Cricket thread 2020: executing our skillsets

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/57976072

I hope whoever this is has a full audit trail of their wife's presence in all the IPL/PSL/CPL bollocks they'll have participated in over the years

Still, sounds better than "I don't want to go because we will be beaten on a level thus far unprecedented in cricketing history'

[Chedney Honks]

It's an absolutely brilliant excuse in a way, boo hoo Covid, but it also makes them sound like total amoebae. Oooh, I can't go without my wife and/or kids. She'll be glad of the break from the Head Prefect. While he's nurdling singles a million miles away in a bubble she got Halesy round for a MAMMOTH rogering.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Australia have fired first by not taking part in the Rugby League World Cup but at least it was a firm joint decision and everyone knew they would have marmalised England/GBR/whoever cunts if they had bothered to turn up.

This by comparison is some weak, weak shit from members of a team that know the moment their feet land on Australian soil they are going to be put in the stocks and flogged day and night for two months like the village peados and AIDS merchants they are. Only Jofra Archer left to hit one of them on the head with the ball.

[sevendaughters]

It's a difficult situation. I think they'd probably like a winter off and they're mentally flushed from all the bubble shit.

Pick a team of singletons and divorcees.

[George Oscar Bluth II]

Yeah I'm sure the last year of cricket has been fucking awful for them all but anyone who did IPL and Big Bash League this year can shut the fuck up moaning about not being able to take the kids to Australia.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

RIP Mike Hendrick.

Off to topple white South Africans with the new ball in the great Rebel tour in the sky.

[Pranet]

Sports people seem to have kids earlier than average. (I have not looked up any stats about this so I could be talking rubbish).

If you are a cricketer of any sort of success could be argued better to wait because you are going to spending a lot of time away from home. Even if you are not a test player, with all the franchise leagues, T20, T10. I know that this is not the only consideration when deciding when to have kids, and I know it isn't like you always get to choose.

I've read in the old days footballers were pressured to settle down early by their clubs. Wonder if the same thing happens these days.

[druss]

Has this Hundred been a success, I've been actively avoiding it.

[George Oscar Bluth II]

Has this Hundred been a success, I've been actively avoiding it.

Saw Colin de Grandhomme's mullet last night so, yes, a success.

I've read in the old days footballers were pressured to settle down early by their clubs. Wonder if the same thing happens these days.

Still are, Harry Kane has four kids and is 28 years old!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I wouldn't trust him to put a condom on the right body part, so that figures.

[Chedney Honks]

If they think having twenty kids is gonna stop KING ROON nobbing, they got another lil Roon coming!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2021/jul/28/graham-gooch-masterful-154-west-indies-england-headingley-30-years-on

Why do they do these articles and interviews about one innings then spend literally no time talking about the actual innings.

It was cloudy and he played with soft hands but also played some other shots. Fucking fascinating.

[finnquark]

Dwayne Leverock on taking 5/53 against Kenya, carrying 130 kilos and that catch. Deep dive on the Athletic - get a twelve month subscription for thruppence.

[Harry Badger]

Ben Stokes taking indefinite break from all cricket to deal with mental health issues and his fucked index finger. https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/58033393

[badaids]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2021/jul/28/graham-gooch-masterful-154-west-indies-england-headingley-30-years-on

Why do they do these articles and interviews about one innings then spend literally no time talking about the actual innings.

It was cloudy and he played with soft hands but also played some other shots. Fucking fascinating.

Yes, but to be fair I remember watching that innings at the time. It was in a series where England got pummelled by the most terrifying pace attack I've ever seen and even then Gooch was the best batsmen by a mile. It was the first time I'd ever watched cricket and seeing Patrick Patterson tear in with half his boot missing and one eye closed was electrifying. Then there was Ambrose. Also seeing Ramps and Hick make their debuts and fail miserably.  The best of times and worst of times.

[badaids]

Thuglife taking indefinite break from cricket to sort out his thuglife.

[Harry Badger]

Yes, but to be fair I remember watching that innings at the time. It was in a series where England got pummelled by the most terrifying pace attack I've ever seen and even then Gooch was the best batsmen by a mile. It was the first time I'd ever watched cricket and seeing Patrick Patterson tear in with half his boot missing and one eye closed was electrifying. Then there was Ambrose. Also seeing Ramps and Hick make their debuts and fail miserably.  The best of times and worst of times.

They showed the highlights of the game on BBC last year as a prelude to the West Indies series. Ramps did pretty well in the first game, batted for nearly five hours for a pair of 27s. It really was a bastard wicket, although probably more helpful to medium pacers than outright quicks.

