Author Topic: Valentine's Day!!!!!  (Read 1386 times)

Dr Syntax Head

  • Empty alcohol
Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #60 on: February 14, 2020, 04:51:12 PM »
Today is a derelict caravan park, emotionally.

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #61 on: February 14, 2020, 05:08:18 PM »
In related V-Day news, that fella that put up a billboard of himself looking all cool laying on his side and wearing sunglasses has landed an actual date.  On valentine's day!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-south-yorkshire-51493282
My mate knows this gonad

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #62 on: February 14, 2020, 05:16:15 PM »
My cock is disgusting
My cock is vile
Still, I'm gonna stick it
Into your pie-hole

That doesn't even rhyme. That's terrible.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Are we human? Or are we toilet
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #63 on: February 14, 2020, 06:08:01 PM »
That doesn't even rhyme. That's terrible.

Do not yield to this stentorian dinosaur wedded to the ruritanial notion of a cursorily acknowledged art form.

You indulge in all the trochaic whims you see fit. But watch it though. Watch it.

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #64 on: February 14, 2020, 06:10:52 PM »
An an illegal abortionist, from some kitchen sink drama of sixty years ago, I must say I look forward to Valentine’s Day as it’s the usually guarantees plenty of work in the late spring.

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #65 on: February 14, 2020, 06:53:29 PM »
Roses are red
Hearts can be also
I'm saving myself
for Gregory Torso

noonling, picture us spooning
like two rapidly ballooning
waterlogged moomins
inside a spit and cum fashioned coccoon thing

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #66 on: February 14, 2020, 07:04:27 PM »
Today is a derelict caravan park, emotionally.

Dear Dr Syntax Head,

Your touch is like a japanese toilet's flush: gentle, discrete, ushering away the shit.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #67 on: February 14, 2020, 07:09:35 PM »
I'm doing nothing.

Dear Danger Man,

Your eyes are golden like a lynx's, and your biceps are rock hard, like a sphinx is, and your skin is as smooth as a skinks is, and your coccyx is where i park my thumb, i hope this excites you.

Happy Valentines Day,

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #68 on: February 14, 2020, 07:16:40 PM »
I tell you what, I came downstairs this morning and I couldn't open my door!

Dear Cuellar,

Your thighs are like newly upholstered hassocks in a church where no one goes to pray anymore but its like really chill and spiritual yeah?

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #69 on: February 14, 2020, 07:23:37 PM »
Most people on here think this day's a load of old bollocks, don't they? I was rather hoping there wouldnae be any threads at all about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to phone the Samaritans.

Dear Lisa,

When I see you my heart goes woof like a can of lynx in a bonfire.
When you laugh I hear the chimes of bin bags full of empty vodka bottles I am trying to sneak out to the skip.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #70 on: February 14, 2020, 07:31:52 PM »
Posh wank.

Dear Sebastian Cobb,

Being with you is like loading horse and pork shit into a golf cart and then driving through Argos ordering everything off the menu.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #71 on: February 14, 2020, 07:34:55 PM »
Yeah, I've piled a load of dead dogs outside it.

Dear Pingers

Loo-o-o-ving you,
is easy, cos I'm desperate
woooo-oooooo-ooooooooo-ooooo

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #72 on: February 14, 2020, 07:39:37 PM »
I’m in the hospital for a checkup, and because of the nature of the day I’m planning to whip my knob out and ask if he has any cream for it. He’s a neurologist[1].
 1. Not the specialism which sounds identical and for which whipping a member out would be more expected.

Dear touchingcloth,

Holding you is like holding a baritone saxophonist's mouth-piece and watching the drool drip from its nozzle like an immaculate glass stalactite and then shattering all of that beauty with my tongue.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #73 on: February 14, 2020, 07:44:23 PM »
Another wanking and crying thread.

Dear Butchers Blind,

I hope you take a course in architectury and get to design a rainbow that is plummeting over a rescued dogs home.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #74 on: February 14, 2020, 07:55:01 PM »
sexless garage

Dear Hamfist,

You glide through my dreams like a badly haunted dressing gown.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

chveik

  • JAZZ SNOB EAT SHIT
Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #75 on: February 14, 2020, 07:56:30 PM »
a pretty depressing day for me, although it may just be a coincidence.


Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #76 on: February 14, 2020, 07:58:30 PM »
Struggle through this Malaysian Laksa Naked Soup, watch some shite on Netflix, possibly some horrible videos on youtube about disappearances and murders and then bed I suppose.

