Just got the latest TOOLSTATION catalogue

[Gregory Torso]

My mad wife asked me to order some face masks because of the pandemic that isn't happening, so I did, from TOOLSTATION. And they sent me a catalogue. It's amazing. It's like a walk-through to a world I can't ever be part of. I could buy a chainsaw for fucks sake.

- UNLIMITED REBATE PLANER
- DUAL MODE PRECISION PLUNGE ROUTER
- FEMALE ELBOW
- NAILERS LANYARD
- MONUMENT OLIVE REMOVING TOOL
- TIMBER COCKSPUR
- BLACK JAPANNED CHAIN
- ULTI-MATE BUGLE HEAD DRYWALL PHOSPHATE

I feel like I have gone through to another dimension. I could just order things forever. Maybe I can get a wood chipper or a guillotine. This is brilliant now.

[Gregory Torso]

They sell grenades.

[Gregory Torso]

I can just buy an axe off the internet. This is madness.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Tool me more, Gregory.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Chainsaws are great fun. Get one.

[seepage]

.

[Gregory Torso]

I can get a robot lawnmower for £700.

IT'S LIKE A ROOMBA BUT FOR THE OUTSIDE

[Gregory Torso]

Fucking hell I can buy my own traffic cones. The world is mine.

[Blumf]

Chainsaws are all well and good, but angle grinders are the real manly tool.

[Gregory Torso]

- UNEQUAL JUNCTION
- UNIVERSAL RODDABLE GULLY
- MECHANICAL SOIL BOSS
- BASIN WASTE
- FLOAT VALVE PART 1
- GAS BAYONET MICROPOINT

[Gregory Torso]

Pickaxe for eleven quid. I'm going on a rampage

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

MECHANICAL SOIL BOSS

I think I remember that one from Sonic Heroes.

[Gregory Torso]

it's like Argos for serial killers

[Butchers Blind]

'Hello ladies walking in countryside I am (still) not a rapist!'
'Just got the latest TOOLSTATION catalogue'

Threads that go together.

[Flatulent Fox]

I love TS because they do next day delivery free over £10.
Was in there last week where I bought and then returned a set of taps,because I'm a bloody bloke.

[oy vey]

- MONUMENT OLIVE REMOVING TOOL

Brilliant. Up til now I've just been serving them to guests.

[Sebastian Cobb]

What sort of mask? Apparently the paper ones do fuck all and the N95 respirators are only any cop if they fit your face well.

[flotemysost]

I remember looking through one of those Kleeneze catalogues that came in the post once after school (essentially Avon for household items - cleaning, laundry, tidying etc.) and realising there's a page basically dedicated to wanking products.

I mean they were masquerading as 'massagers' for 'easing muscular aches' - nothing lurid or obviously phallic in design, but come on, why else would they include those Hitachi things in a catalogue aimed primarily at housewives?

[Gregory Torso]

What sort of mask? Apparently the paper ones do fuck all and the N95 respirators are only any cop if they fit your face well.

Just standard dust masks. It's all bollocks anyway if the plague comes.

[Alberon]

It's where I always go for left-handed screwdrivers, rubber hammers, long weights and striped paint.

[Cerys]

I remember looking through one of those Kleeneze catalogues that came in the post once after school (essentially Avon for household items - cleaning, laundry, tidying etc.) and realising there's a page basically dedicated to wanking products.

I mean they were masquerading as 'massagers' for 'easing muscular aches' - nothing lurid or obviously phallic in design, but come on, why else would they include those Hitachi things in a catalogue aimed primarily at housewives?

All that floor scrubbing plays havoc with shoulder muscles, I'll have you know.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I remember looking through one of those Kleeneze catalogues that came in the post once after school (essentially Avon for household items - cleaning, laundry, tidying etc.) and realising there's a page basically dedicated to wanking products.

I mean they were masquerading as 'massagers' for 'easing muscular aches' - nothing lurid or obviously phallic in design, but come on, why else would they include those Hitachi things in a catalogue aimed primarily at housewives?

Last time I had a flick through the Kleeneze catalogue it wasn't anything as normal as wanking aids, it was things like a kitchen roll holder shaped like a cat, not a jokey 'cats arse' tea towel holder, an actual holder that was like bookends, for kitchen roll that looked like the head and tail of a cat.



Another thing was a cover for upright vacuum cleaners that looked like a French maid's uniform.



The kind of stuff that you'd slowly notice when you're sat in someone's house drinking a cup of tea before coming to the realisation 'this cunt is mental!'.

And kleeneze seem to work on some sort of mad business model where they make people buy their own magazines, who post them through your letterbox whether you want them or not, then send beggy notes asking for them back.

[Blumf]

Was in there last week where I bought and then returned a set of taps,because I'm a bloody bloke.

Taps?



or, taps?

[Zetetic]

What sort of mask? Apparently the paper ones do fuck all and the N95 respirators are only any cop if they fit your face well.

Paper ones are useful if you're infected, maybe?

But unless the Torsos are already prophylactically self-isolating from each other, that probably isn't relevant.

[Gregory Torso]

Paper ones are useful if you're infected, maybe?

But unless the Torsos are already prophylactically self-isolating from each other, that probably isn't relevant.

We are continentally isolated, as she is in China and I am in Nottingham.

[BlodwynPig]

FUCKING HATE TAPS

[Sherringford Hovis]

Toolstation is the Aldi to Machine Mart's Waitrose.

[Flatulent Fox]

Taps?



or, taps?

Kitchen taps,but they're both good options.

[pancreas]

Can you please post some photos of particularly stimulating pages? I'm about to commence my sunday morning hungover hate-wank.

[Blumf]

Does it have any flange?



How about some Sex Bolts?



A Bastard File would be useful too



Although I bet they don't stock Dedicated Power Benders