The worst responses to the coronavirus

[Sebastian Cobb]

Isolaaaaatioooonn

[dissolute ocelot]

Neil Gaiman is in trouble with the police after he flew from New Zealand to very much locked-down Skye, Scotland, due to his relationship with his wife being "in a rough place". Imagine spending lockdown with Amanda Palmer, I'd fly 11000 miles too.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Is she the one that often plays in the buff and doesn't pay her backing band?

[Egyptian Feast]

Yep, that's her.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Isolaaaaatioooonn

Another joked "Not much Joy for Bernard" in reference to the band that made him famous.

AIDS-tier.

[Artie Fufkin]

Neil Gaiman is in trouble with the police after he flew from New Zealand to very much locked-down Skye, Scotland, due to his relationship with his wife being "in a rough place". Imagine spending lockdown with Amanda Palmer, I'd fly 11000 miles too.

I would fly 11000 miles
And I would fly 11000 more
Just to be the man who flew 11000 miles
To bash in Amanda Palmers back door

[touchingcloth]

A few relatives and friends deciding this is the best time to get cancer has forced me back on Facebook just because there's no other way to communicate. I found this piece of original poetry from my (second?) cousin. It's a doozy:

This is the worst poem I think I've ever read. Livejournal doggerel taken you its logical conclusion, like he's been crowned King Shitpoet by all the other shitpoets and instructed to write the movement's magnum opus.

"Without these we could be obsolete" is truly Vogon-tier.

[BlodwynPig]

AIDS-tier.

Are regional (and some national) journalist's jobs just to slot the words "Another said", "One person joked" and cutting and pasting twitter images into NEWS N E W S N. E. W. S. Stories?

[Dewt]

You might start spotting a running theme with the construction of these

[BlodwynPig]

You might start spotting a running theme with the construction of these

Without the key, you'd be safely locked up in the padded cell.

[Dewt]

Really tempted to reply with the lyrics to Urban Cookie Collective - The Key The Secret

I've got the key, I've got the secret
I've got the key to another way
I've got the key (yeah, yeah)
Aha, yeah, yeah
Aha, yeah yeah
Aha, yeah yeah
I've got the key (yeah, yeah)
Aha, yeah, yeah
Aha, yeah yeah
Aha, yeah yeah
I've got the key

but it would inevitably be rewarded with 4 heart symbols and a comment like "so true mate stay stong" and I don't think I could cope with that.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Are regional (and some national) journalist's jobs just to slot the words "Another said", "One person joked" and cutting and pasting twitter images into NEWS N E W S N. E. W. S. Stories?

No but it's easier than writing it yourself isn't it?

[Old Gold Tooth]

You might start spotting a running theme with the construction of these

"Looks like the Riddler is on the loose once more, old chum, and has lost what's left of his mind."
"Holy demented syntax Batman, I hope we never catch him."

[Pink Gregory]

Pretty sure we're going to be exactly the same. 

[kalowski]

Talk to transformer had a go

The pandemic may of thought of us as pathetic
Some people may not have been right
EVERYONE IS NUTS!!!
And so we lost sight of the apocalypse,
just look at our whole world...
but that is me, we must mourn their lost souls
the world looks dreary, no light at all,
the only light in the horizon is orange....
V. How To Know Yourself - Create your own reality!
With the new moon and your heart beating out of control
Take a chance and jump, have fun!
Do you want your music to be a joy to listen to,
or you like to hurt?
What will you find inside your ears?
It is all inside

[Danger Man]

Neil Gaiman is in trouble with the police after he flew from New Zealand to very much locked-down Skye, Scotland, due to his relationship with his wife being "in a rough place". Imagine spending lockdown with Amanda Palmer, I'd fly 11000 miles too.

New Zealand and Scotland ARE THE FUCKING SAME. What waste of time and money.

[ollyboro]

Inspired by Prince Charles, I'm off to pick some fruit. For him to take time out from his busy day to warn us that "it will be hard graft" is truly inspiring. And if there's one man who knows all about hard graft, it's HRH.

