Author Topic: Matter of Fact Dr Grande  (Read 3140 times)


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #30 on: June 30, 2020, 05:09:07 PM »
I have been making a video about your requested subject matter, bgmnts. It's currently in post-production and I'm going to release it soon... okay, it's ready.

Dr Grande. Yep, no title sequence again. Obviously this is a quick thing I've thrown together, but it's naht an analysis of some YouToob celeb who timidly cancels their own being that's somewhat interesting in terms of dramatics but naht actually about mennal insider health look tahpics - some might say she lost her stage surname ahfter the Twitter mahb pumped their emoji pitchforks into the air, right, 'marbles'. Ah-hah. You'll also notice that I'm speaking inside a green-screen void that's distinctly black. Now, this helps to keep things minimal and focused, right. Nothing else matters except my presence and the sound of my voice. You can call me Darktor Grande, uh-hah.

Today's question ahsks can I help a cahmedy forum user overcome their fear of myself? Well, the first step is admission to the prahblem. The prahblem is fear, right. So, the second step comes immediately ahfter the first step. Now, the second step is to delve deep into your memories to find the source of trauma or anything that was plainly scary to you. Maybe you were waiting for a bus with your earphones awn and were startled by a man with a tidy combover, glasses and chunky yet flat lips who approached and ahsked you how lawng you'd been waiting for the service to arrive. Maybe you stayed up late and watched a horror film while you were in a hypnagogic state once a terrifying antagonist - who resembled me - appeared awn your TV screen... Jason Vorhees, maybe? Or perhaps I remind you of Tim Robbins in Jacob's Ladder.

The third and final step is to confront your fear. And to some degree, you've already done this. Keep staring at me. Deep breaths. Inhale HUuUuUUAhHhH. Exhale. FfffFfUuUuoOoOH. Good... you're making prahgress. Ah-ah-ah! Stay looking at me. Don't deviate by looking at the floor. And stay focused. I'm naht going to cause you any harm. Dr Grande is your friend. I'm here to help. You're bound to feel a heightened and unsettling sense of your own existence when you're looking at me. This sensation is known as derealisation, okay. Don't attempt to fight it. Accept it and relax. There. Let it subside. Accept the kindness that's exuded from my upright position. Attentively listen to my calming voice. Release the fear from within. Imagine a summer vacation... you're strolling awn the sidewalk that's adjacent to a lovely beach, and you find a group of cats rolling across the ground, waving their paws at you. Ah-hee, it's cute, huh? From now awn, you'll associate me with harmless felines in the vicinity of millions of sand grains. Everything is tranquil.

Now I know whenever I'm providing an-tie fear therapy there will be a variety of opinions. Please shove your comments in the comments. I'll be sure to like the comments about my dry sense of humour and how amazingly insightful I am. As always, I say 'as always'. Thanks for watching.
« Last Edit: June 30, 2020, 08:30:51 PM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #31 on: July 07, 2020, 06:12:47 PM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande - who else were you expecting?! Fuck the book stack title sequence, let's get into this.

Today's question ahsks can I analyse the BBC Newsnight interview with Prince Andrew. And another more loaded question: was Prince Andrew lying? Yes I can and shall ahnswer these questions. Just a reminder: Prince Andrew is a real individual, so I'm naht diagnosing the regal guy, only speculating about what could be happening in a situation like this. If you enjoy this content, please like this video and please-please-please-pleeEeEEeEAaAaSsSseee subscribe to my channel. And consider supporting me on Patreon - I'll put a link to that in the description for this video and the exclamation point icahn near the top-right corner. Consider means 'thinking about', it doesn't necessarily mean you have to dig into your virtual wahllet - but fucking do it or else I'll mhrdhr you in your sleep.

So, we see Andrew discuss his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein, who was an egregiously naughty, immoral man and billionaire, and he died in mysterious circumstances while in custody for sex trafficking, in August twenty nineteen. The official explanation is Epstein 'ended his own life', but I'll bet that David Icke has a theory that the Lizard People whisked Epstein awnboard their spacecrahft and took him to their Illuminati headquarters located awn an undiscovered planet, uh-hah. The interview essentially had two parts: Prince Andrew explaining his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, and denying an accusation by one of Epstein's victims known as Virginia Rahberts, now her surname is Goochfriend or something.

During the interview, Prince Andrew had some unusual mannerisms, such as frowning like a cartoon villain; shaking his head rigidly; sighing through gritted teeth, and uttered a number of disfluencies. But who knows, maybe that's the typical demeanour and outward behaviour of rich motherfuckers. He seemed to have a shitty memory, to put it technically, claiming he had no recollection of many key events. And came out with some silly bullshit about why he could not be guilty of any wrawngdoing. I'll break down some key parts of this interview.

Awn the (not mennal health) tahpic of his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein, there are a number of statements that don't seem to be congruent. He indicated that Epstein was a friend and stayed at different locations with him around the world, but he said he didn't know Epstein well. Prince Andrew didn't ever say he regretted being friends with a deceased beast. Andrew said Epstein surrounded himself with 'amazing people' and that gave Andrew incredible opportoonities. Now, Andrew doesn't understand how shifty that statement makes him sound, right. In Andrew's many encounters with Epstein, he never saw anything criminal or underhanded going awn. When ahsked about the many young females at Epstein's prahperties, Andrew denied he first saw them but then later noted he saw them 'as staff'. He never had any meaningful conversations with them.

In May twenty oh six, Epstein was charged with crimes of a sexual nature. Yet in July of that same year he was invited to Windsor Cahstle. Andrew said he knew 'categorically fucking zilcho' about his former pal's pahst deviancy and that's why Epstein was invited. Andrew said he ceased contact with Epstein from twenny oh six to two thousand ten. That's a really long period of time to stop watching a sci-fi movie, uh-hah.

But then Andrew had the difficult tahsk in trying to explain why they were seen together in December of 2010 and spending four days with him. Andrew said that he wasn't wearing his suit that day, therefore it was a casual engagement and it wasn't in London. Andrew said that he decided to meet Epstein with the sole purpose of telling him that they can't be seen together. So, he created an opportoonity to meet with Epstein to say they cahn't be seen together again because Epstein is a questionable character whose behaviour is quite 'unbecoming', but the guy who took the photo of them together has seen them alongside each other in orhrder to have taken a photo which depicts the pair conversing with each other together. Complete retards. Andrew tried to justify the meeting by claiming that telephones ''are for chickens''. Chickens are the least of his worries, right, unless it was part of a pesto pizza - I'll come back to this item later awn in this video.

The interviewer Emily Mattress brought it to Andrew's notice that he was at a four-day house party. Andrew said that was 'a stark way of putting it'. What he was meant to say was ''this has nothing to do with Ironman''. And Andrew noted that Epstein's residence was 'convenient' - I bet he's rethinking that now. But more suspiciously, Andrew once stayed with Epstein in Manhattan, so, the convenient thing about being in that district is the array of ahptions for accommodation, which makes me wonder why Andrew didn't just book into a hotel in that area.

The second hahf of the video was centered awn the accusations by Virginia Rahberts. But before I get into that, let's looking at the origins of the friendship. Epstein became a friend of the Prince in 1999 (naht to be confused with Prince's album 1999) once Andrew was introduced to Epstein through Epstein's associate Ghislaine Maxwell. Andrew wasn't sure if Jeffrey Epstein was a good friend or just plainly a friend, so... we see uncertainty and mind-changing exhibited here with a complete lack of conviction in his statements, unlike his friend Jeffrey Epstein who had plenty of convictions, uh-hah.

As for more instances of Andrew's selective memory prahblems, he claims that he's naht a party guy, although there are several photograhphs of him in company with a lively group of people and he has a cheerful and distracted expression in most of them.

Andrew acknowledged the existence of a photograhph depicting himself with his arm around the aforementioned woman called Virginia Rahberts, who was seventeen years old at the time in two thousand one. Rahberts has accused Prince Andrew of having had sex with him three times. Andrew identifies himself in the photograhph yet cannot explain the cahntext behind the snap and attempts to detract suspicion by stating that he'd never seen Epstein with a camera, and Andrew said that he's not quite dressed for the occasion because he usually wears a suit and tie in London - and that photo was taken in London. Maybe Andrew removed the blazer and removed the tie in order to feel comfortable, right. It's been said that the location was Maxwell's house, so maybe Andrew went around there for a cahffee, uh-hah. He also said he never engaged in public displays of affection, but what's public about the interior of a penthouse in Belgravia?! And he never went upstairs in Maxwell's residence. So he'd been with Maxwell before but not upstairs.

Andrew came up with ahdd reasons for why he couldn't have had sex with Virginia Rahberts. She claimed that he sweated profusely, but he refuted this by saying he lost his ability to secrete sweat ahfter an Argentinian man - during the Falklands War - shot his sweat gland with a pistol. Virginia also said he was apprahximately four inches on the stiff. Andrew counteracted this accusation by saying ''there's twelve inches to a ruler, and let me tell you, one ruler ain't enough to measure my manhood''. Virginia also said they had drinks at a bar, but Andrew didn't know where that bar was - maybe he drank too many scotches that night to the degree of affecting his memory, uh-hah.

One interesting element of this whole interview was his alibi centered awn his daughter Beatrice's birthday in 2001. Andrew recalls the time his daughter had a birthday celebration in a Pizza Express restaurant in Woking, an area he's said to have been to a handful of times. And he said he was later at home and therefore couldn't have had sex with Virginia Rahberts Goochfriend. Now, I suppose Andrew would remember his daughter's birthday and it taking place in a lower-middle clahss restaurant, because someone of his stature and wealth would annually reserve a table for ahfternoon tea at The Ritz with an evening dinner at Le Colombier in Chelsea.

Quite extraordinarily, Andrew seems to have difficulty remembering if he had sex in a place called Tramps - quite an irahnic name for a posh establishment. I mean, what else? Guttersnipes cocktail bar? Vagrants ala carte steak house? No-hoping Cunts wine bar? Well, if I did the old push-and-shove with a lady in a swanky hotel or wherever, I'd surely and vividly remember the event. Now, I'm cahnfident Andrew would remember giving her a bit of his meat feast if she had anything to say about his cheese, right, uh-hah. I mean, I do relatively well for money yet I'm naht part of the rich elite, but even I remember my first bang behind a dumpster at the age of nineteen. If I can pluck out an unflattering memory from my mind, I'm sure Andrew can fondly remember pumping away in a respectable environment. Maybe he's done this so many times he genuinely cahn't remember salient details about the locations of all the women he's supposedly fucked.

Body language scrutiny is usually overestimated. The best way to detect guilt is if credible evidence decimates his claims or he contradicts himself from an earlier statement. It's as though he's throwing out all these pahsssiblities and hoping someone will latch awn to them. ''Oh, some ruddy Spanishy chap shot me in the buttocks and now my skin can't weep'' and ''I never ascended the stairs of Maxwell's abode. I'm innocent, mate''. He also doesn't understand what a nahsty piece of shit Epstein was. There is no empathy for the victims. It's like Andrew just wants to distance himself from the situation and he hasn't vehemently denied the accusations, nor has he used any evidence to back up his assertions.

I have no fucking clue as to why Andrew did this interview in the first place. It made him look guilty and like he was out of his depth. The interview boils down to 'I remember fuck-all except for Pizza Express in Woking' and 'look elsewhere if you want someone to blame'. Amazingly, as I understand it, Andrew thought he did a good jahb and was quite satisfied with his performance If by 'good jarb' he means being seated and looking distinctly uncomfortable for most of the interview, then yes, he certainly did a good jarb. If by 'satisfied with his performance' he's alluding to post-interview coitus at a bar that he can't remember the name of or in the toilets of a Pizza Express, then I cahn't make any judgement here.

Now I know that whenever I talk about scrote-necked royals there will be a variety of opinions. Please put any tharghts and opinions in the cahmments
section. Conclusion. Grateful.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2020, 09:07:58 PM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #32 on: July 13, 2020, 05:39:39 PM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande (or should that be Dadctor Grande?). Today's question ahsks can I analyse the personality profile of your mom? Well, I can certainly anal-lyse her, that's for sure. In fact, I did... last night while you were asleep. That squeaking sound wasn't a mouse, but I'm glad the mattress was robust enough to supporhrt her fat ass. And speaking of 'support', please like this video and subscribe to my channel if you're naht offended and please consider supporting me on Patreon - I'll put a link to that in the description for this video. Your mom, however, can be seen depicted in a very risque video via another link, i.e. she's a cock-gobbling slut... and so's your dad, uh-hah, but I won't get it that one; but I did get into your mom, yes, on several occasions.

Now, your mom appears to display traits of OCD, which stands for Obsessed with Cocks Disorder (exclusively my one). To correctly diagnose any mental disorhrders, one needs to consider the criteria for each personality disorder or mental illness and see if their behavyur aligns with the criteria. The criteria for Obsessed with Cock Disorder are: has a predilection for performing fellatio awn a phallus; admires penises; grandiosely declares a fondness for cocks; writes about the prahperties of ding-dongs, for example in a diary or digitally; preoccupied with tharghts about Johnsons. And finally, your mom. Any cahmbination of two out six of the criteria are enough to make an accurate diagnosis. OCD can be prahblematic in terms of maintaining cahncentration awn specific tahsks, although this works to my advantage because your mom loves me, right.

She also displays elements of psycockpathy in her conduct, where she lacks empathy forhr the relatives of those she has a sexual relationship with. She's callous, manipulative and impulsive about how she'll gain an opportoonity to enjoy a rock-hard member, and she shows no remorse for the shame she has inflicted awn her family's reputation.

A lot of my subscribers love my dry sense of humour, stoic delivery and etc. So, I'm going to include a few Grande quips and jokes here. A question: what does myself and your mom have in cahmmon? Sex. Uh-hah. Your mom is so stoopid she thinks she's fat. Actually, she isn't stoopid, she appears to suffer from bahdy dysmorphia, which isn't a funny condition. Your mom's so boring, I'd prefer to watch Shane Dawson videos. Every time your mom turns around it's my birthday. I saw your mom in the DSM-5... naht the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorhrders edition five. I'm referring to Dirty Skank Magazine issue five. You get the idea. Your mom!!

