Average text adventure

[Ferris]

Wear hospital gown, claim to be a student on a student union night out that is medical themed and you must be allowed in.

If anyone in there already in similar garb, claim you're with them. If not, act slightly confused and say you must be the first one there.

Easily fool a bouncer that way

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

It must be quite an advanced text parser if it can handle and understand all these complicated language inputs.

[Replies From View]

Disregard any of the above instructions at your discretion to minimise the control that players can exert around the outcome of their actions.

[bgmnts]

Scratch anus

[Kryton]

Continued soon ( the continuing)

[Kryton]

In a bid to somehow enter the club you roll away the apple (green) from your person as a really shit distraction. The bouncers just watch you in silence as it rolls into a gutter full of sick.
They don't seem impressed.

You stagger away for a few moments looking for someone to mug, but there's nobody around.

You pause a moment to scratch your anus.

As the cocktail of drugs kick in, you begin to feel lucid. Nothing bothers you anymore.

You begin dancing on the spot, gyrating to music only you can hear - completely and utterly out of synch to the 4/4 to the floor genuine beats emanating from within. A mad dance, tubes flailing. Liquids leaking.

You begin shouting at the bouncers (whilst gyrating) "I'm a student!"

"I'm the future of this country! I'm wearing a fantastical dress ahahahaghagjhaaaa"

One of the bouncing men steps forward and Introduces himself as Tony Barry and that he's utterly delighted to have a 'student' at the door. In fact he's so impressed he offers to pay you in.

He ushers you in, pausing only to tell the woman collecting tickets to 'fuck off' and leads you by the arm to the upper floor with a circular balcony.

"This way sir. May I say how much of a pleasure it is to have a student here."

With a gesture of his fat arm he waves you in the direction of a man dressed in a  sharp velvet suit with a menacing demeanor. He's sat with three grim faced women all smoking roll ups.

"This is Club owner Club Ian Clubs Aka Club Ians maybe you might want to explain why you rolled an apple (green) outside his domain?"

Things are hazy but you feel like you're being scrutinised.
Sharp pangs of reality begin hitting you...... Is Club Ians a gangster?

The sounds of the nightclub begin to take effect (-1 int) (+1 cha) and you feel a bit sick.

Club Ians stands up and confronts you!

"Did you roll an apple(green) outside my club?"

What do?

[touchingcloth]

Code Select Expand

>get in grave

[Kryton]

syntax error.

[Ferris]

Tell him yeah you rolled the apple around, and you'd do it again if the money was right (to demonstrate that you're a thug for hire). Then ask if he has any work going. Try to keep the hospital gown closed so your anus is not exposed while you make the request for work.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Cleave Club Ian's skull. Take Club Ian's shoes.

[Kryton]

You tell him you did indeed roll an apple and you'd do it again. But you're no fool, you want paying for your speciality.

Club Ian nods and waves away his bodyguards. It's just you and him now.

He leans close. And tells you he's not a man to be trifled with. If you can roll an apple into a gutter,good for you but he comes from a family of Triflers.  Apple rolling is ten a penny.

In your maddened state you then attempt to attack him, but you fall over.

You cover up your anus.

Haha he laughs, what a banter.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Burn club down

[Kryton]

There's nothing in your inventory that allows you to do that.

You begin hallucinating. For some reason you begin thinking Ian Clubs is dressed in a care workers uniform (green) and you're not actually in a nightclub but actually in residential OAP care home.

Someone is saying "listen mate, we don't want any trouble, if you leave now, we won't ring the police".

The 4/4 to the floor beats is actually the humming of the air conditioner unit.

Or is it? What is real?

Roll a D20.

[Wonderful Butternut]

5

[PlanktonSideburns]

wake up

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

sit down and start singing about gold

[Kryton]

5

I rolled 13.

Out of range.

Something inside you is telling you to wake up. At the same time your mind fractures into loud song.

" Gold gold gold, and you're all very old!"
"Older than Au Au Autumn is cold"

You don't feel very well and reality is decaying around you.

You hear the words "mate. There's old people trying to sleep here, fucking stop singing!".

Roll a final reality check + take an action

[Ferris]

Leave, take to the streets, make sure you are properly clothed and nick anything of value on the way out.

[Kryton]

You fuck off sharpish. Down a long corridor to a fire exit. You hear the sounds of multiple foot steps chasing you. Some one somewhere is playing Aswad's "Shine" or maybe it's the loud air conditioner unit that brought you here. But you don't know. Everything is a mess.

You grab a Fire extinguisher on your way out and roll through the fire exit (you don't actually roll, you just think you do).

You're on a balcony. Below you is a skip full of junk.
Above you is a ladder leading East.

[Ferris]

Mate. I'm jumping into the skip full of garbage 100%

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Check inventory

[Kryton]

You check your inventory and you have everything you had earlier minus an apple(green) but with the addition of a fire extinguisher.

You fucking hoy yourself downwards into the skip and take -2 hp of damage as you cunt your leg on the side.

It's full of damp cardboard.

It's absolutely pissing down and you are beginning to feel really tired and hungry and thirsty.

To the South is the exit of the alleyway leading to a main road.

To the West is an open fire exit and a Chef is smoking at the door.

[gib]

limp to Chef and strike up a friendly conversation, attempt to exchange fire extinguisher for food and drink.

[Kryton]

He looks a bit freaked out at first as he witnessed your fall into the skip but soon takes pity on you as he studiously observes your sodden, bedraggled form.

"Mate, I don't need your fire extinguisher, but you can have a big plate of eggs on the house".

He disappears into the back of the kitchen leaving the fire escape open.

Do you wait, go inside or run away like a mental?

[gib]

wait

[PlanktonSideburns]

Yea best wait, man's getting you eggs

[gib]

check inventory

[Kryton]

He comes back with a shit load of previously boiled eggs. you gobble them down and gain +1 constitution and +1hp.

He says "You look in a terrible state pal, are you okay?"

Do you tell him about your adventures or keep quiet? If so, what next?

You check your inventory and nothing is amiss.

[gib]

list inventory

[PlanktonSideburns]

Tell him