who else is still at work

[imitationleather]

I'm now a trainee crematorium technician. Burning folk and cremulating them whilst Eva Cassidy/The Shaddows/Abide With Me plays em in or out.

If I do a 100, I get to do one under exam conditions and then I get a qualification.

Just weird as fuck. If you die, might be me fishing the coffin screws out of your bone fragments WITH MY MAGNETIC ROD.

Must be very weird when you do your first one.

Or were you alarmed by how familiar and comfortable it all felt? As though you were born to do it, with it causing your first solid erection in years? That sort of thing.

[petercussing]

It's when you're so familiar that you leap into the ash pile and start making ash angels you have to start worrying.

[Mr Eggs]

We get our first raft of Covid 19's on Tuesday and we've been advised to wear shorts so as not to boil our bollocks in the tyvek suit. I don't own a pair of shorts.

I might just poke the ald red fella out for a bit of air at some point. Weather or not I get a stalk-on is likely dependant on the general vibe in the room. I'm not expecting it.

[Jasha]

Another 12 layed off furloughed yesterday, at least they won't have to put up with the white hazmat suited pair of eyes pointing the pistol thermometer at their foreheads for 3 weeks

[rack and peanut]

^ We weren't allowed to use our thermo on visitors at my work, despite it being given to us by our health & safety officer. "We don't have a procedure for that", "It could be an invasion of privacy".

[Jasha]

I would never suggest my employers are making it up on the hoof[nb]but they are[/nb]

[Jasha]

Choice of 700 spaces in the car park this morning, gonna try and fail the thermometer test tomorrow so I can jump on the 3 weeks off on full salary bandwagon

[Mr Eggs]

Crem life getting tough. Going on shifts from next week so we can operate the cremators for the 16 hours in 24 they can safely operate without melting. Funeral directors are starting to get very naughty and not informing us that the client is a Covid-19 death so we have to listen to every ceremony to see if the Vicar/Priest/Celebrant drops the C-bomb so we can suit up in time and that really will fuck us up next week when we start to fridge non-Covids so we can stick the Covids directly in one of the cremators.

In crem music news, Time to Say Goodbye – Sarah Brightman/Andrea Bocelli has booted My Way-Frank Sinatra off the top spot round our shop. Bocelli's agent is one My Way away from owning the crem game, the useless cunt.

[shiftwork2]

Just so you know Mr Eggs, it would be an honour to be cremated by you.  Well done lad, turn the gas right up and kep safe.

[Mr Eggs]

Cheers, me old cock.

The cremtech life aint so bad. One of our 3 "Replacements", who are supposed to be able to operate the machinery in case of sickness, got it through an agency. If you are on the financial bones of yer arse, it fucks fruit picking for graspin' worzels for 10+hours a day in the pissin rain.

[Jasha]

that really will fuck us up next week when we start to fridge non-Covids so we can stick the Covids directly in one of the cremators.

Covids and novids shurely

[Mr Eggs]

Covids and novids shurely

You should run our entire Bereavement Services division.

[Dex Sawash]

10 hours at work yesterday had one job, an oil change on a 91 year old man's 3rd car. He's driven it 32 miles since April 2019. 12 months up, gotta get that service TODAY.

[Sherringford Hovis]

a 91 year old man's 3rd car.

Was it a LeBaron? My head-cannon says that all 9x year-old Yanks drive a LeBaron.

[Dex Sawash]

Was it a LeBaron? My head-cannon says that all 9x year-old Yanks drive a LeBaron.

1987 Saab 900 sedan

He's a professor from the NE somewhere so it was always going to be a Saab or Volvo for him.
Other two are 1972 Saab 96 V4 and 2002 Saab 9-5

[Sebastian Cobb]

i miss my saab

[idunnosomename]

Dominic Saab

[Ferris]

I think the Saab 9000 was the widest car available in the UK for a period in the late '90s.

So there you go.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Wider than, say, a Vauxhall Frontera?

[Ferris]

If you got t' ask then you ain't never gon' know.