Coronavirus Reactions (Satirical Thread)

[Sheffield Wednesday]

iF cORonO So bAd WhY don't we BaN cars?!

[Sheffield Wednesday]

We must resist the ruse of our political oppressors and reject self-isolation.

[Dex Sawash]

Rekindled desire to own 1968 Toyota Corona*







_{*not completely satirical}

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

I GOT ANUS-BECOME-HOSEPIPE DISEASE FROM A BADLY COOKED CHICKEN KIEV IN 2001, THIS CORONA SHITE IS A COMPLETE OVERREACTION

[SpiderChrist]

WE ARE A PUNK BAND FUCK THE AUTHORITIES WE WILL KEEP GIGGING.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Says the millionaire with the wide screen TV!!!!!!!!!!!!

[QDRPHNC]

I got a covid tattooed on my anus.

[idunnosomename]

if that clown corbyn had resigned already this wouldnt have happened!!!!!!!!!!!!

[massive bereavement]

Ran into a supermarket naked.
Ran to the tinned food area
gasps of "Oh my god!", "What the fuck?" filling up my lugs.
Stopped running, stood still
one deep breath
then I screamed
"I HAVE CORONA, I HAVE CORONA!!!!"
till I coughed uncontrollably
People dropped things
People ran
Trolleys screeched across the aisles in 180 u-turns

Now I was alone
except for one elderly man
tentatively he approached me
handed me a tissue
I broke down and wept.

[idunnosomename]

In my day when you got a cough
Are mum would say "straight to bed"
You'd curl up with a Beano
And rest your little head.

But nowadays when theres a little bug
The whole world shits its pants.
We used to build spitfires
And now were fucking wank.

[Fry]

I'm horny but my SO is ill and I have no idea what to do about it.

[Cuellar]

WANK

[massive bereavement]

Gargling with fresh warm cum protects against the virus.

[Alberon]

Turns out this dafty got his bottles mixed up again.

[Puce Moment]

Just made a batch of soup and intend to chill for the next few weeks.

[ollyboro]

Not sure what all this is going to mean for dogging folk. There's a real danger that some lass swallowing seven strangers' spunk at the back of a car park could end up being breathed on.

[idunnosomename]

just say look dont touch jeez have you ever been dogging

[imitationleather]

I saw a dogging twitter account saying that all meets were off until further notice. :(

EDIT: Oh hang on didn't see this was a joke thread. ~Ignore Me~

[pancreas]

Best thing to do is pretend to be a doctor and go lick some plague victims. Then you can beat the rush.

[BlodwynPig]

Turns out this dafty got his bottles mixed up again.

*Mulholland Drive Behind the Scenes Reveal*

[idunnosomename]

corbussier et papin back to guff the virus away with their pungent anal blasts

[Alberon]

Remain Indoors!

https://youtu.be/wnd1jKcfBRE?t=4

[dr_christian_troy]

Not sure what all this is going to mean for dogging folk. There's a real danger that some lass swallowing seven strangers' spunk at the back of a car park could end up being breathed on.

Just do what I do - stand within a reasonable distance. I don't drive so I just bring a bike and wank into the spokes while my dog has a shit and the lass lying on the Mini Cooper waits for the guy with the camera to wipe the lens again

[massive bereavement]

I wish Frank Sidebottom was still here to cheer me up.
Switched the keyboard on and tried to channel his spirit, best I could come up with.......


OHhhhhh, OHhhhhh, OHhhhhhhh

Oh I have caught the virus
off pop star Miley Cyrus
When she came to visit Timperley

Little Frank can't breathe
He's coughing in his sleeve
And I
can't
taste me fish and chips.



Then I got stuck
You know I did
I really did

[imitationleather]

Not bad! If he had lived to this era he'd definitely be one of the deaths, though.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Ran into a supermarket naked.
Ran to the tinned food area
gasps of "Oh my god!", "What the fuck?" filling up my lugs.
Stopped running, stood still
one deep breath
then I screamed
"I HAVE CORONA, I HAVE CORONA!!!!"
till I coughed uncontrollably
People dropped things
People ran
Trolleys screeched across the aisles in 180 u-turns

Now I was alone
except for one elderly man
tentatively he approached me
handed me a tissue
I broke down and wept.

Posts you can sing along to " Eat Y'Self Fitter" by The Fall.
( Actually, was that the idea?)

[massive bereavement]

The virus is still out there Ted.