Author Topic: Have you ever fainted?  (Read 1289 times)

Sin Agog

  • Dogs fucked the pope; no fault of mine
Have you ever fainted?
« on: February 12, 2020, 08:37:48 PM »
I fainted for the first time* a couple of hours ago.  I have a volcanic temperature which I think I only exacerbated by keeping a woolly hat on indoors and not drinking enough.  Blacked out, lurched to my feet out of my chair, and did a melodramatic swivel before falling in a random direction which happened to be on my bed.  Just lay there for for twenty minutes before I cooled down enough to get up.  How Victorian ladies, who had to install a fainting couch in their homes on account of their tight corsets, coped with this swooning business I'll never know.


*unless my mum splatting the ground while she was pregnant with me counts

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2020, 08:43:30 PM »
keeping a woolly hat on indoors

This baldness evasion tactic fools no one.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2020, 08:44:48 PM »
Once - whilst shagging.

Don't worry, that's not a boast - it was about 17 years ago.

Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2020, 08:46:29 PM »
I've come very close to it a few times on parade with the Navy, it was a fucking horrible feeling that I only just managed to fight off. They tell you to kneel to recover but nobody does it until it's too late. A lad next to me fainted on a practise parade, he was 6ft 5 and went down like a tree falling, scuffed the whole side of his face horribly.

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2020, 08:50:18 PM »

madhair60

  • カッコイイ
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • バカ
    • Comics, videos, podcasts, writing, etc
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2020, 08:52:23 PM »
fainted in mcdonalds

Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2020, 09:04:43 PM »
Loads of times. First time was in science where the teacher wanted someone to donate blood for the rest of the class to look at through the microscopes. He chose me and proceeded to jab my finger with this spiky razor blade thing. First time it didn't cut through enough to produce blood so he kind of attacked my finger with it - jab jab jab - and next thing I knew I was on the floor with the whole of my class laughing at me. Science teacher cunt got an electric shock of a van der graaf generator a couple of weeks later, so there was some kind of justice. After that, I can recall passing out when having TCP applied to a cut on my head in the school secretary's office, at a lock-in in Whalley Range (cut my head open and woke up at home with my head stuck to the floorboards with blood), a lock-in in Corbieres in Manchester when I told someone that that hold where they grab your neck wouldn't make me pass out (I've still got the scar to prove it does, I went down and smacked my forehead on the floor), at the cinema at a horror festival when they were screening a short film about a man hacking his arm off and, most recently, when trying to get off the train after reading a horrible bit in a Paul Kingsnorth book about a man trying to walk on a broken leg. I'm sure there are others too. Had electrodes stuck on my head and machines that go beep but doesn't seem to be owt wrong with me.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2020, 09:05:56 PM »
There was also that CaB meet where you first laid eyes on Shoulders.

Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2020, 09:08:35 PM »
That was the Rophies.

Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2020, 09:11:55 PM »
I've come very close to it a few times on parade with the Navy, it was a fucking horrible feeling that I only just managed to fight off. They tell you to kneel to recover but nobody does it until it's too late. A lad next to me fainted on a practise parade, he was 6ft 5 and went down like a tree falling, scuffed the whole side of his face horribly.

And did he break his weekend nails too, the poor dear?

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2020, 09:55:57 PM »
That was the Rophies.

He’s on to you Pancs!

seepage

  • logical bassoon
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2020, 10:07:54 PM »
another school one for me: sex education by stealth in biology class and the Polish girls had just come straight from triple PE without changing.

Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #12 on: February 12, 2020, 10:14:03 PM »
another school one for me: sex education by stealth in biology class and the Polish girls had just come straight from triple PE without changing.

Bet they fucking hummed

Mobius

  • he who hingeth aboot getteth hee haw
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #13 on: February 12, 2020, 10:15:32 PM »
Yeah took too many pills and fainted in the queue for a rave and pissed my jeans and had to get train home in pissy jeans.

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #14 on: February 12, 2020, 10:16:30 PM »
Yeah took too many pills and fainted in the queue for a rave and pissed my jeans and had to get train home in pissy jeans.

Can't have been very good pills if you could piss!

Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #15 on: February 12, 2020, 10:17:36 PM »
i farted

Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #16 on: February 12, 2020, 10:17:54 PM »
yep, got up to go take a piss and I guess I stood up too fast cause I fainted when I got into the bathroom, cracking my head on a radiator as I went down. Proceeded to then not notice how bad it was and go to school anyway, while my head was bleeding - apparently when I got up off the bus I left a bloodstain. got it stapled, now I have a big scar on the back of my head.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #17 on: February 12, 2020, 10:26:16 PM »
yep, got up to go take a piss and I guess I stood up too fast cause I fainted when I got into the bathroom, cracking my head on a radiator as I went down. Proceeded to then not notice how bad it was and go to school anyway, while my head was bleeding - apparently when I got up off the bus I left a bloodstain. got it stapled, now I have a big scar on the back of my head.

27 you were

Sin Agog

  • Dogs fucked the pope; no fault of mine
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #18 on: February 12, 2020, 10:26:50 PM »
now I have a big scar on the back of my head.

This baldness evasion tactic fools no one.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Mr Moose is up! It's done done done!
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #19 on: February 12, 2020, 10:27:46 PM »
i farted

Farnted

When you fart while fainting

Rolf Lundgren

  • Remember you're a Womble
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #20 on: February 12, 2020, 11:27:48 PM »
yep, got up to go take a piss and I guess I stood up too fast cause I fainted when I got into the bathroom, cracking my head on a radiator as I went down. Proceeded to then not notice how bad it was and go to school anyway, while my head was bleeding - apparently when I got up off the bus I left a bloodstain. got it stapled, now I have a big scar on the back of my head.

That's caught me out a lot of times. Lying on the sofa then rushing to the toilet like Linford Christie and having a simultaneous feeling of needing to piss, vomit and fall asleep.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #21 on: February 12, 2020, 11:34:18 PM »
Does it count if you're drunk and you've just got back into a warm venue after being stood outside in the cold smoking a spiff, or is that officially a 'whitey' at that point?

Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #22 on: February 12, 2020, 11:49:22 PM »
Many times. A condition called "coughing syncope" where you have a coughing fit that doesn't stop, consequent oxygen starvation to the brain and bang, you're out. Thankfully it's the fainting that gets you breathing again but I’ve injured myself several times, it all happens too quickly to allow a choice as to where you're gonna fall over.

oy vey

  • [sic]
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #23 on: February 12, 2020, 11:55:49 PM »
3 fucking times a nurse tried to extract blood from a vein before she finally succeeded. I came damn close. Does turning green count? Nice collection of bruises I can tell you. I looked quite the rookie heroin addict.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

  • Living proof of everything wrong with the world
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #24 on: February 13, 2020, 12:11:07 AM »
Came close twice after a bite by a staffie.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

  • Well ...enjoy your lifetime supply of virginity!
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #25 on: February 13, 2020, 06:18:49 AM »
I can recall passing out when having TCP applied to a cut on my head in the school secretary's office, at a lock-in in Whalley Range

...or some other Morrissey lyric.

Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #26 on: February 13, 2020, 07:30:38 AM »
Two or three times in the same year, due to some still-unexplained stomach issue that would cause searing cramps followed by near total loss of hearing and vision and then whomph, down to the floor. As others have said, it’s actually a very nice feeling once you’re out, kind of like being in a really deep and comfortable sleep - must be a release of endorphins or what-have-you. I had full dreams during them, even though I was apparently only out for a couple of minutes. But then it’s back to reality, with the KoKo security staff aggressively asking you what drugs you’re on, and the rather annoying realization that you’ll have to go to hospital. So I can’t recommend it overall.

Cuellar

  • Taxes, they'll be lower...son
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #27 on: February 13, 2020, 09:41:16 AM »
Yes

Sin Agog

  • Dogs fucked the pope; no fault of mine
Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #28 on: February 13, 2020, 09:44:30 AM »
Yeah, I was thinking there must be some people hooked to the 'petit mort' aspect, the way some are to DMT, heroin-nods, the moment of climax, and leaving the tea bag inside the mug.  Fainting addiction must be a thing somewhere.

I get paranoid about stuff like that, though.  When I was put under for most of the day a year or two ago and woke up in a room full of frazzled post-op patients, I could not shake the terrifying feeling that my consciousness had died and I was now a clone/reboot with the exact same memories.  I also questioned the advisability of making the piss bowls out of cardboard.


Re: Have you ever fainted?
« Reply #29 on: February 13, 2020, 09:45:40 AM »
Yes except I like to call it a 'nightclub collapse', sounds a bit more respectable

Tags: