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March 28, 2024, 03:54:13 PM

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Colonoscopy

Started by Enzo, March 06, 2020, 09:19:22 PM

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Enzo

Have one booked for Monday morning. Anyone regale me with their own experiences of having a doctor put a camera right up their arse... right up?


Enzo

For extra embarrassment I currently have a large external hemorrhoid bleeding profusely.

any chance the doc might fix that up at the same time?

weekender

Different people deal with life challenges in different ways.

H-O-W-L

You'll be sedated for the actual camera-arsening so you will barely feel it. You can opt to not be sedated if you want, though not every doctor will let you. You will have the farts of a lifetime afterward, and feel pretty groggy. The prep is really the worst part.

thenoise

Some more bum camera fun here:
https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=78009.0

Was just going to copypaste my own anecdote but, having found it, you may as well read the lot.

Enzo

Quote from: thenoise on March 06, 2020, 09:25:19 PM
Some more bum camera fun here:
https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=78009.0

Was just going to copypaste my own anecdote but, having found it, you may as well read the lot.

thank you, I am looking forward to the anecdotes.


Enzo

Quote from: H-O-W-L on March 06, 2020, 09:22:31 PM
You'll be sedated for the actual camera-arsening so you will barely feel it. You can opt to not be sedated if you want, though not every doctor will let you. You will have the farts of a lifetime afterward, and feel pretty groggy. The prep is really the worst part.

The prep does look pretty awful, absolutely no way I'm doing that without sedation thank you very much!

Hand Solo

I wouldn't mind spending my time looking up an arsehole, but then it would conflict with my research job on Who Do You Think You Are?

samadriel

Quote from: Enzo on March 06, 2020, 09:32:21 PM
The prep does look pretty awful, absolutely no way I'm doing that without sedation thank you very much!

I'm guessing HOWL's talking about the drinking-something-to flush-you-out bit. Can't do that under sedation!

bgmnts

Quote from: H-O-W-L on March 06, 2020, 09:22:31 PM
You'll be sedated for the actual camera-arsening so you will barely feel it. You can opt to not be sedated if you want, though not every doctor will let you. You will have the farts of a lifetime afterward, and feel pretty groggy. The prep is really the worst part.

Tell me more about these farts, are we talking stench, gust power, force, sense of relief, wet, what?

weekender

Quote from: samadriel on March 06, 2020, 09:44:31 PM
I'm guessing HOWL's talking about the drinking-something-to flush-you-out bit. Can't do that under sedation!

I bet you could, with a bit of persuasion.

Enzo

Quote from: samadriel on March 06, 2020, 09:44:31 PM
I'm guessing HOWL's talking about the drinking-something-to flush-you-out bit. Can't do that under sedation!

Yeah terrible syntax on my part. Should have been two separate sentences there.

H-O-W-L

I've not had a proper colonoscopy (only a barium contrast enema which is where they shoot metal water up your arse to make your bowels show up on an X-ray) but I've always wanted to do it on Legend Gary difficulty by having it done without sedation.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: H-O-W-L on March 06, 2020, 10:21:55 PM
I've not had a proper colonoscopy (only a barium contrast enema which is where they shoot metal water up your arse to make your bowels show up on an X-ray) but I've always wanted to do it on Legend Gary difficulty by having it done without sedation.

Like your avatar?

Pseudopath

Camera up the arse? Sounds like bliss, mate. I've got squint surgery[nb]Seriously...don't click that.[/nb] on Monday. Where's my fucking biscuit?

bgmnts

Quote from: Pseudopath on March 06, 2020, 10:57:06 PM
Camera up the arse? Sounds like bliss, mate. I've got squint surgery[nb]Seriously...don't click that.[/nb] on Monday. Where's my fucking biscuit?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Pseudopath

Quote from: bgmnts on March 06, 2020, 10:58:12 PM
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

There's no limit...to the extent of my exotropia!

