Gaps Between Relationships

[Small Man Big Horse]

Now I'm all kinds of sickeningly happy with the new Mrs SMBH but this is the first time that I've gone from one serious relationship to another in a very short time - I split up with the old Mrs SMBH back in July, met and flirted with the new version in September, and we slowly got closer and closer until we finally got together in January. Now that's technically a six month gap inbetween relationships which I'm sure for most people is completely normal, but it still feels a bit sudden to me, it doesn't happen often but I occasionally feel what I can only describe as "relationship whiplash" when I suddenly think, hey, a year ago I was in a completely different relationship which at the time I thought would be for the rest of my life, but now I'm with someone new who I also hope will be the one I'm with for ever more.

I want to stress that I'm not complaining, it's just something I've not experienced before, in the past there was a minimum of two years in between relationships, and some times much, much longer (like the five years between 2009 and 2014) which I found distressing and was deeply unhappy about. But what have your experiences been? Have you ever gone from one relationship in a short time? Or even swapped partners without even a day of being single like my weird friend Sarah did, meaning that she hasn't been single for more than about 4 hours in the past 28 years? And if you did do something along those lines was it something of a headfuck? Or not?

[bgmnts]

"I've noticed some gaps in your relationships, can you explain what you were doing during those gaps?"

[BlodwynPig]

Now I'm all kinds of sickeningly happy with the new Mrs SMBH but this is the first time that I've gone from one serious relationship to another in a very short time - I split up with the old Mrs SMBH back in July, met and flirted with the new version in September, and we slowly got closer and closer until we finally got together in January. Now that's technically a six month gap inbetween relationships which I'm sure for most people is completely normal, but it still feels a bit sudden to me, it doesn't happen often but I occasionally feel what I can only describe as "relationship whiplash" when I suddenly think, hey, a year ago I was in a completely different relationship which at the time I thought would be for the rest of my life, but now I'm with someone new who I also hope will be the one I'm with for ever more.

I want to stress that I'm not complaining, it's just something I've not experienced before, in the past there was a minimum of two years in between relationships, and some times much, much longer (like the five years between 2009 and 2014) which I found distressing and was deeply unhappy about. But what have your experiences been? Have you ever gone from one relationship in a short time? Or even swapped partners without even a day of being single like my weird friend Sarah did, meaning that she hasn't been single for more than about 4 hours in the past 28 years? And if you did do something along those lines was it something of a headfuck? Or not?

wait? you are no longer with the Danish lady? which thread did this all play out?

[Small Man Big Horse]

wait? you are no longer with the Danish lady? which thread did this all play out?

I'm not, I have an enormous amount of respect and admiration for her but in the end it just didn't work out. I can't remember which thread I mentioned it in but I did do it vaguely quietly rather than starting a thread about it all as I didn't want to make a big thing out of it at the time, mainly as initially I hoped we could resolve things, even though it quickly became clear that wasn't going to happen.

[Bazooka]

My previous relationship was 12 years long, ended, so I fucked off to China as the thought,especially cost of having to leave the house we owned and start from scratch made gag. 6 weeks later I met my now girlfriend, ain't waiting for terminators to be sent back from the future and blast me to bits, gotta get grabbing as soon as possible I say.

[Danger Man]

wait? you are no longer with the Danish lady?

She ran off with the annoying housemate.

[Buelligan]

Now I'm all kinds of sickeningly happy with the new Mrs SMBH but this is the first time that I've gone from one serious relationship to another in a very short time - I split up with the old Mrs SMBH back in July, met and flirted with the new version in September, and we slowly got closer and closer until we finally got together in January. Now that's technically a six month gap inbetween relationships which I'm sure for most people is completely normal, but it still feels a bit sudden to me, it doesn't happen often but I occasionally feel what I can only describe as "relationship whiplash" when I suddenly think, hey, a year ago I was in a completely different relationship which at the time I thought would be for the rest of my life, but now I'm with someone new who I also hope will be the one I'm with for ever more.

I want to stress that I'm not complaining, it's just something I've not experienced before, in the past there was a minimum of two years in between relationships, and some times much, much longer (like the five years between 2009 and 2014) which I found distressing and was deeply unhappy about. But what have your experiences been? Have you ever gone from one relationship in a short time? Or even swapped partners without even a day of being single like my weird friend Sarah did, meaning that she hasn't been single for more than about 4 hours in the past 28 years? And if you did do something along those lines was it something of a headfuck? Or not?

