Author Topic: Out of touch Dad  (Read 3691 times)

Kryton

  • 'A man who lives downstairs'
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #60 on: March 27, 2020, 06:56:25 PM »
After hearing about the Corona-virus, OOT Dad begins packing his suitcase.

'Right son, I'll be back at the end of the war as I'm going to give that bloody Mr Hitler a thick ear, until then I want you up and down them chimneys and to help your old Mum at the munitions factory. I'll send you a telegram, or you might hear about our exploits on the wireless'.


Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #61 on: March 27, 2020, 09:05:49 PM »
"I've heard about this new thing, 'vaporwave'. Somebody's got to put a stop to it."

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #62 on: March 28, 2020, 03:37:31 AM »
"Thinking of buying one of them 'digital' watches. Modern times!"

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #63 on: March 28, 2020, 11:31:23 AM »
"If kids turned off their segadrives and got out collecting conkers again, we'd surely see a return of this country's moral fibre!"

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #64 on: March 28, 2020, 12:14:12 PM »
isn't bald, just likes the Teddy Boy/combover combo. like those chaps at the turn of the eighties. chaps who used to be Teddy Boys but never full let it go, and are now middle aged and heavily balding

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #65 on: March 28, 2020, 12:19:19 PM »
Enjoys browsing for sensible slacks at BHS. "Grey in colour or GTFO mate."

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #66 on: March 28, 2020, 12:31:24 PM »
Enjoys browsing for sensible slacks at BHS. "Grey in colour or GTFO mate."

or an "off-cream" for Christmas and parties

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #67 on: March 28, 2020, 04:01:12 PM »
"Happy Birthday grandson!"

"Oh... it's a navy shirt."

"Now you can look really smart in school!"

"Great."

Kryton

  • 'A man who lives downstairs'
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #68 on: March 28, 2020, 07:10:03 PM »
COWABONGO kids.

Time for your lessons at home. Home schooling as they call it.  Firstly candle dipping and tallow making, followed by four hours of archaic mathematics, weaving for the girls, stone throwing for the boys, an hour of punishment for any infractions and then dinner of buttered leaves and some of your mother's old milk.

After that it's prayer, science and then some more prayer to cancel out the science. Then we'll finish it with garden rugby and a cold bath.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #69 on: March 28, 2020, 08:22:38 PM »
"The children should only be allowed to use the phones for one hour each day. No, I dont care if its safer if they have the phone on them when they go out. They have to learn the hard way, without technology. Yes, there's the risk they'll be aducted by a dangerous stranger and not be able to contact home but that is a risk all should be willing to take. Technology is harmful."

Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #70 on: March 28, 2020, 11:15:19 PM »
Now sit still in that there chair lad, I'll snick them veins in your arms and bleed that fever reight out ya into these lovely brass dishes.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #71 on: March 29, 2020, 12:17:21 AM »
"They were 'texting' on their phones, now they're watching films and talking via video! The whole world has quite literally gone stark raving mad!"

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #72 on: March 29, 2020, 02:13:37 PM »
"Look dad, I appreciate you buying me this lovely woolen blanket for my bed, but as you know I am severely asthmatic and have to have an allergy duvet."

"Tch, they don't know they're born these days."

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #73 on: March 29, 2020, 11:23:48 PM »
"Look dad, don't embarrass yourself... you'll ruin your grandson's birthday party!"

"Oh don't be silly son, the kids'll love it... HEY CREW, ITS TIME FOR THE COOLSTER RAP!

"Yo my name is Big-Daddio
I'm a real hip coolster
I'm gonna tell m'tale
So you had all best listen!

Hey I was chilling in the hood
With m'crew one day
Some chix started peepin' me
I said "Stay radical!"

Cos I'm real full of flavours
I ain't no regular pap
C'mon and get down
With the Coolster Rap!"

He starts body-popping as the children leave in droves.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #74 on: March 30, 2020, 02:54:30 PM »
"Don't understand these 'electronic' cars. If you ask me it all went wrong when they introduced unleaded. Bring back hanging, asbestos and The Black and White Minstrel Show, I say!"

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #75 on: March 31, 2020, 03:20:32 AM »
"I promised you a new game for your birthday lad-"

"Great! Fingers crossed its FFVII Remake oh fuck its Ludo."

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #76 on: April 01, 2020, 03:15:43 PM »
"Nowadays, the kids eat them Pop Tarts and drink that Sunny Delight while watching the pokemon on their big, colour tellys. When I was young, you were happy with a fig roll."

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #77 on: April 01, 2020, 06:55:58 PM »
"Hey lad, found this great show on YourTube...Anus Cop...classic 70s police action that"

"BOOOOORING...It's all about Coronavirus Cop now, Brian"

"I've warned you about calling me by my name, son!"

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #78 on: April 01, 2020, 07:55:15 PM »
"Kids now like this 'rapping' music that the black Americans do. Back in my day, it was James Taylor was the hip thing. And I can tell you, I spun a few of his vinyl discs in my time!"

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #79 on: April 02, 2020, 06:03:46 AM »
"I don't trust that Irish scruff Rob Geldorf telling us to send our hard-earned money to the nig-nogs in wahoola land. It's a bit much for a big, rich pop star telling the ordinary working man to reach into his pocket to help some foreigners in some dusty country on the other side of the planet. Let them sort out their own problems, by George! If we give them money, they'll only come over here and take our jobs and ruin our proud, British culture!"

Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #80 on: April 02, 2020, 09:57:33 AM »
Remember back in the day, Men were real men, like Sid James, Charles Hawtrey and Kenneth Williams, and they were allowed to make jokes about big boobs. Nowt erryone who laughs at norks is in jail

Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #81 on: April 02, 2020, 10:16:09 AM »
That Rylan Clark seems to be presenting every tv show, his wife must get sick of him being so busy.

Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #82 on: April 02, 2020, 10:18:00 AM »
My schoolfriend Wing-Commander James Jollings-Snodgrass was a hero at Waterloo and Crimea.  So what if he named his raven-furred dogs Black Bastard and Fucking Coon?  He also named his Pekinese Slit-eye Yellowskin and had a snow-coloured cat called White Trash.

Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #83 on: April 02, 2020, 01:58:20 PM »
EDDIE LARGE!!! HES DEAD

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #84 on: April 02, 2020, 06:50:06 PM »
"I don't understand how Bobby Davro fell by the wayside. These modern comics like that Eddie Gizzard just use 'shock' value for cheap laughs. Bring back the old guard, and lets get Britain back on its feet, I say!"

OoTD then resumes doing the weeding.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #85 on: April 03, 2020, 03:57:50 PM »
"This new 'grunge' fad... they're all wearing those check shirts now, but not tucked in... and they're growing their hair long like it's the '70s again! That singer bloke what shot himself is a bad influence on the young. Between the 'gangster' raps, the 'raving' music and this I don't know what's going on!"

Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #86 on: April 03, 2020, 07:28:00 PM »
Freeview?  No thanks, there is enough to watch on the main five channels, I'm not paying any more.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #87 on: April 03, 2020, 09:17:58 PM »
"Some of the stuff that goes out before the 9PM watershed would make your hair curl. I was watching Emmerdale Farm the other evening, and I'll tell you, if it got any more racy it'd be an 18's video!"

Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #88 on: April 03, 2020, 09:22:36 PM »
Out of touch dad ends up in the infirmary after a failed attempt at 'happy slapping'

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: Out of touch Dad
« Reply #89 on: April 03, 2020, 09:38:41 PM »
"There's this new thing on now, In the Night Garden... bit dark for kids, innit?"

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