Now, I know that whenever I talk about controversial subjects, like your mom's rancid breath emanating from her ass which is difficult to differentiate from her mouth as she usually talks a load of shit out of it when she's not sucking my cock, there will be a variety of angry opinions. Please put your mom in the cahmments section - I'm sure to give her an interesting dialogue. Only this once, I hope you found this video to be intahlerable. Thanks for watching me fuck your mom.


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #33 on: July 15, 2020, 12:26:16 AM »

Hello.................. this is Goctor Drande. Today's question ahsks can I analyse the mental health and personality characteristics of Luka Magnotta? Why, yes I can. Luka's locked up in Canada. SPOILER ALERT!!!! Oh... too late. Just a reminder: I'm naht diagnosing anybody in this video (that'll be Luka), only speculating about what could be happening in a situation that's been concluded.

If you like this video, please *squints at out-of-view monitor* annihilate that bell icarn so you don't miss another episode of Dr Grande's world-famous analyses with a dash of dry humour. And if you like morose tahpics about the darker aspects of mental health that are too sensitive to upload on YouToob, consider supporting me awn Patreon. *Raises eyebrows and tips head backwards* I'll put a link to that in the description of this video.

So firstly, I'm going to go through a timeline of Luka's crimes and then figure out what's wrong with this cunt. Let's start with his background and the crime he committed. Luka Rocco Magnotta, born Eric Clinton Kirk Newman awn July 24 1982, specifically in Scar-boe-ruff... oh! Scarborough, Ontario. He is - plot twist - a Canadian murderer who was convicted of killing and dismembering Chinese international student Jun Lin before mailing Lin's hands and feet to elementary schools and federal political party offices - most people would send their children to school completely unharmed, right. Somehow, I think Luka approached this in the wrong way.

Luka's parents were married at a young age just before Luka was born. Luka's father was 17 years old, and his mother was 16 years old. His parents didn't have a laht of money to rub between their ass cheeks. Luka described his mom as being 'clean' and reportedly had an obsession with running water and lathered hands - this is a classic symptom of OCD. Luka's mom, quite understandably, was rahther incensed over Luka's frequent bed-wetting, which of course is a sign of psychopathy as well as pissed sheets. He described his mother as a prodigious bitch who went ape-shit with the Cussons soap. He also had an aversion towards routinely scrubbing his nocturnal damp patches. Luka also described his father as being a drunken old asswich who suffered from schizophrenia.

Luka was placed into special education ahfter he wet the bed with terrifying efficiency at a boarding school. Luka, fortunately, had no slumber slab to expel his fishy water awn. He was also shit at reading and math. The other kids mocked his butt off for being 'shy', for being 'gaaaay' and for whizzing in his sleep while wearing Target clothing. He dropped out of the eleventh grade at the age of seventeen - no mattresses were splashed with his hose of urine during this time.

He had low-level jarbs which only lasted weeks or months before he was fired. He once worked in a furniture storhre which specialised in selling beds, wardrobes and cabinets. Luka demonstrated how wetting the bed can diminish the quality of the cahtton sheets and that it can stain the outer layer of the mattress by allowing his spuds to release an untimely streak of number one. The manager of the storhre fired Luka awn the spot but kind of regretted it because Luka no longer had the duty of replacing the mattress with one that was utterly dry and devoid of Luka's liquid.

In 2001, he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I mean, if I had to run a storhre where an imbecilic low-life got his cahck out and sprayed over my wares I'd prahbably have auditory and visual hallucinations, too. Ah-hah. No, I'm just joking, Luka was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Sometime in his early twenties, Luka started working as a whore. It's reported he fucked around six people per day, although one client complained of a sticky mattress that smelled distinctly of prawn cocktail chips. And in 2004, Luka became friends with someone who had an intellectual disability, i.e. what we in the mennal health profession refer to as a 'fucking retard'. Luka manipulated her into applying for credit cards, and he racked up a whooping bill of $10,000. He supposedly purchased a wide range of mattresses. Most people's memory foam mattresses have run-of-the-mill indentations; the only thing Luka's mattresses 'remember' is being entirely drenched in piss.

Luka was charged with three counts of fraud, vandalising private prahperty combined with lewd behaviour - no prizes for guessing that Luka pissed all over a poor sap's bed. In 2005, he served sixteen days in jail, although he was released a laht earlier as the prison system couldn't afford to clean or pay out for new mattresses. He did community service and was put on probation for twelve months.

The court supposedly knew Luka wasn't right in the skull gum, and they knew all about his nocturnal emissions of a stinky nature. They told him: ''Take your medication, ayy. So take it s l o w l y, brother. Go home, go home''.

He develops an interest in joining the police, specifically the deparhrtment which investigates homicides. It's interesting because bed-wetting, lunatic serial killers always have an interest in joining law enforcement. On an unrelated note, he became interested in making Ahdult movies. Luka set up thousands of social media accounts in orderhr to start a rumour that he was dating a notorious mhrderhr named Carla Homolka, but he sy-multaneously denied that he was dating her... and he announced that he wet his bed.

In 2007, we see that he filed for bankruptcy. He said he had no jarb and was sick of using a hairdryer to toast his soggy mahnolith of snooze. He also auditions for a reality show called 'Cover Guy'. Let's just hope for the sake of this story that Luka doesn't shoot his digestion molecules over a bed cover. He tells the judges that people opine how murderously good-looking he is, and that he's a champion of yodelling out of his urethra awn his nap cushion. They reject him, but in February 2008 he comes *cough* before judges of another reality show and informs them of his hair trahnsplant, nose jarb and unrivalled propensity for wetting the bed at breakneck speed, and he told them he wanted to get muscle implahnts in his ass. I think implahnting an aid into his prostate would've been a better desire given the circumstances.

In 2008, Luka tried to attract as much attention as he pahssibly could. He posted more rumours and denied them. He kept trying to get a Wikipedia page started about himself, but there were strict rules against a lack of citations regarding his ritualistic bed-wetting behavyur. And Luka becomes a travel companion for a 70-year-old Toronto man. They travelled to Italy, Russia and Frahnce. Luka got into trouble with the authorities ahfter a hotelier was pissed off at Luka for deluging a mattress with piss. Luka reportedly didn't understand that 'oui' is French for 'yes' as opposed to a command for doing your toiletry.

In 2010, Luka resorts to posting discourteous messages and horrifying videos in a desperate attempt to attract attention. His Diet Coke and Mentos featuring an apple juice-tinted mattress didn't go viral, much to Luka's annoyance. In December, the motherfucker posted a video where he kills two kittens near a pissed-awn mattress. The videos were soon taken down but people wanted to track down Luka as opposed to his rectangle of micturition. A Facebook group was organised by about 4,000 members in orderhr to track down Luka and his out-of-control member.

In 2011, a more focused group were hot on the trail of the Beaumont Beds-bothering Bastard. They figured out he was likely in Toronto. The Toronto police started an official investigation into the drippy-dick nutjarb. Towards the end of the year, Luca posts more disgusting videos thereby pissing more people off than the mattresses he pissed awn. He also threatened a newspaper in London - yes, really. This doesn't surprise me, as it's quite cahmmon for mentally disturbed individuals to have an argument with the mirror, right. Ah-hah. He was livid over their story about the killer.

In 2012, the online sleuths figured out that Luka may be in Montreal. Tabernacle! They compared a street depicted awn Google Street View to one of the pictures he was in. In May 24, Luca mhrdhrrs Concordia University... student June Lin. The next day he posted a video featuring that mhrdhr. He dismembered the bahdy and had an almighty slash over them as they were enscahnced awn a mattress before mailing them to various locations. Awn May 30, police named Luka a suspect in the mhrdhr. Awn June 3 2012, Luka is spotted in Paris; he's arrested the next day in Berlin. I'm not sure why he went to Berlin. I suppose he wrongly thought their defecation fetish involved urine, right. He was in an internet cafe, looking at stories about his deadly misdeeds and bed-wetting escapades.

He was extradited to Canada and plead guilty to being a piss-happy insanity machine. He was found guilty and sentenced to life in prison with the pahssibility of parole ahfter 25 years. I imagine he spends his time designing a course awn 'how naht to be a clinically mental merchant of piss'. He didn't impress a laht of people with his puddled mattresses of cahck vinegar. A Netflix special damaged his reputation, but the daffy bahstard is in jail so who the fuck cares what his Metacritic and Rahtten Tomaytoes rating is?!

So what are the mental health and personality factors here? Well, he's been diagnosed with schizophrenia and frequently dispenses piss across the underside of his duvet, so that makes speculation easier. In my expert opinion based on my colossal mental-health erudition I believe Luka Magnotta is ffffucking madder than a box of irate termites.

Now I know that whenever I talk about a sack-soaking fruitcake who looks like he should remind you of famous people yet you cannot think of any, there will be a variety of opinions. Opinions and tharghts are entirely different, so be sure to put them in the cahmments section - they are sure to generate an interesting dialogie. As always, I hope you found this analysis to be interes-


Psychotic people read newspapers, so it comes as no surprise that they sometimes look at the sun.

Luka Magnotta is an incorrigible shitpipe, uh-hah-hah.

I'll put a link to PornHub in the description of this video.

Some people go awn YouToob and watch videos of guitar maestro MattRach. Luka, however, uploads videos of himself arcing piss over his mattress!!
« Last Edit: July 15, 2020, 12:53:41 AM by DangledTeeth »


  • I'm the avatar's husband.
Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #34 on: July 15, 2020, 11:01:40 PM »

Hi, this is Dee Ar Grarnday. Welcome to my channel hosting a huge range of videos pertaining to mental health supervision, counselling, appraisal annnnd some-shit-to-do-with-Excel. I say 'hi' instead of 'hello' in the past (which is happening right now). I've uploaded this video in 2017 in my clinician ahffice. I hope my telephone doesn't ring. But what am I saying?! I could edit any unnecessary parts out ahfter I've stopped recorhrding. But if I were to do that, there'd be no video for you to watch, uh-hah. Self-deprecation. Doesn't quite worhrk. Well, it is 2017 and I've yet to perfect my trademark dry humour which my subscribers love. I stoically deliver quips thereby 'throwing shade' awn tiresome, vacuous individuals of YouToob fame.

Today's video is a role-play exercise of a relatively rare mental disorderhr called Doppelganger Hallucination Disorderhr. What is DHD? Well, research into the causes of the rahther disconcerting experience this disorderhr offers is quite limited as of now, but the disorderhr is a distinctive visual and auditory hallucination based awn yourself. The criteria for diagnosis are: the sufferer believes they are talking to their being; they seem intensely focused awn an entity that's naht visible to the second-party observer; existentialist questions are commonly aimed at themselves.

I'm going to accurately demonstrate what a delusional DHD episode appears like. If you find this video to be insightful and useful, please like it and subscribe to my channel. As always, thank you for watching.

Dr Grande: Hello there, myself.

DoppelGrande: Hello me.

Dr Grande: How are we today?

DoppelGrande: I'm doing great. How about myself?

Dr Grande: Alright. So, what can we say about myselves?

DoppelGrande: I don't know, but you look awfully familiar. Have I seen myself somewhere?

Dr Grande: Prahbably our reflection in the miihr.

DoppelGrande: Our?! I mean to say we're the same?

Dr Grande: Well, yeah... I'm essentially twins here, talking to myself.

DoppelGrande: That sounds like grandiose narcissism to me.

Dr Grande: Ah-hah, I would know. And so do we.

DoppelGrande: I don't get it!?

Dr Grande: Of course you don't, I'm not following me.

DoppelGrande: This is becoming somewhat hard to keep up with.

Dr Grande: Yes, we suppose so.

DoppelGrande: If I'm we and you are I, we share the same memories, right?

Dr Grande: ...okay.

DoppelGrande: Alright, I'll see our next client and show all your 'lunchbreak session search history' on the computer mahnitor.

Dr Grande: Sigh! Don't be absurd.

DoppelGrande: How is that absurd?

Dr Grande: I both know that we use incognito mode.

DoppelGrande: Ah-hah-hah!! I certainly know ourselves well.

Dr Grande: Why am I here?

DoppelGrande: Do you mean me me or you you?

Dr Grande: Erm... the former.

DoppelGrande: I'm drunk to the tits, buddy.

Dr Grande: Shit!!!! I can't be inebriated at work. What are I going to do?

DoppelGrande: Breath mint?

Dr Grande: You know that both of me don't have breath mints awn us.

DoppelGrande: Good point. Not to worry, it's not we who are drunk it's simply myself.

Dr Grande: Oh, of course. Phew! I had me worried there for a second.

DoppelGrande: And now we arrive at the conclusion of this video.

Dr Grande: Excuse ourselves! I'm Dr Grande, you're a projection of my mind. I'll put an end to this cahntent.

DoppelGrande: You know we better than yourself. As you were...

Dr Grande: You've reached the conclusion to this video. Thanks for watching and don't forget to subscribe, you sorry-ass cunts.

DoppelGrande: Hey!! That's naht very friendly.

Dr Grande: If anyone complains about the closing sequence, I'll say I did it.

DoppellGrande: You mean me?

Dr Grande: Erm, yes.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2020, 11:28:54 PM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #35 on: July 16, 2020, 10:35:41 PM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande. Today's question ahsks can I analyse the frankly insane yet outrageously funny behaveyur of Vincent Stoowart, otherwise known as The Spirit of Truth and Reverend X. Just a reminder so I don't get in trouble on a professional level: Vincent Stoowart is a real person, so I'm naht diagnosing him or any of the telephone callers to his public-access shows, only speculating awn what could be happening in a situation like this.

If you like the educational tone of this video and you think that it's helped you improve your knowledge on this specific subject, please like it and subscribe to my channel. Please consider supporting me on Patreon - I'll put a link to the premium cahntent in the description for this video.

Vincent Stoowart was a televangelist who appeared awn public-access television in the late 90s, but his show ceased production once he lowered his pants thereby revealing his Holy buttocks - some might say he was taken off the air for talking out of his ass, uh-hah. Several videos of his appearances were uploaded to YouTube in 2007. He achieved a certain level of notoriety and consequently was interviewed over the phone for the Howard Stern Show, and he parodied himself in a sketch awn an episode of Tosh.O, where he later 'confesses' that his show was cancelled because: ''I mooned the camera one day''. So... this was during a period in time where he was quite lucid enough to speak with clarity. Unfortunately, since 2012 he appears to have relapsed - I'll come back to this item later awn in the video.

