Author Topic: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus  (Read 3365 times)

Sheffield Wednesday

  • 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑
Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« on: March 14, 2020, 05:43:46 PM »
I'm going to take the hit while the system is still on two feet and then weld myself in and ride this bitch out.

What's the best way to get this damn thing? Finger foods. Licking keypads. McDonald's touch screens.

Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2020, 05:46:08 PM »
Being elected a Conservative MP and stumbling your way into a Cabinet position seems to be the most-statistically likely option.

JesusAndYourBush

  • Earnest silky coconut shell
    • http://www.google.com
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2020, 06:01:10 PM »
Lick one of the "next customer" divider thingys in a supermarket.

Or let someone pay you £3500 to give you it. https://metro.co.uk/2020/03/09/people-paid-3500-infected-coronavirus-find-cure-12370003/

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2020, 06:02:47 PM »
Lick one of the "next customer" divider thingys in a supermarket.

Lick stuff on the bus.

Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2020, 06:09:01 PM »
Make love to a pipistrelle

Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2020, 06:10:18 PM »
Fuck a bat then kill it. Its mates and its god will sort you right out.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2020, 06:13:29 PM »
Thatblokewithhisdickuparangerover.jpg

Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2020, 06:15:49 PM »
ur mum

Blue Jam

  • (I may have you on ignore)
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2020, 06:20:33 PM »
Eat some communal peanuts in a pub.

shiftwork2

  • pies this is your time
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #9 on: March 14, 2020, 06:29:40 PM »
Mooch about for three or four months.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #10 on: March 14, 2020, 06:30:01 PM »
Eat some communal peanuts in a pub.

Not seen them in years.

My old local used to do grotty sandwiches when the football was on, but after a couple of regulars had got their big clobber hands over them it always looked like someone had tried to fuck the tray. Grated cheese a'way.

Blue Jam

  • (I may have you on ignore)
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #11 on: March 14, 2020, 06:45:43 PM »
A pub near me does free pies on Sundays. No way am I touching those.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #12 on: March 14, 2020, 06:47:54 PM »
A pub near me does free pies on Sundays. No way am I touching those.

Ha. I've seen some absolute horrors playing in darts teams. Meat paste sandwiches, boiled hotdogs, that couple who spent all night cuddling their spaniel then came out with a load of sausages without washing their hands.

Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2020, 07:12:39 PM »
Or let someone pay you £3500 to give you it. https://metro.co.uk/2020/03/09/people-paid-3500-infected-coronavirus-find-cure-12370003/

Quote
However, the testing is believed to be part of a $2,000,000,000 (about £1,528,800) worldwide effort to find a cure for Covid-19.

They seem to have grossly overestimated the value of the pound, there.

Twit 2

  • Unutterable anguish
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2020, 07:26:10 PM »
Eat your own shit.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #15 on: March 14, 2020, 07:27:52 PM »
Eat your own shit.

You are not taking this pandemic seriously!

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #16 on: March 14, 2020, 07:29:28 PM »
Can you catch Coronavirus if you wipe your batty with the discarded tissues of others?

Cuellar

  • I'm over here
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #17 on: March 14, 2020, 07:43:35 PM »
Come round mine, I'm riddled with it I reckon.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • Your sleep paralysis demon
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #18 on: March 14, 2020, 07:50:57 PM »
Come round mine, I'm riddled with it I reckon.

What's it like to die? Let us know in the comments below.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #19 on: March 14, 2020, 07:53:04 PM »
Ask someone infected with it to sneeze on a banana then get them to post it to you. Press anus against letterbox until it arrives.

Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #20 on: March 14, 2020, 07:54:49 PM »
Suck my cock

Cuellar

  • I'm over here
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #21 on: March 14, 2020, 08:11:50 PM »
What's it like to die? Let us know in the comments below.

You have to watch a lot of episodes of Miss Marple

oy vey

  • [sic]
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #22 on: March 14, 2020, 08:43:01 PM »
Locate the nearest sewage treatment plant and have a nice warm "mud" bath. Should get several petri dish chart toppers from that.

Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #23 on: March 14, 2020, 09:38:15 PM »
Go to a crowded supermarket and get into a fight over toilet paper

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • Your sleep paralysis demon

Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #25 on: March 14, 2020, 09:45:44 PM »
wonderful

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #26 on: March 14, 2020, 09:48:10 PM »

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • Your sleep paralysis demon
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #27 on: March 14, 2020, 09:49:00 PM »
room for one more?

You may work the balls, I'll concentrate on the shaft.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus
« Reply #28 on: March 14, 2020, 09:51:42 PM »
As long as we do a professional job, nice to be working with you.

Crabwalk

  • Member
  • **
  • I hope you enjoy drinking dirty toilet water.

Tags: