Wednesday Morning, 3 A.M. (Camera Up the Arse Remix)

[canadagoose]

I think you can probably guess what this is about. Has anyone else here had a colonoscopy? Mine is coming up tomorrow morning and I'm currently at the "no eating for 24 hours" stage. It's... not that bad because I'm not very hungry (due to the gastrointestinal issues I'm getting it for) but the worst bit is probably the actual tube going up your backside. Should I be nervous?

[BlodwynPig]

I think you can probably guess what this is about. Has anyone else here had a colonoscopy? Mine is coming up tomorrow morning and I'm currently at the "no eating for 24 hours" stage. It's... not that bad because I'm not very hungry (due to the gastrointestinal issues I'm getting it for) but the worst bit is probably the actual tube going up your backside. Should I be nervous?

I've got one going the other way tomorrow.

[canadagoose]

I've got one going the other way tomorrow.

That actually sounds much worse. I hope it's not too painful for you.

[Neville Chamberlain]

I've never had one, but I think a lot of loud farting is involved.

[imitationleather]

Why not ignore it and hope it goes away by itself?

[kittens]

never had one but i can't imagine it would be too unpleasant. it will just slither up there, and it's less wide than a poo, so it will hardly be noticeable i'm sure. going down the throat sounds a hell of a lot more harrowing. be glad the docs thought your arse would be a better doorway.

[Shit Good Nose]

Not to worry you Blods, but a mate of mine who had a stroke had a willyoscopy.  He said it wasn't too bad going in, but taking it out was the worst pain he's ever know.  And he had a stroke.

Mind you, there's plenty of porn with blokes shoving pens and such down their japs.  I imagine.


I have had a finger and a hollow metal tube up the bum to find out what eventually revealed itself to be a "rectal fissure" (they're all rectal fissures... etc).  That just felt like a poo going the wrong way, so I expect a colonoscopy camera won't be as bad as that cos of the smaller diameter.

[Cerys]

The only thing you need to worry about is the possibility of them finding eyes up there.

[Shit Good Nose]

The only thing you need to worry about is the possibility of them finding eyes up there.

You say worry, but imagine the millions he could make on talk shows and low rent weekly mags.  Literally sleeping on pound notes.

[canadagoose]

Why not ignore it and hope it goes away by itself?

You'd hope the doctors would take it out when they're done, but stranger things have happened.

The only thing you need to worry about is the possibility of them finding eyes up there.

A creature in my anus would certainly be a revelation, let's say...

[BlodwynPig]

Not to worry you Blods, but a mate of mine who had a stroke had a willyoscopy.  He said it wasn't too bad going in, but taking it out was the worst pain he's ever know.  And he had a stroke.

Mind you, there's plenty of porn with blokes shoving pens and such down their japs.  I imagine.


I have had a finger and a hollow metal tube up the bum to find out what eventually revealed itself to be a "rectal fissure" (they're all rectal fissures... etc).  That just felt like a poo going the wrong way, so I expect a colonoscopy camera won't be as bad as that cos of the smaller diameter.

THROAT NOT PENIS!!! CHRIST MAN - BUT I DID HAVE A CATHETER AFTER MY PENIS SURGERY (THAT CALF IS HAVING NOW) AND THAT WAS THE WORST PAIN WHEN THE NURSE TOOK IT OUT.

First endoscopy was crap, second not as bad, so let's see how tomorrow goes. Goose and Pig will compare notes.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It might help demystify it (the process, not the exploratory tube, that will be intensely misty) by getting in your own arse with something first and having a wiggle around.

You never know, the colonoscoper might raise an eyebrow at your pliance.

Downside/Upside: you enjoy the experiences so much you turn into poo (the CaB user not the faecal matter).

[thenoise]

Worst part was drinking two pints of salt water then shitting my guts out the night before, so they can get a clearer view.

The process itself was fine, they give you a sedative which is lovely, you lie there chatting druggy shit while watching a journey through your own guts on a little screen. I saw my own appendix from the inside, which I consider a rare privilege.

They didn't find any bum cancer though, might have marred the experience a bit if they had.

[Huxleys Babkins]

No matter what anyone says, you'll be no less a man for having it done. God bless.

[steve98]

Keep swallowin' and try not to retch.

[Shit Good Nose]

THROAT NOT PENIS!!! CHRIST MAN - BUT I DID HAVE A CATHETER AFTER MY PENIS SURGERY (THAT CALF IS HAVING NOW) AND THAT WAS THE WORST PAIN WHEN THE NURSE TOOK IT OUT.

First endoscopy was crap, second not as bad, so let's see how tomorrow goes. Goose and Pig will compare notes.

Like I said, I hope the permanent marker tube down your vas isn't too uncomfortable xx

[Cerys]

A creature in my anus would certainly be a revelation, let's say...

A creature?  Are you doubting your arse's sentience?  Are you?  Are you?!

