Just got the latest TOOLSTATION catalogue

[Sebastian Cobb]

Whenever I go into any kind of tool place it's a nightmare because there is a lot of shit I want 'just because' so I always have to coerce myself not to buy a wrecking bar or a pipe wrench just because I want both for a bit of absolute mayhem.

I did buy a sledgehammer for my fitness-mad housemate, though. He wails on old tires with it as a shoulder workout. Apparently it's not unheard of and it's not just because he's fucking mental.

I bought a nice digital vernier caliper set the other day. Not the most brutish of tools admittedly, but it's nice to know I can go round measuring stuff.

[Blumf]

digital vernier

Say what!?

[Gregory Torso]

I'm sorry to keep going about this, but the fact that I can just order one of these without having any roadwork credentials whatsoever, and then put it out on the road at night to stop cunts driving past my flat is like finding Narnia behind a beige corkboard

[pancreas]

You could do more damage with that thing than a molotov cocktail.

[Chollis]

any1 know if u can get BABESTATION catalogue

[pancreas]

Like this:



?

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'm sorry to keep going about this, but the fact that I can just order one of these without having any roadwork credentials whatsoever, and then put it out on the road at night to stop cunts driving past my flat is like finding Narnia behind a beige corkboard

I think you should at least have the fortitude to steal it from some active roadworks.

What about those picks who drive about with a cone in their boot eh?

[Blue Jam]

any1 know if u can get BABESTATION catalogue

TOOLSTATION is actually just BABESTATION for dick picks.

[oy vey]

You're part of the problem Gregory.

[idunnosomename]

What about those picks who drive about with a cone in their boot eh?

the French?

[phantom_power]

You're part of the problem Gregory.

This was much funnier in the "posts that made you laugh" thread when I thought Gregory was the cow

[Cerys]

Do they do one of a xenomorph?  Cos I wouldn't mind having one of those.

[Johnny Yesno]

Do they do one of a xenomorph?  Cos I wouldn't mind having one of those.

Probably wouldn't be as frightening as the original designs.

I mean, imagine a new acquaintance asking you to get their hoover out from the cupboard under the stairs and you open the door and in the half light you see the French maid staring back at you with its vacant eyes...

[shiftwork2]

It's all quite rough sex sounding isn't it, Toolstation, Screwfix.  B&Q.

[seepage]

It's all quite rough sex sounding isn't it, Toolstation, Screwfix.  B&Q.

Rubbermaid

[Shit Good Nose]

Do they do one of a xenomorph?  Cos I wouldn't mind having one of those.

If anywhere does them, it'll be Wish.  Unfortunately I'm at work and Wish is blocked by our firewall (probs cos of the large amount of sex toys and BDSM paraphernalia they sell).

[Huxleys Babkins]

It's all quite rough sex sounding isn't it, Toolstation, Screwfix.  B&Q.

STANLEY FAT MAX

[phantom_power]

Cross Head Screw Driver

[thenoise]

I think you should at least have the fortitude to steal it from some active roadworks.

What about those picks who drive about with a cone in their boot eh?

I like to think there is some mild mannered student somewhere who buys a cone from Toolstation to place on top of the college statue during rag week, in order to avoid inconveniencing the local council.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I like to think there is some mild mannered student somewhere who buys a cone from Toolstation to place on top of the college statue during rag week, in order to avoid inconveniencing the local council.

The one in Glasgow usually has a manky council cone, I've seen it with an EU one during brexit and I'm sure it's had a rainbow one for pride stuff.

If toolstation don't do rainbow cones they're getting CANCELLED so fucking hard, I sware.

[Cerys]

If anywhere does them, it'll be Wish.  Unfortunately I'm at work and Wish is blocked by our firewall (probs cos of the large amount of sex toys and BDSM paraphernalia they sell).

Can't find one.  If we actually had an upright then I'd consider making one, but we don't.

[Brian Freeze]

I bought a nice digital vernier caliper set the other day. Not the most brutish of tools admittedly, but it's nice to know I can go round measuring stuff.

Where, when, how much?

I have a lovely analogue one but ought to get with the times.(serious question)

[Cerys]

There's one for seven quid on Amazon. I think I must have one of these in my life.  Probably not the seven quid one, though.

[Blumf]

No such thing as a "digital vernier caliper"! You all fail at tools!!!

Vernier caliper (with it's vernier scales)


Dial caliper


Digital caliper (note the lack of vernier scales)

[Cuellar]

I think we all know what the first thing to get calipered would be.

Yes. My back rolls.

[Cuellar]

That's reminded me actually - we used to get body fat calipered regularly in PE lessons at school. Is that normal?

[Cerys]

Did any of your class go missing?  Because your PE teacher was checking you all out for oven-roasting potential.

[MojoJojo]

Can't find one.  If we actually had an upright then I'd consider making one, but we don't.

For a non-upright make one of the weird desk thing in the Fifth Element:

[Flatulent Fox]

Flights of fancy looking at the nice Mikoki power tools...
Imagine turning up kitted out with Milwalkee gear and people asking "Who IS he?".

What was the Bob the Builder phrase again "Can we fix it?"
If you pay!

I'm sorry to keep going about this, but the fact that I can just order one of these without having any roadwork credentials whatsoever, and then put it out on the road at night to stop cunts driving past my flat is like finding Narnia behind a beige corkboard

They weigh so much.My brothers bought one home when they were very high or whatever and were quite pleased with themselves.Then one hid it under his bed until eventually dumping it in the family garden.
So then it sits there because they're waiting for the right time to dump it somewhere,So I dragged it over and closed off a parking space across the road.
Sure looked official. And very effective given just how fkn heavy they are.

Would have been fun to see how many people thought they'd hit it lucky and tried shifting it before giving up and driving on.The fucks.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Where, when, how much?

I have a lovely analogue one but ought to get with the times.(serious question)

About a fiver, ebay. Seems to work fine.