Vincent, during his public-access years, recorded his material in a respectable studio and utilised green screen effects for each of his videos. If you're interested in analysing his behavyurhr, may I suggest watching Episode 4 Part 1 of four parts for his incredible thigh-slapping nuttiness. The One Man Show for his incensed reactions towards callers of the show. And Spirit of Truth (The Sermon on the Mount) for his cripwalk dance. And be sure to watch The Manifesto for his best reading of the Survival Scrolls ahfter he reads from his miniature Bible: ''...all the nations were deceived. *To cameraman* Yeah, play the other side of that, err, tape right now *focuses on tiny Bible* And in her was found the blood of the prophet... and the saint's *sniffs* - where-was-I?! - says the lamp of a light shall not shine in-in Uncle Sam's ass no more, and the voice of the bridegroom and bride shall not be heard in you anymore, for your merchants were the great men of the - sorry. *To cameraman* Could you play the other side of that tape? That um, Biggie Smalls tape?''

He'd either read from his scriptures - the 'Survival Scrolls' - and/or would be aggressively dismissive towards callers to the show. Some people were ahbviously trying to irritate him while others sincerely questioned him yet made matters worhrse, quite hilariously. His scriptures were full of expletives, sounded quite blasphemous, and sometimes contained altered lyrics which were squashed in between the amusingly incoherent dialogue, from Gangstarr to The Beatles, Beck and Frank Sinatra (after a fist-shaking dance). His opening statement is: 'It's gonna be going on like Donkey Kong - 144,000 real strong!'. I take it that he's a deranged Jehovah's Witness or just plainly is a Jehovah's Witness, right, uh-hah. When Vincent read from his scriptures, he frequently referred to his viewers as 'motherfucker' and his callers were branded 'nincom-fucking-poops'.

According to a YouToob comment, in the late noughties Vincent was working as a chef at a school cafeteria, so perhaps he'd been awn his medication and had been mentally stabilised during that era. As I mentioned earlier, Vincent relapsed as made evident by his self-recorded videos which usually depicted himself lazing at his home with a Bible dictation app playing, pahp-lahcking in his backyard, and playing GTA5. In one of many videos around this time he was watching an animation of 'Kimba the White Lion' and then went by the alias 'Kimba' for a number of years or so, and since then he sometimes speaks in a light Caribbean accent. And a put-awn monotone chuckle also became a trademark utterance of his.

Vincent had two customised airbrushed t-shirhrts made. I remember a video where he started to record ahfter he was told to leave a church as a result of his provocative t-shirt. This more subtle t-shirht reads: ''GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! DAMN WORKERS OF INIQUITY. JESUS'S LAW''; he was dancing to a piano-loop hip-hahp instrumental while grasping a small glahss filled with Olde English. My assistant researcher Dan Gold-Teefe cannaht upload the crazy videos he downloaded (in case Vincent's channel was removed - which it was) as he's using an eleven-year-old Vista that doesn't allow updates for any web browser because of his outdated system, and YouToob urges him to update his browser before attempting to upload any material. Could he upload via a mobile device? Ah, it's too much work. But I'll provide concise descriptions of the hilarity...

Vincent is sat at home, wearing a spongy striped top-hat - he sure is Tha Cat in the Hat, uh-hah. He says 'ribbey' several times before singing the introduction to George of the Jungle followed by a hint of humming the Pink Panther theme. Vincent continues to ramble as his Bible app dictates verses. Towards the end, he locks his fingers in the 'devil horn' gesture, points it near his ear and blurts: ''Call me up, Heil Hitler. I'll meet you in a secret place. Ah-huah. Shh!''.

Another video is of a cheery and cahnfident Vincent recorhrding himself awn a dahncefloor of a club. Update: I found the video on a channel that didn't seem to exist anymore.

His backyard-based lunacy is really compelling. There are several variations but the funniest one is the landscape shart of his lawn and gahrarge, with Ice Cube - Growin' Up playing in the background (right before the Minnie Ripperton sample), and after about eight seconds of calm stillness we suddenly see Vincent charge towards the camera from our left, wearing turquoise shorts and black slippers while brandishing a plastic knife. He stomps his heels into the ground to halt his running and points the plastic knife at the lens then roars at the camera: ''THISSIZ UH STICK-UP! NOW BREAK YO' MOTHAFUCKIN' SELF!'' - I believe that's meant to be an audition tape for a McDahnald's commercial, uh-hah.

In July 26 2017, it appears Vincent visits a welfare ahffice and waits at the security zone. Here's a cahmical parhrt.  And two months prior he goes to the counter of a GameStarp and attempts to get a replacement for his 'mote control despite naht having a receipt. The whole exchange is brief but fucking funny.

The latest video which I've just watched is of Vincent's court date. According to his summons, he's supposed to have paid $280.00 for 'blocking the public entrance'. Here are the highlights: 1) ''I've read your penis code'' 2) ''Di goon squad!!'' 3) ''I hope this is not upside down'' 4) Guard: Why am I here talking to you?! Vincent: Uh... you never explained that. 5) '''Uh, 'course it's legal 'cause it's there'. That don't make it legal 'cause it's fucking there! That don't fucking make it legal 'cause it's there! It don't make yo' ass legal 'cause you say you're federal ma'fucking law enforcement - you're fraud enforcement agents! You're not fucking law enforcements'' 6) ''Don't touch me! You're not the boss here, motherfucking weirdo-ass fucks! 7) ''Trumped yoooou! BAH-AGH-UH-AGH!''

Whenever I analyse somebody I use the five factor mahdel which I remember through the acronym O.C.E.A.N - Openness to experience, Cahnscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neurahticism. Vincent is highly open to experience as his videos clearly demonstrate. he's naht very cahnscientious in a sane manner. Extroversion? Definitely high range. Agreeableness? Very low. And his neurahticism is mid-range. I mean, he speaks very sternly at times, but he's not prone to being anxious and teary-eyed, although in one unsettling video I saw months ago (when I lahst looked) he appeared to be crying and intermittently did his false laughter. Update: here it is - ''Oh shit! DAAH! Penny for the fool, mothafucka! (Not you.) DAH-HAH-AH-AH!''.

What are the mental health factors here? Well, he believes he is God. His mantra is 'I walk in the name of Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit'. His ahbjective isn't very clear in his TV appearances, but it seems he dislikes white supremacists and wants there to be unity and better educational facilities. In his personal recordings it appears he lives in a fragmented world and prattles away about abstract tahpics, and sometimes makes references to and watches videos about an Illuminati conspiracy. Interestingly, he makes reference to 'thorazine' which, by my understanding, is a drug administered to treat schizophrenic people. Vincent speaks in word salad, spends a considerable amount of time in his messy home with the curtains drawn like a dishevelled recluse; he has a delusional belief that he has an imporhrtant mission to fulfill - this relates to his repetitive and grandiose sermons on public access television, and Vincent believes he's a highly important character (in this case, God). These behaviours of his align with the criteria for schizophrenia. He could also be bi-polar with narcissistic features that's co-morbid with histrionic disorderhr.

Now I know whenever I talk about doolally gangstas there will be a variety of opinions. Please put yo' mothafuckin' bitch-ass comments in the comments section, dawg. They always generate an interesting dialogue. As always, I've been Dr Grande. Thanks for watching.
« Last Edit: July 17, 2020, 01:21:33 AM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #36 on: July 18, 2020, 10:06:18 PM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande. Today's question ahsks: can I analyse the Mikhaila Peterson video/podcahst about her father Jordan 'Pervertson' Peterson? Just a reminder, I'm naht diagnosing either of them, only speculating about their video and its anecdotal exchange. If you found any educational insight in this video about a Canadian psychologist's melancholic tale, please like it and subscribe to my channel by haymaking the bell button and consider buying my sensitive videos awn Patreon - I'll put a link to my Patreon in the word section thingy underneath this moving sequence. Oh, that reminds me. I'll point this out now in case I forget: when Vincent Stoowart cries at home, he actually says ''Pity for the fool, motherfucker!'' instead of 'Penny'. And I forgaht to add this reading of the Survival Scrolls

Before I get into this subject and for those naht familiar with Jordnpetrsn, I'll bring you up to speed awn who he is and what he's done. Jordan Peterson is a world-renowned, controversial psychologist who's famous for his mega-selling book 12 Lubes for Wife - that was the original title, right. He revised his tome and called it 12 Rules for Life. I tharght it was a pretty good book, so... we see that Jordnpetrsn implores us to improve our pahsture, pursue what is important and naht what is expedient, and encourages us to tell the truth or - at least - don't lie. Those are excellent guidelines. So with this mind, I'll be hahnest and say that chapter 9 (the parhrt about listening to what the person is saying) was incredibly negative and weird. Jordan recalls a time when a client of his, 'Miss S', told him that she believes she'd been raped up to five times and seemed to have frequented bars. Now, Jordnpetrsn's reaction was a fairly neutral and nahne-judgemental one, right, because he had to attentively listen to Miss S as a way to uncover her inherent prahblem - and that's something we clinicians, psychiatrists and counsellors do, right. But he then told her (I'm naht quoting this verbatim) that there's no pahssible way to know it happened; it's all based on fragmentary viewpoints and there's no outside observer. I mean, what a thing to say. It's like he's trying to convey that he doesn't appreciate the story he's been told, so he'll think his way around it as though it's subjective. Peterson - yes, I'm referring to him by surname in a scolding way - mentions Valerie Solanas, the radical feminist, when he briefly wrote about Andy Warhol (who was shart by Solanas) and Peterson didn't write anything about the abuse she endured. Something tells me he doesn't care about criminally audacious women, but he'll give a shit if they're reckless men.

Jordnpetrsn, during his Pervertson era, displayed several ahdd behaviours. And when I say ahdd I'm directly referring to his adult-themed lectures and lewd behaveyur. He's inadvertently masturbated awn webcam when he tharght the feed had ended with Lauren Chen, much to her dismay (well, as inappropriate as it was, who can blame him, right? Uh-hah). He did a tahp ten sexiest female Disney characters countdown. He's ahsked Cathy Newman to show him her 'tits'. There are multiple misconducts by Jordnpetrsn which are too long to list... probably long like his cahck but that's naht something I want to consider.

His daughter and wife intervened in his out-of-control porn addiction and unusual, perverse behaveyur. Jordan was consequently sent to a rehab clinic in September two thousand nine, and he recovered by January two thousand twenty and has since released the bahx office behemoth called Jorker and has satisfied our intellect with interesting art and music critiques and scant praise, including webcam chats and panel appearances. I expect he has more in the pipeline.

But Jordnpetrsn tharght it was best to annihilate the chaos with a surfeit of sincerity by being very open about his addiction to fap fodder. Jordan spent time in Russia in awderhr to gain access to the best medical care in the world (or perhaps it was an excuse to go to the Solzhenitsyn and Dostoevsky museums, uh-hah). He was initially prescribed two file-hosting links for the week which was a folder containing video clips of topless Japanese women, but the dosage prescribed would become deadly ahfter a month as people can become dependent awn pornahgraphy and end up whacking their chopper or strumming their salmon-tinted edamame until they expire of exhaustion. Jordan's addiction to pornos became so terrible he purchased the entire archive of Brazzers as a way to cope with the anxiety and worry caused by Tammy Peterson's illness. Tammy thankfully recovered but Jordan became sick himself. And thankfully for the downtown 7/11, sales of Kleenex and Vaseline went through the roof.

When I evaluate people I use the five factor mahwdel which I remember through the acronym O.C.E.A.N. - Openness to Experience, Cahnscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neurahticism (it was 'erahticism' in his case, uh-hah). Jordnpetrsn is high in openness to experience through his university and public lectures to appearances awn television - I believe he's tried psychedelic substances, too. How cahnscientious is he? I'd give him a high scorhre on that factor, as he's always complaining about the bloody postmodern neo-Marxists, equality of outcome, radical feminists and speaks highly of Carl Jung and Nietzsche. Extroversion? Well, again, he's a lecturer and television mouthpiece, so he's certainly not a shy introverhrt. Is he agreeable? Yes, he is. He once said in his GQ interview that he's no fan of conflict, and he used this to bolster the reason behind why he's a clinician. Neurahtic? Yes, he's moderately neurahtic. He's been teary-eyed on several occasions, which I believe is synahnymous with his pahst depression.

Now I know whenever I talk about Jordan Peterson there will be a variety of opinions - some of you will say he's helped people understand themselves, and others will assert that he's a pseudo-intellectual quack. Please put your tharghts and opinions in the cahmments section, they always generate an interesting dialogue. As interesting, I hope you found my analysis to be always. Thanks for watching.

And before I end the video I'd like to announce that I have a new range of wares awn my awnline merch storhre  - I'll put a plug-in selection in the description for this video. I have t-shirhrts, a totebag and a supply of David Icke & The Lizard People mugs - you can sure have a cup of Illuminatea in one of those, uh-hah. And hey, don't tell David Icke about this or else he and his followers will believe my merch money is funding shape-shifting pedderfile royal globalist bankers.

« Last Edit: July 19, 2020, 12:21:54 AM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #37 on: July 20, 2020, 06:31:16 PM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande of two thousand eighteen. Here I am in front of a white background and with a shrinking zit on my cheek. I started to use the book stack intro sequence around this time, but I predict that in apprahxmiately two years' time I'll starp using it and have rotating lines glide across the screen as my name materialises in its pahth - it's minimal and does its jarb. My subscribers already know this is about scientifically-informed insider look mental health tahpics so I see no point in repeating it in the near future, right.

Today's question is: can a full Moon affect human behaviour? It's a theory I've heard many times, and to be honest with you all, I'm getting tired to the nipples of this inescapable question. But can I regale you with educational insight information about astronomy? Well, I'm an experhrht in mental health, so, I'm naht a moonologist or anything similar, but I have found the best sources I could find via Google and then presented them here. Oh, and just a reminder: the Moon is a real... thing, so I'm naht diagnosing the celestial golf ball, only speculating awn its effectiveness at influencing people in some form.

