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March 28, 2024, 11:25:04 AM

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Love in the Time of Corona

Started by mrpupkin, March 20, 2020, 09:26:44 AM

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mrpupkin

Thread for whingeing about the impact on your relationships and stuff like that. Let me begin...

Dear agony aunts and uncles of cab website

Say you had recently met someone lovely who you're quite excited about, and they live with a septuagenarian parent who is understandably concerned about the dang virus. Having downgraded your contact to texts and phone calls for now, how long do you guess this situation would have to last for before you could meet again without her dad saying "please stop trying to give me the plague you clowns"? I'm thinking the 'at risk' demographic remain at risk until we have a vaccine?

Bazooka

Fight for a maidens hand you say? 

"Old man, my blood is being used in covid 19 vaccines as it's pure as a cold can of Lilt, drink it, drink it now and in return I will lay with your daughter"

Dex Sawash


hamfist

Today is the last time Mrs and I are at home before the kids are off school. Tempted to shag her at lunchtime.

thenoise

I'm pretty sure you are still allowed sexy sex so long as you both wear masks, gloves and a condom.

Also, make sure you are in, out, and on the bus home within 15 minutes ('prolonged' contact).

Alternatively, she can wank you off with a washing up glove through the letterbox.

Thomas

I don't think you should have sex with a lovely lady if her elderly dad is in the room, not right now.

Quote from: thenoise on March 20, 2020, 11:35:38 AM
I'm pretty sure you are still allowed sexy sex so long as you both wear masks, gloves and a condom.

I'm going to have start wearing a condom?

idunnosomename

Jerk off into an envelope and post it to your darling.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You could perhaps arrange a meeting point to thoroughly wash your penis slowly and carefully with lots of soap.


imitationleather

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 20, 2020, 12:20:24 PM
thoroughly wash your penis slowly and carefully with lots of soap.

Over my dead body.

QDRPHNC

I had a very randy dream last night!

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: mrpupkin on March 20, 2020, 09:26:44 AM
Thread for whingeing about the impact on your relationships and stuff like that. Let me begin...

Dear agony aunts and uncles of cab website

Say you had recently met someone lovely who you're quite excited about, and they live with a septuagenarian parent who is understandably concerned about the dang virus. Having downgraded your contact to texts and phone calls for now, how long do you guess this situation would have to last for before you could meet again without her dad saying "please stop trying to give me the plague you clowns"? I'm thinking the 'at risk' demographic remain at risk until we have a vaccine?

I'm in exactly the same boat, I got together with the new Mrs SMBH in January but haven't seen her in a month now, and we're not sure when we'll be able to see each other again as both of her parents are in their seventies and once is also diabetic, so she doesn't want to risk it. Which I completely understand, yet feel is all kinds of bleak, the only upside is that she has finally bought a new flat so when the lockdown is lifted she can start getting furniture delivered and move in soon afterwards, but it still means it'll probably be a good six to eight weeks that we see each other at the earliest and that makes me pretty miserable if I think about it too much.

phes

It's fucked any chance I have of any romantic or sexual contact. I have someone I was seeing in another city and there's no chance we'll catch up for months I guess. Dates are off the table. Live alone, in a town I just moved to. So this is life, for the foreseeable. Just me. I don't even own a dog to spunk on

non capisco

Single bloke, live on my own, completely written off any kind of intimacy in 2020. In the words of Shoulders' favourites "If I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor."

flotemysost

Went on a date in mid-March (so pre-lockdown, but a just a few days before UK government advised we all stop going to the pub etc.) with a guy who had, earlier that day, accepted a job in the Middle East and was due to move over and start in April - he nobly told me this on the day and we decided to go for a drink that evening anyway, it was nice.

Then all this happened and he's no longer moving there obviously, but of course we can't meet up again anyway. Cockblocked from every angle, phwooarrr.

On a walk last weekend I stepped on what I thought was a used johnnie but it was just a discarded nitrile glove and I genuinely felt a bit sad, never thought I'd experience nostalgia for seeing bedraggled spunky rubbers on the pavement, but we live in strange times.

