Author Topic: The wanking barber.  (Read 1829 times)

Glebe

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The wanking barber.
« on: March 24, 2020, 01:19:27 AM »
THE WANKING BARBER: Afternoon sir, and what will it be today?

CUSTOMER: Just a little off the back and sides, please.

THE WANKING BARBER: Certainly, sir.

CUSTOMER: Hang on, are you wanking back there?

THE WANKING BARBER: Yes.

Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2020, 07:18:55 AM »
Did you see the match last night, sir?

Yeah, good performance I-

NNNNNGH sorry sir I was ejaculating

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2020, 08:58:12 AM »
Attend the Tale of Sporous White
His Glans Was Pale and His Foreskin Tight
He Spunked on Faces of Gentlemen
Who Never Thereafter Were Heard of Again
He Hiked a Path That Few Have Hiked
Did Sporous White
The Wanking Barber of Fleet


Street

DolphinFace

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2020, 09:00:30 AM »
Hair gel sir?

No thanks

Hey! I said no

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2020, 10:12:44 AM »
"Could you style it so that there's a bit more on top, and-"

*fap-fap-fap*

Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2020, 10:34:09 AM »
Sweeney Tug

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2020, 11:34:44 AM »
THE WANKING BARBER: Afternoon sir, and what will it be today?

CUSTOMER: Just a little off the back and sides, please.

THE WANKING BARBER: Certainly, sir.

CUSTOMER: Hang on, are you wanking back there?

THE WANKING BARBER: Yes.

Properly guffawed at this

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2020, 11:36:00 AM »
The Barber Of Uncivil
( Because it's quite impolite to be wanking all over the place,when you're supposed to be cutting somebody's hair.)

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2020, 11:50:42 AM »
I am sorry about the curious sounds behind your head sir; my scissors are spectacularly fleshy today.  I don’t quite know what to do about it.

Could you try to please cut my hair at the same time?

I’m afraid my fleshy scissors do not cut hair, sir.

Ah no bother.  At least you’re not playing the sound from a cassette tape like in that Monty Python sketch.

Very true; these sounds are very much being performed live, sir.

Right you are.  Just let me know when you are finished.

Will do, sir.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2020, 01:21:52 PM »
"Would you like a magazine to read while you're having your hair cut, sir?"

"Yes, would you pass me that copy of Big Boobs, please."

"Not that one, sir. I'll need that."

Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2020, 01:23:43 PM »
Short splat and sides please.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2020, 01:26:00 PM »
"Are you lubricating your equipment or something back there?"

"In a manner of speaking sir, yes."

chveik

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #12 on: March 24, 2020, 01:34:18 PM »
the spunk who was there

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #13 on: March 24, 2020, 01:34:32 PM »
I’m afraid I can’t give you a ‘number two’ on the back and sides, sir.  I work only with fluids that spring from my penis.

Puce Moment

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #14 on: March 24, 2020, 01:41:14 PM »
- What are you doing?

- Same as last time, and the time before. I'm wanking.

- Oh.

- Do you mind?

- Nah, it's fine.

- Cheers.

- No worries.

- Nggghhh......argh!

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #15 on: March 24, 2020, 03:31:27 PM »
"Actually, could you kind of coiffe my fringe a bit there? Thanks."

*continues wanking*

Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2020, 05:14:56 PM »
Sir, I demand a refund! I left your shop last Tuesday and my dreadlocks are bloody pregnant!

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2020, 06:13:53 PM »
"Before I cut your hair sir, I just need to use the toilet. I'll be about half an hour, give or take."

wosl

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #18 on: March 24, 2020, 06:20:42 PM »
[Removed by request]
« Last Edit: March 25, 2020, 03:35:37 AM by Barry Admin »

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #19 on: March 24, 2020, 06:49:12 PM »
"If you are in a hurry sir, why not help me along with a little stroke of my hairless glans? £1 extra if you want any of this in your hair."

Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #20 on: March 24, 2020, 06:57:31 PM »
"I think the wax in that heater's gone off, it smells a bit rare"

"That's not wax, it's a big pot of hot cum. Would you like me to do your nostrils?"

"No. You're alright, ta."

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #21 on: March 24, 2020, 07:18:05 PM »
"Here is a tissue for the back of your neck, sir, and one for the few drops I got on your shoe"

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #22 on: March 24, 2020, 07:28:59 PM »
"Something for the weekend, sir?"

"Yes, I'm bringing my mistress over to my chalet in Bordeaux. Must look my best!"

"Haha, yes, sir, let's hope the wife doesn't find out! Ooh, wasn't it warm today?"

"Indeed! By the way, I thought Chelsea were robbed at the weekend. Villa were on top form to be fair."

"I'm not a footie fan sir, to be honest. Oh by the way, before I start cutting, do you mind if I get my todger out and start having a nice wank?"

ollyboro

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #23 on: March 24, 2020, 09:25:57 PM »
I asked for a perm.

Ah! I thought you said "sperm". To be fair, there are a couple of curly hairs in there now. Anyway, there's a tissue.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #24 on: March 24, 2020, 11:05:48 PM »
"Mate, I've been sitting here five minutes waiting to get my hair cut. What are you doing?"

"Sorry sir, I'm still quite flaccid."

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Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #25 on: March 25, 2020, 01:31:07 AM »
Hello sir; before I start are you aware that I am the wanking barber?

Not sure if I am - what does it involve?

It involves wanking, sir.

Wanking?

Yes, sir.

Why?

Because sir it is within my name.

Which name?

“The Wanking Barber,” sir.

And why do you have that name?

Because of the wanking, sir.

Okay let’s get this over and done with; I have a funeral to attend and I have been strictly advised not to turn up with any spunk on me.

Ah yes sir, then you have most certainly come to the least inappropriate barber in this town.  Leave it to me.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • In France we call it le bellend
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #26 on: March 25, 2020, 06:05:49 AM »
"Do you mind if I just rub it on your ear a bit? It won't take long, and then I can get on with cutting your hair"

"What?"

"My cock, Sir. I want to rub my cock on your ear. For I am the Wanking Barber"

"Mate"
« Last Edit: March 25, 2020, 06:50:19 AM by Elderly Sumo Prophecy »

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #27 on: March 25, 2020, 09:08:16 AM »
"Just a quick trim please."

"Of course sir."

"How's business today?"

"Business is slow sir. My reputation precedes me."

"What do you mean?"

*starts wanking*

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • In France we call it le bellend
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #28 on: March 25, 2020, 12:02:31 PM »
*whips round and unloads all over customer's face*

"UUUURGH! Going anywhere nice on holiday this year?"

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: The wanking barber.
« Reply #29 on: March 25, 2020, 01:27:14 PM »
"Mmmm, a handsome customer... I'll cum faster staring at your face in the mirror... urgh!"

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