The Moon, as we know and see it, is many miles away from us. So... that's rahther far away, right. Now, it's believed that 80% of nurses, 70% of mental-health clinicians and 50% of people believe a full moon affects human behaveyur. And there are many areas that this belief can be affected... can make people prahp a Bible awn tahp of a shoebahx which has two loose laces underneath. It can make people shovel up strawberry jam with a small spade, and cause people to believe their ears have dropped off. It's believed to have increased the number of a nude people lying awn a vibrating bed. And an increase in a number of traffic accidents, but that could be because it's nightime with naht as much visibility to show the prahminence of surroundings, right.

But is it true? Can a full moon (which is a phase of the moon) really have that kind of effect awn human behaviour? Well, to understand this theory, we have to understand what the hovering golf ball of elliptical tedium does in terms of where it goes. So first, gravity science...

The Moon shoots out gravity waves, represented clearly as numerous arrows. These are said to have an effect on the tide, so does this have an effect on humans in a special way because human beings are mostly water at around 80%? Well, let's take a look at the way the Moon orbits the Earth.

As you'll see in the animated illustration, there are two types of distances. Now, when the moon is closest to the Earth it's called 'Kinda far', and when it's farthest away it's called 'Very far'. The phases like full moon and noo moon do naht correspond to the kinda far and very far. So when the Moon's exerting the most gravitational force on a person, that's naht necessarily related to a phase of the Moon. Another important parhrt here to understand in the cahntext of the spherical rahck going around and around is to understand how much gravitational force the Moon, whether it's kinda far or very far or in between, is actually exerting on a perhrson. 

And to understand this, we have to understand the cahncept of an Isaac Newton. Now, an Isaac Newton is a measure of forhrce, and this mathematical gibbershit at the left of me means one metre per second. And the understated dude is: en equals period twenty-two. Now, the amount of force the Earth exerts is ffffucking nine hundred & fifty Isaac Newtons. But the amount of the Moon's exertion is: equals period zero zero fourhr Isaac Newtons. It's extremely small. And again, the Moon doesn't line up with the distance. It tells us nothing of value. So if that insignificant amount of gravitational force could affect human behaveyur - which is a big fucking if - it's naht tied to the face of the Moon.

Now, there is some evidence that there's a relationship between the full moon and some animal behaveyur. And in terms of human beings, there is some evidence that the Moon can have a very small effect on sleep at less than 1% based awn the amount of so many snoozes, which would be subject to chance based awn the Moon bahstard.

What are the mental health and personality factors herhre? Whenever I evaluate somebody I use the five-factor mahdel which I remember through the acronym O.C.E.A.N. It could stand for 'Obese Cunts Eat All Night' or 'Oatmeal Cookie Eclipses Alysha Newman'. But no, none of those are correct. O.C.E.A.N. stands for: Openness (to experience), Cahnscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neurahticism. Is the Moon open to experience? Well, a select few humans have made physical cahntact with it, so I'll give a lightly low scorhre here. Cahnscientious? Erm... no. It doesn't have a brain. Is it extroverted? It has no voice, therefore it's actually introverted or plainly mute. Has the Moon been agreeable? It hasn't. The Moon had no prahblem with astronauts, but that's because it has no brain or voice. The Moon being neurahtic, is that likely? No. It cahn't happen. Overall, the Moon is a near-perfect representation of a sane and endearing individual.

So we could say the gravitational effect of the Moon is inconsequential balderdash. The full moon is negligible, maybe, because it bounces off the sunlight, there could be some effect there, but... not worth fucking around with. So if the Moon is naht fully affecting human behaveyur - which it doesn't appear to be in any meaningful way - why do so many idiots believe in this shitbull about the Moon's so-called influence? Well, the ahnswer is in the question: it's shitbull, and intellectually-challenged troglodytes lap this superstitious idiocy up like a dog in front of a bowl full of Blackwood, because the Moon transmits idiot waves to the nearest void noggin. I'm just joking. But seriously, some people believe in this crap.

This belief goes back a long way... to 1992, the year of the macabre fighting game called Mortal Kombat, specifically the segment where the Reptile guy appears at intervals and instructs the player to ''look at la luna'', and this goes back to the Latin word 'Lunacy' which, coincidentally, is the same word for 'lunacy' in English.

Does the Moon appear to affect human behaveyur in any meaningful way? Of course fucking naht. Does this surprise you? If it does or does naht, please leave your opinion in the cahmments section, I'm sure it will generate an interesting dialogue. I've been Dr Grande of my Dr Grande YouToob channel. As always, I hope you found my lesson about the Moon to be interesting. Thanks for watching.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2020, 10:26:13 PM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #38 on: July 21, 2020, 05:12:39 PM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande. At precisely 23 hundred hours and 46 minutes awn 20 July 2020, I reached FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND SUBSCRIBERS, and by the time I upload this video it'll go beyond that. I hope I don't get 500k - I mean not anytime soon, as I'll have to hurriedly produce another video celebrating yet another milestone about something entirely different. Thank you so much. It's great that people find interest and educational value in my videos. To celebrate, I'm going to ahnswer today's question which ahsks: what are your favourite TV shows? Just a reminder *knowing smirk*, the ten TV shows I'm going to list feature real people acting as fictional characters, so I'm naht diagnosing anybody, only telling you what are my favourite television programmes.

Speaking of ten, I haven't watched a laht of television in a decade, so most of what I'll list largely won't be anything current. At number ten is Tots TV. Now, I saw this delightful puppet show when I was awn vacation in the United Kingdom. I saw it when I stayed at a hotel. The characterisation is excellent, and the narrative is completely spellbinding. One of the characters speaks in French, which added a lightly unusual slant to a tharght-provoking series.

My ninth choice is What a Cartoon! from the Cartoon Network... network. It was a series that promoted new cartoons, some of which went awn to have their own successful series.

Number eight has to be Dallas. What can I say about my love of Dallas? Well, to be hahnest, I've never watched a single episode. But I still love it, mind.

Seven? It'll have to be the Adult Freeview Channel (and don't forget to subscribe to mine... erm, channel, naht a porn film). Now, you're prahbably wondering why a married academic (with a son) is wasting his intellect on such sordid filth? Well, I cahn't speak for everyone, right, but I'm sure this has happened to many people: the batteries in my remote were almost depleted of energy which caused a delay in my button input, so after impatiently pressing the buttons several times, the channels rapidly yet suddenly cycled through and just so happened to have stahpped at the uhdolt section. The freeviews start at 11pm and end at 4am (naht that I know any of this) and it wasn't Thursday, so that meant it wasn't the gay freeview night (again, I have no knahledge of this, I'm only guessing) and my pant's jaw drahpped and, well, I was enthralled by the fleeting array of beautiful women and their silicone breasts combined with brief scenes of suggestive penetrative sex. The interesting aspect about the freeviews is they vary quite regularly in their stimulating cahntent... erm, well, ahem, I imagine they do.

At number six awn the list is Family Guy. Some might say it's a tiresome rip-off of The Simpsons (plus a talking tahddler and dog), but I love its brash cahnfidence and remember-this and what-if scenes. Emerald comedy!

Neighbours is my fifth choice. G'day maite. Harold Shipman... Paul Robinson... Alf Stewart - classic characters. It's a compelling, albeit fictional, look into Australian life. It's strange because most of the architecture and weather is similar to here in the yoo es of ay, except they all speak in an exotic London accent. Uh-hah.

Jersey Shore is my fourth favourite awn this list. I really like the tall oompa-loompa guys and their gelled bouncy hair and how they interact with the orange women. One can derive a multitude of historical references from this remarkable programme. I urge you all to wahtch a bahxset or similar.

Three? It can only be Kenan and Kel. ''K-K-K-Kel fucking loves orange soda. Mhm-hmMM! Ah-do-ah-do-ah-do-ah-do-ah-DO-OO!'' and then Kenan ahsks: ''Is it true?'' to which Kel responds: ''Whhhhy, yes, it is.''. At least that's how I remember it. Those two guys crack me up.

Two comes right ahfter firhrst. Actually, it does naht. But in at number two is Take Me Out. I was introduced to this programme by Recovery Mum, whom I've had lengthy cahnversations with awn YouToob. It's presented by a guy called Paddy McGuinness. A curve of mostly garish women stand at podiums as they hoot and woot over an audacious, overly cahnfident guy who does his best to win over at least one woman in orderhr to go on a televised date with her. The narcissism in this programme is like a treasure trove. I fucking love it.

And here we arrive at the end of the list. Number one: Dr Phil. It's an admittedly controversial show. Dr Phil is no longer a licensed mental health professional, and some of his viewers and ardience may take him seriously, but that doesn't starp him from being entertaining - and that's what Dr Phil is all about: entertainment. The number of seasons he's had with his show is testament to how entertaining it all is.

So thank you all once again for subscribing. I truly value the subscribers and cahmments I receive, apart from the ones left by David Icke fans who criticised me. Speaking of cahmments, now I know whenever I make a milestone video there will be a variety of opinions. Please put your opinion-tharghts in the cahmments section - they are sure to generate an interesting dialogue. As always, I hope you found my milestone video to be interesting. Thanks for watching.
« Last Edit: July 21, 2020, 05:36:27 PM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #39 on: July 22, 2020, 12:17:42 AM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande with a new video already. Now, I need to say that this video is an expansion awn a previous video where I covered Racial Stereotype Syndrome. You may be thrilled to learn that more evidence has surfaced and has been dahcumented in scientific literature, and by that I actually mean a complete nutjarb awn YouToob has made a complete uncle's cunt of himself. Really, this new discovery is startling beyond measure. RSS will be in DSM-6. Guaranteed! I'd even say this is a case of body dysmorphia with blackface features - lllliterally. This asinine imbecile is a walking cancelled.

Today's question ahsks: what are the mental health and personality factors of the YouToober known as Nuka Zeus? (Or as I call him: Yung Tropik Thunda.) Just a reminder, Nuka Zeus is a real person (unfortunately), so I'm naht diagnosing him, only speculating about what could be occurring in a situation like this. Or another way of looking at it is: awn a scale of 0 to 10, how much of an embarrassingly deranged idiot is this madman? I'll award the 11 at the end of this video.

Nuka Zeus, who's a Caucasian man with ginger facial hair, decided to inject 'melanotan' into his skin in order to become 'black'. I'm naht joking, check out this Ronseal failure. He's nothing more than Riff-Raff Version 2.0 - night edition. I mean, come on! My asshole is wider that this moron's nostrils; and let me tell you, Dr Grande's butthole is tight as fuck. Is this dude tight as fuck with the homies? If he is, I'd feel devastated for his pals to have formed a friendship with this perplexing human punchline. What I'm about to say may naht be a politically correct terhrm these days, but I feel it's appropriate given the magnitude of the ridiculousness: Nuka Zeus is a 1,000% certified Bisto wigga.

It's quite hilarious when I think about it, his first name isn't any slang I've every read or heard about, although there is 'Nuka Cola' in the Fallout series (yeah, incarcerate him in a fucking vault). And the second parhrt of his name is 'Zeus', as in a depiction of a mytholahgical old white guy? Well, the only streak of electricity this dope ought to feel is through electroshock therapy. Uh-hah. Some people play video games on hard or professional difficulty. This wreckage plays life with a superfluous cheat code thereby causing GameSharks to burst into flames.

When you listen to his diction, observe his demeanour and hairstyle, it makes me wonder: why does he wear braids and regularly punctuate his sentences with 'ya know what I'm saying?' like a criterion for an RSS diagnosis?! Is this faux coffee bean's perspective and understanding of black culture so minuscule he just copies what he sees awn B.E.T?! Why naht talk plainly like Neil deGrasse Tyson or Thomas Sowell etc. The fuck is wrong with him?! What is this creature, a joke Christmas present for Jesse Lee Peterson? Well, the whitest element this Christmas will be this towering imposter, contrary to what this mass of delusion thinks.

Nuka Zeus has 'Black power' tattooed on his left forearm and 'Fuck whites' on the other. It's imporhrtant to note that both tattoos were awn his arm prior to his dud transformation. The fool is so ginger I'm blacker than him. Even anaemic skin could cast a shadow that's darker than him. Doesn't this ton of drudgery naht realise the prahblems the average African American faces?! If the police are dumb enough to use excessive force awn him because they believe him to be black, or he's turned down for a jahb because it's tharght he'd be an idle stereotype, then I'm sure Diet Nescafe will jump into the nearest vat of mayonnaise and exhale a sigh of relief (and then purchase a pair of crarcs).

I mean, Jordan Peterson gave being black a go awn The Agenda with Steve Paikin, presumably for a social experiment, but he respectfully went back to being his old self (and so did Jordan, uh-hah).

Aside from the awbvious, the best way to prove that this umber landfill is snow white is by having him cross paths with a neighbour or a parent of a friend and film him do a tight-lipped false horizontal smile - that's what will convince the bronzed lunatic he's not black. Now, of course, other races do the half-assed smile of acknowledgement, too, but it's more cahmmon for us whites to it.

So what are the mental health and personality factors here? Well, RSS is 200% likely. Maybe he's developed PTSD from racism he's witnessed. Perhaps he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, grandiosely believing he's entitled and outstanding enough to become another race and be conceited and crazy enough to show it to the world. Or maybe he's nothing more than an astronomical fuckwit. Who knows, maybe he's trolled us with fake tan and tattoos (one can only hope).

Now I know whenever I talk about freaks who radically alter their appearance, there will be a variety of opinions. Please put any tharghts or opinions in the cahmments section, they always generate an interesting dialogue. Oh, I almost forgart, Nuka is an 11 out 10 for being an embarrassingly deranged idiot. As always, I hope you found my description and analysis of Newtan Faulkner to be interesting. Thanks for watching.
« Last Edit: July 22, 2020, 12:52:50 AM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #40 on: July 26, 2020, 12:31:21 AM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande. What's today's question? Well, I'll get awn to that after this advertisement - I'm big-time now, pal. This video has been sparnsored by my good friends at ShittyOnlineFuckingGamesNoOnePlays, who've produced a brilliant awnline war game called Tank Bahstards, which is no different to all the other half-assed, unoriginal shit out there. Form factions with real-life friends or unknown players and battle each over in third-person as you unleash your shells in 2006-era pastel graphics. Join now at abysmalgame daht carm and use code 'DrGreatDeal' at the checkout for a 70% discount awn a 3-month game pahss and you'll also have access to an exclusive mega-cannon weapon attachment that's somewhat more aesthetically pleasing yet doesn't improve the overall mechanics of this tedious crevasse of bilge. And now, back to the mental health tahpics...


Today's question ahsks: can I analyse the personality and mental health factors of the late wrestler Chris Bennoyt? Oh, sorry, Benwah. Chris Benoit. And when I say 'late' I'm naht referring to time, although he did die some time ago an- oh, you-get-what-mean. Just a reminder: Chris Benoit was a real person who acted as parhrt of a fictional persona, so I am diagnosing a dead guy but I'm naht diagnosing his 'Canadian Crippler' gimmick as that's rahther pointless.

Christopher 'Rabid Canadian Wolverine Crippler' Benoit, was born at La Crosse Fais Harspital in Tabernacle (Turnbuckle) Ridge - a district in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. His parents were Ben Benji Benoit and Bea Wanda Benoit. They had a son... his name was Chris. Chris Benoit, coincidentally.

Chris demonstrated his farndness for the art of pantomime violence from an early age. Chris used to grapple with his Big Bird Sesame Street toy at the age of six. And according to Chris' father, he executed nine consecutive German suplexes with the toy awn their living room carpet, as for Chris... ah-hah-hah. Chris watched Hulk Hogan awn television when Hogan made his debut in the squared circle of slams. Chris was fascinated by the appearance of Hulk Hogan as Benoit aften tharght that Hogan always looked old, which was rahther weeyhrd at that time as it was the late 70s, right.

Chris Benoit almost put his own mother into harspital when he was a teenager. How did he do it? Well, an excitable Chris had just watched the first ever Wrestlemania, right, and his mom ahsked him to put out the laundry awn on the clothesline. Chris, in his charged frenzy from watching his beloved sport, swung his forearm into his mom's collarbones. She tumbled to the floor and almost dislocated her hip awn their brown lino with a dog food gravy stain awn it. Ben Benoit - Chris' father - had noticed his son's zealous interest in the physically demanding sporhrt and invested money into Chris so that his son could enrol at the Wrestling Academy of Nationwide Knahledge.

Chris pahssed his studies and completed his sporadic training and was awarded an alloy miniature belt and a diploma. Graduation ceremonies usually involve gowns and mortar boards, the latter is ceremoniously thrown vertically into the air. At Wrestling Academy, the spandex-clad graduate's are encouraged to whack a wafer-thin trash can lid awn the nearest individual's head.

Chris wanted to called his signature aerial manouevre the 'acrimion fucker', but production stahff tharght the name was too risque and blue for a family ardience; they had since given it the name 'flying headbutt' to prevent anyone from the FCC giving them any prahblems. The same applied to his trademark submission move 'crippler crossface', which Chris initially insisted awn calling it the 'neck cunter'.

Benoit had a successful career in NJPW - Never Jizz Pahst Walnuts, uh-hah, no seriously, that's what it's fucking called. No, it was New Japan Pro Wrestling. He stayed there until the mid nineties, where he later joined WCW and had multiple staged rivalries. And before you question it, no, WCW does naht stand for Waving Cahcks Worldwide. WCW stands forhr World Championship Wrestling (I know it's a controversial thing to say, but 'Woman's Cunt Weeping' makes me laugh).

In the twilight years of a troubled WCW, Chris jumped ship in year 2000 to the rival company WWF, as it was known at that time (now called the WWE). His expertise and appeal as shown throughout his career was in the form of knife-edge chahps, hooked kicks, snap suplexes, a chain of German suplexes, the famous flying headbutts, neck slicing gestures and lightly gelled hair with stubbly features. Chris wasn't much of character in terms of his mic-based oration skills, but his understated appearance in those striped trousers adorning his introverted being really didn't matter, as Benoit's supreme charisma and classic move set were sensational enough to warrant a lack of a loudmouth gimmick. He certainly did horrific things that made the news media throw up their dignity, but he is the Wrestler of Scintillating Gold in the minds of the sympathetic.

So what did the Rabid Wolverine do that was so detestable? Well, as a laht of you will know, Chris Benoit committed a double-murder suicide awn Friday, June 22 2007. The former wrestling favourite hung himself at his home, in Georgia, awn a lat pulldown machine ahfter he strangled his wife Nancy and seven-year-old son Daniel. Bibles were each reportedly found beside the corpses of Nancy and Daniel - Chris could have made it more tragic by putting two cahpies of the Da Vinci Code beside them, ah-hah.

What are the contributing factors to his murderous behaviour? Now, it's been heavily speculated that Benoit was most likely delusional and out of control due to brain trauma. Former wrestler Christopher Nowinski cahntacted Benoit's father as Nowinski believed that the Rabid Wolverine's behaviour was the result of too many knahcks to the skull. Ben Benoit provided Chris' head mince to Julian Bailes, the head of neurosurgery at West Virginia University. The scans revealed that Chris has the mind of an 85-year-old Alzheimer's patient due to repeated trauma to his head, doubtless from the impact of those metal fold-up chairs and the self-inflicted jumping headbutts ahff the turnbuckle. The suplex merchant was post-diagnosed with a severe condition called chronic traumatic encephalopathy - CTE. Or as those naht medically-trained would call it: fucked brain.

I remember the acronym O.C.E.A.N. Openness to et cetera. Was Benoit open to experience? Hmm, professional wrestler, let me think abo- yes. Cahnscientious? Well, I suppose he was when he sandwiched an opponent's elbow in between his thighs before pulling their heads back. Extroverted? As I earlier stated, Chris wasn't much of a performer on the mic. His language was fake punches, kicks, slamming, grappling and diving. Agreeable? Well, he agreed to sign cahntracts and appear in numerous matches. Neurahtic? Definitely. He was distraught over the death of Eddie Guerrero, who was a long-time friend of Benoit's, and Chris was always emotional when he won a championship belt, although that doesn't really count as his attainment of a barely ornate strip of tin is entirely make-believe shit for TV, meaning his tears weren't wet.

Are there any other theories behind Chris Benoit's murders and own death? There was a conspiracy theory that the ex-husband of Nancy Benoit, Kevin Sullivan, sneaked into the Benoit abode and assassinated all three of them but cunningly made it look like Benoit was respahnsible. I, for one, think this theory is nothing more than far-fetched cowpat that David Icke would fart out with his Lizard People (I had to get that in there).

If we are to entertain a conspiracy theory, we must deliberate over who would have a motive to extinguish the Benoits? And who would be well-connected and powerful enough to commit such a heinous crime and get away with it? Well, the list of suspects is exhausting. I've spent most of my week sleuthing for clues and ahnswers, and the suspected key perpetrator of this evilness is the British television personality known as Grotbags, played by Carol Lee Scott, who died awn 'America Day' in 2017.

But why an ageing tubby woman in greenface? Well, the TV series of Grartbags came to an end in 1993. Out of work and feeling melancholic, Carol cheered herself up by going to a wrestling match with a friend in 1996, where she saw Benoit grimacing as he swung his hand like a blade across a meaty chest. She was mesmerised by the prahminent emissions of Chris' handiwork, lllliterally. Ahfter the taping, Carol waited in the lahbby to see if her hero of the ring would strut out of the arena's door - which he did. Carol approached Benoit for a photo opportoonity but was 'snubbed' when a more attractive and younger fan was invited to pose with the Canadian Crippler. Feeling resentment towards the wispy-faced man from Montreal, she began appearing in the crowds at certain events, usually the ones centred awn a fight inside a steel cage or involving ladders. Grartbags started to sneakily cahst a beguiling spell on the unsuspecting Wolverine of Rabidness via a nahvelty foam hand so as not to evoke any suspicion in the crowd, causing Benoit to dangerously ascend risky heights in orderhr to launch himself in to the air and inevitably wallop his cranium into a chunky shoulder. If there's any evidence this outlandish theory factually occurred, Grartbahgs got what she wanted, the fucking green wart-faced hussy.

Now I know whenever I talk about wrestlers who breathe death upon their family there will be a variety of opinions. Please do as I say: leave your cahmments in the cahmments section. Generate an interesting dialogue for Dr Grande. As always, this is the conclusion to the video. Thanks for watching.
« Last Edit: July 26, 2020, 02:24:18 AM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #41 on: July 29, 2020, 12:29:46 AM »

I got you with my winnin' smile
I'm givin' a lesson because I care about the weird
You just can't help but stare at my wispy beaaaaard

And I'm a psychologist, non-apologist, bouncing, counselling, erm, video about Chris Watts ticked off.

Somebody subscribe to meeee!

BTK Killer's face looks uncannily like mii-iine
''Ted Bundy fucked his cousin'' - I stand out of the crowd
(DaVid iCke sPeAks AnD SimUltaNeOusLy BrEakS HiS AsShOLe)
Dilligent and clever, scientifically-informed endeavour. ANALYSING THEIR MINDS!

Aaahhh, Jeffrey Dahmer was killed by a ne'er-do-well who used red to decorate a prison cell
(Brain goes with anything if they ask, see?)

Well there's one last thing I gotta tweet on my perch
Open up your wallet wide and purchase my merch

Ohhhhhhh, COMMENT!


Hello, this is Dr Grande. How about the new intro sequence, huh? I think it's fucking coowhl. Today's question ahsks: can I analyse the mental health and personality factors of the character Trigger from the British sitcahm Only Fools and Horses? Just a reminder: I'm naht diagnosing the fictional character or even the deceased actor who played him, only speculating about what happened in the much-loved sitcahm.

Trigger is the nickname of Cahlin Ball, a stalwart roadsweeper of Peckham, south London. We firstly see Trigger make his appearance awn the firhrst episode 'Big Brother'. His character initially comes acrahss as lightly dim, but the stupidity increases as the series develops. Ahddly enough, Rahdney Trahtter isn't familiar with Trigger despite the fact he's one of Del Boy's pals frahm Schoowhl; but in all fairness, this is the very starhrt of the series, and the Only Fools universe expanded with its characters and settings with each episode.

Trigger, quite cahmically, has difficulty remembering Rahdney's name, which Trigger mistakenly thinks is 'Dave'. Rahdney corrects Trigger in the episode 'Homesick', but he soon forgets (much to Rahdney's disappointment and our hilarity). Does this align with any criterion for diagnosis? Hmm, no, it does naht.

Interestingly, there's an interesting parhrt in the two thousand one Christmas special, 'If they Could see us Now', where we see a sequence of the Trahtters and friends assembled in a courhrt hallway. Trigger says that he plans on stating that he 'hears voices' and emphasises that he actually does hear voices, right. It's naht a ruse of his or anything like that. So, we hear about a classic symptom of schizophrenia and psychosis - co-morbid and shit, whichever. But he doesn't display any unusual behaviourhr to provide any evidence that he is psychahtically deranged.

Trigger doesn't appear to understand metaphors and certain jokes, which can be a trait within the autism spectrum. He also seems quite ahdd socially in terms of the subjects he speaks about and doesn't appear to recognise the irahnic tone and dumbfounded facial expressions of others, so, we see more evidence of autism herhre. Is he autistic? Hmm, maybe in the Asperger's range, as he appears to be quite independent and requires no special assistance.

In the lahst and quite shit Christmas special - erm, I forget the episode's name... what-was-called-it?! Ah, I'll call it 'Rodney, Freddie The Frog is Your Dad, you 24-carat Jubblycunt!' - we see that Trigger suddenly becomes somewhat intelligent and is eager to invent a back-scratching appliance, and he comes out with the shittiest joke in the history of anything, where Trigger claims to see an intermittently vanishing and reappearing UFO viewed through a window, then Del realises that Trigger is blinking. We simultaneously see a needless extension of the character and an exahmple of his drooling stupidity.

I use the five-factor mahdel in orderhr to evaluate people's personality profiles. I remember this through the Acronym O.C.E.A.N - Openness-to-experience-Cahnscientiousness-Agreeable-Extroversion-and-Neurahticism. Is Trigger open to experience? Well, he has vacationed in Ireland, participated in a Poker match, gone awn a date, frequented a yuppy bar, been to Margate (I assoome he's been to the previous Jahlly Boys' outings), gart lahst in Hampton Courhrt Maze and has met a councillor of Peckham, and has been to Frahnce - naht to mention his jarb and frequent visits to the Nag's Head. Cahnscientious? Not really, no - I'm sure 'Dave' would agree there, ah-hah. What's his agreeableness level? I'd say it's quite high, as he'd be dopey enough to go alawng with anything you say. Extroversion? Yeah, he's very tahlkative and therefore scorhres very highly here. Is Trigger neurahtic? No. He didn't appear upset about his grandmother's pahssing and seems relatively stoic.

Now I know whenever I talk about a fictional idiot there will be a variety of opinions. Please opine your tharghts as a cahmment for the cahmment section, they always generate... an interesting dialogue. As always, I hope you found my analysis to be interesting. Thanks for watching.

« Last Edit: July 29, 2020, 12:41:03 AM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #42 on: July 31, 2020, 01:15:47 AM »

I got you my with witty style
I'm giving you a lesson about the shitty smile
of John Wayne Gacy and his clown make-up with haaaair

And I'm the doctor with no copter. It's me, with a Ph.D and no OCD. Golly, it's true. Folie a deux. Erm, a trolley will do.

Somebody sub me!

Prrrretty yet chunky face of Teal Swaaaan
It's real wrong when they use cancel culture - I'll fucking say it out loud
(''BabiEs CaN't bE VaCciNatEd OthErWisE iT's AutIsM SoLd'')
Sociopathy defined, anxiety declined. SUPPOSEDLY OUT OF THEIR MINDS!

Aaahhhh, Richard Ramirez was a ne'er-do-well who had fan mail sent to his prison cell
''Gringos do anything you ask, si''

Well there's one more disorder I must diagnose.
You can support me on Patreon, I suppose.

UFooooOOOH - LAZAR!!!!


Hello, I am this are Dr Grande. Yes. I am me, right, right. I have an exciting question for you today (or tomorrow or next week, depending awn when you see it). And that question is: what is the mental health and personality characteristics of Barney the Dinosaurhr and his presidential campaign for twenty-twenty? Just the usual reminder: Barney the Dinosaurhr is a real person underneath the billowing purple, so I'm naht diagnosing him, only speculating about what could be occurring in a situation like this.