[gilbertharding]

Thuglife taking indefinite break from cricket to sort out his thuglife.

Sit down, Piers Morgan - he's not *just* taking care of his brainbox. His "left index finger" also needs a rest. Like a dictionary definition of the word 'bathetic'.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

So we get a two tier culture where undroppable players get to pick and choose but the younger players who maybe be suffering the same or worse mental health issues are scared of losing their position in the side so keep playing (and failing).

[Harry Badger]

So we get a two tier culture where undroppable players get to pick and choose but the younger players who maybe be suffering the same or worse mental health issues are scared of losing their position in the side so keep playing (and failing).

Twas ever thus. Gooch, Botham, Gower all made themselves unavailable for tours at various points in the 80s and 90s. Boycott took about three seasons off from England in the 70s. Admittedly, this was before players were contracted to England.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/ashwell-prince-on-being-a-player-of-colour-in-the-south-africa-team-it-was-a-lonely-place-1271824

Speaking of tiers...

He doesn't name names, but given he played in a settled side that narrows the potential candidates down.

[Harry Badger]

https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/ashwell-prince-on-being-a-player-of-colour-in-the-south-africa-team-it-was-a-lonely-place-1271824

Speaking of tiers...

He doesn't name names, but given he played in a settled side that narrows the potential candidates down.

I'm guessing one will be the one-eyed racist former wicketkeeper Mark Boucher

[sevendaughters]

He went on to enjoy a successful county career with Lancashire, which he described as more enjoyable than playing for the national team...

in tears here big man, will never forget that 501 partnership against Glamorgan at Colwyn Bay. About four windscreens done in.

[rjd2]

Brave man to bet money on Kallis and Smith not having much to do with the bullshit that Price had to deal with. Even ignoring probable racism they were a pair of pricks anyhow.

Hopefully ABDV had nothing to do with it, but I'd be shocked if he did not have serious power in the dressing room around then.

India planning to drop Jadeja and open with Rahul the absolute fucking idiots tomorrow.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Smith and Boucher seem tight and obviously both really gobby. Can imagine Kallis being smart enough to leave his true feelings at the door. Faf du Plessis got stick after retiring for doing so little to help improve the situation but that was after Prince's time.

There were probably some fringe players gobbing off too, I suppose. Hall, Kemp? Must have been awful as the mainstays are untouchable and want their white mates brought in while the fringe white players always feel like they  aren't being judged fairly.

[Harry Badger]

Brave man to bet money on Kallis and Smith not having much to do with the bullshit that Price had to deal with. Even ignoring probable racism they were a pair of pricks anyhow.

Hopefully ABDV had nothing to do with it, but I'd be shocked if he did not have serious power in the dressing room around then.

India planning to drop Jadeja and open with Rahul the absolute fucking idiots tomorrow.

de Villiers didn't come into the side until a little later so it wouldn't have been him at the start. Smith was certainly something of a cunt, as Michael Vaughan will testify - Smith spent most of the 2003 series muttering 'queer' at him from slip. 

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Yeah I really hate that Smith has a media career for life just like Robbie Savage in football despite all involved knowing they are basically sociopathic cunts who know how to play the game while not reforming an inch behind the scenes.

No love lost between those teams in the mid 00s, especially with what the Saffers foolishly did to Pietersen. In his autobiography he says Michael Vaughan told the team in the dressing room to expect him to get stick off the crowd and sledged mercilessly and said if anyone hears the team or the fans attacking Pietersen then to all get together and absolutely hammer them. From that moment he felt like he belonged and owed the side loyalty in return. Pietersen was always a softy really, wanted to have his belly rubbed by his teammates and management and wanted to have his enemies coming at him to give him that incentive and edge. Always got unstuck when he blurred the lines.

Amazing how almost apologetically shit South Africa have become since, to lose to this England side on home turf is a riptide of AIDS.

[Thursday]

Test Match against India tomorrow has snuck up a bit. Still doesn't quite feel like a real series. Although it's the best we'll get for a while.

[sevendaughters]

feel conflicted about us probably being able to push India because of conditions now, actually. imagine it'll be a pretty grave one for the bats.

[Harry Badger]

feel conflicted about us probably being able to push India because of conditions now, actually. imagine it'll be a pretty grave one for the bats.

Sexpest Match Special bods seem to think this is India's to lose: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/58023809

I'm inclined to agree with them, but any hint of swing and India will paed out as usual.