Author Topic: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones  (Read 716 times)

touchingcloth

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FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« on: February 14, 2020, 10:16:23 AM »
In every office I’ve worked in there has been someone with a FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtone; those ones which are loud enough to burst your ears and invariably a shitty song rather some inoffensive melody - always either fluffy pop or blaring detuned rawk guitars depending on the phone’s owner, with no options in between.

Who are these people? Aren’t they embarrassed? I’m in a hospital waiting room and someone’s bag just went off I’m FUCKING JESUS FUCK fashion, and all of us jumped in shock.

Is this you? I will break you.

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2020, 10:17:38 AM »
Someone in our office has "Let's Get It On" as their ringtone. It went off last week and everyone laughed at them.

momatt

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2020, 10:22:33 AM »
The correct ringtone to have is motherfucking silence.  Anything else in a public place and you are a sociopath and a cunt*.

Apple phone users seem bad at this and incapable of changing their ringtone from the default xylophone cuntery.

*Unless perhaps you have a dangerously ill relative and are expecting an emergency call of some type.

momatt

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2020, 10:23:58 AM »
Someone in our office has "Let's Get It On" as their ringtone. It went off last week and everyone laughed at them.

Some cunt has some 60s pop song as a ringtone (maybe The Shadow or something).  Cunts whistle along when it goes off, several times daily.
Cunts.

touchingcloth

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2020, 10:26:59 AM »
The correct ringtone to have is motherfucking silence.  Anything else in a public place and you are a sociopath and a cunt*.

Apple phone users seem bad at this and incapable of changing their ringtone from the default xylophone cuntery.

*Unless perhaps you have a dangerously ill relative and are expecting an emergency call of some type.

Apple user here, and I have my phone permanently on silent with the only exception being if my phone is charging in a different room and I’m expecting a call. Failsafes involve keeping the ring volume low in case silent accidentally gets knocked off, and having a boring “ring ring” ringtone. #humblebrag

Better Midlands

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2020, 10:27:48 AM »
Apple phone users seem bad at this and incapable of changing their ringtone from the default xylophone cuntery.

Status symbol ringtone

icehaven

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2020, 10:40:53 AM »
Was in an otherwise very quiet pub last week and the barmaid's phone rang about 5 times, Jump Around by House of Pain, tinny as fuck, Derrrrrrr, der der derrrrrrrrrrr, please drop it in a pint.

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2020, 10:46:02 AM »
I was in a tranquil pub garden last year, when one bloke started playing the song Californication on his phone, so tinny as fuck. He was enthusiastically saying how great it sounded[1]. That was bad enough, but then he said to his friends that it would be great if it was even louder, and hit upon the idea of them all playing it on their phones, all "starting it at the same time" to make it "three times as loud". They didn't seem particularly into the idea, but were clearly going along with it. I was anticipating him saying how "amazing" three loud, super-tinny, badly-out-of-sync, versions of Calrifornication sounded, when he got distracted by something else and wandered off. Sometimes the gods are on your side, I guess.

Edit: Not a ringtone, admittedly, but worse.
 1. Also, he was an older guy, so is old enough to have heard music on things that aren't mobile devices. What depresses me is how older people - who must have heard music sounding decent - think music sounds good out of a phone speaker. But I digress.

momatt

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2020, 10:48:10 AM »
Apple user here, and I have my phone permanently on silent with the only exception being if my phone is charging in a different room and I’m expecting a call. Failsafes involve keeping the ring volume low in case silent accidentally gets knocked off, and having a boring “ring ring” ringtone. #humblebrag

You're one of the good ones.  *fist-bump*
Having ringtones on inside your own house is fine, don't worry about that.  I'm not mental or anything.

Status symbol ringtone
Fucking hell that's tragic if anyone thinks having one of the most popular phones in the world is special.

Was in an otherwise very quiet pub last week and the barmaid's phone rang about 5 times, Jump Around by House of Pain, tinny as fuck, Derrrrrrr, der der derrrrrrrrrrr, please drop it in a pint.
Jump around, on top of the phone.  AMIRITE?!

kittens

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2020, 10:50:31 AM »
my ring tone is austen powers going do i make you horny baby, always turned up to max volume. i've got it perfect now where i can say it along with him 4 times and then pick up just before it rings off. do i make you horny baby do i make you horny baby do i make you horny baby do i make you horny baby hi danny sturgeon speaking, do i make you horny baby?

icehaven

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2020, 10:52:11 AM »
I was in a tranquil pub garden last year, when one bloke started playing Californication (the song, not the album) - on a phone, so tinny as fuck and loudly saying how great it sounded. That was bad enough, but then he said to his friends that it would be great if it was even louder, and hit upon the idea of them all playing it on their phones, all "starting it at the same time" to make it "three times as loud". They didn't seem particularly into the idea, but were clearly going along with it. I was anticipating him saying how "amazing" three loud, super-tinny, badly-out-of-sync, versions of Calrifornication sounded, when he got distracted by something else and wandered off. Sometimes the gods are on your side, I guess.

I still can't believe I live in a world where functioning human beings think it's acceptable to sit in a restaurant and play music on their phones. This has happened twice recently and they even have the audacity to look butthurt when you ask them to turn it off.