Glebe


oy vey

When "stick it up your arse" ceases to be an insult and becomes the best advise in the world. Food for thought.

peanutbutter

I've asked for this a few times and they've never let me have it. Giving my family history I'm almost certainly gonna die from some ass stuff so I'd like to have fairly regular checks, once every few weeks or so.

Ant Farm Keyboard

I'm having one on Thursday. Apparently, it's now regulatory in France to get it under general anaesthesia, so I won't be able to share any story.

canadagoose

Can I just say, please, please get the sedation. The thing is, you'll need someone to come with you in order to get it, which I did not know. There's gas and air without sedation, but I was told I was "getting woozy" when I was actually just reacting to the pain (I make odd noises when I'm in pain, not what you'd expect), and I had to do without. Never ever again.

Enjoy the endless diarrhoea out your backside two days before when you take the strong laxative solution. It's definitely a clear-out and a half.

And anyway, good luck - it probably won't be as yucky as when I had it; I'm just sensitive. Breathe deeply and you'll get there. :)

Cloud

Keep us posted.  Thinking I might need to do the same... I have this (painless) feeling of "bulk" on the right side of the abdomen which Doctor Google says is probably cancer (and there's family history of colon cancer so it's probably right)

weekender

Quote from: canadagoose on March 07, 2020, 05:18:14 PMEnjoy the endless diarrhoea out your backside two days before when you take the strong laxative solution. It's definitely a clear-out and a half.

I've been bunged up for a couple of days now, how do I get in on this action?

canadagoose

Quote from: weekender on March 07, 2020, 06:50:31 PM
I've been bunged up for a couple of days now, how do I get in on this action?
You can probably get Moviprep off the internet. Trust me, it'll work.

Ant Farm Keyboard

It's called Moviprep in France too. It sounds like the name of a company that handle pre-production for films.

Schmo Diddley

I had one the other week. The shit food & laxative prep is grim, came down with a cold because you can't eat fruit or veg for 2/3 days.

I didn't have sedation, found it uncomfortable rather than painful but it's your choice. The sensation of your bowel being pumped full of air is not nice. But it's not as bad as firing bursts of hot liquid shit out of your arse for days beforehand.

Thomas

I've only ever experienced an Intra-Ass Camera Sesh recreationally, so I've nothing to add, but Adam Buxton and Chris Morris discuss colonoscopies early in this podcast.

non capisco

I ended up having to go to Los Angeles after I had mine because it was in contention for the best colonoscopy. Just after I got there they told me I wasn't going to win but "enjoy the ceremony anyway." Fuck me, was it dull.  And you can't even relax because you're thinking that there's a good chance they tell the actual winner that they haven't won so the surprise looks genuine on camera. But, no, apparently Michael Wiggins' film actually was sooo much more compelling. Ooooooooooh, they say it's like Robert Bresson's greatest hits up Michael Wiggins' arsehole. It redefines cinema, apparently. Yeah, well...what's wrong with popcorn entertainment? I gave that performance my all. What more do you want from me, morse code?!

I've had three in the last five years.  (Routine bowel cancer checking procedure after I hit 60.)

Nothing much to worry about.  Stay at home the day before the procedure whist the moviprep works its magic.  Get some serious reading matter and bagsie the toilet for your own personal use for the entire day.  You'll be shitting colourless water after the second litre of moviprep has passed through but there's something rather satisfying about knowing that you have a lovely clean pink bowel.

I've always had the sedation for the actual procedure and it was wonderful. I have no recollection whatsoever of any discomfort.  I might as well have been asleep.  Mind you, it probably depends a bit on your internal geography and everyone is slightly different.  Smooth gradual curves in the bowel are certainly preferable to sharp bends or hairpins.  Perhaps I'm just lucky. 

I was wide awake and ready for a drink and sandwich within half an hour of being rolled out and was ready to be collected and driven home another half hour after that.  I desired and consumed a huge meal a few hours later.  No ill-effects whatsoever.  Piece of piss.

I'm due my next routine check-up in 3 years time.  I'm not remotely concerned.  Good luck with yours.