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winning the lottery

Started by kittens, February 10, 2020, 03:43:30 PM

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Pijlstaart

I am the real lottery, you will win me, a treat for the senses. You've got everything you wanted, but every day I will cry in my gilded cage until you set me free. Bittersweet, but you will become a better person from it, a better lover and a better grandson.


poo

MILLION POND ISTANBUL SURGERY FUCK MYSELF UP THE ARSE REST OF MY LIFE

druss

I watched the first ever lottery with my mate Tim and his Dad. Tim picked the numbers but the Dad bought the tickets as we were children. The Dad went apeshit and screamed "YOU'VE DONE IT TIM! YOU'VE DONE IT!" thinking he had won the lottery as he got 3 numbers. But one of them was the bonus ball so Tim had not actually done it. He'd also only have won a tenner so I don't think the Dad understood the lottery.

Head Gardener

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on February 10, 2020, 03:45:58 PM
I once won 30 million pounds on the lottery, but spent it all on chips.

real chips or gaming chips?

Armin Meiwes

Quote from: Ray Travez on February 10, 2020, 10:51:32 PM
The RTP (Return To Player) of the lottery is terrible. You're better off doing high-odds accumulators. Pick ten horses to win and put a quid on, that sort of thing.

Was thinking that, only thing is I can't be arsed to sit there and set up a new accy every week, so that's how they get me.

touchingcloth

Quote from: Ray Travez on February 10, 2020, 10:51:32 PM
The RTP (Return To Player) of the lottery is terrible. You're better off doing high-odds accumulators. Pick ten horses to win and put a quid on, that sort of thing.

You can't pick ten winners, surely. If you can, then William Hill is going to be furious when he finds out about this one weird gambling tip this Liverpool mum found.

kittens

pretty sure I'm going to win the lottery!!!!

thenoise

Early days of the lottery my brother and I used to sit there with two A4 sheets of numbers to check, as my parents both belonged to lottery pools at their various works.

My dad was once allowed to pick the numbers and chose the numbers 1 through 6. He was laughed at as thpose numbers will never come up, and encouraged to pick something more random. He relented, but had he stuck to his original numbers he would have won the jackpot £10!

touchingcloth

Quote from: thenoise on February 11, 2020, 09:19:39 AM
My dad was once allowed to pick the numbers and chose the numbers 1 through 6. He was laughed at as thpose numbers will never come up, and encouraged to pick something more random. He relented, but had he stuck to his original numbers he would have won the jackpot £10!

If infinity monkeys chose those numbers infinity times they'd win infinity pounds, or dollars if they were infinity American monkeys.

Quote from: druss on February 11, 2020, 08:12:02 AM
I watched the first ever lottery with my mate Tim and his Dad. Tim picked the numbers but the Dad bought the tickets as we were children. The Dad went apeshit and screamed "YOU'VE DONE IT TIM! YOU'VE DONE IT!" thinking he had won the lottery as he got 3 numbers. But one of them was the bonus ball so Tim had not actually done it. He'd also only have won a tenner so I don't think the Dad understood the lottery.

One of my dad's friends was so convinced he was going to win that first draw that he bought a load of new clothes, booked a cruise for him and his wife and put a deposit down for a new Jag the week before. His wife had totally bought into the delusion too.

Imagine his surprise when he got precisely zero numbers and had to go about the next week grovelling for refunds.

Lotteries are a symptom of a sick society and a weak mind. You are mental midgets contributing to the problem if you take part. Buying lottery tickets is directly comparable to paying £1 for a 3% chance to win a tenner. You don't understand maths. But the prize is so big! And to counter that, there are so many poor losers. I genuinely believe they are a scam and should be banned.

kittens

like to see you being all smart while chowing down on the dust from my golden lambo. gotta be in it to win it and i'm in it big time.


Ray Travez

Quote from: Armin Meiwes on February 11, 2020, 09:11:46 AM
Was thinking that, only thing is I can't be arsed to sit there and set up a new accy every week, so that's how they get me.

Fair enough. I like the idea of doing an acca every week; the fantasy of God smiling on you. You pick your ten horses, and the names form a magical code, a secret between you and the creator, and the money cascades gloriously into your lap.

Norton Canes

Quote from: thenoise on February 11, 2020, 09:19:39 AM
My dad was once allowed to pick the numbers and chose the numbers 1 through 6. He was laughed at as thpose numbers will never come up, and encouraged to pick something more random. He relented, but had he stuck to his original numbers he would have won the jackpot £10!

1-6 are the worst numbers to pick. Each week thousands of people pick 1-6. If you win big don't expect much of a cut.

Quote from: Poisson Du Jour on February 11, 2020, 09:47:16 AM
Lotteries are a symptom of a sick society and a weak mind.

