Author Topic: Jurassic World: Dominion  (Read 4114 times)

Thomas

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Jurassic World: Dominion
« on: February 26, 2020, 11:26:49 AM »
No, it's not a shitty video game title, it's the super epic amazing finale to the double-trilogy Jurassic World brand franchise. The ending of the original novel implies that dinosaurs have already reached the mainland, munching on lysine-rich plants and the occasional infant in beachside villages. A 'dinosaurs in human civilisation' sequel could've gone straight from there. But here we are, nearly 30 years and four dispensable sequels later - and a few dinosaurs finally live in the woods.

Chris Pratt has compared this final film to Avengers: Endgame, saying:

Quote
It's got everybody. It's got pretty much everybody in it. Maybe I just blew it, but I don't care. All the cast from the original Jurassic Park is coming back. It's going to feel very much like how Endgame brought everything together for Marvel.

Imagine a reunion of everybody from the Jurassic franchise's past! Annoying one from Jurassic Park 3! Bloke from the second one (or, wait, was it the third?)! Whathisname from the one with the thingy. That man. That woman. (I do love Sam Neill, though).

The first film is near-perfect. A big, smart, sci-fi thriller. Stunning to look at, too. Wonderful colours. The second film has good elements, but the strain shows - Jurassic Park clearly works as a standalone story. From the third one on, it's all pointless. Might as well be a dream. Optional DVD extras. But won't it be exciting to tie it all together?

Hate it. The Marvel-franchisification of a brilliant one-off story. Dinosaurs becoming characters, with cool, hip names like 'Blue', leaping towards the camera away from explosions, teaming up to kill hybrid baddies and save cloned children. Obligatory romance subplots. Loudly scored comedy moments! Teal-and-orange colour grading! Scraping desperarely for a plot even though the entire story was told in the first one!

Obviously, I nevertheless will be paying to see it in the cinema.

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2020, 11:34:31 AM »
Every Jurassic Park film in the last 25 years has been shite.

Close the thread.

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2020, 12:16:43 PM »
Hopefully Blue will end up fucking a dinosaur with a colour scheme that somehow ‘pops’ against its own, and a name that reflects it.  (I am saying that having a dinosaur called “Orange” would give this triumphant trilogy a heartwarming and organic resolution.)

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2020, 12:17:50 PM »
I didn't even like the first Jurassic Park film.

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2020, 12:27:41 PM »
I didn't even like the first Jurassic Park film.

Ditto - left the cinema very disappointed.


Hopefully this last one will end in the same amazing way as Jurassic Park 3 did, with Laura Dern popping up in the last 30 seconds and just calling out the army.  Cut to the aftermath of some unseen enormous dino vs. human war.

Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2020, 12:29:36 PM »
I want to see a cute looking dino baby savagely turn and eat a child, bite their head clean off.

Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2020, 12:38:27 PM »
I hope they've somehow managed to splice the DNA of Dennis Nedry with a frog so they can bring Wayne Knight back.

Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2020, 12:50:13 PM »
The most recent one (can't remember what it's called, there's a bit with an auction) was so much shitter than its shit sequel predecessors that it didn't even feel like I was watching a film anymore. Just a load of shit happening on the screen that defied all logic or narrative sense. The only other time I've experienced this was with the last Transformers film (can't remember what it's called, Anthony Hopkins was in it) which also somehow managed to transcend the shitness of its predecessors into some sort of transdimensional uber-shitness beyond human understanding.

Thomas

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #8 on: February 26, 2020, 12:54:17 PM »
(can't remember what it's called, there's a bit with an auction)

Its subtitle was the stupidly faux-grandiose 'Fallen Kingdom'.

'Forsooth, my liege, tis but a fallen kingdom now.'
'Are you saying we need to evacuate the island?'
'Alas, tis unmerrily so. For soon dinosauria will establish dominion over the lands of Earth. Oh, they've gone.'

Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2020, 12:59:00 PM »
Ditto - left the cinema very disappointed.


They didn't even use real dinosaurs.

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #10 on: February 26, 2020, 01:03:49 PM »
The most recent one (can't remember what it's called, there's a bit with an auction) was so much shitter than its shit sequel predecessors that it didn't even feel like I was watching a film anymore. Just a load of shit happening on the screen that defied all logic or narrative sense. The only other time I've experienced this was with the last Transformers film (can't remember what it's called, Anthony Hopkins was in it) which also somehow managed to transcend the shitness of its predecessors into some sort of transdimensional uber-shitness beyond human understanding.

I believe this was the last movie I saw before I let my Cineworld Unlimited card expire.  It wasn't entirely J-World 2's fault; that just happened to be the last in a long line of 'load of shit happening' films I'd seen that year.  I particularly remember being very disappointed in Toby Jones for his cheque-taking appearance in such a thoroughly crap fillum.

Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #11 on: February 26, 2020, 01:09:15 PM »
I hope they've somehow managed to splice the DNA of Dennis Nedry with a frog so they can bring Wayne Knight back.

Given the precedent set by the Disney Star Wars films for resurrecting dead actors, I'm fully anticipating CG Bob Peck and Pete Postlethwaite cameos

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #12 on: February 26, 2020, 01:13:27 PM »
Given the precedent set by the Disney Star Wars films for resurrecting dead actors, I'm fully anticipating CG Bob Peck and Pete Postlethwaite cameos
i was going to make a Bob Peck joke but forgot Postlethwaite was in the second one

Thomas

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #13 on: February 26, 2020, 01:16:57 PM »
It's going to be a looong film if they give enough material to the Old Guys so that their presence isn't just trailer-fodder (like Goldblum being in the last one for six seconds), alongside all the stuff Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard will be given to do. Looks like they're foster parents now to the clone child, so there'll be some boring screentime spent on that familial relationship.