And speaking of 'like this', please increase the pahsitive ratings for this video and consider supporting me a Patreon - I'll put a link to Patreon in the description for this video. And if you have the cash and are thirsty for a hot one, why naht purchase a David Icke & The Lizard People drinking mug. Shipping costs apply. Don't delay - a beverage holder could be yours today.

Who is Barney the Dinosaur? Well, in a physical sense, Barney was David Joyner from 1992 - 2001 and Carey Stinton from 2001 - 2009. Barney was voiced by Bob West from 1992 - 2000, and 2000 - 2009 was the voiceover era of Dean Wendt. The show, of courhrse, ended in 2009.

Barney's toonful phrase was: I love you. You love me. We're best friends like friends should be. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me too? I bet you heard that in your mind in his exaggerated simpleton voice, ah-hah. And 'Stuu-uupendous!!' was another of his lines. I'm glad I didn't grow up with that liseran hunk of piss awn television.

Barney went on a live tourhr until 2013. He began taking up alcohol as a harbby and went into rehab in 2016. Ahfter hitting the gym and benchpressing
200kg three times a week, he smartened himself and his act up. With his new-found cahnfidence, Barney embarked on his arduous journey to become President of the United States of America, right. He studied the history of the Founding Fathers and the technicalities behind the Constitootion. He invested a portion of his money earned from his TV show heyday in orderhr to buy a PR and management team.

Barney stood on a float and spoke passionately through his megaphone. Pedestrians where startled by the booming slurred mahnotone of the swollen-faced punchbag. Barney addressed his potential ardience with this statement: I LUV YOO. YOO VOTE MEEEE. YOO UHR AMERICAN LIKE AN AMERICAN SHOOD BEEEE. WITH A BIG VOTING BOOFE FROM ME TO YOO. 2020 HAS A COUPLE OF TWOS.

But then Barney addressed the crowd and claimed that redlining is based as fuck, and he screamed that The Powers of Matthew Star needs to be rebooted because the simps need to be distracted by a mesmerising sci-fi series in orderhr to stop funding women gamers on Twitch. Then he concluded his statement with ''Super dee duper!''. At this point, Barney blubbed as he released the megaphone, causing it to crash to the ground. Barney crouched into a fetal position before slipping on his heel then floundering on his spongy back. Barney was escorted away from the scene and taken to a psychiatric harspital, where he underwent examination.

Five-factor Mahdel - O.C.E.A.N.? Barney was a television star, so he is incredibly open to experience. Cahnscientious? Well, I'd think so. Ahfter all, he was an entertainer and was prepared to campaign in the run for presidency. He's also very extroverted. I mean, his spoken cahntent is quite mediocre, but he is vocal. Agreeable? Hey, those TV cahntracts had a signature put awn them. Now, what with recent events considered, Barney display neurahticism for the first time, although it was very tragic for him to be so manically distrahght, so I'll award him a mid-score herhre.

Now I know whenever I speak about bouncy prehistoric characters you'd love to ensconce into the sea there will be a variety of opinions. Please put them in the cahmments section. Interesting dialogue. As always, interesting. Thanks for watching.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2020, 01:38:49 AM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #43 on: August 02, 2020, 08:00:15 PM »

I got you with my video's tile
My humour is just like gin - it's dry
You can't help but parade when I throw the darkest shaaaade.

And I'm Todd, not odd, erm, the latent strangeness of a patient, his head thinks he's Ted Kaczynski.

Somebody sub me!!!!

Weeeeirdly interesting life led by Mii-iike.
Your phones vibrate and they're buzzing.
422k is my crowd

(DaViD KoREsH dId a wRonG aT WaCo)
DSM-5 will define for the videos of mine but...

David Icke and the Lizard People have about as much point as a smashed steeple
''Isle of Wight is separated by water (sea)''

But there's one last thing I've gotta analyse
Scientifically-informed insider look - are you surprised?

OoooOOh, don't LOG-OUT!!


Guess who? Yes. Hello, this is Dr Grande. Today's question ahsks: can I analyse the personality and mental health characteristics of Brian Rose, the host and founder of London Real? Just a reminder/disclaimer thing to prevent myself from getting in to trouble for being unprofessional for naht conventionally diagnosing a patient in a one-awn-one meeting: Brian Rose is a real humanoid, so I'm naht diagnosing him, only speculating about what could be happening in a situation like this.

If you enjoyed this video and the profundity has given you a new perspective, please tap or click awn the thumbs-up icarn and that also includes the subscribe button. You can consider supporting me awn Patreon - I'll put the link to Patreon in the description for this video. And if you have naht already noticed, I have a merch storhre underneath. You can buy a FUCK MENTAL ILLNESS t-shirhrt or you can imbibe a lovely drink - haht orhr cold - from an exclusive David Icke & The Lizard People mug. And speaking of David Icke, let's continue the video about Brian Rose...

Brian Rose, a 49-year-old man born awn May 1971, appears to be a cahnfident and relatively successful entrepreneur. He was a former city-slicker awn Wall Street before relocating to London and (I think) working in banking before starting up his London Real empire. Brian 'interviews' a variety of people, from medical professionals, academics, music artists, and most unsurprisingly: conspiracy theorists, mainly David Icke. I've naht seen a laht of London Real interviews as there's so many to watch, but Brian's approach isn't what you may call interrogative or anything similar. Brian essentially gives his guests a platform to speak at length about themselves and what they believe or know, and Brian doesn't challenge any erroneous or vague statements - specifically in the David Icke interviews he does this. Now, Brian rarely interjects in order to gain clarification awn what somebody is trying to say, or he concisely tells them his stance on things. But again, he's naht an incisive interviewer, which is fine if you prefer that approach.

Brian experienced a cahmbination of a surge in pahpularity and cahntroversy which, unsurspringly, stems directly from his David Icke interview since the Coronavirus. LondonReal received bad press coverage ahfter a David Icke interview was broadcahst on a TV channel called LondonLive, which is owned by the Evening Standard newspaper of London and has no affliation with LondonReal. Ofcarm, an institoote that mahnitors acceptable standards awn television and radio shows, issued a statement: 'David Icke's alternative theories about the coronavirus and 5G are fucking idiotic. Devoid of factually correct information and nuance. Icke is an Antarctic twat and we - the elite - hope to de-platform the lemur-eyed bollocks merchant in the near future'. Around this time, the controversial Icke interview was removed by YouToob and was cahnsequently covered by BBC News. Brian began to voice his concerns about the stahtus of his account and the future of his cahntent despite appearing to be as successful as ever; he believed freedom of speech was at stake herhre and came up with the idea to build his own 'Digital Freedom Platform', but this came at a price, right, both financially and in reputation. Brian wanted...

[Ad in 5 seconds]

Hey there, hoes. I'm Brian Rose of London Real. If you want those digits displaying your account's balance on an ATM to significantly increase, then I - Brian Rose, the CEO and founder of London Real - have the opportunity of a life time for you. I have something special that's no different from what all the self-assured psychopathic salesmen have offered, like a Jeff Koons sculpture which'll complement a Battersea penthouse where marketing executives do yoga. Namaste. Invest your fucking time with me and I'll take you under my wing and convert your passion into cashion. Delicious money. You can travel the world and get away from that dickwad of an assistant manager who's always asking you to do overtime. The overtime you'll be doing is at one of my 107 academies, where you'll graduate with a bit of tree that means fuck-all in the competitive world of business and investment.

You've all heard about the books and courses on how to be successful in business, so now you're wondering what's so unique about my flipchart and data? The statistics will inform you that 96% of graduates go on to be successful - how I'm measuring success is down to you, future graduate. If you've figured out that 96% isn't 100%, then you are one mathematically astute motherfucker - and I could honestly do with a London Real Army cadet like yourself. Are you assertive, punctual and gullible? If you answer 'yes' to all three (preferably the latter), then sign up today, a chance to enrol at the LR College is a click or tap away... annnnd you'll-have-to-manually-type-in-your-personal-details-and-shit, unless your text-entry history is saved. But don't sweat it, yo. The impossible is manageable. After all, Jesus rose from the dead, and Brian Rose has a miracle for you. There's no need to ruminate on doubt. Change your life at


...people to donate to his cause in orhrder for it to become a reality - virtual reality. It appears Brian succeeded as far as reaching his monetary target, but the people who donated (and perhaps those who didn't but were fans all the same) were fucking outraged as the platform seemed incomplete and, as far as I know, there are rules and guidelines as to what's acceptable and what is naht acceptable to post awn to his site, and naht forgetting the terms & conditions. Uh-hah, I don't know what his fans were expecting. Everything has a guideline and can still be mahnitored by an outside source. Brian isn't a far-right or left-wing radical, so ahbviously he's going to want to apply restrictions for his website to avoid having to face any backlash for creating a hive of negative cahntent. I also think there was a clause where the donated money is now his and there's no way to gain any form of refund.

Ever since then, he's had a critical article written about him by Vice, and it looks as though Brian hasn't put any effort into his digital freedom platform since the negative reception it received. His latest idea is to start up a reality TV show so soon ahfter his latest idea. *Grimace of uncertainty* It seems that Brian wants to make a distraction to divert newcomers away from the negative press directed at his DFP. Why naht continue interviewing people and enhance the academies without any side projects?! Surely he already has enough money.

[Ad in 5 seconds]


Interestingly, Brian has posted a video where he claimed that he drank every day for thirty years and decided to go cold turkey yet has never been to an AA meeting - so we see Substance Abuse Disorder here (that's 'sad', uh-hah). Now, I suspect that drinking every day is an exaggeration, right, or perhaps he didn't have all that much to drink, who knows. If I've remembered the video correctly, Brian has used heroin and used to lead a party lifestyle during his Wall Street days. He seems to be very remarkable in cahnquering his addictions.

O.C.E.A.N? Brian scorhres really highly in openness to experience, if his multiple videos are anything to go by, right. Cahnscientiousness? Well, I'd say mid-range. I mean, he does think about his business ventures a laht but he oftentimes doesn't engage with his guests. Brian is quite extroverted in terms of his diary and promotional videos, but he's somewhat silent during the interviews he conducts. He doesn't seem particularly agreeable as he seems rahther outgoing and independent, but on the other hand, he goes along with what his guests say on his show. Neurahtic? He doesn't appear to be. If anything, he seems very cahnfident and calm; there are no signs of anguish in any of his videos.

Now I know whenever I talk about questionable money-hungry YouToob celebrities with aged faces there will be a cahmments section. Interesting dialogue. As always, I hope you thanks for watching
« Last Edit: August 02, 2020, 09:00:00 PM by DangledTeeth »


  • I'm the avatar's husband.
Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #44 on: August 08, 2020, 10:31:49 PM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande. There's no 'The Mahsk: The Animated Series' parodied intro in this video, I couldn't be bothered to redo the lyrics yet again. Today's question ahsks: Can I analyse the personality and mental health factors of O.J. Simpson and was he guilty? O.J. Simpson is a real murderer -- I mean person -- so I'm naht diagnosing him or anyone else in the trial, only speculating about what happened in this situation... li-ke th-is. Ahem.

Oh gui- Erm, O.J. 'Orenthal James' Simpson was born from his mother's shrub. His father was a drag queen who later admitted that he was gay and died of the sex plaque in 1986 - if only his knife-wielding son officially admitted to the mhrdhrs, right. O.J. lived in a house. San Francisco area. He wasn't a guilty mhrdhrer at this point in his life (1994 isn't 1947). He ate food and grew older and taller. As a five-year-old... erm, child, he developed rickets. Now, as far as I know, rickets is a terrible physical condition and probably made his childhood a resentful one, but it's naht a good enough reason to severely prahd Nicole Brown Simpson and Rahn Goldman with a serated utensil.

Orenthal James, when he was a kid, was a ticket scalper and he collected seat cushions at Kezar Stadium. The latter activity helped to familiarise himself with the sahftness of cushions for when he rode in the back of the 1993 white Ford Bronco SUV.

By his teenage years, Simpson joined a street gang called the Persian Worriers and was eventually incarcerated for his crimes, feeling rahther stoopid for the poor decisions his youthful self had made (of course, this was way before he killed two people). O.J. later played for the school football team, the Galileo Lions. He enrolled at City Cahllege of San Francisco in 1965. He played football both ways as a running back and defensive back and was named to the Junior College All-American team as a running back. He played for the Buffalo Bills - ah-hah, OJ certainly wasn't the best murhrdhrer in The Beatles. And he also played for the San Francisco 49ers - Jordnpetrsn would certainly play if they were known as the 69ers, but Jordnpetrsn had nothing to do with the mhrdhrs.

Simpson attended the University of Southern California (USC) or Unceremoniously Stabbed a Couple, where he played football for the USC Trojans and won the Heisman Trophy in 1968 without ending anyone's life. He played professionally as a running back in the National Football League (NFL) for 11 seasons without being slowly pursued by police. In 1973, he became the first NFL player to rush for more than 2,000 yards in a season without resulting in the deaths of a man and woman. He holds the record for the single season yards-per-game average without brandishing a knife, which stands at 143.1. He was the only player to ever rush for over 2,000 yards in the 14-game regular season NFL format without committing a heinous double murdhrhr. Simpson was inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame in 1983 and the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1985, and in 1994 he was put in the mugshaht Hall of Fame. After retiring from football, he began new careers in acting, football broadcasting, murdhrhr and rahbbery.

Prior to his glorious football career, O.J. began acting in 1968 and starred in numerous television programmes and films, the Naked Gun trilogy being his most recent and memorable as the lovable detective called Nordberg. Leslie Nielson and Priscilla Presley weren't stabbed to death by O.J. (or anyone for that matter). However, the final film in the trilogy was released in 1994 and this was the year Nicole Brown Simpson and Rahn Goldman drew their final breath. It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, boy finds girl with another boy, girl and boy dies in a tragic stabbing outside a condominium.

