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Comedy lines that just tickle the shit out of you Mk.II

Started by Benjaminos, March 10, 2020, 08:43:20 AM

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Botty Cello

When the extremely dead pan Michael Redmond  wearing a flasher's mac came on stage, paused a long while and said "Whatever happened to Kajagoogoo". Many years later I heard another stand up say it was the best opening line he'd ever heard, so it wasn't just me. Out of date now, but he's only just stopped touring.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnrHaMa4xnE&t=241s

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

Bingeing my way through Big Mouth and so far the only line that's made me chuckle is midway through season two, when a documentary narrator announces "And now the birds begin to FUCK."

Sonny_Jim

"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel"

The thing I like about it the most is it's almost ZAZ level silliness.  See also farting and turning up the volume control to mask the smell.

'Ahhh!  Scarred for life!  I am the Elephant Man!'-Rik in Young Ones when he scalds himself by spilling a hot drink.

jobotic

Quote from: Sonny_Jim on December 19, 2020, 09:04:33 AM
"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel"

The thing I like about it the most is it's almost ZAZ level silliness.  See also farting and turning up the volume control to mask the smell.

I'd forgotten that and its brilliant.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

https://www.instagram.com/p/CIhaSPZBY7Y/

Panel 9: "Stop crying about your fucking daughter, you sad old piece of shit! I'm on the fucking Zoom!"

The Mollusk

Quote from: Sonny_Jim on December 19, 2020, 09:04:33 AM
"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel"

The thing I like about it the most is it's almost ZAZ level silliness.  See also farting and turning up the volume control to mask the smell.

There's been speculation that this was in reference to how people with long hair would have impaired hearing due to having a towel wrapped around the wet hair, but I'm pretty sure this was recently put to one of the writers and he said that, no, actually it's just a simple bit of pointless absurdism. Obviously it's better because of that.

Zetetic


Benjaminos

Just popped into my brain, apropos of nothing, from Newsradio:

Dave: I need a little time to think of, you know, le mot juste.
Bill: More juice! I hear ya.

madhair60

It's funny 'cos normally they do it at midnight but it's like eleven... it's like eleven-fifteen. What time is it in Japan? Fuckin' turn that up, I love that groovin'.... what kind of music is that? Like a bossa nova beat?

Moltar

Delocated: "You're a terrible friend, Mike. You got no idea what that cereal is about!"


kalowski

Quote from: Stillill75 on March 07, 2021, 01:49:44 PM
"I'm committed to cakes".
I think my favourite line from that is "You'd think wouldn't you, that having so many cooks would make it better, but no, it's making it worse."

Fallout Boy: Billowing backpacks Radioactive Man, it's the worst villain of them all, the Scoutmaster!
Radioactive Man: I see him, Fallout Boy.
Scoutmaster: Go get 'em, scouts. Don't be afraid to use your nails, boys!


Chollis

Probably more for the "lines that form part of your inner monologue" thread but this sentence often pops into my head when something confounds me:

The piano DUNNN and then "How....could this have happened" from the start of the Clayton Bigsby sketch: https://youtu.be/BLNDqxrUUwQ?t=68

popcorn

Quote from: Voltan (Man of Steel) on March 08, 2021, 09:40:39 AM
Fallout Boy: Billowing backpacks Radioactive Man, it's the worst villain of them all, the Scoutmaster!
Radioactive Man: I see him, Fallout Boy.
Scoutmaster: Go get 'em, scouts. Don't be afraid to use your nails, boys!



One of my favourite moments, though I've always wondered if they ought to have called him the Campmaster.

servese43

From the games when John Clarke and his team have a four corners-style documentary made about them.

"Well, it's a sad thing to have to say about someone who's really been a close friend for nearly 30 years, but I had to answer the question. Did I believe Allan Ronaldson was a dishonest, untrustworthy, treacherous, lying thief? And I had to say... yes."

Also the totally unconvincing way he shakes his head sadly at the end just kills me:


petril

Quote from: popcorn on March 09, 2021, 11:17:29 AM
One of my favourite moments, though I've always wondered if they ought to have called him the Campmaster.

I think Scoutmaster is a perfect 60s Batman name really. On the other hand, I like Campmaster. I think it's funnier because it's like a really dreggy name. like all the scout/gay gimmick names have been done to death, no point trying, edit the gimmick down to two words, cigs, pub. the Poundstretcher toy approach to intellectual property

DoesNotFollow

I watched Home Alone the other day, for the first time since I was a kid, and one bit had me in fits. After Kevin has sprung all his traps and made his escape on an improvised zipline, the battered, burnt and bruised burglars are at the window:

Harry: Where'd he go?
Marv: Maybe he committed suicide.

It's the combination of wishful thinking and incomprehensible logic behind Marv's notion. Most I've laughed in aaages.

Jerzy Bondov

Quote from: DoesNotFollow on March 23, 2021, 03:09:40 PM
I watched Home Alone the other day, for the first time since I was a kid, and one bit had me in fits. After Kevin has sprung all his traps and made his escape on an improvised zipline, the battered, burnt and bruised burglars are at the window:

Harry: Where'd he go?
Marv: Maybe he committed suicide.

It's the combination of wishful thinking and incomprehensible logic behind Marv's notion. Most I've laughed in aaages.
Yes! I love that line.

Kankurette

Rick: "Neil, the bathroom's free, unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta."

ETA: I have too many favourite Simpsons quotes to mention. Bart reading off Homer's cue cards and going, "Hello, Mr...Kurns? I bad want...money now. Me sick. So pick please me, Mr Burns," always makes me laugh.

earl_sleek

That's reminded me of Charlie's mom's speech from the Always Sunny episode where the'yre trying to scam people by pretending she has cancer:

"Thank you all for coming to our Beef and Beer and Jesus. As you know, I'm as sick as a three-legged dog on the streets of India. Any minute, my lungs are going to sizzle, pop, and disintegrate into a liquid lung and organ gumbo soup....Give me money. Money me. Money now. Me a money needing a lot now."


DrGreggles

Quote from: Kankurette on April 11, 2021, 07:52:18 PM
ETA: I have too many favourite Simpsons quotes to mention. Bart reading off Homer's cue cards and going, "Hello, Mr...Kurns? I bad want...money now. Me sick. So pick please me, Mr Burns," always makes me laugh.

It's Homer's off-screen "Ooh, he card read good" that does it for me.


bgmnts


amateur

Troy: "I attack them, using my... additional notes!"

Abed: "It has no effect."

Ornlu

Youtuber Drew Gooden: "People say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but I think dinner is at least in the top three."

kalowski

P I T H E R ...  as in Brotherhood, but with PI instead of the BRO and no HOOD.

petril

neil just casually asking

QuoteWas it you that farted, Mike?

in Boring

lankyguy95

Kevin Nealon's "You got a minute?" every time he's on a chat show just as he goes to tell a story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDqVXg1nYS4