[Shit Good Nose]

A creature?  Are you doubting your arse's sentience?  Are you?  Are you?!

Now reminded of that low budget comedy horror film with whats-his-face where a sentient creature lives in his arse and comes out every now and again.

[chveik]

good luck and god bless, both of you

[Glebe]

Good luck CG!

[JarrowMonkey]

I think you can probably guess what this is about. Has anyone else here had a colonoscopy? Mine is coming up tomorrow morning and I'm currently at the "no eating for 24 hours" stage. It's... not that bad because I'm not very hungry (due to the gastrointestinal issues I'm getting it for) but the worst bit is probably the actual tube going up your backside. Should I be nervous?

I had one back in 2009, the stuff they give you to clear you out, I had 'picolax', which is like warm alka seltzer, is horrendous, you have to be literally a second away from the bog

I was heavily sedated whilst I had mine and felt some pain, mainly as they worked it around the bowel, but didn't hurt too much, it hurt much more when I had my operation and had to have the catheter removed, now that fucking hurt!

Mine turned out to be hereditary bowel and bum cancer, what hoot that was

[canadagoose]

Thanks all!

I had one back in 2009, the stuff they give you to clear you out, I had 'picolax', which is like warm alka seltzer, is horrendous, you have to be literally a second away from the bog

I was heavily sedated whilst I had mine and felt some pain, mainly as they worked it around the bowel, but didn't hurt too much, it hurt much more when I had my operation and had to have the catheter removed, now that fucking hurt!

Mine turned out to be hereditary bowel and bum cancer, what hoot that was

The laxative that I got, Moviprep, was actually pretty pleasant to drink. Tasted like weak lemon. The shitting afterwards, not so much.

Sorry that turned out to be cancer. I hope it's going OK now. And yep, removing catheters is horrible. Hate it. Even with pain relief it still hurts like nobody's business.

[Janie Jones]

You'll be grand, CG, it doesn't hurt at all. I had one last year so my experience is maybe a bit more like what you'll go through. Doesn't hurt. Bit undignified and feels very odd but no pain.

My number one piece of advice is: don't try to lighten the situation by making jokes about anal sex.  The people carrying out the procedure are very professional and do not want any puerile sniggering or aspersions cast that their chosen specialty is somehow less worthy or serious than other forms of exploratory medicine. Yep, definitely no jokes. Awed and humble gratitude at all times. Actually this is good advice for interactions throughout the whole NHS.

[pancreas]

You'll be grand, CG, it doesn't hurt at all. I had one last year so my experience is maybe a bit more like what you'll go through. Doesn't hurt. Bit undignified and feels very odd but no pain.

Yeah but to be fair, your arse is as loose as a dustbin liner.

[thenoise]

Almost forgot - the guy who came into the waiting room to do my colonoscopy turned out to be someone I vaguely knew socially. He nodded at me and then fucked off back to the staff room as his colleague sorted me out instead.
Vaguely recall conversation with him in the pub 'work in the hospital' - you're a bum doctor pal!

[Janie Jones]

Yeah but to be fair, your arse is as loose as a dustbin liner.

You had no complaints, mate. However I won't deny that Versus 2017 took its toll

[Shit Good Nose]

Almost forgot - the guy who came into the waiting room to do my colonoscopy turned out to be someone I vaguely knew socially. He nodded at me and then fucked off back to the staff room as his colleague sorted me out instead.
Vaguely recall conversation with him in the pub 'work in the hospital' - you're a bum doctor pal!

Yeah, but bum doctors probably get £90K a year, a BMW or Merc, danger money for extra hairy bumholes (like yours), and there's probs a staff sweepstake on who can explode the most rectal polyps "by accident".

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Whatever you do, try your best not to get an erection during the procedure.

Edit: Fucksakes just realised you're female. Well don't get a wide on then.

[canadagoose]

You'll be grand, CG, it doesn't hurt at all. I had one last year so my experience is maybe a bit more like what you'll go through. Doesn't hurt. Bit undignified and feels very odd but no pain.

My number one piece of advice is: don't try to lighten the situation by making jokes about anal sex.  The people carrying out the procedure are very professional and do not want any puerile sniggering or aspersions cast that their chosen specialty is somehow less worthy or serious than other forms of exploratory medicine. Yep, definitely no jokes. Awed and humble gratitude at all times. Actually this is good advice for interactions throughout the whole NHS.

Thanks, Janie. Not to worry, I won't make any rude jokes. I may spout a load of crass rubbish on here but I wouldn't dare in an examination room.

ESP, I think I'll probably be all right, seeing as I don't have a fetish for rectal cameras or endoscopy departments. Though some folk might.

[Shit Good Nose]

ESP, I think I'll probably be all right, seeing as I don't have a fetish for rectal cameras or endoscopy departments. Though some folk might.

What if the Schofe walks in in a revealing nurses outfit and stockings?  WHAT THEN?????