So now we come to 1994. On June 12 1994, Nicole Brown Simpson and Rahn Goldman were found stabbed to death outside Nicole's condo in the Brentwood area of Los Angeles. Simpson was a person of interest in their murders because a bloody glove was found at the back of his house. Simpson did not turn himself in, and awn June 17 he became the ahbject of a low-speed pursuit by police while riding as a passenger in the white 1993 Ford Bronco SUV owned and driven by his longtime friend Al Cowlings. Square brackets seventy-four. TV stations interrupted coverage of the 1994 NBA Finals to broadcast the incident live while it was occurring at that point in time. With an estimated audience of 95 million people, the event was described as "the most famous moment on American shores since Beastie Boys' hit track Paul Revere"

The pursuit and trial of O.J. Simpson has been etched into the collective mind of the United States. It was a really, really huge thing, right. I mean, it completely fucked over the broadcahst of the NBA Finals, which was something I would have loved to have seen if I were interested in orange balls and towering people wearing shorhrts and vests.

O.J. was represented by the "Dream Team", which was initially led by Robert Shapiro (if it were Ben, there'd be nothing but rapid-fire questions) and subsequently directed by Johnnie Cochran (unfortnatunely, the 'Chewbacca defense' wasn't applied herhre as that would have been less of a joke than the verdict). The team also included F. Lee Bailey, Alan Dershowitz, Robert Kardashian (the father of the reality TV non-entities), Shawn Holley, Carl E. Douglas, and Gerald Uelmen. Barry Scheck and Peter Neufeld were two additional attorneys who specialized in DNA evidence.

The trial was a complete shitshow to say the very least. There was Johnnie Cochran's ''If it doesn't fit, you must acquit'' phrase about the glove. Or as I'd like to reword it: if the glove does fit, Simpson is in a lot of shit. Of course, the fucking handwear appeared to have shrunk somewhat and the former football player was charged awn two counts of innocence (yeah, we all know he did it).

According to a 2016 poll, 83% of white Americans and 57% of black Americans believe that Simpson committed the mhrhrrdhrs. Whereas 100% of O.J. Simpson knows that he committed the mhrderrs, ah-hah.

In 2007, OJ and accomplices rahbbed a hotel-casino for sporhrts memorablia. On December 5 2008, Simpson was sentenced to a total of thirty-three years in prison. Square brackets one hundred & seventeen. With the possibility of parole after nine years, in 2017. Simpson served almost nine years of his sentence ahfter being released awn parole. Since then, he appeared in a hidden camera sketch as parhrt of Sacha Baron Cohen's Who is America? (2018). Nobody knows what the cunt's done since then. Erm, O.J. I mean - definitely naht Sacha.

When I see one weirdo dressed with a glove, stabbing a woman and guy outside a condominium on Bundy Drive, I analyse the bahstard. That's my policy. As always, this is the end of the video. Don't forget that I've put the link to my Patreon in the description for this video. Thanks for wa-


I was formulating alternate takes awn Cochran's 'If it doesn't fit, you must acquit''. And I must say, it's pretty damn hard to do. I spent about an hour thinking of these: ''If you don't give a hoot (unlike an owl), you must throw in the towel''. Erm, ''if Simpson's prints match the knife which he can grab, that means he was the guy who did the stab''. ''If your mindset towards a verdict of innocence is 'no way', that means you believe in the guilt of O.J.'' I spent another hour thinking of some more, but I became bored and began working on my next video.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2020, 10:44:18 PM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #45 on: August 21, 2020, 11:56:52 PM »

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Green screen goes with anything if they ask - Illuminati!
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Hello, this is.......... Dr Grande. Today's question ahsks can I analyse and naht diagnose the then-teenage murhrderhrhr Brian Blackwell? Just a reminder: I'm naht diagnosing the smiling cunt as he was already diagnosed with my favourite disorhrder - Narcissistic Personality Disorderhr. As always, I h- I mean as always, I'm only speculating awn what happened in a situation like this.

Brian Mark Blackwell was born in West Lancanshy-yur, in the United Kingdom, 1986. His two victims were his mother Jacqueline Blackwell, a former antiques dealer; and his father Sydney Blackwell, a retired accountant known as 'Big Brian'. Brian grew up in an affluent middle-clahss village called Melling, in Merseyside. There's a belief that Brian's parents we overindulgent and very protective of certain aspects in his life. Brian excelled at school, giving him the nickname 'Brains' by his friends. Uh-hah, ahfter what he did to his father, I'd have tharght it was more of an appropriate verb for bludgeoning somebody in the head.

Brian did incredibly well in an under-18s tennis tournament by becoming the champion, that's how incredibly well he did. Incredible!! He also was described as an "exemplary stoodent" at Liverpool Cahllege but nowadays he's an exemplary prisoner, uh-hah. Spoiler-spoiler-spoiler-spoiler. Brian was planning to study medicine at the University of Nahttinghahm in the fall of two thousand four. We see here that Brian was cared for by his middle-clahss loving parents, was more than adept at a whacking a lime sphere over a 3'.6'' net and succeeded educationally, so you put all these factors together and it simply exacerbates his innate narcissism.

Brian had a girlfriend called Amal, who's of Jordanian origin. I could be wrong, but I rememberhr a news article which said Brian's mom wanted him to be with a 'nice white English girl'. Now, Brian was said to have been somewhat dishahnest amongst his peers at school and cahllege, which is the effect of the fantasist component of NPD. He impressed yet deceived her with an egregious lie that he's a pro tennis player with a Ni-kee spahnsorship and he claimed that he had a £60,000 Steven Gerrard and lived in a £450,000 aparhrtment where Mercedes Benz lived. He certainly had the drive to be a cahmpetent tennis player, but he was ahbviously talking complete balls, uh-hah.

The prahblem with Brian's ridiculous dishahnesty is he had to fund his fantasy life in orderhr for Amal to be convinced he's genuine in everything he's said, so Brian applied for thirteen credit cards in his father's name and used his fictional ahccupation to gain this money by telling the bank he needs an advahnce so that he can play in the French Open. He stated awn his application forhrm that he can pay back the loan from his fabricated £45,000 salary.

Amal received several gifts from Brian, one of these was a fake wahtch which Amal's mother wanted a receipt for. He made Amal his manager and wrote her a £39,000 cheque that bounced more than the imaginary balls in the courhrt of his mind, uh-hah. When Brian's mom found out about the horseshit he lipped to the bank and made enormous withdrawals, she contacted the bank manager.

I now come to the timeline of the crime. July twenty-five two thousand fourhr, Brian approaches his seated father and hits him on the head with a claw hammer - that's naht the appropriate equipment and method forhr practicing your serve, uh-hah. His mom heard the commotion and blurted: ''What did you do, boo?!?!'', to which Brian apparently replied: ''I just defended myself against mad dad''. Brian repeatedly thrusted a knife into her torso until she died of multiple deadly stab wounds to the bardy. Brian attempted to justify the double mhrdhrs by claiming he acted in self-defence. He stated that he used the hammer to nail a picture on the wall while Brian's dad tried to hit him, and when his mom came into the room he tharght that she was a knife-wielding space alien with murderous intent and anecdotes about Kitchen Devil cutlery awn Mars. But forensic investigators later found out that Brian was speaking out of his ass of chicanery. The alien has yet to be found and questioned.

July twenty-five two thousand fourhr - still the same day - Brian and Amal depart in a taxi as they go awn vacation, where they stayed at a prestigious hotel in New York ahfter landing from their business-class flight then being convey in a limousine. They drank champagne and dined on lahbsters. (Erm, a woman of Jordanian origin eating a crunchy red sea creature, who does that remind me of?) Brian racked up a whopping bill of $30,000. I hope that balcony view, marble Jacuzzi, Ahfter Eight truffles and a pair of authentic panda skin dressing gowns were worth every motherfucking cent.

Brian and Amal continued their vacation across Miami and Barbados. I don't think the French Open is held at any of those locations, right, uh-hah. On their arrival back in the United Kingdom, Brian was expecting his home to be a crime scene but it looked completely peaceful. Brian had lied that his parents were in Spain and didn't have a key to access the home, meaning Amal's mom let him stay with them for a fortnight. Brian collected his A-level results and appeared to be nonchalant on arrival; he achieved straight A's in his subjects, but the examining board could have given him an A* in double murdhrhr, if only they knew what an audaciously naughty guy he is.

His neighbours believed they could smell malodorous particles of shit emanating from a nearby sourhrce, so they went to check on the Blackwell's house, where they opened a mail slart and werhre overpowered by the stench of decay. Completely concerned by an assault of the corpse fart, the neighbours attempted to peer through the glahss of the cahnservatory and saw it was covered in flies and tried to look. One of neighbours had never been inside the house and assumed the black floor was made of vinyl until he noticed it moving. And that's when the police were called. The invesitgative team initially tharght the Blackwells had been shaht due to the advahnced decomposition.

Brian was visited by the police once they tracked him down to Amal and her mom's home. He reacted with devastation over the news, but the ahfficers knew that Brian was the lahst person to see his parents, and they became suspicious when he weirdly ahsked if 'prison is cold' - I suppose he became used to the temperature in Miami and Barbados, right. He later confessed to the two murdhrhrs and spoke about bonking his dad's noggin with the 'soft side of the hammer'.

Brian Blackwell was taken to a court without a baseline and umpire. The only person sitting in a high position was the prosecuting judge. ''Come on, Tim''?! More like, come on, sentence him! Brian was thrown in the slammer with the pahssibility of parole ahfter about six yearhrs, but no psychiatrist in the world would deem this irredeemable nutjarb and his nefarious mole upstanding people of the community. He's currently serving life behind bars, reminiscing over the time he sauntered along Manhattan and visited a DKNY storhre with his ex girlfriend. Well, his vacation days are numbered since going awn a slaycation at his former home. And the only racket he'll be familiar with is the roaring frenzy of a riot. Game, set and HMP.

O.C.E.A.N? Brian was certainly open to the experience of killing both his parents and jetting off to the U.S to nibble on fruit served in a Faberge bowl. Cahnscientiousness? Well, only about wealth and lies. He was quite extroverted, as he needed to communicate with the bank as a means to gain his credit card and book the hotels. He definitely wasn't agreeable - no pernicious narcissist is. And was Brian neurahtic? He scores lowly herhre, as he expressed no anxiety or remorse in the presence of Amal on their lavish vacation, but when he did cry it was all a show to convince the police he was innocent upon being told of his parents being found dead, and any blubbing he did in during the investigative interviews werhre all a manipulative act at trying to show remorse.

Now I know whenever I talk about hammer-happy dickwads with an evil rictus there will be a variety of opinions. Don't forget to supporhrt me awn my Patreon and put your tharghts in to the cahmments section. Interesting dialogue. As always, I hope you found my analysis to be interesting. Thanks for watching.
« Last Edit: August 22, 2020, 01:17:34 AM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #46 on: September 03, 2020, 08:28:00 PM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande. No intro in this episode. Today's question ahsks can I analyse the personality profile of Mike Matei, who's one of the hosts for and is a co-owner of Cinemahssacrhre Productions. Mike is otherwise known as the friend of James Rolfe, who plays the Angry Video Game Nerhrd character. Just a reminder: I'm naht diagnosing Mike Matei or anyone mentioned in this video (and this includes fictional characters), only speculating about what's occurring in his videos... like this.

And don't forget to like this video and subscribe to my YooToob channel, uhm, the one that's hosting the video you're watching right now, uh-hah. And consider sending me your loot via Patreon - I'll put the link to Patreon in the description section underneath my yapping face.

Who is Mike Matei? Well, as our good pal Jordnpetrsn would say, ''it's a good question''. Mike Matei, again, is a friend of James Rolfe/AVGN. I believe they've been friends forhr twenty years; they met at Video Game Cahllege where they studied Video Game History, covering the ahrigins of Nintendo and its variety of characters, the entire library of Commodore 64 and Amiga games, and the developmental stages of the 3DO, Jaguar and Sega Saturn. Mike initially provided the title sequences with his handiwork and sometimes made appearances as characters from television and film, such as Bugs Bunny, The Joker from Batman, and the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Ahz - AVGN would review the licensed games based awn them. There are prahbably some morhre exahmples of acting Mike has done but I've either forgahtten or naht seen them. I think Mike is really good in these two areas.

Unfortunately, he's naht so good at writing cahmedic cahmic strips, particularly his Loco Bandito strip. It's essentially a stereotypical depiction of a Mexican man who's rahther crude and there's racism shoehorned into the 'story'. I don't find it particularly shahcking as it seems quite plain in its structure and delivery. I suppose it seems subtle in comparison to the atrocious Electric Retard strips by Eric Vaughn, although the one with the Unreal Tournament reference and the one ending with a storhre clerk being gored through the head by a customer's incredibly larng erection are fairly amusing, unlike Local Blandito, right. Uh-hah.

Speaking of giant cahcks, there was a running joke/meme of Mike's generously-sized manhood circulating awn the Cinemassacrhre videos and maybe Twitter, I'm not too sure. So, Mike Matei - ahfter becoming fed up with the tiresome cahmments - decided to crush the speculation once and for all by posting a photograhph of his erect penis to the Cinemassacrhre Reddit page, complete with a tape measure juxtaposed beside it - I've never laid my eyes awn his mammoth jarnson as a picture or privately awn a one-to-one basis. According to discerning experhrts, Mike's cahck is apparently ten inches larng but he used a bit of perspective trickery with the measuring tape. We see signs of immaturity and a supposedly big ding-darng. This was a bad move as younger fans of Cinemassacre would've seen it, even though the AVGN isn't exactly suitable for those under the age of 18.

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Lately, Mike plays cahnsole games with his friend James awn Mondays, which is aptly called 'James & Mike Mondays' (uploaded awn Monday). And he discusses different cahnsoles and peripherals with other contributors to the show, such as the cuddly Hell's Angel guy and the somewhat greasy-haired dude with a borderline thousand-yard stare, and I remember there's a chubby guy with glahsses. Mike can be pretty good and informative when he's partnered with a chum, but his solo material? Hmm, nowhere close to being on par.

Mike did a review of the movie The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland that's aimed at children. Of course, I mean the film itself was aimed at a young ardience, naht Mike's sarcastic review full of cursing. It would've been funny if he did a silly voiceover for key scenes in the film, or did a deadpan 'serious' review of its ethics and philahsophy. But Mike manages to be just as childish as the film he excoriated, right. I mean, he even takes this one step further by imagining a different scene where a Steve Harvey lookalike's moustahche tickles the twart of a female cahst member as the Cookie Monster views the proceedings through a window - Mike even came up with an illustration of his unique vision specifically for the video. Then Mike delivers the immortal line: ''I'll show you how to eat a cookie'', as he chuckles away to himself. The video was removed due to a negative and derisive reaction, but it was officially reuploaded this year.

