Really Brilliant Coronavirus Jokes

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Q: Who' s the 80s era Poodle- Bouffanted Joanne Whalley lookalike singer from a mediocre band who's probably none too popular nowadays?
A: Why, Susanna COUGHS*, of course!

(* instead of Susanna Hoffs, yer woman from The Bangles)

[Pseudopath]

Think I saw this on Twitter the other day. Apparently written by the author's 10-year old son: *cough* ^*bullshit*:

Which classical composer contracted Coronavirus?

DryCoughSki.

[bgmnts]

Something about Peggy Lee.

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Q: What is Corona Virus favourite beer?

A: Corona Beer

[beanheadmcginty]

I went to the supermarket and stockpiled as much as I could, but now I've been struck down with Knorr owner virus.

[pigamus]

Something about Peggy Lee.

We don't want any of that stupid hack material round here.

Peggy Lee gets court order against persistent heckler

[vanilla.coffee]

ISIS suicide bomber kills himself and 6 members of his family after deciding to work from home yesterday.

[Kryton]

Knock Knock
Who is there?
*dry cough*
I'm afraid I'm advised by the Government and leading health authorities to not answer the door, due to a combination of you A) potentially killing my family via your very presence, and B) maintaining a government approved heterosexual distance.
Fine, I'll leave it at the door.

*RULE BRITANNIA BEGINS PLAYING*

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: It had coronavirus!

[poo]

Knock knock

Who there

Doctor

Doctor who

Plague doctor

[Better Midlands]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar

Dead soon.

[Urinal Cake]

Covfefe-19

Nice joke by George Takei

[evilcommiedictator]

The Germans are hoarding Sausages and Cheese, some are saying it's the Wurst Kase scenario.
The Greeks are hoarding Tzatziki and Hummus, the government fears this will bring in a double dip recession.
The Dutch are hoarding Weed and Toilet Paper, for shits and giggles

[rue the polywhirl]

Q. Where do you send someone who has Coronavirus?

A. A cough-in! (coffin)

Penguin bar jokes are a bit grim these days.

[BlodwynPig]

Horse walks into bar
Barman says "why the long face?"
Horse says "Rhinoplasty"

[BlodwynPig]

My dog's got no nose

How does it smell?

Rhinoplasty

[Better Midlands]

What's the deal with the toilet paper?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Honestly, this Covid has had more sequels than " The Fast And The Furious" series!!

Although it's a lot more enjoyable than the aforementioned film series ( from the previous sentence)!!!

[bgmnts]

What killed Eve?

Jodie Covid.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

What killed Eve?

Jodie Covid.

GIF of stock footage of the old ladies clapping from " Monty Pythons Flying Circus".

[Small Man Big Horse]

My dog's got no nose

How does it smell?

Rhinoplasty

Damnit, I was going to do a shit "My Dog's Got No Nose" joke, but you beat me to it. Still mine is even worse, so I might as well...

My dog's got no nose
Coronavirus?
No, that's not how the Coronavirus works. I just cut it off as I hate him.

[Danger Man]

What time am I going to my Chinese dentist?

I'm not. He's still in lockdown and all non-essential travel outside of the UK is discouraged and, to be honest, there are plenty of dentists near where I live.

[phes]

In town this morning