I'm like your weird friend Sarah, just one after another so fast it'd make you wonder why.  And then it did.  I did wonder why.  Maybe it fucked my head like you say, anyway, you know the rest.  Very glad you're happy old horse.

[BlodwynPig]

I'm not, I have an enormous amount of respect and admiration for her but in the end it just didn't work out. I can't remember which thread I mentioned it in but I did do it vaguely quietly rather than starting a thread about it all as I didn't want to make a big thing out of it at the time, mainly as initially I hoped we could resolve things, even though it quickly became clear that wasn't going to happen.

min medfølelse

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

"I've noticed some gaps in your relationships, can you explain what you were doing during those gaps?"

Hehe

I saw this on fb, very happy for you SMBH. From the limited info I have you both seem to be very happy too.

[Small Man Big Horse]

My previous relationship was 12 years long, ended, so I fucked off to China as the thought,especially cost of having to leave the house we owned and start from scratch made gag. 6 weeks later I met my now girlfriend, ain't waiting for terminators to be sent back from the future and blast me to bits, gotta get grabbing as soon as possible I say.

I'm definitely happy that for once there wasn't a gap of years between relationships, and feel very lucky to have met the person that I have, but at the same time anything less than six months would really have done my head in I think, I needed that time to mourn the previous relationship for one thing. I completely understand that all relationships / people are different though, and am glad to hear things have worked out for you so well.

She ran off with the annoying housemate.

Ha, but no, for one thing he was one of those gay men you get these days, but also despite being a pacifist she was very close to murdering him. (Though if it was all an elaborate ruse and they are in love I'd be genuinely happy for her).

I'm like your weird friend Sarah, just one after another so fast it'd make you wonder why.  And then it did.  I did wonder why.  Maybe it fucked my head like you say, anyway, you know the rest.  Very glad you're happy old horse.

Thank you, and hey, I know you're happy in your current situation and I'm really glad that is the case too. Out of interest though, what it was like when you went from one relationship to another in a very quick manner? Did you ever find yourself thinking about your ex a lot or feeling guilty in any way? (Feel free to ignore these questions if they're any way intrusive or bring up memories which are hard to deal with of course).

min medfølelse

Cheers Blodders, and while it was all kinds of shitty initially and the break up itself was abjectly miserable, it was for the best in the long term. My only hope is that she's found someone new as well, and is equally as happy.

Hehe

I saw this on fb, very happy for you SMBH. From the limited info I have you both seem to be very happy too.

And thank you too. And we are, she's all kinds of lovely.

[Blue Jam]

You find wuv when you're not looking for it and all that. I certainly did- at a CaB meet, HAH! Eight years now...

Congrats SMBH x

[Small Man Big Horse]

You find wuv when you're not looking for it and all that.

This is the first time it's ever happened to me like that, I'm glad it finally has but all the others were normally via online dating or hypnotism desperate attempts at finding someone while attending nightclubs, and jesus am I happy that those days are over.

I certainly did- at a CaB meet, HAH! Eight years now...

Congrats SMBH x

I have a feeling you're the winner of the "Longest Lasting CaB Couple" award, I know there's been a few others who are still together (like the lovely Ray Travez and Chrissiebrmc) but I don't think anyone's ever managed eight years before. So firstly thank you, but also congratulations to you two too!

[Jockice]

Obligatory 17 years, the last 13 of them without even a snog mention. It may sound strange but I've grown to be quite proud of that.

[Captain Crunch]

Good for you SMBH I hope you have many happy moments together ("we've been to the clinic / we know our love is clean").

I don't think it's the gap between relationships is it, it's more how it ends.  If you both 'turned your keys' then fine but if one of you had a complete shock of heartbreak then 6 months is probably nothing.  In fact it's probably Peak Pain. 

[Birdie]

Three years, SMBH.

Three long years.

Sexy times oh yes.

Relationship.

No.

[bgmnts]

Is three years a long time?

[imitationleather]

My last three relationships have had blurred start/end dates because I am a bad man and you don't want to be like me.

I've not actually been proper single since 2011. Maybe soon...

