Author Topic: Tony Bastard's tea rooms  (Read 4587 times)

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #90 on: March 25, 2020, 10:16:19 AM »
Tony's customers notice a few white drops in their food later that day, but a bit less hair.


Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #91 on: March 25, 2020, 01:41:24 PM »
"Right folks, I'm having emergency open-heart surgery back here, just help yourselves and leave the cash in the till."

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #92 on: March 25, 2020, 02:04:41 PM »
Tony, it's Zoe. I can't come in today, I've got the rag on.

Alright, I'll be round in a bit with the ketchup holders.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #93 on: March 25, 2020, 05:20:27 PM »
"Excuse me, this friend slice tastes a bit off."

"Fuck off."

"Well that's charming!"

"Listen mate, I'm not Basil Fawlty. If you want bad service with a sparkle of charm then go to the wankng barber."

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #94 on: March 25, 2020, 06:08:18 PM »
Customer: "Excuse me, but.."

Tony: "CUUUUUUUNT"

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #95 on: March 25, 2020, 06:23:59 PM »
This cake is really great, Tone. Have you changed the recipe?

Sort of. I got in on the human trafficking game. Great cooks and the manacles came free.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #96 on: March 25, 2020, 10:10:55 PM »
"Oi! There's a human tooth in my pudding!"

"Sit down, sir. You're getting overwrought."

Kryton

  • (Not) An actual threat to humanity.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #97 on: March 25, 2020, 10:53:07 PM »
Tony installs a mesh curtain that lets flies into the kitchen.

Kryton

  • (Not) An actual threat to humanity.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #98 on: March 25, 2020, 10:54:08 PM »
IF YOU'RE GOING TO USE CREDIT AND CHIP PIN, PLEASE WRITE YOUR 4 DIGITS SECURITY COED IN THE BIG BOOK.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #99 on: March 26, 2020, 02:28:26 AM »
"Excuse me, this tea is cold."

"What of it?"

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

  • Nothing is ever as good or bad as you think.
    • http://www.last.fm/user/georgethebadger/
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #100 on: March 26, 2020, 06:39:14 AM »
Tony empties out the Help for Heroes charity tin into the fruit machine.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #101 on: March 26, 2020, 10:27:10 AM »
"A latte, please."

"You want milk in that cunt?"

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #102 on: March 26, 2020, 04:50:16 PM »
"This fry-up is cold, mate."

"Yeah? Well shove it up your fucking arse and fuck off our of my tea rooms, y'fucking twat. Time-waster."

Inspector Norse

  • nothing here is required
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #103 on: March 26, 2020, 05:00:49 PM »
Good morning, proprietor! I’d like a full English, please!

Hahahahaha

I’m sorry, what?

Full English. You know.

No, what?

I thought you were askin’ for me COCK.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #104 on: March 26, 2020, 05:03:04 PM »
"Mate, you've been staring at that chalk board for like four minutes. Buy something or get the fuck out of my fucking establishment, you detestable fuck-faced sod."

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #105 on: March 26, 2020, 10:32:57 PM »
"Enjoying your meal sir?"

"I'd enjoy it a lot more if there weren't six dead wasps in it."

Phoenix Lazarus

  • Why bother writing stuff below your avatar?
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #106 on: March 26, 2020, 10:43:28 PM »
'I say, Paul, Tony's tea rooms are so exquisite-not least, those beautiful home-made iced cakes, the ones that white-faced, shaking man in the corner is consuming.'

'Ah him.  Those two big thugs by him are Tony's goons.  Their car's just outside.  He pissed Tony off but he gave him the cakes-last request, y'know (winks and smiles).'

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #107 on: March 27, 2020, 09:44:40 AM »
"Could I have some of that shepards's pie, please?"

Tony throws it in his face.

"I don't do pleasantries."

Phoenix Lazarus

  • Why bother writing stuff below your avatar?
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #108 on: March 27, 2020, 08:45:43 PM »
'Not seen our cat?  Just thought I'd ring.  Still getting those rats?'

Holding his phone, Tony smirks as rodents eat a still form with wet fur by an empty bottle of PESTOKILL.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #109 on: March 28, 2020, 03:47:45 AM »
"Some of your lovely flapjacks please if its not too much trouble."

"Get it yourself."

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #110 on: March 28, 2020, 11:39:52 AM »
"There's your all day breakfast, mate."

"A little courtesy wouldn't go amiss."

"Oh you fucking cunt. Stick your courtesy up your fucking jacksie, you utter pile of steaming drivel."

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #111 on: March 29, 2020, 02:05:57 PM »
"Givvus a fucking egg sambo Tony y'ugly fucking cunt!"

"Alright Gary my son, 'ows Daz?"

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

  • Nothing is ever as good or bad as you think.
    • http://www.last.fm/user/georgethebadger/
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #112 on: March 29, 2020, 07:59:49 PM »

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #113 on: March 29, 2020, 08:19:01 PM »
Wow.

buttgammon

  • How thick is wall?
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #114 on: March 29, 2020, 10:20:56 PM »
Would totally pay £14.95 for that!

Kryton

  • (Not) An actual threat to humanity.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #115 on: March 29, 2020, 11:25:29 PM »
Fucking hell that's good.

idunnosomename

  • pizza pusheen
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #116 on: March 30, 2020, 12:28:15 AM »
poor tyson, the fat cunt

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #117 on: March 30, 2020, 07:11:58 AM »
Would totally pay £14.95 for that!

I'd pay the full £19.95. splendid.

Kryton

  • (Not) An actual threat to humanity.
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #118 on: March 30, 2020, 09:59:54 AM »

shiftwork2

  • pies this is your time
Re: Tony Bastard's tea rooms
« Reply #119 on: March 30, 2020, 03:39:35 PM »
That encapsulated dead cat.

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