Dear bgmnts,

I will milk you like a fur seal on the edge of a cliff.
I will hold you like a coked up swimming pool lifeguard.
I will read the calligraphy of your skidmarks and weep at the poetry.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x


Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #77 on: February 14, 2020, 08:01:06 PM »
what the fuck are you an idiot

Dear idunnosomename,

Your pubic vibrissae conducts the fart particles in this toilet cubicle like the wig-wearingest most walrus looking proms cunt with a stick, into astounding mcflurrys of brown sculpture.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #78 on: February 14, 2020, 08:06:04 PM »
French is said to be the food of love, so I'm going to hollow out a baguette , line the cavity with brie,dock my meat shuttle inside, and reach euphoria. Xx

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #79 on: February 14, 2020, 08:08:04 PM »
Already had my Valentine's insertion. Can only go downhill from here.

Dear Norton Canes

The first time our eyes met, I heard Simon Bates in my head warning that there were going to be sexual swear words in the following programme.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #80 on: February 14, 2020, 08:13:25 PM »
Can't believe you've forgotten about our dinner at the Waterside Inn already.

Dear pancreas,

You're as fine as the print in the carpet of a freshy fallen ornamental frog.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #81 on: February 14, 2020, 08:17:41 PM »
Beer festival lads

Dear Cloud,

When we hold hands I feel like employee of the month at the happy eater on the peterborough ringroad that closed down in 1997 and is now a rotary sex barn.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x


Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #82 on: February 14, 2020, 08:27:25 PM »
flopsie insert

Dear poo,

You're the price gun at Poundland hammering out quids without discretion, blessing everything with the heavy pound.
My heart is a greenish side of beef.

Reduce me.

To a pound.

And wear this beef medallion. You have earnt it.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x



Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #83 on: February 14, 2020, 08:31:06 PM »
sadly argue

Dear Small Man Big Horse

let's get drunk together, and racist, no wait, not racist, let's get naturally intimate, let's get down low in the grass, the sun sinking, our shadows pulling out longer and longer, in limousine light of late evening, fingers fucking touching tips like shy school dance kids, let's get homophobic, no,  sorry again, not homophobic, let's get hydroponic, get wet and bloody and elongated, let's become worms and wriggle in sin together through the farmer's precious wheat fields, let's deny the holocaust, oh no why do i keep doing this, let's not deny the holocaust, let's frollic like leopards under a waterfall of welders sparks in an uninspected machine shop

Happy Voldemorts Day

GT x

Blue Jam

  • GO LAND CRABS!
Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #84 on: February 14, 2020, 08:36:20 PM »
If we're getting creative, I just made my second attempt at proper pretzels:



Wuv pwetzels. Awwwww. They taste authentic enough anyway and I am well chuffed.

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #85 on: February 14, 2020, 08:38:25 PM »
Knobologist?

Dear Icehaven,

You are the "fuck this shit fuck this shit fuck this shit fuck this SHIT" written in panic over the maths exam of my heart.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

touchingcloth

  • Member
  • **
  • She is hot in the arse.
Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #86 on: February 14, 2020, 08:39:42 PM »
They say you’re supposed to be able to see the sun three times through a pretzel. I don’t know why, they’d be exactly as identical if they were bun or baguette shaped, or forms after a potato waffle. Das ist waffelen versiktillen.

Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #87 on: February 14, 2020, 08:42:51 PM »
victory play dog lady

Dear EOLAN

You’re a camp for homeless children in the middle of an arid desert in some civil war torn central African province where the theme from Home and Away plays on the hour froma hidden speaker, you know we beLONG togther you and I forEVER und EVER, and there’s been a tornado, and a man called Albert is trying to get all the kids inside the tents of you. Albert was a child soldier and he built you, so you could save these kids from death and the theme tune to Home and Away. And the harsh sand storms are raging like deep red desert deities; the cracks of rifles punctuate the howling in the distance. Albert gets the last child inside you and then he climbs in and zips you up and they all disappear beneath the sand like one of those burrowing shrimp that melt into the ocean bed when a grouper swims over them.

Happy Valentines Day

GT x

Blue Jam

  • GO LAND CRABS!
Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #88 on: February 14, 2020, 08:45:35 PM »
They say you’re supposed to be able to see the sun three times through a pretzel. I don’t know why, they’d be exactly as identical if they were bun or baguette shaped, or forms after a potato waffle. Das ist waffelen versiktillen.

These are wuv pwetzels, you can see Venus through them.

Also they contain Viagra.

Dr Syntax Head

  • Empty alcohol
Re: Valentine's Day!!!!!
« Reply #89 on: February 14, 2020, 08:46:40 PM »
Dear Gregory torso.

Your skull is very pleasing in form.

Happy Valentine’s Day x



Today is still a hospital bin on fire though, emotionally.

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