Author Topic: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know  (Read 1622 times)

Danger Man

  • Volcel
Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« on: February 14, 2020, 11:05:04 PM »
My first lecture at Glasgow University was about 'literature' and the lecturer blew my easily impressed mind. He showed us a headline from The Sun and explained why it could be seen as a poem. And then he quoted at length from Camus' The Outsider and my mind was blown.

I left the lecture theatre and went to the bookshop and went home and read it in one sitting. Wow.....this man has a dead mother and then has sex and then shoots somebody. How fucking cool is that? I was turning up to classes dressed as Illya Kuryakin from The Man From Uncle and I knew I wanted to have a dead mother and have sex and shoot somebody. It just seemed so cool. I especially wanted the sex.

Well, I've still not shot somebody but I've had sex a few times and now have a dead mother. But it's come too late. It's not cool, it's just....what it is.

I reread The Outsider a few years ago and it was a completely different book. The bloke keeps a scrapbook and spends his weekends looking out of the window. What sort of cunt is that? How did I miss that the first time round? How did I actually become it?

Consciously I'm fine with this but I almost got into a fight in the pub tonight so maybe the unconscious is trying to tell me something. It's been a long day.

It turns out the book was never about the start, it was about the end. The mob pour scorn on the poor idiot.

So, if you can be bothered, do your worst. I'd appreciate it.

Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2020, 11:06:46 PM »
I'm delighted your mother is dead.

Dewt

  • GBH of the ear 'ole
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2020, 11:07:40 PM »
No wonder you hate the NHS, if they can't even remove your mother's cataracts without accidentally destroying her in the process.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2020, 11:10:28 PM »
Long time since I read it, but didn't he kill someone as well?

So you've got that to look forward to.

shiftwork2

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Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2020, 11:12:45 PM »
Mine's been dead for years, can't reasonably see her coming back at this late stage.  It gets better, although that information is beyond useless to you now.  Maybe look after yourself a bit.

madhair60

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Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2020, 11:18:54 PM »
I really need to know if it was today or yesterday.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2020, 11:20:24 PM »
Give it 40 minutes and it'll get REALLY confusing.

Danger Man

  • Volcel
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2020, 11:24:07 PM »
Yeah....I'm thinking today.

At least she died PRIVATE and not the fucking NHS.

Too soon?

Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2020, 11:25:03 PM »
Can't believe the insensitive replies so far...so sorry for your loss.

My gain.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2020, 11:27:08 PM »
At least she died PRIVATE

Ever thought that's why she died?  Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh......



(in all seriousness, though, condolences.  Unless you're one of these CaBbers that hated one or both their parents and is glad that they've passed on)

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2020, 11:31:41 PM »
Raising a glass of white Zinfandel right now.

Danger Man

  • Volcel
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2020, 11:33:46 PM »
Ever thought that's why she died?  Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh......

£7,000/month care......I'm glad she only lasted a few days.

But as she died near London and wants to be buried ON A FUCKING HEBRIDEAN ISLAND I'm not getting any cashback.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2020, 11:40:20 PM »
But as she died near London and wants to be buried ON A FUCKING HEBRIDEAN ISLAND I'm not getting any cashback.

Sorry to tell you - we've Brexited now, so it'll have to be a purpose built burying park in a large warehouse in Milton Keynes.

shiftwork2

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Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2020, 11:41:45 PM »
I had one of the most cost-effective parental bereavements and one which still provides succour to this day.  We'd talked about the expensive options - 5 years of dementia and top dollar care homes, and she decided that suicide would be the best option in that eventuality to minimise the transference of extremely modest family means to 'the man'.

The light conversations you have with your loved ones in a neoliberal society.

Danger Man

  • Volcel
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2020, 11:43:13 PM »
Ever seen a hearse doing 70 on a motorway?

It's going to take a lot of time and money to get her up North.

Sin Agog

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Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #15 on: February 14, 2020, 11:46:27 PM »
It'll be loads cheaper if you use DeadEx.

Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #16 on: February 14, 2020, 11:51:26 PM »
Are you so bereft of parental guidance that you must look to works of fiction for your role models? Then you truly are lost, OP.

shiftwork2

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Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #17 on: February 14, 2020, 11:52:11 PM »
Unless your mother has been unreasonably specific, there is scope to make a big saving by cremating her down here and driving up with the cremains in the boot.  If you do so, document the process as a Cost Improvement Program (CIP) and present it to your all-powerful NHS Business Manager (with no clinical role or purpose) to get promotion brownie points.  If you don't have one of those then please PM with me with the deets, big feather in cap possible.  Alright cheers

Danger Man

  • Volcel
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #18 on: February 14, 2020, 11:54:54 PM »
Unless your mother has been unreasonably specific,

She has....

My father said 'chuck me in a skip' but ended up getting his ashes floated down the Ganges, so we've set an expensive precedent here.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #19 on: February 14, 2020, 11:56:32 PM »
Unless your mother has been unreasonably specific, there is scope to make a big saving by cremating her down here and driving up with the cremains in the boot. 

Even quicker, easier and cheaper than that - just wait for a very strong southerly wind and then open the biscuit tin/coffee jar.

Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #20 on: February 15, 2020, 12:11:39 AM »
Any mother of yours would be a cunt, and the world can breathe a sigh of relief upon her passing. Just look at this... this thing she has raised.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #21 on: February 15, 2020, 12:21:47 AM »
Don't worry, DM. We're your mother now.

Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #22 on: February 15, 2020, 12:35:22 AM »
Don't pat his microcephalic head and console him. He said:

So, if you can be bothered, do your worst. I'd appreciate it.

So do your worst. He's asking for it, walking around this forum dressed like that.

Twit 2

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Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #23 on: February 15, 2020, 03:20:41 AM »
Isn’t the better translation of the first line, ‘Mother is dead today’ ?

Dewt

  • GBH of the ear 'ole
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #24 on: February 15, 2020, 03:28:14 AM »
£7,000/month care......I'm glad she only lasted a few days.
in all serious that is pretty cheap private healthcare

Better Midlands

  • I'm not internationally known
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #25 on: February 15, 2020, 04:31:25 AM »
£7,000/month care......I'm glad she only lasted a few days.

Didn't you try looking for a Groupon or something?

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

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Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #26 on: February 15, 2020, 05:55:53 AM »
Is your mum really dead, Dangey? I'd like to offer straightforward condolences if this is the case.

Mister Six

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Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #27 on: February 15, 2020, 06:19:28 AM »
Why should she rely on you to get her to the Hebrides? Lazy leftist thinking, expecting a handout like that. If she can't get there under her own steam she can go float in a canal and be grateful for it.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #28 on: February 15, 2020, 07:05:30 AM »
Quote
But as she died near London and wants to be buried ON A FUCKING HEBRIDEAN ISLAND I'm not getting any cashback.

Stick her in Canvey. She'll never notice (dead) and the flood defences could do with shoring up.

Noonling

  • Fuck does Cuno care?!
Re: Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I don't know
« Reply #29 on: February 15, 2020, 08:59:57 AM »
Danger Man: She's dead. You don't have to do what she wants any more.

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