Quote from: Bazooka on March 20, 2020, 10:06:19 AM


"Old man, my blood is being used in covid 19 vaccines as it's pure as a cold can of Lilt, drink it, drink it now and in return I will lay with your daughter"

Neil Young thinks "too bleak"

Hand Solo

Some sexual activity in early Feb, then my mum died (non related) so had to spend a few weeks at my dad's to sort out funeral, funeral happens. Lockdown occurs. So yeah. Nothing for the foreseeable future. I mean I could have sex tonight or any day really using online apps but I can't bring anyone back to my dad's bungalow, and am scared about contracting anything anyway. Ugh.

peanutbutter

Got 1 sex in there in February so my ego is sorted for the year anyways.

Dewt

My on-off girlfriend has stopped talking to me because I didn't visit her in Massachusetts during the lockdown

Due to the lockdown

Which she "isn't doing"

Pain in the arse.

She often breaks contact for months at a time though, due to me being non-committal mostly

I just want to make sure she's okay, really.

Dewt

Quote from: Hand Solo on April 12, 2020, 12:48:55 AM
Some sexual activity in early Feb, then my mum died (non related)
Why aren't you related to your Mum?

Hand Solo

Quote from: Dewt on April 12, 2020, 01:50:06 AM
Why aren't you related to your Mum?

Caesarian section, mate. No sweaty pussy flaps around my neck like yours. LOLz. Paedo!

Cold Meat Platter

Quote from: Dewt on April 12, 2020, 01:48:07 AM
My on-off girlfriend

These sex robots are becoming a bit needy.

Dewt

She's half Chinese so what you said is actually very racist.

Dewt

Quote from: Dewt on April 12, 2020, 03:41:23 AM
She's half Chinese so what you said is actually very racist.
This might seem like I'm being racist about the Chinese, but I was actually talking about her half-robot side. You fucking monster.

Cold Meat Platter

Actually I'm only half monster, but thanks for the ignorance.

Gurke and Hare

As a chronically sexually unsuccessful person, I'm holding out hope that when this is all over everyone's going to be so desperate that even the shyest, most unattractive people won't be able to fail to get laid. There's got to be something in that, right?

kalowski

Quote from: Small Man Big Horse on April 11, 2020, 11:42:29 PM
I'm in exactly the same boat, I got together with the new Mrs SMBH in January but haven't seen her in a month now, and we're not sure when we'll be able to see each other again as both of her parents are in their seventies and once is also diabetic, so she doesn't want to risk it. Which I completely understand, yet feel is all kinds of bleak, the only upside is that she has finally bought a new flat so when the lockdown is lifted she can start getting furniture delivered and move in soon afterwards, but it still means it'll probably be a good six to eight weeks that we see each other at the earliest and that makes me pretty miserable if I think about it too much.
On the plus side you'll have a brilliant (if short) shag when it's all over.

Quote from: Gurke and Hare on April 12, 2020, 12:52:55 PM
As a chronically sexually unsuccessful person, I'm holding out hope that when this is all over everyone's going to be so desperate that even the shyest, most unattractive people won't be able to fail to get laid. There's got to be something in that, right?

Probably, but don't get complacent. Loads of folk taking up running to get out of the house, doing Joe Wicks workouts and tanning in their back gardens. There's gonna be some right sexy bastards emerging from this lockdown.


Jockice

I have a girlfriend you know.  I keep it very low key though.  But I haven't seen her for a few weeks because she lives an hour or so drive away, she has two teenage kids and a twat of an ex-husband who would like nothing better than to kick up a stink if I'm seen within a mile of the premises and possibly infecting the little angels he doesn't seem to give a shit about the rest of the time.

I think the whole thing's still on though. Although I am mainly basing this on being sent a menu for her niece's wedding in August and being asked to make my choices. I've gone for the Yorkshire pudding starter, penne pasta main and profiteroles pudding.

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on April 13, 2020, 07:45:53 AM
There's gonna be some right sexy bastards emerging from this lockdown.

Also though, herds of haggard, malnourished, pale walrus dough boys who've chapped their genitals into flints through over-flogging and have peeled their scalps off with Bic razors, heaving their bulks out into the sunshine and blinking their piggy little eyes in pain. Aim for something in the middle and you'll be fine.