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March 28, 2024, 04:34:42 PM

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Best Ways to Get Infected with Coronavirus

Started by Sheffield Wednesday, March 14, 2020, 05:43:46 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Sheffield Wednesday

I'm going to take the hit while the system is still on two feet and then weld myself in and ride this bitch out.

What's the best way to get this damn thing? Finger foods. Licking keypads. McDonald's touch screens.

Pseudopath

Being elected a Conservative MP and stumbling your way into a Cabinet position seems to be the most-statistically likely option.

JesusAndYourBush

Lick one of the "next customer" divider thingys in a supermarket.

Or let someone pay you £3500 to give you it. https://metro.co.uk/2020/03/09/people-paid-3500-infected-coronavirus-find-cure-12370003/

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on March 14, 2020, 06:01:10 PM
Lick one of the "next customer" divider thingys in a supermarket.

Lick stuff on the bus.


Gregory Torso

Fuck a bat then kill it. Its mates and its god will sort you right out.

Sebastian Cobb



Blue Jam


shiftwork2


Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Blue Jam on March 14, 2020, 06:20:33 PM
Eat some communal peanuts in a pub.

Not seen them in years.

My old local used to do grotty sandwiches when the football was on, but after a couple of regulars had got their big clobber hands over them it always looked like someone had tried to fuck the tray. Grated cheese a'way.

Blue Jam

A pub near me does free pies on Sundays. No way am I touching those.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Blue Jam on March 14, 2020, 06:45:43 PM
A pub near me does free pies on Sundays. No way am I touching those.

Ha. I've seen some absolute horrors playing in darts teams. Meat paste sandwiches, boiled hotdogs, that couple who spent all night cuddling their spaniel then came out with a load of sausages without washing their hands.

olliebean

Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on March 14, 2020, 06:01:10 PMOr let someone pay you £3500 to give you it. https://metro.co.uk/2020/03/09/people-paid-3500-infected-coronavirus-find-cure-12370003/

QuoteHowever, the testing is believed to be part of a $2,000,000,000 (about £1,528,800) worldwide effort to find a cure for Covid-19.

They seem to have grossly overestimated the value of the pound, there.

Twit 2


pancreas


Sebastian Cobb

Can you catch Coronavirus if you wipe your batty with the discarded tissues of others?

Cuellar

Come round mine, I'm riddled with it I reckon.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Quote from: Cuellar on March 14, 2020, 07:43:35 PM
Come round mine, I'm riddled with it I reckon.

What's it like to die? Let us know in the comments below.

Sebastian Cobb

Ask someone infected with it to sneeze on a banana then get them to post it to you. Press anus against letterbox until it arrives.


Cuellar

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on March 14, 2020, 07:50:57 PM
What's it like to die? Let us know in the comments below.

You have to watch a lot of episodes of Miss Marple

oy vey

Locate the nearest sewage treatment plant and have a nice warm "mud" bath. Should get several petri dish chart toppers from that.

jonbob

Go to a crowded supermarket and get into a fight over toilet paper




Elderly Sumo Prophecy


pancreas

As long as we do a professional job, nice to be working with you.