Main Menu

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 29, 2024, 07:38:09 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Tony Bastard's tea rooms

Started by Kryton, March 14, 2020, 01:35:55 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Kryton

OPEN FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS
FUCK THE CORONO-HAVOC

ASK NO QUESTIONS, GOOD BRITISH BEEF BUFFET YEAH?
OR FIGHT ABOUT IT?
YOUR CHOICE!

Kryton


Glebe

"Sorry folks, got to move you over to the window table... 'Dangerous' Arnie Kemp has just arrived with his wife and if he don't get his way, things could turn nasty."

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: shiftwork2 on March 30, 2020, 03:39:35 PM
That encapsulated dead cat.

American slightly angular rock band on 4AD records in England consider name change.

Fambo Number Mive

"No, I said rock cakes. Although this little implement is surprisingly clean for such a place."

Glebe

"Coffee please.

"With or without spit?"

Shoulders?-Stomach!

British Tea Rooms

Battenberg Cakes  - 100% White British
Tea Darjeeling - 100% White British
Danepak Bacon Bap - 100% White British
Smorgasbord - 100% White British

White British dogs welcome

Glebe

Eccles cake - £1.49

Upside-down cake - £1.49

Swiss roll - £1.49

Lemon sponge - £1.49

Fambo Number Mive

5% off for anyone with a Conservative Party membership card. 10% off for anyone with a Brexit Party/UKIP membership card

Tony charges double for lefties, wokes and snowflakes

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien


Shoulders?-Stomach!


Glebe

Gonna book a ticket for this!

Pingers

Fucking hell Al, that is golden

Kryton

A temporary CURE of this Covid-19 erupts around the taps in the kitchen, due to a perfect combination of mould, damp and confused viral matter. Unfortunately Tony Bastard spills a load of grease on it whilst making a cup of tea. Rendering it fucked.


Glebe

"Tea or coffee sir?"

"Tea, please."

"Nah mate we're out of tea."

"Um okay coffee then."

"If I told you we were out of coffee too, would you react violently?"

"Er, no."

"You're no fun, mate."

Pingers

I mean, fair enough if he doesn't have any mushrooms, but there was absolutely no need to say that about your wife's breasts.

Glebe

Quote from: Pingers on April 02, 2020, 08:09:02 AMI mean, fair enough if he doesn't have any mushrooms, but there was absolutely no need to say that about your wife's breasts.

Turns out he has got mushrooms after all and does them some on toast.

Half an hour later, all tripping off their faces.

Kryton

No... No.. He's good with kids.
Tyson! Tyson!

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

"Fine, here's your bloody mushrooms on toast. You ponce!"


Glebe

"And I suppose you'll be wanting 'wine' with that? Gay!"

Kryton

Matter of fact, I've still got a bottle of wine for such an occasion. Gimme me an hour or two. Mikkela is in charge of the phones, Gary is on eggs, Barry on 'Tea' and don't fucking fuck things up.




2 Hours later:

Nah can't find it soz. What do you mean there's been a fire??

Kryton

OI I WANT YOU SHITTING OUT THOSE ORDERS!
SHITTING THEM OUT.

*Punches the wall*

Kryton

KIDS EATS FOR THE SAME PRICE!!!

MIXED ICE CREAMS £2 A LUMP
TOAST £1 A SLICE
TOAST WITH 'WACKY' FACES £1.50 (JAM =5OP PER FLAVOUR) + VAT AND EXTRA VAT.
BUTTERED (OPTIONAL BUT NOT FREE).

C0RONiO SPECIAL

ALL YOU CAN EAT TOAST £10
ALL YOU CAN EAT TOAST + SURPRISE BOILED EGG £12.00
ALL YOU CAN EAT TOAST + MULTI-PROTEIN £24.00