[jobotic]

Think this might be today's winner. What a piece of shit this man is.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/coronavirus-austerity-tax-alan-sugar-bbc-uk-boris-johnson-a9522091.html?fbclid=IwAR2oKbZ8BzKMuaNCnhe0xGqJnxsMWN9tZwPyJnDGVFXCwvBm5AcMJxdrPtM

[BlodwynPig]

Furlough the sad sack into the grave sharpish!

[Icehaven]

Isolaaaaatioooonn

Typical lazy journalism, Joy Division and New Order are never 'rock'.

[Johnny Yesno]

Think this might be today's winner. What a piece of shit this man is.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/coronavirus-austerity-tax-alan-sugar-bbc-uk-boris-johnson-a9522091.html?fbclid=IwAR2oKbZ8BzKMuaNCnhe0xGqJnxsMWN9tZwPyJnDGVFXCwvBm5AcMJxdrPtM

The 73-year-old Apprentice boss was in the US when the pandemic began and has spent the lockdown at his home in the Florida. "I'm flying my planes, I'm riding around in a little boat, I'm cycling 40 miles every three days," he said.

He really knows how to, ahem, sugar the pill, doesn't he?

Fucking sociopath.

[momatt]

Think this might be today's winner. What a piece of shit this man is.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/coronavirus-austerity-tax-alan-sugar-bbc-uk-boris-johnson-a9522091.html?fbclid=IwAR2oKbZ8BzKMuaNCnhe0xGqJnxsMWN9tZwPyJnDGVFXCwvBm5AcMJxdrPtM

It would be good if he cycled 40 miles into a grave.

[Dewt]

I wish he was born dead

[Fambo Number Mive]

Somewhat ironic he became famous again through a television programme from a publically funded broadcaster.

His net worth is £1.21bn. Easy to be pro-austerity when you are a billionaire.

[Egyptian Feast]

New Zealand and Scotland ARE THE FUCKING SAME. What waste of time and money.

True, but currently only one of them contains Amanda Palmer.

[jobotic]

I wish he was born dead

kinder gentler etc

[dissolute ocelot]

Alan Sugar and his ilk are always claiming that increasing income tax will stop the rich from working and reduce recovery/job creation/tax receipts. To which there is a simple solution: execute and expropriate wealth tax.

[Fambo Number Mive]

The "blame the scientists, not us" from politicians has begun: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/coronavirus-uk-lockdown-testing-therese-coffey-science-a9521626.html

[Birdie]

Pete's hidden in the bushes with an instamatic and a semi waiting for you to submit to his demands, power gets these people off.

Purple Aki's changed his modus operandi and got well fit.

[Attila]

Locally: the neighbour who has decided that the lockdown is a fabulous time for DIY cowboy redecoration of his house/garden, mainly at weekends, and especially bank holiday weekends (he seems to disappear the rest of the time). His drive is about 100feet away from my open window (I'm a flight up), and right now I'm enjoying the brain-piercing whine of the stone cutter he's been using to lay down paying slabs in his garden.

If not that, it's been sawing, electric drills, shitty radio.

I'm a bit sensitive to it, I suppose, as on the one hand, the whine from the stone cutter is on the exact frequency to make it feel as if my head is going to split in two and on the other, we have this mad church opposite us that took two frigging years to build an extension. Endless vibrations and construction noise from those wanks that made any sort of work from home impossible.

This guy has a tiny garden, so the amount of noise and dirt he's producing doesn't compute. Oh, and he leaves nails and wood screws lying all over the pavement and street. His girlfriend has a huge alsatian-cross dog that she doesn't keep on a lead, and it attacked a passerby's smaller dog a few weeks ago, grabbing the poor little thing and shaking it around like a toy. (The smaller dog was rescued).

Dude's lived here for about a year now, and has otherwise been quiet. The noise and that have only been since lockdown.