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #14 on: February 26, 2020, 01:23:44 PM »
It's going to be a looong film if they give enough material to the Old Guys so that their presence isn't just trailer-fodder (like Goldblum being in the last one for six seconds), alongside all the stuff Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard will be given to do. Looks like they're foster parents now to the clone child, so they'll be some boring screentime spent on that familial relationship.

Don’t worry - they won’t extend the film beyond trailer-fodder in any sense whatsoever.




Ah man imagine if there is a t-Rex in this

Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #15 on: February 26, 2020, 04:30:44 PM »
I want a Godzooky (la la la la) type cute goody dinosaur type completely CGI sidekick character voiced by Frank Welker to fill that all important goofy Jar Jar Binks/Scrappy Doo/Slimer/Uni/Snarf type void that has always existed in the Jurassic Park franchise. Obviously it would display extreme cowardice but towards the end of the movie manage to somehow probably accidentally save the day in a heart-warming and surprising fashion wrapping up the franchise in an ultimately satisfying resolve.
« Last Edit: February 26, 2020, 04:40:52 PM by Hand Solo »

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #16 on: February 26, 2020, 04:39:46 PM »
Could it be orange, please?

Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #17 on: February 26, 2020, 04:41:24 PM »
Could it be orange, please?

It could be nicknamed Teal though, to go along with the above mentioned Blue.

Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #18 on: February 26, 2020, 04:46:12 PM »
I thought the last one went from boring and bad (after a great opening) to entertainingly stupid. Someone said that it became like an Asylum mockbuster version of itself (complete with a weirdly cheap feel) and I'd agree with that. I'm hoping this one is more consistent.

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #19 on: February 26, 2020, 04:48:46 PM »
It could be nicknamed Teal though, to go along with the above mentioned Blue.

It’s teal and orange though, not teal and blue.


My hope was that Orange (or maybe call it Amber or something?) would go on to fuck Blue in the final third of the movie.

Thomas

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #20 on: February 26, 2020, 06:16:54 PM »
I thought the last one went from boring and bad (after a great opening) to entertainingly stupid. Someone said that it became like an Asylum mockbuster version of itself (complete with a weirdly cheap feel) and I'd agree with that. I'm hoping this one is more consistent.

Yeah - for its superfluous and vacuous existence, and its stupid plotting and ideas, I found Fallen Kingdom to be entertaining, the most so since the first film (though not at all in the same way). Big silly schlock. We can't expect an earnest good film out of this finale, so I hope it's maximum bollocks and I intend to enjoy it in that spirit. If a dinosaur gets onto the International Space Station I will go 'yep, good' and relax into it.

Ultimately I hate the franchise, what it represents, and its profiteering in a dearth of ideas, but I do like disengaging and watching dinosaurs killin' idiots on nicely built sets. I have so much goodwill from the sole original outing.

Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #21 on: February 27, 2020, 03:47:15 PM »
i was going to make a Bob Peck joke but forgot Postlethwaite was in the second one

Sniffing a dinosaur's dildo?

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #22 on: February 27, 2020, 05:40:18 PM »
Watched Jurassic World. Jurassic Park was my favourite film as a kid by far.

Rather pay the same money to sit silently in the dark for 3 hours that watch any more of this shit. cheers.

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #23 on: February 27, 2020, 07:48:02 PM »
Will this have advert breaks when it is broadcast on ITV2?

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #24 on: February 27, 2020, 07:58:27 PM »
I've only seen the first of these twenty films, and the only non-dinosaur characters I remember are Newman from Seinfeld and that guy who got eaten on the toilet. Will they be in it

Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #25 on: February 27, 2020, 08:03:26 PM »
I've only seen the first of these twenty films, and the only non-dinosaur characters I remember are Newman from Seinfeld and that guy who got eaten on the toilet. Will they be in it

If they can bring back million year old extinct species through fossilied mosquito spaff, they can surely clone Newman and Man Eaten on Toilet. So yes, possibly.

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #26 on: February 27, 2020, 08:14:29 PM »
Hope the title was a misprint and the film is about a rubber clad Raptor pissing on a man's face.

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #27 on: February 27, 2020, 08:23:00 PM »
Its subtitle was the stupidly faux-grandiose 'Fallen Kingdom'.

Has there ever been a more generic and forgettable big blockbuster title than "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom"? Talk to Transformer ass shit

Avengers: Fallen Kingdom
Transformers: Fallen Kingdom
Terminator: Fallen Kingdom
Independence Day: Fallen Kingdom
Top Gun: Fallen Kingdom
Star Wars Episode X: Fallen Kingdom
Metal Gear Rising: Fallen Kingdom
Fallen Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #28 on: February 27, 2020, 09:14:30 PM »
Can the new one recreate the only bit I remember from any of the sequels, please? A bloke has a kip on a plane and dreams a dinosaur is sat down on the plane opposite him saying "Alan". I'd bung that in there again if I were them.

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Re: Jurassic World: Dominion
« Reply #29 on: February 27, 2020, 09:15:09 PM »
My hope was that Orange (or maybe call it Amber or something?) would go on to fuck Blue in the final third of the movie.
Or arse, as it's usually called.

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