The worst of them all is the world-renowned 'Minecraft with Inspector Gadget' episode. Mike collaborates with a superimposed Inspector Gadget (as opposed to the real Inspector Gadget, right), and he questions the animated sleuth-of-a-tin-opener about the pahpular game called Minecrahft. James & Mike previously critiqued a DVD menu of the Super Mar-rio Bros Super Show, which featured Inspector Gadget as an assistant awn the aforementioned menu. Mike was amused by the unnecessary emphasis of Gadget's voice and insisted awn impersonating every fucking word he said, so this was direct inspiration behind the bizarre pronunciation of "Minecraft" as "Mineycrafta". Mike corrects his whiny trenchcoat-wearing guest by informing him that it's pronounced Minecraft. Mr Gadget 'hilariously' calls the game "Minecrap" and utters the term "brown bricks" several hundred times. This is what our children are learning.

When I examine somebody's personality I do so through the five-factor mahdel which I remember through the acronym O.C.E.A.N. Openness (to experience); Cahnscientiousness; Extroversion; Agreeableness; and Neurahticism. How open is Mike to experience? Well, he has a tremendous appreciation for the arhrts as demonstrated awn his videos about his GameCube game collection and respectable collection of Ghostbusters and TMNT toys, so we see he's quite the intellectual connoisseur. Cahnscientious? I'd give him a mid-range scorhre, for he was naht arguably aware - at the time - of how poor his solo efforts are and the dick pic fiasco was a complete disahster, and I'm not sure how old the Loco Bandito strips are, but they certainly aren't classics whatsoever. Extroversion? Very, very high. So high you'd think he's awn drugs, which could account for his pahst material, uh-hah. Mike is relatively agreeable in the sense of attending conventions and being James' co-host; what he is to James is like what Rahbin is to Batman, except the Boy Wonder doesn't have a light valley girl accent with olive-tinted eyebags and the occasional bouffant shrub awn his head, right. Is Mike Matei neurahtic? I'd gauge it as being mid-range here, because he has been frustrated with the '10-incher' memes and has expressed disdain whenever he's not succeeding in a game, but he's ahften cheerful in a laht of the Cinemassacre videos .

What are the mental health factors herhre, if any? Well, some of Mike's behaviour aligns with some of the criteria for Immaturity Disorder: excessively cursing/swearing, doing exaggerated impersonations of people, playing pranks awn people, producing obnahxious noises, laughing at innahcuous things. And we also see hints of narcissism as he ahbviously enjoys being seated in front of a camera, demonstrating his erudition awn his specialist subject. If he releases his videos more than once per day he'd be worse than me, right, uh-hah.

Now I know that whenever I talk about video game enthusiasts with the vocabulary of a drunken Scotsman there will be a variety of opinions. Please put any tharghts or opinions in the comments section, they always generate an interesting dialogue. As always, I hope you found my analysis of Mike Matei to be interesting. Thanks for watcheyinga.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2020, 11:41:18 PM by DangledTeeth »


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #47 on: September 09, 2020, 06:25:10 PM »

Hello, this is Dr Grande. I've naht actually reached 500k yet, although I'm just over hahfway there, so-don't-tell-anybody. ShHhHhH! I tharght I'd release the milestone video earlier than plahnned, and when I do reach 500k subscribers I'll simply take the day ahff for a change.

In previous editions, I've covered my favourite films, then television programmes, so it lahgically follows that I ought to cover music. So get ready for my top ten favourite singles or albums.

Number ten has to go to Asmadeus Cornelius Heddenborg - Concerto Suite in 7 Oreos. Now, as an academic clever guy, I love my classical music as we all do. Asmadeus doesn't actually exist, and neither does his composition invisible. That's why he's number ten awn my premature list.

In at number nine is Revolution 9 by The Beatles. The endearing chaps from Liverpoolhahm covered a vahst array of genres and styles and will be fahndly remembered forhr their seminal impact on rahck and pahp. However, Revolution 9 is just... fucking delicious. It's still staggeringly avant-garde and peculiar years later. It's a complete classic.

Number Eight has to be The Flute Song by underground hip-hahp outfit Tha Alkaholiks. It's quite a mesmerising party-themed track with a megadope flute loop. Your boy Grande smoked a bowl on 420 Day and had this haht number emitted from the stereo system, folks.

The Ahvalahnces - Flight Tonight is here at number seven awn my list. Some of my friends find this track quite annoying, but I like the overlay of the lady who sounds like she says ''JimmyHillJimmyHillJimmyHill''. I also like the other vocal sahmple that sounded like an Italian wiseguy from New York but is actually the voice of Posdnous from De La soul, you know the one: ''And book uh flight tanight, I-I-I-I! And book uh flight tanight, I-I-I-I! And book uh flight tanight, I-I-I-I! Book uh flight tanight, I-I-I-I!'. I'll always cherish these three minutes and fifty-two seconds.

Number six is the cahmpilation album Now That's What I Call Music 42! - straight poptastic bangers on this one. That's all there is to it.

What's number five? It's the sensational album by Percival Farmstead and his Orchestra - The 1965-1972 Library Music Collection Vol.3. This album certainly does naht exist, but it sounds good in my head. What does it sound like? Well, it has marimbas, big band trumpets and saxophones, clarinets toots accompanied by gliding sounds of the violin and there's sometimes an intermittent funk riff played by guitar.

And four? Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars. What a tear-jerking classic. The video is wonderful, too. You've gart the po-faced man who stares into the middle distance as he sits - alone - with his mug of... whatever's in there. The airy, borderline husky mahnotone of his voice bolsters the majesty of the rahck-radio tune. If I lay here and listen to this song I almost forget the world.

Twink - Three Little Pigs is the third selection. Ah-hah-hah-hah, this really tickles me. You can imagine a group of these larng-haired psych dudes sat cross-legged in a park and blurting out the mind-bending lyricism. It has this great sense of camaraderie and also has this carefree tone to it all. It's a pleasure to hear on a snowy day.

Number Two: Cannibal Corhrpse - I Cum Blood. Now, this is my all-time penultimate favourite of the whole nine yards. Marvel at the soundwaves of a trash can being beaten in quick succession. The basic spurt of Seinfeld bass. And no-neck's vocals are astonising. OYyYyYyYyeHhHhHhh!!!! caAAaAaRrRrrnMmMm!!!! BLUuUUOOoOooOoOooO'! Who gives a doberman's nahstril about the mental health aspect when the music is this fucking bitchin'?!

Number one - the lahst one awn this list - is the knarcked-out-of-the-stadium 'Doop' by Doop. I was a young man in the 1990s and still was in the year 1994, and this was the yearhr when Saturday Night by Whigfield came out, which was quite a good track, but I became infatuated with another Eurodahnce chart-topper called Doop. I firhrst heard it awn a British television show called You've Been Framed, which is the equivalent of America's Funniest Home Videos. Why I was watching this programme before being able to easily sahmple the wonders of world TV via YouToob and VPNs, I have naht gaht a clue... oh, satellite TV. It's a catchy ditty that stretches awn for minutes. It's like the old timey swing music, with an erratic sample playing over and over a pumping house beat. We all must reflect on the sonically wonderful Doop. Doop really alters the way we comprehend the ethics and principles of memorable babbling to the polyrhythms in a 4/4 pocket or something.

Thank you once again for 500k subscribers. I mean, no one really has that many, but it's still nice to look at. You shall see me in the next video. So long, scientifically-informed insider look in mental health tahpics fans.


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Re: Matter of Fact Dr Grande
« Reply #48 on: September 14, 2020, 06:49:39 PM »

Dr Grande. Hello. Today's question ahsks: can I analyse the mental health and evaluate the personality profile of presidential candidate Joe Biden?. Just a reminder: Joe Biden is a real presidential candidate who's going to decimate Trump in the elections, so I am naht diagonising him, only speculating about what could be happening in a situation like this.

If you find this video to be informative, absorbing, educational and enthralling and feel that there's been an increase in your knahledge awn this subject, please like this video and subscribe to my channel (if you've haven't) and consider supporting me on Patreon - I'll put the link to the exclusive videos in the description for this video. If you want to see me wearing an array of skimpy outfits and are interested in my adult-themed clinician ASMR videos centred awn 'relaxation techniques', please visit my developing OnlyFans page. Ha ha, I'm messing with you.

Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. Phonetic pronunciation and the number one in square brackets. Born November 20 1942, is an American pahlitician who served as the 47th vice president of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A member of the Democratic Party, he served as a United States Senator for Delaware from 1973 to 2009.

Biden attended the Archmere Academy in Claymont, where he was a standout halfback and wide receiver (I bet he was, the dirty old nutsack) on the high school football team; he helped lead a perennially losing team to an undefeated season in his senior year. He played on the baseball team as well. Academically, he was a poor stoodent but was considered a natural leader among the students and elected class president during his junior and senior years. He graduated in 1961.

He earned his Bachelor of Arts degree in 1965 from the University of Delaware, with a double major in history and political science and a minor in English. Biden played halfback for the Delaware Fightin' Blue Hens freshman football team, and defensive back for the varsity team. In 1964, while attending college, he met and eventually married Neilia Hunter, who tragically died in an automobile accident which also killed Naomi their one-year-old daughter. Joe met his second wife Jill in 1975, but she wasn't his wife when they first met, uh-hah. They married in 1977.

Joe also practiced law for a while in 1969 but corporate law didn't appeal to him and criminal law didn't pay well, so he supplemented his income in prahperty management.

As Vice President, Joe assisted Mr Obama with his presidential dooties - I'm naht surhre what they entailed, but here's a photograhph of the national security team playing video games during the Hahliday season. It was Joe's turn to do a no-death speedrun of Cahstlevania: Symphony of the Night. Hillary Clinton looks awn in astonishment as Joe momentarily turned into a wolf by mistake... naht Joe Joe, I meant the character of the video game called Alucard.

It's been speculated that Biden prahbably is in the early stages of dementia. In 1988, Biden suffered two brain aneurysms, one awn the right side and one awn the left - one would think he's a centrist, uh-hah. Each required surgery with high risk of long-term impact awn brain functionality. What's also interesting is he has a stutter, and this could account for the hesitant tone in some of his speeches, which could lead people to believe he's having difficulty in gathering his tharghts together. 1988 was also the year when he ran forhr the Democratic presidential nahmination but wasn't successful, which was a huge shame as he stood a good chahnce in succeeding, as he had a reputation for being convivial, and being very engaging with the public and, of course, he was - and still is - Joe motherfucking Biden.

Joe has made numerous gaffes, most notably in recent years. Here is a selection of his sensationally weirhrd quotes which have been somewhat altered or made-up for cahmical purposes:

''I'm Joe's husband and my massage to you is this...... vote for Joe, Me Biden.

''Y'know, there's been remarkable presidents over the decades, and I gotta tell ya, President Trump isn't the president.

''You know what I don't like about Trump? It's all the bad things about me which are similar to him - and that's a laht of baggage right there. You could put it in a closet of his hotel, they're really great.

"Hillary Clinton is a leading woman and that's where the similarities between us end.

"It's been said that wisdom comes with age. I'm wise enough to know that I'm old. Death may kill me, but there will be another president - so don't you concern yourself over nothing.

''The internet has been excellent at conveying ideas and political opinions. We've had great advahncements in technology... it seems like only yesterday when the younger generation were downloading Butterfly by Crazy Town over Kazaa, but nowadays we're all watching classic shows on Nutfucks. Sorry, that sounds like pornahgraphy. Erm... Netflaps. Yes, Netflaps.

''President Tramp has tried to make significant changes in America and his decisions are naht pahpular, folks. Just like when George Lucas made several changes to the Star Wars saga. And now that I've thought about it, President Trump acts like a droid and is no different than C-thirty-three-three-oh, erm, three hundred three three oh. Million trillion billion.''

Joe also amusingly calls a Democrat voter a "dog-faced pony soldier". I was hoping to hear 'pony-addled cuntbuffer', but that's just me.

Five-factor mahdel: O.C.E.A.N. Obese Cunts Eat All Night and Olympic Committee Endorses Alysha Newman. Joe is open to experience. He's a stalwart pahlitician, and is well educated, who no doubt has an appreciation for the arhrts through his pal 'Barack America'. Joe's cahnscientiousness is mid-range here, as he speaks about his hairy legs that turn blarnde in the sun and that he learned about roaches and learned about kids jumping awn his lap. His extroversion is very high. Again, he's a pahlitician who's running for president, going awn several election campaigns and speaking awn television. He's incredibly talkative - a prime exahmple of this is when he said: ''In Delaware, the largest growth in population is Indian Americans (moving from India). You cannaht go to a 7/11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent''. He speaks about a 7/11 and Dunkin' Donuts... well, he's a fuckin' donut 24/7, uh-hah.  And he also accidentally said: ''We have this notion that, somehow, if you're poor you cannaht do it. Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids... w-wealthy kids. Black kids.'' Why naht simply say: disadvantaged children from low-income areas can be just as successful as their peers. His agreeableness is mid-range, as he won't take any shit from an archetypal Republican and will challenge them to do push-ups, but at the same time he'll nahd politely and go alarng with the suggestions of his campaign team. His neurahticism is mid-range; he can be calm and tharghtful, but there are times when he can be relatively stern and defensive, such as the time he asserted a Michigan autoworker was "full of shit" regarding gun rights. Biden ends the exchange by saying (what sounds like): "don’t tell me it’s not okay. I’m going to go outside with you." That's because he's Joe motherfucking Biden.

Now I know that whenever I speculate awn the mental health and personality profile of a wispy-haired smiling potato there will be a variety of opinions, largely biased ones about my erudition and how attractive I look in my smart shirhrts. Please put any cahmpliments, erm, tharghts and opinions in the cahmpliments - sorry - cahmments section, they are sure to create an interesting dialogue. As always, I'm Todd's husband. And hey, the President has gart a stick. Thanks for watching my hairy legs.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2020, 09:17:55 PM by DangledTeeth »