[thenoise]

In hindsight, a couple of girls I knew  in relationships who flirted/had pseudo-relationships with me in the past were probably lining me up in case anything happened with their current boyfriends. It's pretty common behaviour I think, and would explain why some people seem to go from serious relationship to serious relationship without any of the dating period in between.

I've technically only gone a couple of months in the past, but as we had been living in different countries for nearly 6 months and I'd been trying to work up the courage to leave her for most of that, I don't feel that was particularly dramatic.

[Jockice]

Some people, male and female, can't bear the thought of being (or even being thought of as) single. I know a few of them. They couldn't understand my: "Yes, I've been on my own for a long time and would quite happily stay that way. If I meet someone and it happens fair enough but if it doesn't that's fair enough too,'' attitude. And I totally failed to get their having a partner is the most important thing on earth even if it's someone totally unsuitable one.

Takes all sorts I suppose. But I'd rather than be me than one of them.

[Better Midlands]

In hindsight, a couple of girls I knew  in relationships who flirted/had pseudo-relationships with me in the past were probably lining me up in case anything happened with their current boyfriends. It's pretty common behaviour I think, and would explain why some people seem to go from serious relationship to serious relationship without any of the dating period in between..

Monkey branching

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Is three years a long time?

Felt like it on both occasions, partly due to a distant sense of social pressure, but also because it was.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Good for you SMBH I hope you have many happy moments together ("we've been to the clinic / we know our love is clean").

I don't think it's the gap between relationships is it, it's more how it ends.  If you both 'turned your keys' then fine but if one of you had a complete shock of heartbreak then 6 months is probably nothing.  In fact it's probably Peak Pain.

I missed this, but a) thank you and b) I think you're absolutely right thinking about it, with one relationship I could have gone in to another weeks later, but when I split from my girlfriend in 2004 it took me a good eighteen months to recover from.

Three years, SMBH.

Three long years.

Sexy times oh yes.

Relationship.

No.

Well that's because you time your trips to the UK incredibly poorly.

Is three years a long time?

I'd say so, most of the time I start to get a bit upset when I get to the one year point, rather depressed at two years, but then full on fucking mental after three years. YMMV, naturally though.

[daf]

30 years and counting *

Also fell in love with <- - - - - Edna Purviance, but she's been dead since 1958, so the chances of that working out are slim to none.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
* (girlfriend for half a year in college, she moved back to America, I moved back home)

[Dex Sawash]

Three years, SMBH.

Three long years.

Sexy times oh yes.

Really disappointed we were cut out of all this.


edit- fix your avatar

[Small Man Big Horse]

Also fell in love with <- - - - - Edna Purviance, but she's been dead since 1958, so the chances of that working out are slim to none.

It's that kind of defeatist attitude which will see you remain single.

[The Culture Bunker]

A pattern I noticed a few years ago was just about relationship I fell into was with someone who'd just gotten out of some long-term thing. Which naturally meant that it was doomed from the start - I was someone nothing like their ex, which was great for a time until the novelty wears of and they figured out, actually, I prefer men like I was with before. This led to a couple of absolute disasters in terms of my mental health, after assurances that "no, really, I'm not on the rebound, I really like you for who you are!" turned out to be what I initially feared. Alas.

Thankfully, I managed to break the cycle (I think red hair was a factor too), to some relief from my family, who worried I'd end up like one of those tragic old men whose bodies are discovered five years after death.

[Danger Man]

Is three years a long time?

Friends and family think of my marriage in the same way as Stonehenge. It's always been there since before time and nobody really knows why.

[Shaky]

A pattern I noticed a few years ago was just about relationship I fell into was with someone who'd just gotten out of some long-term thing. Which naturally meant that it was doomed from the start - I was someone nothing like their ex, which was great for a time until the novelty wears of and they figured out, actually, I prefer men like I was with before. This led to a couple of absolute disasters in terms of my mental health, after assurances that "no, really, I'm not on the rebound, I really like you for who you are!" turned out to be what I initially feared. Alas.

Thankfully, I managed to break the cycle (I think red hair was a factor too), to some relief from my family, who worried I'd end up like one of those tragic old men whose bodies are discovered five years after death.

Is five years a long time?

[Jockice]

Thankfully, I managed to break the cycle (I think red hair was a factor too)

Hi there. Fancy a date?

[The Culture Bunker]

Hi there. Fancy a date?

I'm flattered, maybe even a bit curious, but the answer is no.