieves my pain, funnily enough.

[imitationleather]

Tramadol is not a good one to take unprescribed as the threshold amount before it can start giving you seizures is very low. And a seizure is just what you don't want when your back is fucked!

[Johnny Yesno]

Sitting on the toilet relieves my pain, funnily enough.

One thing the doctor will ask you is whether your back pain gives you difficulty pissing, shitting or getting an erection. It seems a bit of a daft question because, yes, of course you can't get an erection when your back pain is so bad you're screaming the house down. However, they have to check whether you have a condition, which I forget the name of now, but which can cause you to lose control of the muscles in your nether regions leading to incontinence. So you should totally go to the doctors, is what I'm saying.

[kalowski]

One thing the doctor will ask you is whether your back pain gives you difficulty pissing, shitting or getting an erection. It seems a bit of a daft question because, yes, of course you can't get an erection when your back pain is so bad you're screaming the house down. However, they have to check whether you have a condition, which I forget the name of now, but which can cause you to lose control of the muscles in your nether regions leading to incontinence. So you should totally go to the doctors, is what I'm saying.

If I'm still in pain next week I'll go to the docs. Thankfully no problems pissing, shitting or getting one of my famous erections.

[Brian Freeze]

I had a go of this back pain malarkey a couple of octobers ago, bit stiff for a couple of days, then woke up and couldnt bend in the middle, or sit down, or stand up, or lie down or do anything without a decent amount of pain. Went docs on a pair of of walking sticks, came back with valium and naproxen. Booked appointment at the physio.

The interesting bit is I went to see the friendly physio and he starts chatting and touching me up and then casually asks if Id been doing the exercises and stretches he'd given me last time.

"No Dave, Ive not been to see you about a bad back before". So he showed me my records and two years before Id been to see him about back pain in the same area. I found this quite worrying and very embarrassing as I really didnt and still dont have any recollection of any of that at all. Very odd.

[Zetetic]

Gaslighting is actually the NICE recommended intervention for getting people with back pain to go away.

[SteveDave]

Get to a doctor (or phone 111) and get them to prescribe you the highest co-codamols you can get. That's what I got when the exact same thing happened to me two years ago. It was like being ripped in two. I called for an ambulance I was in that much pain. My wife thought a woman was being attacked in our front room.

Then I was given several physio appointments and they gave me loads of exercises to do.

[gib]

It was like being ripped in two.

pull yourself together

[Glebe]

Yikes... get well soon kalowski.

[jobotic]

Yeah good luck with it kalowski.

Going for X-Ray tomorrow on knee. Doctor gave me some naproxen. Starting to piss me off now.

[Harry Badger]

If you want Naproxen without a prescription, it is sold over the counter as Feminax Ultra. Little tip from the goutmaster here.

[checkoutgirl]

I found drinking tons of water helps

Be careful though because you can die from drinking loads and loads of water.