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2020, 11:09:52 AM »
don't think I've heard someone have a ringtone in the flesh since the bling era so I like them now sorry @_@

gilbertharding

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2020, 11:18:47 AM »
Thing is, right-thinking people only have their phone off-silent if they're expecting a call - but how often are you waiting for that call and they never ring? Always.

It's like a rule that the phone which rings really loudly and with an egregious tune is always the phone which is buried in someones bag, or on an unattended desk. In the old days you could count on it ringing three times - once to see if anyone would answer. Second time to leave the voicemail. Third time would be the voicemail alerting the absent phone owner that there was a voicemail.

Obviously my phone is on silent 99% of the time, and the ringtone is the completely standard one it came out of the box with.

If I were the sort of wanker who still thought novelty ringtones were at all desirable, I'd have:

Tour de France horns.
Tarzan Calling.
DLT 'Quack Quack Oops' jingle (for texts)

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2020, 11:23:01 AM »
Someone at my work had that blues song that goes "I'm a man" as a ringtone. He's moved to another floor fortunately with his talk of Melania Trump and rifles.

Since I never answer my phone, it's always on silent or sometimes vibrate if I'm expecting a text.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2020, 11:29:06 AM »
From the topic title I thought you meant people with ringtones of the bit in The Exorcist where she has a funny turn with the crucifix.

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #15 on: February 14, 2020, 12:00:56 PM »
Every so often I accidentally knock my phone off silent and it makes that horrid 'helo moto' alert, which usually makes me exclaim 'waaah!' and I feel a pang of guilt that I've broken some sort of code.

Then again I got a meeting sprung on me so I hastily pressed the pause key on my computer to stop the music playing as I took off my headphones. This actually unpaused vlc in the background and played a recording that was much louder than what I was listening to, so someone popped in to tell me that my laptop was blaring 'some jazz'. Oops.

Dex Sawash

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #16 on: February 14, 2020, 12:09:53 PM »
I'm still using the MIDI Breaking the Law from that MIDI metal website thread here. Cuts right through all the air tool noise at work.

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #17 on: February 14, 2020, 03:36:17 PM »
In every office I’ve worked in there has been someone with a FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtone; those ones which are loud enough to burst your ears and invariably a shitty song rather some inoffensive melody - always either fluffy pop or blaring detuned rawk guitars depending on the phone’s owner, with no options in between.

Who are these people? Aren’t they embarrassed? I’m in a hospital waiting room and someone’s bag just went off I’m FUCKING JESUS FUCK fashion, and all of us jumped in shock.

Is this you? I will break you.

I have the theme from trailer park boys on mine, it’s very soothing

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #18 on: February 14, 2020, 03:54:25 PM »
remember when sky tv channels were funded by ringtone adverts

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #19 on: February 14, 2020, 04:02:38 PM »
I liked the monophonic Nokia ringtone 'the buffoon', and sometimes whistle it when I know there's nobody else around to hear it.

icehaven

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #20 on: February 14, 2020, 04:25:37 PM »
My phone makes a loud BOING noise every time I switch my data off. I never set it up to do this and I can't for the life of me work out how to switch it off, so I'm stuck with it. Doesn’t even make any noise when I switch data on, which would be more useful.

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #21 on: February 14, 2020, 04:31:10 PM »
I have John Carpenter's Halloween theme tune as a ringtone when the Mrs calls.

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #22 on: February 14, 2020, 04:43:15 PM »
I used have the Pete and Dud 'Bloody Greta Garbo' routine as my ringtone.

icehaven

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #23 on: February 14, 2020, 04:44:41 PM »
I liked the monophonic Nokia ringtone 'the buffoon', and sometimes whistle it when I know there's nobody else around to hear it.

Oh yeah that's good. I used to have a similar sounding one on my Phillips Savvy, it was a highly bastardized version of a Mozart symphony, sounded ridiculous.

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #24 on: February 14, 2020, 05:51:31 PM »
It's interesting the reactions of people when your ringtone is a barfly you bribed to shout MIKE GAPES ATTRACTS WASPS but he is pissed and just barbled MY GATES ATTACK MOTHS

Dewt

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #25 on: February 14, 2020, 05:59:54 PM »
my ring tone is austen powers going do i make you horny baby, always turned up to max volume. i've got it perfect now where i can say it along with him 4 times and then pick up just before it rings off. do i make you horny baby do i make you horny baby do i make you horny baby do i make you horny baby hi danny sturgeon speaking, do i make you horny baby?
Pretty weak. You should set it as your message tone. Or even better, for each keypress.

Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #26 on: February 14, 2020, 06:46:09 PM »
People who still have that bloke whistling should be hung

touchingcloth

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #27 on: February 14, 2020, 07:20:01 PM »
D’yer ‘member crazy frog?

kalowski

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #28 on: February 14, 2020, 07:27:39 PM »
Surely having music for a ringtone hasn't been a thing since 2008?

I once had an AC/DC track (can't remember which one) as an alert for text messages. Forgot all about it until I got a text at 3 in the morning and was ripped out if sleep nearly having a heart attack. This was last week around 2003. Phone on silent ever since

touchingcloth

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Re: FUCKING JESUS FUCK ringtones
« Reply #29 on: February 14, 2020, 07:51:18 PM »
Yeah, I don’t even know how to set a custom ringtone on my phone. Cos it’s not 2008.

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