A tax on your dreams.

Annie Labuntur

Quote from: Poisson Du Jour on February 11, 2020, 09:47:16 AM
Lotteries are a symptom of a sick society and a weak mind.

The slogan "You have to say 'innit' to win it" blatantly aimed at the poor working class.

QuoteBuying lottery tickets is directly comparable to paying £1 for a 3% chance to win a tenner. You don't understand maths. But the prize is so big!

Actually it's £2 for a ticket now, so that makes it a 6% chance of getting 3 numbers. Plus you get a £30 prize for 3 numbers these days, not £10, which makes it an 18% chance of winning.

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: kittens on February 11, 2020, 10:09:37 AM
like to see you being all smart while chowing down on the dust from my golden lambo. gotta be in it to win it and i'm in it big time.

You're VERY optimistic about the reliability of a Lambo...

Ray Travez

Quote from: Norton Canes on February 11, 2020, 12:05:27 PM
1-6 are the worst numbers to pick. Each week thousands of people pick 1-6. If you win big don't expect much of a cut.

Yeah, there's a science to picking numbers that will give you the biggest rate of return. The most popular numbers each week in the Canadian lottery are surprisingly consistent, according to John Haigh, author of Taking Chances- Winning with Probability [nb](Oxford University Press, 2003)[/nb]. The most popular, in order, are 7 11 3 9 5 27 31 8 17, and the least popular in descending order- 30 46 38 45 20 41 48 39 40. However, the least-picked six numbers (individually) are often chosen as a set because they are unpopular, making that particular combination less profitable. Other combinations to avoid if you want to maximise your winnings are the previous draw's winning numbers, and combinations where the numbers form a sequence, eg 35,36,37,38,39,40.

kittens

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on February 11, 2020, 12:16:46 PM
You're VERY optimistic about the reliability of a Lambo...

this sounds like a threat. have you been tinkering with my lambo?

Tony Tony Tony

I got five numbers on the Wednesday lottery a few years ago. The prize was in the region of £1200 which me and Mrs TTT blew on a new dishwasher and cooker for her and a spiffing winter coat for myself. The remainder went on a slap up dinner out where I didn't have to stint by choosing the second cheapest bottle of wine on the list.

I remember I had to take the ticket to a post office as largish amounts won are obviously not paid out from your local shopkeepers till. It was paid in the form of a National Lottery branded cheque which caused the bank tellers eyes to light up when I paid it in.

My wife pointed out that had we got one more number we would have been richer to the tune of 1.4 Million though I pointed out that had it been one less we would have gotten £75. 

JarrowMonkey

I'd spend it all on birds, booze, fags and fast cars and waste the rest

Pingers


Bazooka

People who say money doesn't buy you happiness should be minced in a machine and recycled into flesh lottery tickets, so people who know that money does actually buy happiness can win and enjoy it.

Ray Travez

Money can't buy you happiness, but poverty can definitely lend you misery for an indefinite period.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuoteI genuinely believe they are a scam and should be banned

Countries with gambling bans are pretty unhealthy ones too. The debt is 'managed' by people who don't care too much for due process and ethics.

The lottery is rotten though. Take money from ordinary people and give the vast majority to one person for no reason, some for the lovely lottery organiser and some crumbs for a handful to keep them interested. Then do it every week at least twice.

Urgh.

Gurke and Hare

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on February 10, 2020, 03:58:25 PM
The Set For Life top prize is great. £3.6million overall but in £10k chunks so you don't blow it all on a yacht like a massive twat.

Would a bank give you a mortgage on the strength of that? They should, it's more guaranteed than any wages.

Quote from: Ray Travez on February 10, 2020, 10:51:32 PM
The RTP (Return To Player) of the lottery is terrible. You're better off doing high-odds accumulators. Pick ten horses to win and put a quid on, that sort of thing.

Wouldn't a ten horse accumulator be loads worse? The vig* on the lottery is 50%. Now, say it's 15% on a random horse race, wouldn't the overall return on a 10 horse accumlator be 85% of 85% of 85% to the power of 10, making it much worse than the lottery?


*I'm Joe Pesci, me.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuoteWould a bank give you a mortgage on the strength of that? They should, it's more guaranteed than any wages

And if not then just wait 2 or 3 years, or a few more if you want a small London flat, and buy one outright.

Or wait half a year and buy one outright in Darlington (both a joke and technically possible)

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: kittens on February 11, 2020, 12:34:27 PM
this sounds like a threat. have you been tinkering with my lambo?

I've tinkered with all of them.  Just in case/to be sure (delete as appropriate).

Gulftastic

I've been poor and miserable my whole life. I'd like to give rich and miserable a chance. See what that's like.